Before I get to today’s post, there’s a few things that I feel need to be addressed.
1.) It looks like Former Tiger’s Pitcher Ugueth Urbina will now be a catcher:
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2815590
2.) After much debate and soul searching, I decided that I really don’t want to write about my Vegas trip, mainly because it would take too long. I may write it at a later date, but for now I’m too busy. My apologies to everyone who was looking forward to reading said report, which by my estimation was about 1.5 of you.
Anyhow, here’s a funny story that happened to me at work last night.
So the Afro-American cook, Rick, is the only other person working with me on the night of this incident. We’d been pretty slow all night, and by slow I mean I didn’t get my first table ‘til 7:45 PM. We close at nine, so I figured that nothing interesting was going to happen. Boy was I wrong! (Sometimes I like to pretend that I’m writing first person narrative for a 21st century version of The Boxcar Children. Sorry about that.)
So right after 8 PM, after being dead all night, I get 5 tables in the span of 5 minutes. Believe it or not, trying to wait on 5+ tables when you’re doing almost everything – taking orders, bussing tables, making drinks, running out all the food, etc. – is not the most enjoyable of experiences. It can actually be really stressful. But this isn’t a post of me b*tching and moaning about how hard my job is, mainly because it’s pretty easy. No, this is a post about something much different.
Once the rush hit, my night consisted of running around trying to keep a bunch of tables happy, all while trying to act like I had my sh*t somewhat together. In the midst of all this, I noticed that two guys who were dinning together – both of whom resembled theatre majors – keep starring at me. Naturally* I assumed this was because they needed something. So I went over to ask them what was going on and if they needed anything. To my surprise, they both said no and that everything was fine. It was at that moment that I started to become a little bit uncomfortable. I then went on to check up on a few more tables. While I was doing this I kept noticing in my peripheral vision that the two “theatre” guys were looking me up and down. I then spun around to look at them and they both gave me flirty smiles. Needless to say, this made me very uncomfortable, as these guys were blatantly checking me out. And no, dear readers, I’m not over-exaggerating. I haven’t been eye-f*cked that hard since my boy Jake stopped drinking**.
I then rushed back to the kitchen, probably looking like I’d just seen a ghost. Rick noticed something was up and asked me what was going on. I told him the story, which immediately made him laugh. We then had the following conversation about my traumatic experience:
Rick: Oh man! (giggling like a school girl). I’m not sure I would have told anyone that.
Me: Yeah, well.
Rick: YYYYeeeeaaaaaaah! Sexy C!
Me: (trying desperately to save face) Hey, if at least one team is scouting and recruiting you, it can’t be all bad, right?
Rick: Yeah, but that’s the team you don’t want scouting you at all. You don’t want to be nowhere on their radar.
Me: Not saying I disagree with you, but look at it this way: If you’re getting recruited by North Carolina, and even if North Carolina’s the only school you’d ever, ever go to, you’re still getting noticed if some school comes out of nowhere with crazy recruitment offers. Like say Murray State showed up and offered me a car, my mom a house, and my dad a job if I go play there. Even though North Carolina’s the only school I’d ever go to, and I wouldn’t even consider Murray State’s offer, I’m still going to appreciate the attention.
Rick: No, those are the recruiting letters you throw away, soon as you get’em. You got to treat them like bills, just toss’em out. I mean, you know that you going to North Carolina, so it doesn’t matter who else is recruiting you. That’s why you just throw those letters out, immediately. At least that’s what I’d do. I’d just be like “Creighton? Why the f*ck are they recruiting me?”
Me: Good point, good point. By the way, did I mention that the only school I’d ever go to is North Carolina?
So there you have it, a funny story for everyone!
(Disclaimer: I’m really not a homophobe, although this story may lead you to believe the exact opposite. This situation just caught me off guard and I thought that our conversation needed to be shared with you. Honest.)
Until We Meet Again
* Or ignorantly
** Back in Jake’s alcoholic days, he had some gender-confusion issues when drunk. For Reals. P.S. We’re all proud of you for your sobriety Jake. Also For Reals.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
Prelude to Vegas
So last Thursday through Sunday I was in Vegas, toying with death. I’ve been trying all week to write about said trip, but it’s taken longer than I thought. The main reason for this is that there’s a sh*t ton of context that goes along with every semi-funny anecdote from the trip. That and I just started two new classes (thank God for community college and their 8 week classes), so free time is a little hard to come by these days. Anyhow, to tide everyone over for the week I’m going to relay a few stories that didn’t really fit into my main Vegas blog (or stories that I just forgot what day they happened). Anyhow here you are:
The Shampoo Theory:
I’m not sure who originally came up with this theory, but I heard it from my friend Dave.
It’s a pretty simple theory that can help to explain a lot of life’s queries. Here it is: Sometimes when you’re showering, you don’t get all the shampoo out of your hair. You go through the day without noticing, and it has no impact on anything you do. However, the next day when you’re in the shower, you get a good lather just by rubbing your hair. Without putting in any more shampoo, you get a good lather just from the leftover stuff in your hair. Well, the same applies to drinking. You can wake up from a night of drinking and feel fine, but once you’ve thrown a beer or two down at the Black Jack tables you realize: “Oh sh*t, there’s still a lot of booze left in my system. I’m kinda buzzed right now.” As any of you who’ve ever been to Vegas know, the shampoo theory comes to life far too often.
Clown Car Elevator:
I’m really not sure which night this happened, but it was one of my favorite random highlights of the weekend. One night after dinner, my older brother Max and I headed up to our room to get some cigarettes*. As we waited to board an elevator that had just reached the lobby, about ten guys in dress shirts came out. I made the never funny, but always necessary, “What is this, a clown car?” comment. Well, I jumped the gun with this comment in a big way. After I said it at least 15 more guys poured out of the elevator. This elevator couldn’t have been bigger then 10x5 ft. Yet somehow these 25-30 guys managed to squeeze inside of it. For some reason this happened to be the funniest thing I’d ever seen. I was completely sober and I couldn’t stop laughing. I literally giggled for about 3 straight minutes. I’m not sure why this was so funny, or why I’m even writing about it. I guess I just needed to fill space…
Joe Hickle Losing His Soul:
Joe is a very good friend of mine who wasn’t quite the MVP of the weekend, but was certainly the MIP (Most Important Player) of this trip. Joe was everywhere this weekend, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing for him. Things went downhill quickly for young Joseph when he blew $50 on roulette despite being up $125 at one point. That was Thursday afternoon. Joe followed that up just a few hours later with a tremendous showing at the Black Jack tables. Joe’s highlight moment had to be hitting on a 14 with the dealer showing a 6. Predictably, he busted and caused the whole table to lose. He also probably ruined the entire shoe**. Thanks again Joe, you owe me at least the hundred I lost at that table.
It should also be noted that before Joe hit, the entire table, as well as the dealer, was yelling at him to stay. Always fun when the dealer steps in to ridicule someone. Other things Joe did last weekend include:
a) Continually pointing out how buff Carrot Top was every time we saw one of his ads. We actually saw Carrot Top walking around the casino late one night. We were all frightened that Joe was going to try to make a move on him. Luckily for all parties involved, Joe froze up. All he could do was excitedly tell us how “ripped” Carrot Top was in person.
b) Stealing money from his friend Mike D (more on him next week). Mike D gave Joe $20 to place a bet for him. Joe, in all his glory, miscalculated his own bets and the took $5 out of the $20 Mike had given him to place his own bet. What a great friend.
While all of the above may lead you to believe otherwise, Joe saved his best for last. On Sunday morning, about two hours before we had to check out, Joe stumbled into our room. He was extremely drunk and hadn’t slept all night. Luckily for him, he passed out in about 30 seconds and was able to sleep for an hour and a half before we had to check out. Needless to say, Joe had a great Sunday and a dynamite weekend. I could probably write a whole lot more about Joe’s weekend, but I’m lazy and I think the man has had his dignity beat up enough in the last 8 days.
Well, that’s it for now. Before I go, please allow me to apologize to Joe for tossing him under the boss for the sake of my blog. I’m sorry Joe, but what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay there… gawd I hate that slogan.
Until We Meet Again
* Don’t worry dear readers, I’ve quit for good. I’m currently on my 5th day and it’s been incredibly easy. Woot.
** The shoe is the device that a black jack dealer deals all the cards from.
The Shampoo Theory:
I’m not sure who originally came up with this theory, but I heard it from my friend Dave.
It’s a pretty simple theory that can help to explain a lot of life’s queries. Here it is: Sometimes when you’re showering, you don’t get all the shampoo out of your hair. You go through the day without noticing, and it has no impact on anything you do. However, the next day when you’re in the shower, you get a good lather just by rubbing your hair. Without putting in any more shampoo, you get a good lather just from the leftover stuff in your hair. Well, the same applies to drinking. You can wake up from a night of drinking and feel fine, but once you’ve thrown a beer or two down at the Black Jack tables you realize: “Oh sh*t, there’s still a lot of booze left in my system. I’m kinda buzzed right now.” As any of you who’ve ever been to Vegas know, the shampoo theory comes to life far too often.
