Before we get started today I need to warn you all that this post/essay/column/whatever the hell it is contains spoilers of King Kong*. It should also be noted that if you have yet to see this brilliant piece of cinema you’re a complete and udder (expletive deleted). So now that we’ve got that out of the way let’s get started.
Here’s a brief synopsis of King Kong. A film crew finds an uncharted island in which they hope to film a movie at. Unfortunately for the film crew this island is inhabited by these creepy looking dark skinned natives**. The natives end of capturing Ann, who is the “heroine” of this movie. The film crew and actors panic and don’t know what to do. Eventually the natives sacrifice Ann to a 24ft gorilla (King Kong) who appears to be just a big bowl of wrong. The film crew then embarks on a rescue mission to save Ann from this extremely bad (expletive deleted) and apparently evil gorilla. The film crew has to trek across a vast island/jungle to find Ann, so it takes them awhile to do so. Before they find her they run in to all sorts of trouble, all the while we see several scenes of Kong and Ann interacting. The more we see Ann and Kong spend time together it becomes readily apparent that Kong is in fact not just an evil beast, but he's kind and loving to Ann while also being innately human. Before the film crew can find her and bring her back to the ship so they can return to America, Ann and Kong fall in love. This love may or may not have stemmed from Kong laying the smack down on not one but three (expletive deleted) T-Rexes. Whether or not their love is merely platonic or romantic love is unkown. I choose to believe their love was the latter. Kong and Ann have something special between that can’t really be described (now before we start to head down the bestiality road lets just get back to the summary). So eventually Ann is saved by Jack, a film and theatre writer who is also in love with Ann. As Ann and Jack flee back to the ship Kong follows in hot pursuit. Before Kong can reach Ann he is captured and chloroformed***. Kong is captured and taken back to America where he can be put on display for money. Of course this plan back fires and Kong breaks free and rampages through New York. He searches the streets for Ann, but can’t find her. She eventually finds him and the two of them then go ice skating. And yes the movie was so incredibly good that I actually bought this scene. They seem to be headed for a fairy tale ending before the National Guard (NG) shows up and wrecks their (expletive deleted). Eventually the NG chases Kong to the top of the Empire State Building where he eventually is killed and falls off in dramatic, slow mo fashion. As the camera pans over Kong’s dead body Jack Black (who is really good in this film) tells us why Kong died. Some cops note that the airplanes finally got him. Jack Black disagrees, he knows (and says) “that it was beauty that killed the beast.”
WHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTT!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Yes folks I’m afraid it’s true, that awful last line carries with it a lot of validity. Kong died the way so many great man (and perhaps animals???) die. He died because he fell for some c*ck teasing hussy who eventually let him down. Is Ann really to blame for Kong’s death? YES, an emphatic yes. A French philosopher, whose name escapes me, once said that men search for God’s face in the brothels. This is also true for King Kong. Kong was looking for a savior. And he found one, unfortunately she was unobtainable. Ann ruins a lot of lives in this film. Kong for one, and Adrien Brody’s character: Jack. Jack is also in love with Ann, but how the heck is he suppose to measure up to kicking the living (expletive deleted) out of three T-Rexes? The answer friends is that he can’t. Jack is just as doomed as Kong. Only his fall/death will be from some metaphoric Empire States Building. Which brings us to the point of this whole deride. I have several things in common with King Kong (and to a lesser extent Jack the playwright).
Like Kong (and to a lesser extent Jack the playwright) I too am doomed when it comes to women****. I always fall in love with an unobtainable girl. This said girl is unobtainable for one of a couple of reasons. Either she’s in a relationship, hopelessly in love with someone else or thinks I’m gay. This always happens to me, and it always ends the same way. I, like Kong (and to a lesser extent Jack the playwright), will eventually fall in love with someone and end up falling of my own metaphoric Empire States Building. Women will eventually ruin me. In the end it’s beauty that ends up killing us all, isn’t it. (expletive deleted) women.
Until We Meet Again
* I’m referring to the Peter Jackson epic version that came out about a month ago.
** Make your own inference here, I’m just writing about what Jackson decided to show us.
*** It should be noted that this was the point in the movie in which I told myself I wasn’t going to cry at King Kong. Seriously it was a very emotional movie. Or maybe it’s just because it was Christmas Night. I really don’t know.
**** For space purposes I declined to go into the physical and mental attributes Kong and I share.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment