I realize I haven’t posted in awhile and I’m sorry for that. I’ve been really lazy as of late and everything I think about writing about is either overdone (i.e. World Cup, NBA Draft) or would take to long to fully cover in this space. So I making my pseudo return short and sweet. Hopefully this tides you over. Well enough with the fluff let’s get straight to my newest Top 5 List. Today’s list is the Top 5 worst U.S. Cities that I’ve visited. Please enjoy.
TOP 5 Worst U.S. Cities I've Ever Been To
5. Kenosha, Wisconsin – I’ve only been here once, and it was at night. Still that was enough to make me vow to never return. Aside from the generic boringness of every hick Midwestern town, Kenosha was also flooded with porn shops, one of which was at least 150 yards long. 150 yards. Does anyone actually need that much porn? Apparently in Wisconsin they do.
4. Cederville, Ohio – I spent a weekend here last summer for a friends wedding. This town is horrendous. It’s an hour and half away from any decent sized city in Ohio, it’s a dry county, the entire town shuts down around 7:30 p.m. and I pretty sure the majority of the people there are Amish. And as if that wasn’t bad enough it was at least 95 degrees for the entire weekend and I can’t prove it but the humidity was probably somewhere around 100 %.
3. Amarillo, Texas – Just about anywhere in west Texas belongs on this list, but Amarillo goes here because it was the last city in west Texas I was in. In reality El Paso should be here, but I haven’t been there since I was 11 so I don’t have a great frame of reference for that geological disaster. Anyhow Amarillo is just like any other place in west Texas: hot, humid, smells like absolute sh*t (presumably from all the cattle) and just an out and out hell hole.
2. Truth or Consequences, New Mexico – In my mind 1 and 2 on this list could easily be substitute for one another. I hate New Mexico, almost as passionately as I hate the fact that Shaq’s biological didn’t bother and the makers of The Lake House*. New Mexico in it’s entire is a huge sh*t hole, easily the worst state I’ve ever been to. I’ve yet to find a single redeemable thing about this entire state**. Whenever I think about how horrible New Mexico is Truth or Consequences always come to mind. If you’ve never visited here then celebrate your life. I would describe it for you, but just thinking of this sh*t hole makes me want to slam my head into a jagged rock repeatedly.
1. Yuma, Arizona – Yuma serves as the gateway from Arizona into California. Yuma was once reference in a Pedro the Lion song. With these two things on its resume most people would think that Yuma is a pretty ok place. And as usual most people would be wrong. Yuma is the worst place on Earth that I’ve ever been. And I’ve been to some of the poorest cities in Mexico as well as some of the poorest countries in the former Soviet Union and the smoking lounge in the Las Vegas Airport. I could probably write a 20 page essay I why Yuma is the worst place on earth, but that’s far to time consuming. So instead I’ll just give you a brief example of why Yuma is so gawd awful. The last two times I’ve been to Yuma I’ve been confront with disgruntle and racist locals. Last time I was there it was a few weeks ago, at night and it was 102 degrees. Yes you read that correctly. The time before that was in early February. That was in the morning it was 92 degrees, in f*cking February. On top of all that Yuma is unbelievable depressing. I liken it to Rogue in the X-Men movies. Rogue’s special power is that when she touches another human being she sucks all the life and power from this person. Yuma is almost identical to Rogue. No matter how excited I am about where I’m going, either home or California, Yuma always sucks the life out of me. All I want to when I’m in Yuma is get the hell out of there. Sometimes I just feel like dying. Yuma sucks the life out of you, honestly it does. I really don’t know how anybody survives there; it’s probably the worst place in the entire Universe. Hell for me would be an eternity in Yuma. Seriously, little to none of the last paragraph was hyperbole.
And there you have. My list of the Worst U.S. Cities I've ever been to. Hope you enjoyed it. God Speed.
p.s. Remember now that I have an e-mail address set up for this blog. Feel free to e-mail any questions or comments to: anotherwestcoastmorning@rock.com
Until We Meet Again
* Honestly this looks like the worst movie of all-time. When I first saw the previews for this movie I was so upset I almost walked out of the movie theatre. I’m not joking either. A mere preview of this movie, which has maybe the worst concept I’ve ever heard of, nearly drove me to leave the theatre before I saw the film that I had paid 8+ dollars to see. Melodramatic? Maybe. Justifiable? Absolute!
