On iPhone Apps, Elitism and Counter-points

I’ve always wondered how the music elitists in my life can muster so much content when conversing about the latest music releases. “The complexity of the rhythm section provided by Phil Selway really compliments the precise layering of Johnny’s Greenwood’s stripped down guitar work and Thom Yorke’s* haunting vocal tracks on Radiohead’s imported Japanese tour EP makes me think that they are striving towards a sound that is all together even more atmospheric than their Amnesiac era.” “Umm, Radiohead? Yeah, I like them.” Rather than solving this dilemma in my life, I have chosen to contribute to it. I figure, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

I’m wanting to create a completely unofficial Pitchfork.com iPhone** application. For any of you who are unfamiliar, allow me to briefly explain Pitchfork. They have pegged themselves as “The Essential Guide to Indie Music,” and have made a name for themselves by writing up dramatic, condescending, and generally punishing reviews of independent music albums. Pitchfork thrives from the constant clicks from indie music elitist across the nation, primarily by packaging these album reviews into memorable snippets that can later be shared with friends, seemingly as original insights.

The core idea for this application starts in that it will automatically download each and every album that Pitchfork reviews, immediately building the credibility of your personal music catalog. This feature in itself will not sell more than a handful of applications. Most, if not all, of these hipsters have the brain capacity to look up the new reviews on Pitchfork and purchase illegally download accordingly. The real selling point for this application is its ability to generate key lines to use when your friends ask for your opinion of a new CD/you tell them anyway. Examples might include “I was really into ____________ until they got so big. They totally sold themselves out as soon as they starting talking to __________ about doing a record deal.” Or more specifically, “This Fleet Foxes album is fantastic, but anyone who doesn’t own their EP is missing out on the greatest track they have ever recorded” or “You better start listening to Phoenix right now, they are going to be the breakout indie sensation of the summer.” ***

The music elitists in our lives make it look easy to be pompous and condescending about their advanced musical pedigree, but I am personally willing to bet that they would be willing to shell out an extra $5-10 when no one was looking in order to further secure their position as the go to music guru of their social circles. I know I would be.

What are my thoughts on the newest Conor Oberst effort? Hold on, I need to check something on my phone…

Signing off.
Marko Wilson, Guest Blogger


*I admittedly jokingly pronounce the silent “h” in Thom’s name when I speak of him, referencing the fact that I know he has an oddly spelled name, and therefore making me, to some degree, the music elitist that I am currently mocking.
**Although an application for the SideKick would perhaps be a more direct route to my clientele, the iTunes app store is just so much more accessible.
***The last two quotes are directly from our common music elitist friend Calvin Paradise.
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I’d be remiss if I didn’t somehow respond to these attack/allegations/truthful quotations leveled against me by Mr. Wilson. I’ll start by saying his iPhone app is one hell of an idea. I would even go a step further and invent an app that’s more or less a hipster handbook*. It could create literary catchphrases for you like “Joyce was a f**king champion” Or spout out film critique/commentary such as “I think my ideal film would be co-written by Charlie Kaufman and David Gordon Green, directed by Spike Jonez, with David Fincher in charge of cinematography” I mean what hipster wouldn’t want said app? And as far as I can tell, hipsters and trophy wives make up 95% of the iPhone’s clientele, so really this app seems like a no brainer. Apple, have your people call mine and let’s get this done.

Anyhow, I most now move on and address the quotes attributed to me by the guest blogger. Both these quotes are true, mostly. While they may not be word-for-word accurate, the sentiment of both remains intact. Before I get to dissecting these quotes, allow me refute the claim, inferred or otherwise, that I’m an elitist. Here’s the dictionaries definition of an elitist:

1. The belief that certain persons or members of certain classes or groups deserve favored treatment by virtue of their perceived superiority, as in intellect, social status, or financial resources.
2.
a. The sense of entitlement enjoyed by such a group or class.
b. Control, rule, or domination by such a group or class.

Now, I don’t feel either of those definitions fit me. I definitely have elitist tendencies, but I’m not an elitist. I don’t revel in the fact that I listen to good music and actually read (See what I did there?). In fact, I kind of hate my tastes. Anytime someone asks me what kind of music I listen and what not, I don’t like telling them. Not because I feel they’re unworthy of knowing my preferences, but because said preferences tend to make me come off like an elitist blowhard. This whole situation is made worse by the fact that I tend to state my opinions as if they were fact. This is just the way I talk, honest. I don’t view my opinions as impeccable. In fact, I’m fully aware that they’re just opinions. I can’t help it if they also happen to be right. Really, I’m not an elitist.

As for the quotes, allow me to explain them. The one about the Fleet Foxes came about in a conversation about the band. Marko and I were talking, he expressed that he enjoyed the album and asked what I thought of the band. I said they were great, and while I enjoyed the album (My 12th favorite album of last year), I thought a song on their debut ep, So Long to the Headstrong, was their best song. I merely stated my opinion, and under the circumstances of our conversation, I figured Mr. Wilson would realize that. I regret that he misinterpreted my stated opinion as if I thought it was fact, but I don’t regret what I said.

As for the quote about Phoenix, I feel this needs no explanation. Their new album, “Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix”**, is astounding. It makes me happy every time I listen to it. I know Mr. Wilson enjoys good music, so I thought I’d alert him to it. I was just trying to share some of the joy in my life with him, that is all. The album will be released on the 19th of May and it’s so good that I’m actually going to purchase it. That’s right, this album is so good I’m actually going to spend my elitist money on it.

Until We Meet Again
* Yes I know one of those already exists, but they haven’t made an app form it yet.
** Possibly the best album title ever