Clown Car Elevator:
I’m really not sure which night this happened, but it was one of my favorite random highlights of the weekend. One night after dinner, my older brother Max and I headed up to our room to get some cigarettes*. As we waited to board an elevator that had just reached the lobby, about ten guys in dress shirts came out. I made the never funny, but always necessary, “What is this, a clown car?” comment. Well, I jumped the gun with this comment in a big way. After I said it at least 15 more guys poured out of the elevator. This elevator couldn’t have been bigger then 10x5 ft. Yet somehow these 25-30 guys managed to squeeze inside of it. For some reason this happened to be the funniest thing I’d ever seen. I was completely sober and I couldn’t stop laughing. I literally giggled for about 3 straight minutes. I’m not sure why this was so funny, or why I’m even writing about it. I guess I just needed to fill space…
Joe Hickle Losing His Soul:
Joe is a very good friend of mine who wasn’t quite the MVP of the weekend, but was certainly the MIP (Most Important Player) of this trip. Joe was everywhere this weekend, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing for him. Things went downhill quickly for young Joseph when he blew $50 on roulette despite being up $125 at one point. That was Thursday afternoon. Joe followed that up just a few hours later with a tremendous showing at the Black Jack tables. Joe’s highlight moment had to be hitting on a 14 with the dealer showing a 6. Predictably, he busted and caused the whole table to lose. He also probably ruined the entire shoe**. Thanks again Joe, you owe me at least the hundred I lost at that table.
It should also be noted that before Joe hit, the entire table, as well as the dealer, was yelling at him to stay. Always fun when the dealer steps in to ridicule someone. Other things Joe did last weekend include:
a) Continually pointing out how buff Carrot Top was every time we saw one of his ads. We actually saw Carrot Top walking around the casino late one night. We were all frightened that Joe was going to try to make a move on him. Luckily for all parties involved, Joe froze up. All he could do was excitedly tell us how “ripped” Carrot Top was in person.
b) Stealing money from his friend Mike D (more on him next week). Mike D gave Joe $20 to place a bet for him. Joe, in all his glory, miscalculated his own bets and the took $5 out of the $20 Mike had given him to place his own bet. What a great friend.
While all of the above may lead you to believe otherwise, Joe saved his best for last. On Sunday morning, about two hours before we had to check out, Joe stumbled into our room. He was extremely drunk and hadn’t slept all night. Luckily for him, he passed out in about 30 seconds and was able to sleep for an hour and a half before we had to check out. Needless to say, Joe had a great Sunday and a dynamite weekend. I could probably write a whole lot more about Joe’s weekend, but I’m lazy and I think the man has had his dignity beat up enough in the last 8 days.
Well, that’s it for now. Before I go, please allow me to apologize to Joe for tossing him under the boss for the sake of my blog. I’m sorry Joe, but what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay there… gawd I hate that slogan.
Until We Meet Again
* Don’t worry dear readers, I’ve quit for good. I’m currently on my 5th day and it’s been incredibly easy. Woot.
** The shoe is the device that a black jack dealer deals all the cards from.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Bracket Breakdown Part ii: East and South
So Monday I dissected the Midwest and West Brackets, today I’ll do the same with the East and South brackets. Let’s dive right in.
East:
16. Eastern Kentucky – I feel bad for EKU, I really do. If they were a 14 or 15 seed and got hot from behind the arc they’d have a legit chance to make a game of it with a higher seed. Yet they’re a 16 seed set to play UNC. They’re tallest player is 6-8 and they will get demolished by Tarheels’ frontline.
15. Belmont – Famous Belmont alums include Trish Yearwood, Brad Paisley and Lee Ann Womack. I feel like that fact alone should disqualify them from ever partaking in the NCAA tournament. But they’re in, mainly because they hit twelve 3’s in the first half of their conference championship game. If they shoot that well then they just might make a run at Georgetown.
14. Arkansas – The Razorbacks don’t deserve to be in the tournament, at all. I’m not even going to waste my time telling you why they should be headed to the NIT. But I do like their coach Stan Heath, he’s a got a very spherical head.
13. Vanderbilt – So apparently all you need to do is beat Florida to get a decent seed in the tournament. I’m sorry but Vanderbilt is not very good, as evidenced by their 1-4 mark on the road in the SEC. And while I know it was early in the year they also lost to Furman (15-16), at home. While Vanderbilt should be included in the tournament it’s hard to argue with their extremely weak schedule and low rpi that they deserved better then a double-digit seed. I penciled Vanderbilt in for a first round exit before I knew absolutely anything about their opponent, George Washington. After doing some research on GW I feel extremely good about their chances to send the Vandals packing(more on this in a few paragraphs).
12. New Mexico State – I think the Aggies would have been a great upset pick if they weren’t facing Kevin Durant in the first round. However the future is bright for NMSU as long as they can keep Reggie Theus around. Theus has gotten this eclectic group, which consists of 7 D-I transfers to play together. I think he’s going to be an excellent coach in the near future.
11. Marquette – As much as I like Peter Parker look-alike Tom Crean and Dominic James, the Golden Eagles have been flat-lining for the past few months. Wins against an overrated Pitt squad have helped to hide that fact from the general public. Unless James finds his shot Marquette is headed for their second first round exit in as many years.
10. Boston College – In what should be a great first round game, the 7-10 match up in the East should come down to coaching. And who do you want to side with, Bob Knight or Al Skiner? Yeah I’m going with Knight too.
9. Oral Roberts – A lot of people think ORU has a legitimate shot at upsetting Washington State in the first round. Those same people have either not see Washington State play this year or subscribe to the idea that you have to have great athletes to have a great team. Oh well, enough about Wazzu. Let’s get back to the awkwardly named Oral Roberts. Yes I realize they’re named after an semi-famous evangelistic, who by all accounts was a shady mofo. All I’m saying if your first name is Oral you shouldn’t have anything named after you. Period.
8. Michigan State – The Spartans tourney fates is one of the hardest for me to decipher. Tom Izzo is an excellent coach and has proved time and again that he’s one of the best tourney coaches in the business. However his team, not unlike the Big 10, is terrible. Anyways I think Izzo gets past Marquette in the first round before losing to UNC by about 30.
7. George Washington – Let’s see the rap sheet on the Colonials is that they like to play at an extremely fast pace and they struggle mightily when they have to play at a slow pace. If GW upsets Vanderbilt like I think they will their second round match up will be against Washington State. Wazzu is a team that slows the pace down, rarely turns the ball over and makes you work for 25-30 seconds on both ends of the floor. Needless to say I don’t see thinks ending well for the Colonials (against Wazzu that is).
6. Texas Tech – Keep two things in mind when reading my critique of the Red Radiers: 1.) I absolutely love Bobby Knight and 2.) Jarrius Jackson is one of my favorite players in college basketball. I think Tech should beat Boston College and then give Georgetown all it can handle in one of the best second round games. Tech has proven it can beat top flight teams this year, with wins over Kansas and Texas A&M (2). They also proven they can play down to anyone’s level, as show by puzzling losses to Nebraska, Oklahoma and Baylor. I think the Red Raiders are a legit sleeper team that almost no one is talking about. Anyhow I have them losing to Georgetown in a game that should go down to the wire.
5. USC – As an Arizona fan I’m hoping the Trojans go on a deep tourney run so Nick Young and Gabe Pruitt go to the NBA as oppose to coming back next year and teaming up with OJ Mayo. However I don’t think ‘SC has a single player capable of slowing down Kevin Durant. However Tim Floyd will coach circles around Rick Barnes so the game should be close.
4. Georgetown – I’ll admit something, I like Georgetown. I enjoy watching them play. They’re an extremely well coached team who plays hard every night. That said, I’m not buying them as a 2 seed at all. Going 13-3 in the Big East is impressive, but not this year. They lost to the two best teams in their non-conference schedule (Oregon and Duke) and didn’t really hit their stride until they started playing in the Big East. And even in the Big East they have suspect loses to Villanova and Syracuse (by 14). And while I like their team, their coach and love shots of Patrick Ewing in the stands, I don’t think they’ll get by Wazzu. However their game against Wazzu should be great and cause any non-basketball fan to claw their eyes out. Both teams play a very deliberate style of basketball that can be painful for just about anyone to watch. First one to 45 wins the Wazzu/G-town game.
3. Kevin Durant – Every one with a pulse knows that Kevin Durant is the best player in college basketball. Most people who have watched Texas play this year also know that his teammates are young, don’t have the highest basketball IQ and that his coach is pretty much incompetent. A lot of people are assuming that Durant is too good not to get his team to the Final Four. I disagree with this logic. While Durant is absolutely unbelievable, I don’t like the North Carolina draw for them. I think the Tarheels are just too deep and too talent for Durant and Co. And before I go on to the next team I’d like to talk about Texas’s shooting guard AJ Abrhams. This guy is something else, you absolutely have to watch him in the next couple weeks. He has absolutely no conscience. He’s like the guy you play pick up with who shoots every time he touches it and annoys the hell out of everyone on his team. You hate it when you have to play with him and it nearly kills you every time you have to pass him the ball. However he always has that one game in which he can’t miss, hits 6-7 threes and propels your team to victory. Well I think the only way Texas beats UNC is if Abrahams has one of those games. Personally the only think I’d like more then Arizona making a deep tournament run is for Durant to make it to the Final Four and face off against Greg Oden. I just don’t think it will happen, for either of them.
2. Washington State – Maybe I just have a bias towards the Pac-10, but I think Wazzu is going to surprise a sh*t ton of people this March. They’re a great team that forces you to play at their pace and they rarely beat themselves. The teams that gave Wazzu trouble this year are teams that are supremely athletic* or teams that play extremely smart. Luckily for Wazzu they don’t face any of those type of teams until the Sweet 16. I like the Cougars more then Georgetown because I think there resume is better and that the Big East isn’t that good(read: I’ve seen Washington State more then I’ve seen Georgetown). Anyways, I think UNC is a terrible match up for the Cougars and will end their season on a sour note.
1. North Carolina – I’m not sold on this North Carolina team at all. However with every one picking Texas as there ‘sleeper’ Final Four team, and me not trusting the majority, I feel that Tarheels have the best chance in this bracket. I like Washington State as a sleeper pick, but I fee like picking them would just be me being an uber Pac-10 homer. I think the winner of the UNC-Kevin Durant game is going to the Final Four. And I trust Roy Williams over Rick Barnes, that and UNC is much deeper and more talented then Durant’s team. Maybe I’m just being selfish. I desperately want UNC to make a deep tourney run because I want to see shots of Tyler Hansbrough in his face mask for as long as possible. Now that dear readers is high comedy.
South:
16. Central Connecticut State – CCSU is the only team from Connecticut in this year’s tournament. They’re also the only team with the Blue Devils nickname that it’s acceptable to root for. Sadly though, the Blue Devils’ first game will be put out of reach 15 minutes after it starts.
15. North Texas – While the Eagles are facing the worst 2 seed (maybe ever) in Memphis, they don’t have enough talent to beat the Tigers. On the upside though North Texas is making their first tournament appearance since 1988. So there’s that.
14. Albany – A lot of people feel that Albany is a closer to a 16 seed then a 13. I have no opinion on the Great Danes, aside from the fact that their nickname sucks. Anyhow I think they’ll lose to Virginia in the first round.
13. Penn. – From everything I’ve heard and read, the Quakers are actually a really good team and should be a tough out for anyone. Unfortunately for Penn they’re playing Texas A&M, who just so happens to be one of best teams in the country.
12. Xavier – I don’t have an opinion on the Xavier, so instead I’d like to use this space to point out the American Idol’s Melinda Doolittle looks almost identical to Shrek.
11. Long Beach State – Neither the 49ers or their first round opponent Tennesse has a lot of size. Because of this people assume it will be a close game and LBSU has a great shot at an upset. People who think this have apparently failed to notice that the 49ers play absolutely no defense. They give up 73 points a game. I think there’s a pretty good chance that Chris Lofton may get 50 in this game.
10. Louisville – Louisville is about a year away from making a serious run at the Final Four, assuming all their young players stay in school. However this year they aren’t very good and I’m allowing my Pac-10 bias to decide their match up with Stanford.
9. Nevada – Nevada is my choice for this years team that whines about how they should have been a higher seed so much that they fail to show up for their first game. That and I think Creighton’s a better team then them. This is another first round match up in which it appears the committee didn’t want mid-majors to upset BCS schools.
8. BYU – The Cougars aren’t known for their defense, especially their interior defense. They have a second round date with Greg Oden. This probably won’t end well for the Mormons.
7. Memphis – DJ Gallo made a great point in ESPN’s A.M Jump on Monday suggesting that the term “Paper Tiger” be replaced with “Memphis Tiger”. Yes Memphis owns a 22 game winning streak and yes they ran through Conference USA, but my rec league team would have finished no worse then third in Conference USA. Memphis’ athleticism should be enough to get them by North Texas, but I think they’ll fall to Creighton in round two.
6. Virginia – While the Cavaliers boast one of the best backcourts in America, they’re not a very good team. If they were playing a better team then Albany in the first round I’d pick them to bow out even earlier. Virginia lost 3 of their last 5, all to non-tourney teams. If you can’t stop players on Miami, Wake Forest and NC State then you’re not stopping Chris Lofton.
5. Stanford – Most tournament previews talk about Stanford’s mascot in their did you know section. This is all well in good considering that everyone always wonders how a Cardinal can be a tree (it’s actually the color Cardinal). However I believe a more interesting tidbit would be that Stanford’s head coach, Trent Johnson, bares a strong resemblance to Satan. Seriously the guy scares the bejesus out of me. Do keep small children away from the television during ‘Furds first round upset and second d round exit against Texas A&M.
4. Tennessee – In case you haven’t noticed yet, I’ve got a man crush on Chris Lofton. I think he’s clearly one of the top 5 scorers in college basketball. Looking at his pod I think Lofton alone can get Tennessee to the Sweet 16. Also I want as many Bruce Pearl interviews as possible, so I’m pulling for the Vols.
3. Creighton – It’s always a good idea to have one MVC team in the Sweet 16, because one makes it almost every year. Anyhow I like this Creighton team and I think they got one of the better draws of the tournament. Creighton’s a better team then Nevada and they’re pressure defense should give Memphis fits. I don’t think Creighton has what it takes to get by Texas A&M though. Run should end at the Sweet 16, unless Kyle Korver still has some eligibility left with his alma mater.
2. THE Ohio State University – Greg Oden and Company should cruise to the Elite 8 and own paper the Buckeyes appear to be the best team in this bracket. There’s really only one thing standing in their way from a Final Four: Acie Law IV. I think OSU should win their first three games before falling in a classic to the Aggies. I really don’t have much more to add about the Buckeyes, except for that I hope Mike Conelly stays in school another year, because he’s going to be something special if he does.
1. Texas A&M – As little as a month ago I wasn’t entirerly sold on the Aggies, then I some them lose to Texas. In that game Acie Law IV hit every big shot imaginable. This guy is f*cking nails. He’s truly amazing. With the game on the line there’s no one, not even Christ’s son Kevin Durant, you’d rather have taking the final shot. I really believe that Law will carry TAMU to the Final Four, after that things get a little shaky. Well I’m starting to get carpal tunnel, so let’s just get to my Final Four picks.
Final Four: Florida over UCLA, UNC over Texas A&M.
Final Game: Florida over UNC.
Until We Meet Again
* Right now every Arizona fan is saying “Hey we’re athletic and they swept us!”. Actually U of A isn’t that athletic, tough as that is to swallow. Jordan Hill and Chase Budinger are both superb athletes, but every other player that plays is an average athlete at best. This is another reason why this is one of the worst U of A teams of the Lute Era.
East:
16. Eastern Kentucky – I feel bad for EKU, I really do. If they were a 14 or 15 seed and got hot from behind the arc they’d have a legit chance to make a game of it with a higher seed. Yet they’re a 16 seed set to play UNC. They’re tallest player is 6-8 and they will get demolished by Tarheels’ frontline.
15. Belmont – Famous Belmont alums include Trish Yearwood, Brad Paisley and Lee Ann Womack. I feel like that fact alone should disqualify them from ever partaking in the NCAA tournament. But they’re in, mainly because they hit twelve 3’s in the first half of their conference championship game. If they shoot that well then they just might make a run at Georgetown.
14. Arkansas – The Razorbacks don’t deserve to be in the tournament, at all. I’m not even going to waste my time telling you why they should be headed to the NIT. But I do like their coach Stan Heath, he’s a got a very spherical head.
13. Vanderbilt – So apparently all you need to do is beat Florida to get a decent seed in the tournament. I’m sorry but Vanderbilt is not very good, as evidenced by their 1-4 mark on the road in the SEC. And while I know it was early in the year they also lost to Furman (15-16), at home. While Vanderbilt should be included in the tournament it’s hard to argue with their extremely weak schedule and low rpi that they deserved better then a double-digit seed. I penciled Vanderbilt in for a first round exit before I knew absolutely anything about their opponent, George Washington. After doing some research on GW I feel extremely good about their chances to send the Vandals packing(more on this in a few paragraphs).
12. New Mexico State – I think the Aggies would have been a great upset pick if they weren’t facing Kevin Durant in the first round. However the future is bright for NMSU as long as they can keep Reggie Theus around. Theus has gotten this eclectic group, which consists of 7 D-I transfers to play together. I think he’s going to be an excellent coach in the near future.
11. Marquette – As much as I like Peter Parker look-alike Tom Crean and Dominic James, the Golden Eagles have been flat-lining for the past few months. Wins against an overrated Pitt squad have helped to hide that fact from the general public. Unless James finds his shot Marquette is headed for their second first round exit in as many years.
10. Boston College – In what should be a great first round game, the 7-10 match up in the East should come down to coaching. And who do you want to side with, Bob Knight or Al Skiner? Yeah I’m going with Knight too.
9. Oral Roberts – A lot of people think ORU has a legitimate shot at upsetting Washington State in the first round. Those same people have either not see Washington State play this year or subscribe to the idea that you have to have great athletes to have a great team. Oh well, enough about Wazzu. Let’s get back to the awkwardly named Oral Roberts. Yes I realize they’re named after an semi-famous evangelistic, who by all accounts was a shady mofo. All I’m saying if your first name is Oral you shouldn’t have anything named after you. Period.
8. Michigan State – The Spartans tourney fates is one of the hardest for me to decipher. Tom Izzo is an excellent coach and has proved time and again that he’s one of the best tourney coaches in the business. However his team, not unlike the Big 10, is terrible. Anyways I think Izzo gets past Marquette in the first round before losing to UNC by about 30.
7. George Washington – Let’s see the rap sheet on the Colonials is that they like to play at an extremely fast pace and they struggle mightily when they have to play at a slow pace. If GW upsets Vanderbilt like I think they will their second round match up will be against Washington State. Wazzu is a team that slows the pace down, rarely turns the ball over and makes you work for 25-30 seconds on both ends of the floor. Needless to say I don’t see thinks ending well for the Colonials (against Wazzu that is).