** I know some of you are probably saying: But Calvin what about Northern New Mexico, it’s pretty isn’t it. And yes Norther New Mexico is pretty alright, but in my mind any half way decent part of New Mexico (read: only the far Northern part) is just southern Colorado.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
USA, USA, US… A F*ck
Ugh. I feel sick, physically sick. The USA National Soccer Team just sh*t the bed in the biggest games of their lives. Not only that, but they may have completely killed off soccer in this country. Seriously, soccer could be done for at least a couple of decades after this horrific performance. While they still have two games left, make no mistake about it: The USA’s World Cup is done. The US badly needed a result in this game or at the very least needed to put up a respectable fight to keep their confidence levels high. Instead they absolutely got their asses ruined and would have been better served not showing up for the 2nd half. I’ll now give a brief synopsis of the game and then starting ranting at the players who failed to show up. Actually let’s make that some of the players who didn’t show up, because the only ones who did today were Claudio Reyna and Eddie Johnson. (Honorable mention goes out to John O’Brien who played ok, but he entered the game well after the outcome had been decided.) Anyhow let’s get to the game recap.
Game Recap:
- Despite taking a sleeping pill I could hardly sleep last night. I woke up through out the night and was extremely giddy for most of the day. I got home after playing some basketball just in time to see Australia’s epic comeback. All in all things were looking up. During the hour break before the USA’s game I could barely sit still. I was like an ADD kid at the State Fair.
- Five minutes in the Czechs score. I think I’m going to vomit. Eddie Pope horribly miss plays the ball and the Czech’s 6’8 striker easily heads the ball into the goal. Great job boys, let’s spot a top 5 team in the world a 1-nil lead. Bravo.
- 15 minutes in the US has settled down and is actually leading in the possession stat. Unfortantly they’ve yet to have any decent chances on goal.
- In the 28th minute Reyna takes a shot just outside the 18 yard box and it passes the keeper only to ricochet off the inside of the post. How that happened I don’t know, but it just ended any chance the US had in this game.
- When the wind fully taken out of the US’s sails Tomas Rosicky puts the nail in the coffin in the 36th minute with a shot from about 30 ft out that twists and turns like a knuckle ball in the wind and barely beats US Goalie Kasey Keller.
- The 2nd half the US came out flatter then a nine year old and embarrassed themselves and their country. I refuse to recant anything about it, sorry.
- Thanks for stopping by USA, see ya in 2010.
Notable Players (most of whom who sucked ass):
Landon Donovan – In Donovan’s defense he got absolutely no service from the midfield. And he’s also playing in the wrong position. To be effective Donovan needs space, when he’s playing at striker he has a very limited space to work with and his foot work isn’t good enough for him to fully utilize his speed. That said though, Donovan still failed to show up against the Czechs. Donovan talks an enormous amount of sh*t and rarely backs it up. Today also proved that he needs to go over seas to be effective. If you spend all your time playing in the MLS your going get served by top flight teams and players. Donovan looked lost out there today and had no one but himself to blame.
DeMarcus Beasly – It’s tough for me to be hard on DeMarcus because he’s one of my favorite players. And for some unknown reason Arena had him plsying out of position. Still though DeMarcus gave us nothing against eh Czechs and against top flight opponents that’s not going cut it.
Eddie Pope – Eddie flat out sucked sh*t on Monday. You’re suppose to be one of the teams veterans, yet you or soley responsible for the Czechs 1st goal. How the f*ck he lost a 6-8 guy I might never know. Pope’s performance might be the most disappointed because he’s suppose to be the veteran anchor to our back line. Instead he was the first one to sh*t the bed and pretty much everyone else followed suit.
Eddie Lewis – Lewis is playing out of position trying to be a defensive back, he’s normally a midfielder. Lewis was got out of position and numerous time, especially on the 1st goal, he left the defense out to dry. All this would be almost forgivable because he is playing out of position. Except for the fact that he’s not a good midfielder against top flight teams. So he’s pretty much worthless. I would be completely fine if he doesn’t see another minute the entire world cup.
Eddie Johnson – Besides Reyna and O’Brien (and to a lesser degree Masteroni) Johnson was the lone bright spot. He hustled, came back to receive the ball and did a decent job at creating his own shot. If Johnson isn’t starting against Italy Bruce Arena should be fired.
Bobby Convey – After an amazing club season in the Premiership Convey played very poorly in his first world cup match. However he was one of 5 players who wasn’t afraid to have the ball some I’m really ok with how bad he played.
Josh Wolff – This was an entirely worthless sub. Wolff isn’t good enough to impact any game and this sub should have been used to get Dempsey or one of the other young players feet wet. Any while were here why the hell are Wolff and Brian Ching even on the national team? I feel very confident that the US has to have two better players then these two bums.
- I realize I have very little positive to say which probably leaves most of you wondering: Was it really that bad? And the answer is yes. Let’s just put it this way: Ben Rothlesberger had a better day Monday the US soccer team did.
What to Change:
I personally believe the US is done for as they now have to win their last two games to have any chance of advancing. And my guess is that we’ll be lucky to get a goal against Italy, let alone a win. So while it seems bleak the US can still recapture some pride and use these last two games as a strong foundation for the 2010 Cup. Here’s what we need to do.
Switch to a 4-5-1: The US got owned in the midfield so to prevent that from happening again they should just plug as many bodies in their as possible. The lone striker should be Eddie Johnson, with McBride on the bench. McBride is a great player and he’s done amazing things for US soccer, but against teams that have any height on the back line he is pretty much useless. Johnson has great speed and is a better non-aerial finisher then McBride. This formation will also allow Donovan to play as an attacking midfielder he can be most effective. And even though the guys a bitch he’s still our best talent and we need to utilize him to have any chance of competing against Italy. Also John O’Brien should start as the defensive mid and Masteroni should move to the back line in place of Lewis or Pope. O’Brien was one of the few player who actually looked like he belonged on the field against the Czechs. The only way he shouldn’t start is if he’s not fit enough to go 75-90 minutes.
Play with some f*cking urgency: Maybe the worst part of this lost was how flat the US came out at the start of both halfs. This is the World f*cking Cup, play with some GD urgency. You’re no longer playing sh*tty CONCAF teams who you can beat by playing 15 minutes a game. To be competitive against Italy and Ghana you’re going to have to play a full 90 minutes of your best soccer. You’ve already flopped horrifically in the 1st game, please at least go down fighting in the next two.
Try not to sh*t yourself when you get the ball: I realize playing against actual world class talent is intimidating, but the display (or lack there of) of touch and ball control against the Czechs was absolutely atrocious. Seriously show some balls or tell Arena not to put you in.
Stop leaving Keller out to dry: The guy looks like he’s at least 55, so give the man some help and stop gifting scoring opportunities to opposing teams.
All in all this was a very disappointing start to the World Cup. And while it will take a miracle of Biblical proportions for the US to advance, the next to games will be a huge test for our younger players. All of them need to prove they can play against elite competition and win back some of the casual soccer fans that they lost with Monday’s game. Well I’m out and be smart and don’t let the US’s collective bed sh*tting ruin the rest of the Cup for you.
Until We Meet Again
Game Recap:
- Despite taking a sleeping pill I could hardly sleep last night. I woke up through out the night and was extremely giddy for most of the day. I got home after playing some basketball just in time to see Australia’s epic comeback. All in all things were looking up. During the hour break before the USA’s game I could barely sit still. I was like an ADD kid at the State Fair.
- Five minutes in the Czechs score. I think I’m going to vomit. Eddie Pope horribly miss plays the ball and the Czech’s 6’8 striker easily heads the ball into the goal. Great job boys, let’s spot a top 5 team in the world a 1-nil lead. Bravo.
- 15 minutes in the US has settled down and is actually leading in the possession stat. Unfortantly they’ve yet to have any decent chances on goal.
- In the 28th minute Reyna takes a shot just outside the 18 yard box and it passes the keeper only to ricochet off the inside of the post. How that happened I don’t know, but it just ended any chance the US had in this game.
- When the wind fully taken out of the US’s sails Tomas Rosicky puts the nail in the coffin in the 36th minute with a shot from about 30 ft out that twists and turns like a knuckle ball in the wind and barely beats US Goalie Kasey Keller.
- The 2nd half the US came out flatter then a nine year old and embarrassed themselves and their country. I refuse to recant anything about it, sorry.
- Thanks for stopping by USA, see ya in 2010.
Notable Players (most of whom who sucked ass):
Landon Donovan – In Donovan’s defense he got absolutely no service from the midfield. And he’s also playing in the wrong position. To be effective Donovan needs space, when he’s playing at striker he has a very limited space to work with and his foot work isn’t good enough for him to fully utilize his speed. That said though, Donovan still failed to show up against the Czechs. Donovan talks an enormous amount of sh*t and rarely backs it up. Today also proved that he needs to go over seas to be effective. If you spend all your time playing in the MLS your going get served by top flight teams and players. Donovan looked lost out there today and had no one but himself to blame.
