Disclaimer: To anyone I’ve talk on the phone with in the last couple of months be assured this is not about you. These are just some thoughts and observations I've made. No one who reads this blog is the cause of this post, and that’s the honest to God truth.
So as most of you know I recently purchased a cell phone. Since then I’ve had several people calling me, some of whom I had no intention of ever speaking with again (yeah that ones about you half brother! B*tch.), and all these conversations have ended poorly. Now there are several different reasons for this. The following is reasons why I suck at phone calls, as well as ways to make calls better, for everyone (namely me).
1.) I don’t translate well on the phone: I haven’t had my A game for months now, maybe years. Needless to say I'm far from my best, and I’m even worse on the phone. I think it’s because a large part of my communication is verbal. And when I’m actually talking to some one face to face I have some idea of when they’ll stop talking. On the phone I have almost no sense of the flow of conversation. So the majority of my phone calls are filled up with me awkwardly cutting people off or awkward silences.
2.) People are f*cking retarded when it comes to phone calls: Everyone should know by now that phone calls can never come close to replacing talking with someone face to face. Which should make people realize that the only purpose of a phone call is: to find out where someone is or what they’re doing or to catch up with that person. If the said call is regarding the first two, then that call should last no longer then a minute and a half. If you’re truly calling to catch up with someone, you should follow this proceeded. Person A gives a brief synopsis of what has gone on in his life since the two parties have last talked. Person B listens intently and only speaks if it is to ask for a further explanation or clarity. When Person A is done, then Person B goes and the same rules apply. Wouldn’t calls be easier if we all followed this simple format?
3.) The Comfort Zone: This one mainly applies to men talking with other men on the phone. As a general rule, guys seem to dance around all the ‘how have you been’ for at least 10 minutes. The first ten minutes of the conversation are usually spent awkwardly exchanging jokes and verbal jabs. Eventually the two come to some sort of middle ground where they’re then comfortable enough to talk about why they really called, to catch up. For me, I find things get awkward after the ice has been broken. What that says about me, I don’t know.
4.) When the conversation comes to a screeching halt, end it: Every phone conversation dies eventually. When this happens, end it. Sounds simple, but for some reason it’s not. Must people seem content to let the conversation a slow and painful death. People would rather sit in a silence so immensely awkward that both sides of the conversation want to tear their own flesh off then end a phone call. I suppose people don’t want to come off as rude for ending the conversation, but that’s dumb. I suggest that when a certain amount of time has past, people should end the conversation at the first sign of it dying. We’ve all had calls which left of with a bad taste in our mouths because of how horribly they ended. Let’s avoid this and just end them early.
And that’s why I suck on the phone. But if you follow my plan, you should be having less awkward and more productive phone calls in no time.
Until We Meet Again.
p.s. I’ll be back next week with an NBA Season preview. If sports aren’t you’re thing, probably best to not check back next week.
Friday, October 28, 2005
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
A random tidbit and the Best Top Ten List Evah!!!!
As if my life wasn’t sh*tty enough I just found out that one of my all-time favorite musicians, Mason Jennings, has been signed by Isaac Brock’s (the lead singer of Modest Mouse) new label. Mason will release his new album, which should come out out in early 2006 on this label. This means that coming to a frat house near you: Mason Jennings!!! (And yes I realize Mason is already, a very oddly I might ad, big in the frat scene, but you get the picture.) It also means that in the near future people will say to me: ‘Have you heard of that new guy Mason Jennings?’. I will then proceed to flip out and tell this person that Mason Jennings has actually been around for some time now, first album came out in 1997, and that their parents are ashamed of them and God couldn’t possibly love them. Mason’s new album will probably be a replay of Modest Mouse’s last album for me. A great album ruined by mindless douches. F***ing A man. F***ing A.
Anyway, I’ve decided to leave you all on a much happier note. The following is a top ten list that a football player at my school put in the ‘about me’ section of his facebook page. For practical purposes I’m assuming ‘mess with’ means mess around with or be active sexually (i.e. putting out, "Roman" hands, ect.) in some way. Enjoy.
TOP 10 reasons to mess with a football player
10. We love to HIT HARD
9. We'll play anywhere and anytime
8. We always wear protection
7. We love to play dirty
6. We are not afraid of turf burns
5. We smack asses for great effort
4. We always like to be on the top
3. We are good with using our hands
2. We can go for 90 minutes with 11 different positions
1. Our main goal is to drive it in for the score, and hear the loud screaming
Until We Meet Again
Anyway, I’ve decided to leave you all on a much happier note. The following is a top ten list that a football player at my school put in the ‘about me’ section of his facebook page. For practical purposes I’m assuming ‘mess with’ means mess around with or be active sexually (i.e. putting out, "Roman" hands, ect.) in some way. Enjoy.
TOP 10 reasons to mess with a football player
10. We love to HIT HARD
9. We'll play anywhere and anytime
8. We always wear protection
7. We love to play dirty
6. We are not afraid of turf burns
5. We smack asses for great effort
4. We always like to be on the top
3. We are good with using our hands
2. We can go for 90 minutes with 11 different positions
1. Our main goal is to drive it in for the score, and hear the loud screaming
Until We Meet Again
Friday, October 14, 2005
You said you’d never have my baby so I went out and adopted a highway
I’m on fall break now, so here’s a hot list for all of you readers, if you do in fact exist.
Things I’m hot on:
Thumbsucker: This was a really good movie. Something, and I’m not even sure what it is, kept it from being great. Oddly it wasn’t the presence of Keanu Reeves, whose character is so good that not even he could ruin it. It wasn’t Benjamin Bratt, who surprisingly steals this movie, mainly because he has another one of the films great characters. I really can’t say what it was, but something kept this movie from being great. Either way this film is definitely worth while and I’d highly recommend it to anyone. Even if you’re not into intelligent/indie films go for the fact that Kelli Garner is ridiculously hot in this film.
Matt Pond PA – Several Arrows Later: This band continues to get better with each album. They’ve set the bar extremely high for all Chamber Pop bands. This album is MPPA’s popiest to date, as the band beautifully steals from the Arcade Fire,Travis and even the Strokes at times. There’s also a song called ‘The Moviegoer’ giving the band big points for referencing Walker Percy. The only problem with this album is the same problem with all MPPA albums. While all the songs are nice and lovely, not all of them stand out, the middle tracks on this album tend to blend together. While it’s not like they’re bad songs, they just don’t stand out. Another downside is the single: Halloween, which is easily the best song on the album, is destined to make this band semi-popular. And as an elitist a-hole I’m very opposed to this. Other then that this is a really solid album, easily the bands most experimental. Highlight Songs: Halloween, So Much Trouble, Emblems, The Trees and the Wild, Several Arrows Later.
My Rating: 8.3 out of 10.
Rockford Charitable Games Association: This is supposedly a charity here in Illinois. But as far as I can tell it’s just a front for an underground casino. They play Texas Hold ‘Em out several different locations each week. They claim to give the rake to charity. But I just don’t believe them. Plus it’s a lot cooler if you feel like you could be arrested at any given time during a hand. Plus I won over 60 dollars there so I’m real hot on it.
Things I’m not hot on ( a.k.a. The Not Hot List):
Domino: No, I haven’t seen the movie. But have you seen Keira Knightley’s butch hair cut in this film. I don’t care what the character is suppose to look like, this was a terrible idea. Since 90% of the people who go to see this movie will be men going to watch Knightley is a really a good idea to give her a 10 year-old boy’s hair cut? The answer my friends is no.
Smoking: Against my better judgment, I recently quit quitting smoking. My main reason for this is I have too much time on my hands, it gives me some extra motivation w/ homework as well as something to plan my day around. Now as depressing as that last sentence was, I made it sound as if smoking was a good thing. Well it’s not. I’m starting to remember why I hate smoking. First you always smell, and there’s only so much Axe a man can spray on himself. And even after you brush your teeth the stench and taste never really leaves you mouth.