6. Texas Tech – Keep two things in mind when reading my critique of the Red Radiers: 1.) I absolutely love Bobby Knight and 2.) Jarrius Jackson is one of my favorite players in college basketball. I think Tech should beat Boston College and then give Georgetown all it can handle in one of the best second round games. Tech has proven it can beat top flight teams this year, with wins over Kansas and Texas A&M (2). They also proven they can play down to anyone’s level, as show by puzzling losses to Nebraska, Oklahoma and Baylor. I think the Red Raiders are a legit sleeper team that almost no one is talking about. Anyhow I have them losing to Georgetown in a game that should go down to the wire.
5. USC – As an Arizona fan I’m hoping the Trojans go on a deep tourney run so Nick Young and Gabe Pruitt go to the NBA as oppose to coming back next year and teaming up with OJ Mayo. However I don’t think ‘SC has a single player capable of slowing down Kevin Durant. However Tim Floyd will coach circles around Rick Barnes so the game should be close.
4. Georgetown – I’ll admit something, I like Georgetown. I enjoy watching them play. They’re an extremely well coached team who plays hard every night. That said, I’m not buying them as a 2 seed at all. Going 13-3 in the Big East is impressive, but not this year. They lost to the two best teams in their non-conference schedule (Oregon and Duke) and didn’t really hit their stride until they started playing in the Big East. And even in the Big East they have suspect loses to Villanova and Syracuse (by 14). And while I like their team, their coach and love shots of Patrick Ewing in the stands, I don’t think they’ll get by Wazzu. However their game against Wazzu should be great and cause any non-basketball fan to claw their eyes out. Both teams play a very deliberate style of basketball that can be painful for just about anyone to watch. First one to 45 wins the Wazzu/G-town game.
3. Kevin Durant – Every one with a pulse knows that Kevin Durant is the best player in college basketball. Most people who have watched Texas play this year also know that his teammates are young, don’t have the highest basketball IQ and that his coach is pretty much incompetent. A lot of people are assuming that Durant is too good not to get his team to the Final Four. I disagree with this logic. While Durant is absolutely unbelievable, I don’t like the North Carolina draw for them. I think the Tarheels are just too deep and too talent for Durant and Co. And before I go on to the next team I’d like to talk about Texas’s shooting guard AJ Abrhams. This guy is something else, you absolutely have to watch him in the next couple weeks. He has absolutely no conscience. He’s like the guy you play pick up with who shoots every time he touches it and annoys the hell out of everyone on his team. You hate it when you have to play with him and it nearly kills you every time you have to pass him the ball. However he always has that one game in which he can’t miss, hits 6-7 threes and propels your team to victory. Well I think the only way Texas beats UNC is if Abrahams has one of those games. Personally the only think I’d like more then Arizona making a deep tournament run is for Durant to make it to the Final Four and face off against Greg Oden. I just don’t think it will happen, for either of them.
2. Washington State – Maybe I just have a bias towards the Pac-10, but I think Wazzu is going to surprise a sh*t ton of people this March. They’re a great team that forces you to play at their pace and they rarely beat themselves. The teams that gave Wazzu trouble this year are teams that are supremely athletic* or teams that play extremely smart. Luckily for Wazzu they don’t face any of those type of teams until the Sweet 16. I like the Cougars more then Georgetown because I think there resume is better and that the Big East isn’t that good(read: I’ve seen Washington State more then I’ve seen Georgetown). Anyways, I think UNC is a terrible match up for the Cougars and will end their season on a sour note.
1. North Carolina – I’m not sold on this North Carolina team at all. However with every one picking Texas as there ‘sleeper’ Final Four team, and me not trusting the majority, I feel that Tarheels have the best chance in this bracket. I like Washington State as a sleeper pick, but I fee like picking them would just be me being an uber Pac-10 homer. I think the winner of the UNC-Kevin Durant game is going to the Final Four. And I trust Roy Williams over Rick Barnes, that and UNC is much deeper and more talented then Durant’s team. Maybe I’m just being selfish. I desperately want UNC to make a deep tourney run because I want to see shots of Tyler Hansbrough in his face mask for as long as possible. Now that dear readers is high comedy.
South:
16. Central Connecticut State – CCSU is the only team from Connecticut in this year’s tournament. They’re also the only team with the Blue Devils nickname that it’s acceptable to root for. Sadly though, the Blue Devils’ first game will be put out of reach 15 minutes after it starts.
15. North Texas – While the Eagles are facing the worst 2 seed (maybe ever) in Memphis, they don’t have enough talent to beat the Tigers. On the upside though North Texas is making their first tournament appearance since 1988. So there’s that.
14. Albany – A lot of people feel that Albany is a closer to a 16 seed then a 13. I have no opinion on the Great Danes, aside from the fact that their nickname sucks. Anyhow I think they’ll lose to Virginia in the first round.
13. Penn. – From everything I’ve heard and read, the Quakers are actually a really good team and should be a tough out for anyone. Unfortunately for Penn they’re playing Texas A&M, who just so happens to be one of best teams in the country.
12. Xavier – I don’t have an opinion on the Xavier, so instead I’d like to use this space to point out the American Idol’s Melinda Doolittle looks almost identical to Shrek.
11. Long Beach State – Neither the 49ers or their first round opponent Tennesse has a lot of size. Because of this people assume it will be a close game and LBSU has a great shot at an upset. People who think this have apparently failed to notice that the 49ers play absolutely no defense. They give up 73 points a game. I think there’s a pretty good chance that Chris Lofton may get 50 in this game.
10. Louisville – Louisville is about a year away from making a serious run at the Final Four, assuming all their young players stay in school. However this year they aren’t very good and I’m allowing my Pac-10 bias to decide their match up with Stanford.
9. Nevada – Nevada is my choice for this years team that whines about how they should have been a higher seed so much that they fail to show up for their first game. That and I think Creighton’s a better team then them. This is another first round match up in which it appears the committee didn’t want mid-majors to upset BCS schools.
8. BYU – The Cougars aren’t known for their defense, especially their interior defense. They have a second round date with Greg Oden. This probably won’t end well for the Mormons.
7. Memphis – DJ Gallo made a great point in ESPN’s A.M Jump on Monday suggesting that the term “Paper Tiger” be replaced with “Memphis Tiger”. Yes Memphis owns a 22 game winning streak and yes they ran through Conference USA, but my rec league team would have finished no worse then third in Conference USA. Memphis’ athleticism should be enough to get them by North Texas, but I think they’ll fall to Creighton in round two.
6. Virginia – While the Cavaliers boast one of the best backcourts in America, they’re not a very good team. If they were playing a better team then Albany in the first round I’d pick them to bow out even earlier. Virginia lost 3 of their last 5, all to non-tourney teams. If you can’t stop players on Miami, Wake Forest and NC State then you’re not stopping Chris Lofton.
5. Stanford – Most tournament previews talk about Stanford’s mascot in their did you know section. This is all well in good considering that everyone always wonders how a Cardinal can be a tree (it’s actually the color Cardinal). However I believe a more interesting tidbit would be that Stanford’s head coach, Trent Johnson, bares a strong resemblance to Satan. Seriously the guy scares the bejesus out of me. Do keep small children away from the television during ‘Furds first round upset and second d round exit against Texas A&M.
4. Tennessee – In case you haven’t noticed yet, I’ve got a man crush on Chris Lofton. I think he’s clearly one of the top 5 scorers in college basketball. Looking at his pod I think Lofton alone can get Tennessee to the Sweet 16. Also I want as many Bruce Pearl interviews as possible, so I’m pulling for the Vols.
3. Creighton – It’s always a good idea to have one MVC team in the Sweet 16, because one makes it almost every year. Anyhow I like this Creighton team and I think they got one of the better draws of the tournament. Creighton’s a better team then Nevada and they’re pressure defense should give Memphis fits. I don’t think Creighton has what it takes to get by Texas A&M though. Run should end at the Sweet 16, unless Kyle Korver still has some eligibility left with his alma mater.
2. THE Ohio State University – Greg Oden and Company should cruise to the Elite 8 and own paper the Buckeyes appear to be the best team in this bracket. There’s really only one thing standing in their way from a Final Four: Acie Law IV. I think OSU should win their first three games before falling in a classic to the Aggies. I really don’t have much more to add about the Buckeyes, except for that I hope Mike Conelly stays in school another year, because he’s going to be something special if he does.
1. Texas A&M – As little as a month ago I wasn’t entirerly sold on the Aggies, then I some them lose to Texas. In that game Acie Law IV hit every big shot imaginable. This guy is f*cking nails. He’s truly amazing. With the game on the line there’s no one, not even Christ’s son Kevin Durant, you’d rather have taking the final shot. I really believe that Law will carry TAMU to the Final Four, after that things get a little shaky. Well I’m starting to get carpal tunnel, so let’s just get to my Final Four picks.
Final Four: Florida over UCLA, UNC over Texas A&M.
Final Game: Florida over UNC.
Until We Meet Again
* Right now every Arizona fan is saying “Hey we’re athletic and they swept us!”. Actually U of A isn’t that athletic, tough as that is to swallow. Jordan Hill and Chase Budinger are both superb athletes, but every other player that plays is an average athlete at best. This is another reason why this is one of the worst U of A teams of the Lute Era.