DeMarcus Beasly – It’s tough for me to be hard on DeMarcus because he’s one of my favorite players. And for some unknown reason Arena had him plsying out of position. Still though DeMarcus gave us nothing against eh Czechs and against top flight opponents that’s not going cut it.
Eddie Pope – Eddie flat out sucked sh*t on Monday. You’re suppose to be one of the teams veterans, yet you or soley responsible for the Czechs 1st goal. How the f*ck he lost a 6-8 guy I might never know. Pope’s performance might be the most disappointed because he’s suppose to be the veteran anchor to our back line. Instead he was the first one to sh*t the bed and pretty much everyone else followed suit.
Eddie Lewis – Lewis is playing out of position trying to be a defensive back, he’s normally a midfielder. Lewis was got out of position and numerous time, especially on the 1st goal, he left the defense out to dry. All this would be almost forgivable because he is playing out of position. Except for the fact that he’s not a good midfielder against top flight teams. So he’s pretty much worthless. I would be completely fine if he doesn’t see another minute the entire world cup.
Eddie Johnson – Besides Reyna and O’Brien (and to a lesser degree Masteroni) Johnson was the lone bright spot. He hustled, came back to receive the ball and did a decent job at creating his own shot. If Johnson isn’t starting against Italy Bruce Arena should be fired.
Bobby Convey – After an amazing club season in the Premiership Convey played very poorly in his first world cup match. However he was one of 5 players who wasn’t afraid to have the ball some I’m really ok with how bad he played.
Josh Wolff – This was an entirely worthless sub. Wolff isn’t good enough to impact any game and this sub should have been used to get Dempsey or one of the other young players feet wet. Any while were here why the hell are Wolff and Brian Ching even on the national team? I feel very confident that the US has to have two better players then these two bums.
- I realize I have very little positive to say which probably leaves most of you wondering: Was it really that bad? And the answer is yes. Let’s just put it this way: Ben Rothlesberger had a better day Monday the US soccer team did.
What to Change:
I personally believe the US is done for as they now have to win their last two games to have any chance of advancing. And my guess is that we’ll be lucky to get a goal against Italy, let alone a win. So while it seems bleak the US can still recapture some pride and use these last two games as a strong foundation for the 2010 Cup. Here’s what we need to do.
Switch to a 4-5-1: The US got owned in the midfield so to prevent that from happening again they should just plug as many bodies in their as possible. The lone striker should be Eddie Johnson, with McBride on the bench. McBride is a great player and he’s done amazing things for US soccer, but against teams that have any height on the back line he is pretty much useless. Johnson has great speed and is a better non-aerial finisher then McBride. This formation will also allow Donovan to play as an attacking midfielder he can be most effective. And even though the guys a bitch he’s still our best talent and we need to utilize him to have any chance of competing against Italy. Also John O’Brien should start as the defensive mid and Masteroni should move to the back line in place of Lewis or Pope. O’Brien was one of the few player who actually looked like he belonged on the field against the Czechs. The only way he shouldn’t start is if he’s not fit enough to go 75-90 minutes.
Play with some f*cking urgency: Maybe the worst part of this lost was how flat the US came out at the start of both halfs. This is the World f*cking Cup, play with some GD urgency. You’re no longer playing sh*tty CONCAF teams who you can beat by playing 15 minutes a game. To be competitive against Italy and Ghana you’re going to have to play a full 90 minutes of your best soccer. You’ve already flopped horrifically in the 1st game, please at least go down fighting in the next two.
Try not to sh*t yourself when you get the ball: I realize playing against actual world class talent is intimidating, but the display (or lack there of) of touch and ball control against the Czechs was absolutely atrocious. Seriously show some balls or tell Arena not to put you in.
Stop leaving Keller out to dry: The guy looks like he’s at least 55, so give the man some help and stop gifting scoring opportunities to opposing teams.
All in all this was a very disappointing start to the World Cup. And while it will take a miracle of Biblical proportions for the US to advance, the next to games will be a huge test for our younger players. All of them need to prove they can play against elite competition and win back some of the casual soccer fans that they lost with Monday’s game. Well I’m out and be smart and don’t let the US’s collective bed sh*tting ruin the rest of the Cup for you.
Until We Meet Again
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