Rookie of the Year: All I remembered of this movie was the premise and that I loved it as a kid. A few days ago my suite mates and I re-watched it. And this movie is so f*cking unrealistic it hurts. And I know it’s a kid’s movie and expecting realism is ignorant. I think what really disappointed me was the low standards I had for movies as a child.
Things I’m hot on, but really wish I wasn’t (a.k.a Guilty Pleasures):
Facebook.com: While I tell myself I’m just on there to kill time, I’m starting to enjoy it, a lot. And if you know anything about this site you should know why it’s a guilty pleasure.
Cameron Crowe: I love his films, there I said it. I’m constantly re-watching Vanilla Sky, Jerry McGuire, Say Anything, the works. So why is it a guilty pleasure. B/C the guys an ass clown. He’s stuck in the eighties, for further proof see the line in the VS where he tells someone he’s attracted to a girl by saying: I dug her completely. And now Elizabethtown is coming out today, which stars Orlando Bloom and Kristen Dunst. On paper this movie looks real sh*tty. But I’m sure I’m going love it. And then I’ll have to hide the fact that I liked an Orlando Bloom film from people. And that’s why Cameron is a guilty pleasure.
Until We Meet Again
Things I’m hot on:
Thumbsucker: This was a really good movie. Something, and I’m not even sure what it is, kept it from being great. Oddly it wasn’t the presence of Keanu Reeves, whose character is so good that not even he could ruin it. It wasn’t Benjamin Bratt, who surprisingly steals this movie, mainly because he has another one of the films great characters. I really can’t say what it was, but something kept this movie from being great. Either way this film is definitely worth while and I’d highly recommend it to anyone. Even if you’re not into intelligent/indie films go for the fact that Kelli Garner is ridiculously hot in this film.
Matt Pond PA – Several Arrows Later: This band continues to get better with each album. They’ve set the bar extremely high for all Chamber Pop bands. This album is MPPA’s popiest to date, as the band beautifully steals from the Arcade Fire,Travis and even the Strokes at times. There’s also a song called ‘The Moviegoer’ giving the band big points for referencing Walker Percy. The only problem with this album is the same problem with all MPPA albums. While all the songs are nice and lovely, not all of them stand out, the middle tracks on this album tend to blend together. While it’s not like they’re bad songs, they just don’t stand out. Another downside is the single: Halloween, which is easily the best song on the album, is destined to make this band semi-popular. And as an elitist a-hole I’m very opposed to this. Other then that this is a really solid album, easily the bands most experimental. Highlight Songs: Halloween, So Much Trouble, Emblems, The Trees and the Wild, Several Arrows Later.
My Rating: 8.3 out of 10.
Rockford Charitable Games Association: This is supposedly a charity here in Illinois. But as far as I can tell it’s just a front for an underground casino. They play Texas Hold ‘Em out several different locations each week. They claim to give the rake to charity. But I just don’t believe them. Plus it’s a lot cooler if you feel like you could be arrested at any given time during a hand. Plus I won over 60 dollars there so I’m real hot on it.
Things I’m not hot on ( a.k.a. The Not Hot List):
Domino: No, I haven’t seen the movie. But have you seen Keira Knightley’s butch hair cut in this film. I don’t care what the character is suppose to look like, this was a terrible idea. Since 90% of the people who go to see this movie will be men going to watch Knightley is a really a good idea to give her a 10 year-old boy’s hair cut? The answer my friends is no.
Smoking: Against my better judgment, I recently quit quitting smoking. My main reason for this is I have too much time on my hands, it gives me some extra motivation w/ homework as well as something to plan my day around. Now as depressing as that last sentence was, I made it sound as if smoking was a good thing. Well it’s not. I’m starting to remember why I hate smoking. First you always smell, and there’s only so much Axe a man can spray on himself. And even after you brush your teeth the stench and taste never really leaves you mouth.