Monday, March 12, 2007
The Bracket Breakdown: Midwest and West
So for the past two NCAA Tournaments I’ve broken out my March Madness Manifesto, which was unoriginal, unfunny and took way to much time to write. So this year I’m just going to breakdown each bracket individually. I’ll be ranking the teams in each bracket from 16-1, with 16 being the worst and 1 being the team I expect to advance to the Final Four. Simple enough, right? Well today I’ll break down the Midwest and West Region, tomorrow I’ll breakdown the East and South brackets. Before I get to dissecting the brackets here are a couple of questions and observations I’ve made while staring at my bracket for the past four hours:
- I’m not upset about Arizona’s seed or draw, but if Butler’s a 5 seed and Duke and Vanderbilt are 6 seeds then my beloved Wildcats are a 7 at the very f*cking worst. Then again when you’ve sh*t the bed for the past three months the way the Wildcats have, you really have no one to blame but yourself.
- Texas A&M and UCLA both got the elite 8 handed to them on a silver platter. Neither team has a tough match up until the elite 8. And if the top seeds out of their respected brackets don’t make it that far then neither team will have a rough game until the Final Four. Another bang up job by the selection committee.
- On paper the best match up of the tournament looks to be Kevin Durant vs. UNC in the Sweet 16. Should be similar to last years Washington-UConn game, best player (Brandon Roy) in the tournament going against the best team in the tournament. Yep looks pretty similar to me and it probably will be, right down to the screw job by the refs. I’m just not sure which team the refs will be pulling for.
- How the hell did Arkansas make it in to the tourney? I have a theory that when the committee gets down to the last few at-large bids they just close their eyes and throw a dart at a board that has numerous bubble teams on it and whichever team the dart lands on gets a bid. That’s really the only plausible explanation for the Razorbacks inclusion into the field of 65.
Midwest:
16. Jackson State – Despite having the nation’s second leading scorer, Trey Johnson, the Tiger’s don’t stand a chance against Florida. JSU also shoots 31% from beyond the arc, which isn’t all that surprising considering they’re Lindsey Hunter’s alma mater.
15. Texas A&M Corpus Christi – I have a special place in my heart for this team, because my mother was born in Corpus Christi. Yet the other Texas A&M doesn’t stand a chance against Wisconsin. Interesting fact that the announcers will repeatedly tell the poor souls stuck watching this game: Texas A&M C.C. didn’t even have a basketball team 8 years ago. And believe me when I say that fact is completely relevant when discussing their current team.
14. Miami (OH) – Now I know what you’re thinking, “Hey you’re just ranking the teams by their seed.” Well, thus far you have as legit point, but that’ll change soon, I promise. Anyhow, you think a kid getting recruited by Miami (OH) ever covers up the Ohio on the letter and psyches himself out, thinking “No way, Miami* is recruiting me!”. These are the things I wonder. That and whether or not coaches still send letters to recruits.
13. Purdue – Let’s look at Purdue’s credentials: The Boilermakers (side note, wtf is a Boilermaker) are 16-1 at home and 6-10 everywhere else. They have a plethora of embarrassing road losses include at Iowa. That’s the same Iowa which is a team that ASU beat soundly. ASU, owners of 9 wins this year. I think it’s safe to say that Purdue doesn’t belong in the tournament and that even this clusterf*ck of a U of A team should hand them their asses.
12. Butler – As previously noted, Bulter has absolutely no right to be a 5 seed. As far as I can tell there are only two logical explanations for their seeding: Either the committee penciled them in as a five in December and was to lazy to change it or the committee knows that a 12 seed always upsets a 5 so they decided to give everyone a gimmie. That said, AJ Graves is one of my favorite colligate players (more on this tomorrow)
11. Davidson – I really wanted to have Davidson be my upset special and have them face 12 seeded Old Dominion in the second round, but then I realized something: I’m pretty sure I pick a 13-12 seed second round match up every year and I feel equally as certain that said match up has never materialized. Therefore I decided to pick Maryland over Davidson, although it should be a great game.
10. Notre Dame – ND looked really good in the first few months of the season, but they haven’t done anything of note since December. In ’07 the Irish have just beaten most of the teams they should have (with the exceptions of St’ Johns and South Florida) and lost to the teams they should have. Apparently the committee didn’t realize that this team is extremely mediocre. Oh well, maybe well get shots of Brady Quinn in the stands during their first round exit.
9. Georgia Tech – The Yellow Jackets are a chic Sweet 16 pick. All they have to do is beat UNLV and a Wisconsin team that is obviously one of the weaker high rated teams. Well I never like to go with popular upset picks and I think GT is too young to make any real noise this year.
8. UNLV – Proof that the committee only uses tools like RPI only when it suits them. The Runnin’ Rebels have a Top 10 RPI and won their conference tournament, but still ended up with this crappy seed. I know the committee says they don’t weigh the conference tournament that heavily but I think Oregon, Arkansas, Kansas, UCLA and countless others would beg to differ. The committee only uses the conference tournament and RPI when it suits them. UNLV got screwed out of a high seed and we the viewing and gambling public got screwed out of UNLV being a high seed, because they would have been an easy upset pick. Anyways, they’ll squeak by in round one before losing to the depleted Badgers.
7. Maryland – I’m sorry to break this to you, but the ACC is vastly overrated this year. I know that appears to be blasphemy, but it’s true. I’m too lazy to look up facts to back up my point, so you’re just going to have to trust me on this one.
6. Arizona – The U of A should roll over a Purdue team that has no right to be in the tourney. So what will it take for the U of A to beat Florida(or more accurately give Florida a decent game)? Well for starters Mustafa Shakur will have to play like he did for the first few months of the season, Jawaan McClean’s knee will have to miraculously heal up and he’ll have to have an outstanding shooting night. Jordan Hill will have to play the game of his young life and Ivan Radenovic will have to remember to show up. That and Marcus Williams needs to shoot well, play great d and not turn the ball over every other time he touches it. That and it would help if someone leaked a tape of Billy Donavan saying that he prefers intercourse with Al Horford as oppose to Joakim Noah, because Noah always wants to cuddle afterwards. So yeah that’s pretty much no chance at all. But my Arizona brethren, don’t let this Wildcat team ruin the best three weeks of sports for you, they’re really not worth it.
5. Winthrop – I really like this Winthrop team, but something about them makes me uneasy. It’s probably the fact that everyone is saying that they’re this years George Mason. If that means their head coach acts just like a sitcom dad in interviews then I’m onboard. However I don’t think they’ll get past Oregon.
4. Old Dominion – This is a mid-major that’s the quintessential upset team. They start 5 upper classmen, hit 3’s at a reasonable percentage, they’re top scorer is a power forward who’s at his best when facing the basket, they’re athletic enough to defend and they can hit the boards. Pretty much every ingredient needed to pull of an upset or two they have. Unfortunately their run will end with a 20+ point loss to Florida.
3. Wisconsin – I thought Wisconsin was overrated all year and they’ve played awful since they lost Brian Butch to that horrific looking elbow injury. That said I don’t trust any of the teams in their pod to knock them off before the Sweet 16. Oregon, however, will send them home.
2. Oregon – Almost no team relies on one player as heavily as the Ducks rely on Aaron Brooks. When Brooks is at the top of his game, slashing, hitting 3’s from 5 feet behind the arc and creating shots for his teammates the Ducks can play with anyone. When Brooks is slumping, as he did midway through the Pac-10 season, Oregon can lose to anyone. I think Brooks is going to have a great tourney, until he has to be guarded by Cory Brewer. At that point he and his team will loose, badly.
1. Florida – There’s only two ways to beat the Gators this year: 1.) If their too hung over to play hard. And 2.) If there coach tells a reporter that the team’s leader (Noah) is going to be a bust in the NBA and that Al Horford will be a much better pro and then that reporter unknowingly tells the nation this, thus causing a huge rift in the team. The only way the Gators don’t repeat as Champs this April is if they get clipped by someone in the first couple rounds when they’re not paying attention, which I really don’t think will happen.
West:
16. Florida A&M/Niagara – I feel really bad for the teams that are forced to play in the play-in game. It’s just unfair. It’s like having two small animals fight each other to the death before throwing them in a room with a blood thirsty lion who has eaten in a week. 16 seeds have little to no chance at beating a 1 seed anyway, but that chance becomes onsolete if they have to play a game 2-3 days earlier. I think they should do away with the play-in game and just let both teams play a half each against Kansas or whichever number 1 seed. Or Florida A&M and Niagara could combine their teams roster to create a “Super Sweet 16” seed. Now that’s a 16-1 match up that I’d like to watch.
15. Weber State – Weber almost blew a 20 point lead to NAU in the Big Sky Conference Finals. They’ve learned from their mistake and won’t let a big lead slip away again. Unfortunately Weber probably won’t lead at all against UCLA.
14. Illinois – Sweet Jebus did the Selection Committee overrate the Big 10. This is another team that shouldn’t be in the tourney, seeing as how they’re best wins are against Bradley, Michigan State and IUPUI. Seriously though, if your best wins are against other bubble teams and the best team you beat in your out of conference schedule was Missouri do you really belong in the tournament? Um, no.
13. Holy Cross – There’s a conspiracy theory going around that says the Selection Committee pitted mid-major’s against each other to protect power conference teams from embarrassing upsets. Holy Cross facing off against Southern Illinois is one of the strongest arguments for that theory. The Crusaders are a very scary 13 seed, but I like SIU to beat them in one of the best first round games.
12. Kentucky – Unless the Wildcats make it to the sweet 16 it looks like the Tubby Smith Era is done in Lexington. This team is very good defensively and mediocre at best offensively. In other words, they’re a typical Tubby Smith team. There game with Villanova is basically a toss up, but I’ll give Nova the edge because I’m mildly infatuated by their Freshman point guard Scottie Reynolds.
11. Indiana – With Eric Gordon arriving on campus next year this should be the lowest seed the Hoosiers get for a few years. But that’s next year and the Big 10 was/is awful this year, so I think the ‘Zags will knock them out in round one.
10. Duke – The Blue Devils got an undeserving seed and a great draw for a 6 seed. I’m just hoping that the Basketball Gods are just and send Coach K and his AMEX card packing in round one.
9. Pittsburg – The Panthers scored 17 points in the first half of the Big East Championship game. Seventeen points. In 20 minutes. For those of you scoring at home, that’s absolutely f*cking terrible. During the Ben Howland/Jamie Dixion Era Pitt has been the Oakland A’s of College basketball. They’re great in the regular season and completely worthless in the post-season. While Pitt plays great D, they’d struggle to score against a wheelchair basketball team. They may get by Wright State, but I’d bet my life they won’t be playing in the tournament’s second weekend.
8. Villanova – As I mentioned before I have a decent sized man crush on Scottie Reynolds. He’s one of the most underrated Freshman in the country. I think he’ll be an absolute beast next year and a fringe All-American for the rest of his colligate career. Still though, Nova will probably see their season end at the hands of Kansas. But personally I’ll be rooting for Curtis Sumpter, who deserves a deep tourney run after missing out on last years run due to injuries.
7. Wright State – Most people think Aaron Gray and Pitt’s frontline will dominate the Raiders undersize front line, I’m not buying it. Pitt may blow up and score 30 points in a half, but DaShaun Woods will be the best player on the court during that game so I’ll side with him. However Woods supporting cast isn’t good enough to get him to the tourney’s second weekend.
6. Gonzaga – The ‘Zags have never cared much for defensive, but this team is absolutely preposterous on that end of the floor. Still though Derick Ravio, despite looking like a 5’10 penis, won’t let his team lose in the 1st round. However they’ll get killed by UCLA in the round two in a very boring rematch of one of last year’s best tournament games.
5. Virginia Tech – Sticking with the ACC is overrated theme, I expect the Hookies to bow out in round two. This team isn’t very strong when they’re forced them to play in the half court, which SIU will force them to do. While Zabian Dowdell is a great player, SIU has a defense that can contain him and I don’t trust anyone on of his supporting cast to carry this team when Dowdell has an off night.
4. Virginia Commonwealth – Let’s see VCU is a pressing/trapping team, Greg Paulus is Duke’s point guard. This can’t end well for the Blue Devils. What’s the over/under for turnovers Paulus and McRoberts have this game? 30? Eric Maynor is one of the country’s best point guards; his teams only real weakness is interior defense. While DaShaun Woods and co. should give the Rams all they can handle, they won’t face a team that can expose their interior d until the Sweet 16. However turnovers are few and far between for UCLA’s back court of Darren Collison and Aaron Afflalo, so VCU should be done in then.
3. Southern Illinois – For my money the Salukis are the strongest 4 seed this side of Kevin Durant. They’re also better then a couple of the 2-3 seeds in other brackets. Unfortunately they’re going up against a Kansas team that is, in my opinion, a very poor match up for them. Kansas should dominate the Salukis undersized frontline. However, Bill Self is Kansas’s coach (more on this below), so I guess the Salukis (that’s a fun word to type and say) have a shot.
2. Kansas – As you’ve probably figured out or heard by now, Kansas is the deepest and most talented team in college basketball. They’re seemingly the logical pick to win it all, but they’ve got two factors working against them. 1.) They’re very young. They go 9-10 deep and only three of those players are upperclassmen and they’re all role players. And 2.) Bill Self is their coach. Now I know this seems a little harsh, but Self has yet to prove himself as a tourney coach. He’s actually yet to prove he can develop his great recruits, but that’s a story for another day. I for one will never understand how Self let a team with Wayne Simien, Aaron Miles and Keith Langford as Seniors bow out in the first round. I don’t care if they weren’t his “guys”, that shouldn’t happen. Also last years team, even when you factor in their youth, looked woeful in their first round exit. Either way the Jayhawks have enough talent to get to at least the Elite 8 despite their coach. Still I don’t think it matters who their coach is. They’re not beating UCLA in a glorified home game for the Bruins in the round of 8.
1. UCLA – If you compare the Bruins from this year and last year it’s hard to fathom that they’re actually better this year, regardless of what they do in the tournament. They lost three starters and Luc Richard Mhadadsajkdhaskjdhsak, um the guy who’s a prince and has a weird African last name, has greatly regressed in his sophomore season. So how are the Bruins better this year? Well it all boils down to the best back court in the nation, Darren Collison and Aaron Afflalo. Collison is simply the best point guard in the NCAA’s, unless you consider Acie Law a point guard. He seamlessly creates shots for all his teammates, knows just when to get them the ball and never puts his teammates in a bad situation. As for Afflalo, well he’s more then earned his PAC-10 POY honors. He’s one of the best defenders in the nation and has taken and hit every big shot the Bruins have needed him to (with the exception of the last two games). Lead by their back court the Bruins play some of the nation’s best defense, have a slew of role players who can all produce when called upon and all their games will be in the state of California. Needless to same I feel safest picking them to go to the Final Four.
Well that’s it for today. Check back Wednesday or early Thursday Morning for the East and South breakdown.
Until We Meet Again
* Or for those of you in the known, The U.
- I’m not upset about Arizona’s seed or draw, but if Butler’s a 5 seed and Duke and Vanderbilt are 6 seeds then my beloved Wildcats are a 7 at the very f*cking worst. Then again when you’ve sh*t the bed for the past three months the way the Wildcats have, you really have no one to blame but yourself.
- Texas A&M and UCLA both got the elite 8 handed to them on a silver platter. Neither team has a tough match up until the elite 8. And if the top seeds out of their respected brackets don’t make it that far then neither team will have a rough game until the Final Four. Another bang up job by the selection committee.
- On paper the best match up of the tournament looks to be Kevin Durant vs. UNC in the Sweet 16. Should be similar to last years Washington-UConn game, best player (Brandon Roy) in the tournament going against the best team in the tournament. Yep looks pretty similar to me and it probably will be, right down to the screw job by the refs. I’m just not sure which team the refs will be pulling for.
- How the hell did Arkansas make it in to the tourney? I have a theory that when the committee gets down to the last few at-large bids they just close their eyes and throw a dart at a board that has numerous bubble teams on it and whichever team the dart lands on gets a bid. That’s really the only plausible explanation for the Razorbacks inclusion into the field of 65.
Midwest:
16. Jackson State – Despite having the nation’s second leading scorer, Trey Johnson, the Tiger’s don’t stand a chance against Florida. JSU also shoots 31% from beyond the arc, which isn’t all that surprising considering they’re Lindsey Hunter’s alma mater.
15. Texas A&M Corpus Christi – I have a special place in my heart for this team, because my mother was born in Corpus Christi. Yet the other Texas A&M doesn’t stand a chance against Wisconsin. Interesting fact that the announcers will repeatedly tell the poor souls stuck watching this game: Texas A&M C.C. didn’t even have a basketball team 8 years ago. And believe me when I say that fact is completely relevant when discussing their current team.
14. Miami (OH) – Now I know what you’re thinking, “Hey you’re just ranking the teams by their seed.” Well, thus far you have as legit point, but that’ll change soon, I promise. Anyhow, you think a kid getting recruited by Miami (OH) ever covers up the Ohio on the letter and psyches himself out, thinking “No way, Miami* is recruiting me!”. These are the things I wonder. That and whether or not coaches still send letters to recruits.
13. Purdue – Let’s look at Purdue’s credentials: The Boilermakers (side note, wtf is a Boilermaker) are 16-1 at home and 6-10 everywhere else. They have a plethora of embarrassing road losses include at Iowa. That’s the same Iowa which is a team that ASU beat soundly. ASU, owners of 9 wins this year. I think it’s safe to say that Purdue doesn’t belong in the tournament and that even this clusterf*ck of a U of A team should hand them their asses.
12. Butler – As previously noted, Bulter has absolutely no right to be a 5 seed. As far as I can tell there are only two logical explanations for their seeding: Either the committee penciled them in as a five in December and was to lazy to change it or the committee knows that a 12 seed always upsets a 5 so they decided to give everyone a gimmie. That said, AJ Graves is one of my favorite colligate players (more on this tomorrow)
11. Davidson – I really wanted to have Davidson be my upset special and have them face 12 seeded Old Dominion in the second round, but then I realized something: I’m pretty sure I pick a 13-12 seed second round match up every year and I feel equally as certain that said match up has never materialized. Therefore I decided to pick Maryland over Davidson, although it should be a great game.
10. Notre Dame – ND looked really good in the first few months of the season, but they haven’t done anything of note since December. In ’07 the Irish have just beaten most of the teams they should have (with the exceptions of St’ Johns and South Florida) and lost to the teams they should have. Apparently the committee didn’t realize that this team is extremely mediocre. Oh well, maybe well get shots of Brady Quinn in the stands during their first round exit.
9. Georgia Tech – The Yellow Jackets are a chic Sweet 16 pick. All they have to do is beat UNLV and a Wisconsin team that is obviously one of the weaker high rated teams. Well I never like to go with popular upset picks and I think GT is too young to make any real noise this year.
8. UNLV – Proof that the committee only uses tools like RPI only when it suits them. The Runnin’ Rebels have a Top 10 RPI and won their conference tournament, but still ended up with this crappy seed. I know the committee says they don’t weigh the conference tournament that heavily but I think Oregon, Arkansas, Kansas, UCLA and countless others would beg to differ. The committee only uses the conference tournament and RPI when it suits them. UNLV got screwed out of a high seed and we the viewing and gambling public got screwed out of UNLV being a high seed, because they would have been an easy upset pick. Anyways, they’ll squeak by in round one before losing to the depleted Badgers.
7. Maryland – I’m sorry to break this to you, but the ACC is vastly overrated this year. I know that appears to be blasphemy, but it’s true. I’m too lazy to look up facts to back up my point, so you’re just going to have to trust me on this one.
6. Arizona – The U of A should roll over a Purdue team that has no right to be in the tourney. So what will it take for the U of A to beat Florida(or more accurately give Florida a decent game)? Well for starters Mustafa Shakur will have to play like he did for the first few months of the season, Jawaan McClean’s knee will have to miraculously heal up and he’ll have to have an outstanding shooting night. Jordan Hill will have to play the game of his young life and Ivan Radenovic will have to remember to show up. That and Marcus Williams needs to shoot well, play great d and not turn the ball over every other time he touches it. That and it would help if someone leaked a tape of Billy Donavan saying that he prefers intercourse with Al Horford as oppose to Joakim Noah, because Noah always wants to cuddle afterwards. So yeah that’s pretty much no chance at all. But my Arizona brethren, don’t let this Wildcat team ruin the best three weeks of sports for you, they’re really not worth it.
5. Winthrop – I really like this Winthrop team, but something about them makes me uneasy. It’s probably the fact that everyone is saying that they’re this years George Mason. If that means their head coach acts just like a sitcom dad in interviews then I’m onboard. However I don’t think they’ll get past Oregon.
4. Old Dominion – This is a mid-major that’s the quintessential upset team. They start 5 upper classmen, hit 3’s at a reasonable percentage, they’re top scorer is a power forward who’s at his best when facing the basket, they’re athletic enough to defend and they can hit the boards. Pretty much every ingredient needed to pull of an upset or two they have. Unfortunately their run will end with a 20+ point loss to Florida.
3. Wisconsin – I thought Wisconsin was overrated all year and they’ve played awful since they lost Brian Butch to that horrific looking elbow injury. That said I don’t trust any of the teams in their pod to knock them off before the Sweet 16. Oregon, however, will send them home.
2. Oregon – Almost no team relies on one player as heavily as the Ducks rely on Aaron Brooks. When Brooks is at the top of his game, slashing, hitting 3’s from 5 feet behind the arc and creating shots for his teammates the Ducks can play with anyone. When Brooks is slumping, as he did midway through the Pac-10 season, Oregon can lose to anyone. I think Brooks is going to have a great tourney, until he has to be guarded by Cory Brewer. At that point he and his team will loose, badly.
1. Florida – There’s only two ways to beat the Gators this year: 1.) If their too hung over to play hard. And 2.) If there coach tells a reporter that the team’s leader (Noah) is going to be a bust in the NBA and that Al Horford will be a much better pro and then that reporter unknowingly tells the nation this, thus causing a huge rift in the team. The only way the Gators don’t repeat as Champs this April is if they get clipped by someone in the first couple rounds when they’re not paying attention, which I really don’t think will happen.
West:
16. Florida A&M/Niagara – I feel really bad for the teams that are forced to play in the play-in game. It’s just unfair. It’s like having two small animals fight each other to the death before throwing them in a room with a blood thirsty lion who has eaten in a week. 16 seeds have little to no chance at beating a 1 seed anyway, but that chance becomes onsolete if they have to play a game 2-3 days earlier. I think they should do away with the play-in game and just let both teams play a half each against Kansas or whichever number 1 seed. Or Florida A&M and Niagara could combine their teams roster to create a “Super Sweet 16” seed. Now that’s a 16-1 match up that I’d like to watch.
15. Weber State – Weber almost blew a 20 point lead to NAU in the Big Sky Conference Finals. They’ve learned from their mistake and won’t let a big lead slip away again. Unfortunately Weber probably won’t lead at all against UCLA.
14. Illinois – Sweet Jebus did the Selection Committee overrate the Big 10. This is another team that shouldn’t be in the tourney, seeing as how they’re best wins are against Bradley, Michigan State and IUPUI. Seriously though, if your best wins are against other bubble teams and the best team you beat in your out of conference schedule was Missouri do you really belong in the tournament? Um, no.
13. Holy Cross – There’s a conspiracy theory going around that says the Selection Committee pitted mid-major’s against each other to protect power conference teams from embarrassing upsets. Holy Cross facing off against Southern Illinois is one of the strongest arguments for that theory. The Crusaders are a very scary 13 seed, but I like SIU to beat them in one of the best first round games.
12. Kentucky – Unless the Wildcats make it to the sweet 16 it looks like the Tubby Smith Era is done in Lexington. This team is very good defensively and mediocre at best offensively. In other words, they’re a typical Tubby Smith team. There game with Villanova is basically a toss up, but I’ll give Nova the edge because I’m mildly infatuated by their Freshman point guard Scottie Reynolds.
11. Indiana – With Eric Gordon arriving on campus next year this should be the lowest seed the Hoosiers get for a few years. But that’s next year and the Big 10 was/is awful this year, so I think the ‘Zags will knock them out in round one.
10. Duke – The Blue Devils got an undeserving seed and a great draw for a 6 seed. I’m just hoping that the Basketball Gods are just and send Coach K and his AMEX card packing in round one.
9. Pittsburg – The Panthers scored 17 points in the first half of the Big East Championship game. Seventeen points. In 20 minutes. For those of you scoring at home, that’s absolutely f*cking terrible. During the Ben Howland/Jamie Dixion Era Pitt has been the Oakland A’s of College basketball. They’re great in the regular season and completely worthless in the post-season. While Pitt plays great D, they’d struggle to score against a wheelchair basketball team. They may get by Wright State, but I’d bet my life they won’t be playing in the tournament’s second weekend.
8. Villanova – As I mentioned before I have a decent sized man crush on Scottie Reynolds. He’s one of the most underrated Freshman in the country. I think he’ll be an absolute beast next year and a fringe All-American for the rest of his colligate career. Still though, Nova will probably see their season end at the hands of Kansas. But personally I’ll be rooting for Curtis Sumpter, who deserves a deep tourney run after missing out on last years run due to injuries.
7. Wright State – Most people think Aaron Gray and Pitt’s frontline will dominate the Raiders undersize front line, I’m not buying it. Pitt may blow up and score 30 points in a half, but DaShaun Woods will be the best player on the court during that game so I’ll side with him. However Woods supporting cast isn’t good enough to get him to the tourney’s second weekend.
6. Gonzaga – The ‘Zags have never cared much for defensive, but this team is absolutely preposterous on that end of the floor. Still though Derick Ravio, despite looking like a 5’10 penis, won’t let his team lose in the 1st round. However they’ll get killed by UCLA in the round two in a very boring rematch of one of last year’s best tournament games.
5. Virginia Tech – Sticking with the ACC is overrated theme, I expect the Hookies to bow out in round two. This team isn’t very strong when they’re forced them to play in the half court, which SIU will force them to do. While Zabian Dowdell is a great player, SIU has a defense that can contain him and I don’t trust anyone on of his supporting cast to carry this team when Dowdell has an off night.
4. Virginia Commonwealth – Let’s see VCU is a pressing/trapping team, Greg Paulus is Duke’s point guard. This can’t end well for the Blue Devils. What’s the over/under for turnovers Paulus and McRoberts have this game? 30? Eric Maynor is one of the country’s best point guards; his teams only real weakness is interior defense. While DaShaun Woods and co. should give the Rams all they can handle, they won’t face a team that can expose their interior d until the Sweet 16. However turnovers are few and far between for UCLA’s back court of Darren Collison and Aaron Afflalo, so VCU should be done in then.
3. Southern Illinois – For my money the Salukis are the strongest 4 seed this side of Kevin Durant. They’re also better then a couple of the 2-3 seeds in other brackets. Unfortunately they’re going up against a Kansas team that is, in my opinion, a very poor match up for them. Kansas should dominate the Salukis undersized frontline. However, Bill Self is Kansas’s coach (more on this below), so I guess the Salukis (that’s a fun word to type and say) have a shot.
2. Kansas – As you’ve probably figured out or heard by now, Kansas is the deepest and most talented team in college basketball. They’re seemingly the logical pick to win it all, but they’ve got two factors working against them. 1.) They’re very young. They go 9-10 deep and only three of those players are upperclassmen and they’re all role players. And 2.) Bill Self is their coach. Now I know this seems a little harsh, but Self has yet to prove himself as a tourney coach. He’s actually yet to prove he can develop his great recruits, but that’s a story for another day. I for one will never understand how Self let a team with Wayne Simien, Aaron Miles and Keith Langford as Seniors bow out in the first round. I don’t care if they weren’t his “guys”, that shouldn’t happen. Also last years team, even when you factor in their youth, looked woeful in their first round exit. Either way the Jayhawks have enough talent to get to at least the Elite 8 despite their coach. Still I don’t think it matters who their coach is. They’re not beating UCLA in a glorified home game for the Bruins in the round of 8.
1. UCLA – If you compare the Bruins from this year and last year it’s hard to fathom that they’re actually better this year, regardless of what they do in the tournament. They lost three starters and Luc Richard Mhadadsajkdhaskjdhsak, um the guy who’s a prince and has a weird African last name, has greatly regressed in his sophomore season. So how are the Bruins better this year? Well it all boils down to the best back court in the nation, Darren Collison and Aaron Afflalo. Collison is simply the best point guard in the NCAA’s, unless you consider Acie Law a point guard. He seamlessly creates shots for all his teammates, knows just when to get them the ball and never puts his teammates in a bad situation. As for Afflalo, well he’s more then earned his PAC-10 POY honors. He’s one of the best defenders in the nation and has taken and hit every big shot the Bruins have needed him to (with the exception of the last two games). Lead by their back court the Bruins play some of the nation’s best defense, have a slew of role players who can all produce when called upon and all their games will be in the state of California. Needless to same I feel safest picking them to go to the Final Four.
Well that’s it for today. Check back Wednesday or early Thursday Morning for the East and South breakdown.
Until We Meet Again
* Or for those of you in the known, The U.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Youtubing It
I’m extremely busy/lazy this week, so instead of taking the time to formulated an opinion on something, I’m just going to post a bunch of youtube videos and then make some comments on the videos. Enjoy?
The Elbow Heard Round the World:
I should start by saying that I don’t think this was as malicious as it looks. A lot of people want to make it out to be something much worse than it actually was in order to tarnish Duke’s image. All that happened here, in my opinion, is that Henderson went up to deliver a hard foul and things went south, and he ended up smacking the sh*t out of Hansbrough.
I don’t think there was any intent on Henderson’s part to harm; he just wanted to get out his frustrations because his team blows. I think watching it in super-slow motion makes it look a lot worse then it actually was. Also, you’ve got to love Coach K’s comment about how it was unfortunate that Hansbrough was in the game. If Hansbrough had any of the training for life that Coach K gives his players, he obviously would have subbed himself out of the game. Anyhow, this topic is already beaten to death by everyone, and I’m tired of talking about it. So we’ll move on to the next video/topic after this quickly-compiled list of things stronger than Tyler Hansbrough’s face:
Dollar Store Sunglasses
Britney Spear’s psyche
Tom Brady’s Catholic faith
OJ’s resolve to find the real killer
Obhama’s chance of winning Alabama (or any southern state for that matter)
Anna Nicole’s… (Never mind. This list already shows that I’m a horrible person, I won’t finish off this joke.)
Bing Bong Bros:
I really have nothing else to add here, except that I’ve seen this video 30+ times and it still makes me laugh every time.
Before watching the next videos, it would behoove you to read the first couple paragraphs of the following link just so you know what the hell is going on: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wizard_People%2C_Dear_Readers
Wizard People, Dear Readers:
Troll -
HP v. Snake –
First, let me just say that this guy is clearly insane and has (or had) an ungodly amount of time on his hands in order to do this. That said, this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. I lose it every time I hear the “You will be schooled here” line in the second video. I’m still not really sure what to do with this, but I feel like it’s something everyone should see. Especially Harry Potter fans, which is a group I’m included in.
My only fear is that I may never be able to take the Harry Potter movies seriously again after watching this. Now I realize there’s a lot to dissect in that last sentence, namely the part about me taking a children’s book about magic seriously. Well, um, yeah. Funny videos, huh?
Beautiful Liar:
Instead of writing out my thoughts here, I’m just going to regurgitate a conversation that my African-American co-worker Rick and I had the first time we saw this video.
Me: Hey, they’re showing a new video by Beyonce and Shakira.
Rick: Oh hell no.*
(About a minute and a half goes by as we both continue to stare at the screen in silence)
Me: This is just unfair. It’s like someone is trying to systematically wipe out 95% of the males between the ages of 13-17 with this video. I mean, you just can’t have the two sexiest women in pop music together in the same video writhing on the floor. It’s just unfair.
Rick: Yeah, them boys’ hearts and pants are going to explode at the same time.
(Another minute passes in silence)
Me: Yeah…
(Video finally ends)
Rick: Gawd damn that sh*t is hot!**
UofA One Shinning Moment:
I only have a few things to add here:
1.) I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get a little choked up during this whole montage.
2.) Miles Simon was and still is a massive tool. I’m actually glad he never amounted to anything in the NBA.
3.) The mustache the anchor was sporting was truly unbelievable. Even for 1997 that bad boy was heavily dated.
4.) The only scenes of “One Shinning Moment” our current U of A team will be featured in will be clips of opposing teams lighting us up because we play almost no defense, especially on the perimeter.
On that note, I’m out. Also, be warned that March Madness will dominate this space for the next few weeks. So if you’re not interested in the best 3 Weeks of Sports all year, I’d advice you to stay away.
Until We Meet Again.
* I think my favorite thing about black people is that they say “hell no” for both good and bad things. I’ve tried doing this and it just doesn’t have the same effect. Life is just so unfair.
** That entire exchange was verbatim, except I’m not sure about the last line. I feel confident that Rick actually said that, but I also just maybe sub-consciously stereotyping him as a “Token Black Guy” in my head, which is why I think he said that. Well, only God really knows what Rick said at the end of the video.
The Elbow Heard Round the World:
I should start by saying that I don’t think this was as malicious as it looks. A lot of people want to make it out to be something much worse than it actually was in order to tarnish Duke’s image. All that happened here, in my opinion, is that Henderson went up to deliver a hard foul and things went south, and he ended up smacking the sh*t out of Hansbrough.
I don’t think there was any intent on Henderson’s part to harm; he just wanted to get out his frustrations because his team blows. I think watching it in super-slow motion makes it look a lot worse then it actually was. Also, you’ve got to love Coach K’s comment about how it was unfortunate that Hansbrough was in the game. If Hansbrough had any of the training for life that Coach K gives his players, he obviously would have subbed himself out of the game. Anyhow, this topic is already beaten to death by everyone, and I’m tired of talking about it. So we’ll move on to the next video/topic after this quickly-compiled list of things stronger than Tyler Hansbrough’s face:
Dollar Store Sunglasses
Britney Spear’s psyche
Tom Brady’s Catholic faith
OJ’s resolve to find the real killer
Obhama’s chance of winning Alabama (or any southern state for that matter)
Anna Nicole’s… (Never mind. This list already shows that I’m a horrible person, I won’t finish off this joke.)
Bing Bong Bros:
I really have nothing else to add here, except that I’ve seen this video 30+ times and it still makes me laugh every time.
Before watching the next videos, it would behoove you to read the first couple paragraphs of the following link just so you know what the hell is going on: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wizard_People%2C_Dear_Readers
Wizard People, Dear Readers:
Troll -
HP v. Snake –
First, let me just say that this guy is clearly insane and has (or had) an ungodly amount of time on his hands in order to do this. That said, this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. I lose it every time I hear the “You will be schooled here” line in the second video. I’m still not really sure what to do with this, but I feel like it’s something everyone should see. Especially Harry Potter fans, which is a group I’m included in.
My only fear is that I may never be able to take the Harry Potter movies seriously again after watching this. Now I realize there’s a lot to dissect in that last sentence, namely the part about me taking a children’s book about magic seriously. Well, um, yeah. Funny videos, huh?
Beautiful Liar:
Instead of writing out my thoughts here, I’m just going to regurgitate a conversation that my African-American co-worker Rick and I had the first time we saw this video.
Me: Hey, they’re showing a new video by Beyonce and Shakira.
Rick: Oh hell no.*
(About a minute and a half goes by as we both continue to stare at the screen in silence)
Me: This is just unfair. It’s like someone is trying to systematically wipe out 95% of the males between the ages of 13-17 with this video. I mean, you just can’t have the two sexiest women in pop music together in the same video writhing on the floor. It’s just unfair.
Rick: Yeah, them boys’ hearts and pants are going to explode at the same time.
(Another minute passes in silence)
Me: Yeah…
(Video finally ends)
Rick: Gawd damn that sh*t is hot!**
UofA One Shinning Moment:
I only have a few things to add here:
1.) I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get a little choked up during this whole montage.
2.) Miles Simon was and still is a massive tool. I’m actually glad he never amounted to anything in the NBA.
3.) The mustache the anchor was sporting was truly unbelievable. Even for 1997 that bad boy was heavily dated.
4.) The only scenes of “One Shinning Moment” our current U of A team will be featured in will be clips of opposing teams lighting us up because we play almost no defense, especially on the perimeter.
On that note, I’m out. Also, be warned that March Madness will dominate this space for the next few weeks. So if you’re not interested in the best 3 Weeks of Sports all year, I’d advice you to stay away.
Until We Meet Again.
* I think my favorite thing about black people is that they say “hell no” for both good and bad things. I’ve tried doing this and it just doesn’t have the same effect. Life is just so unfair.
** That entire exchange was verbatim, except I’m not sure about the last line. I feel confident that Rick actually said that, but I also just maybe sub-consciously stereotyping him as a “Token Black Guy” in my head, which is why I think he said that. Well, only God really knows what Rick said at the end of the video.
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