Rookie of the Year: All I remembered of this movie was the premise and that I loved it as a kid. A few days ago my suite mates and I re-watched it. And this movie is so f*cking unrealistic it hurts. And I know it’s a kid’s movie and expecting realism is ignorant. I think what really disappointed me was the low standards I had for movies as a child.
Things I’m hot on, but really wish I wasn’t (a.k.a Guilty Pleasures):
Facebook.com: While I tell myself I’m just on there to kill time, I’m starting to enjoy it, a lot. And if you know anything about this site you should know why it’s a guilty pleasure.
Cameron Crowe: I love his films, there I said it. I’m constantly re-watching Vanilla Sky, Jerry McGuire, Say Anything, the works. So why is it a guilty pleasure. B/C the guys an ass clown. He’s stuck in the eighties, for further proof see the line in the VS where he tells someone he’s attracted to a girl by saying: I dug her completely. And now Elizabethtown is coming out today, which stars Orlando Bloom and Kristen Dunst. On paper this movie looks real sh*tty. But I’m sure I’m going love it. And then I’ll have to hide the fact that I liked an Orlando Bloom film from people. And that’s why Cameron is a guilty pleasure.
Until We Meet Again
Monday, October 10, 2005
Attention American Screen Writers: You’re Not J.D. Salinger.
Ok we’ve all read Catcher and the Rye. It was a great book. It perfectly captured the male adolescent and even foreshadowed the emo phenomenon. The book has a nostalgic feel, even the first time reading it, because the male reader can relate to it so well. And Franny and Zoey is equally as amazing. But I’ve got news for all of you, you’re not J.D. Salinger. Trying to re-write Catcher is played. Trying to make every dysfunctional family the Glass family is over done. You’re not witty, clever or elitist for mentioning or alluding to Holden Caulfield. I have a wonderful idea for all of you, try be original once in your worthless life. You’re not doing anyone a favor by butchering either of Salinger’s novels. No one cares how your life parallels Holden’s. That girl you fell in love with wasn’t Zooey, you were just trying to force her to be Zooey. Making a film about her is interesting to know one. For f*ck sake move on and start copying another writer.
Until We Meet Again
Until We Meet Again
Friday, October 07, 2005
It's been a long time. But you know what they say, slow motion better then no motion.
So I've been incrediblly busy this last week, and so instead of updating with something new I'll give you all a blast from the past: an old top 5 list. Here it is:
Top 5 Euphemisms for Heterosexual Intercourse.
5. Doing the DEW!!?!?!?!?!?!?
4. Bumping Nasties.
3. Genital Bowling.
2. That thing my parents do when they think I’m asleep.
1. Balls to taint slapping.
Until We Meet Again
Top 5 Euphemisms for Heterosexual Intercourse.
5. Doing the DEW!!?!?!?!?!?!?
4. Bumping Nasties.
3. Genital Bowling.
2. That thing my parents do when they think I’m asleep.
1. Balls to taint slapping.
Until We Meet Again
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Stop everything and...
Go to theonion.com and then go to the sports page. There's a photo and headline on the right side that is probably the funniest thing I've ever seen.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Say It Ain't So
As a follow up to a recent post about things I’ve never gotten over, I give you, perhaps the on thing I’ll never ever get over. So with out further ado…
Weezer Fall: Listen, no matter who you are at some point in your life you loved Weezer. The blue album is probably the best power pop album of the 90’s. And Pinkerton, the defining album of my high school years, is the best melancholy/emo* album not put out by the Cure or the Smiths. Whether you got off on the catchy radio hits or the edgy pseudo-Pixies songs they did, you loved Weezer at some point and time. Then they fell off the face of the earth. And years later, like the Phoenix they rose again.
They returned by releasing the Green album. It was kinda of fun and catchy, but horribly flawed. But we (I say we b/c I refuse to belief that I was the only one who felt or did these things.) ignored the generic, uninspired lyrics and the never ending verse solos because we were all happy to have Weezer back in our lives. We rationalized the fact that they never played Pinkerton songs live by saying that they were just fronting their new album. We looked the other way as Rivers Cumo started showing up on magazine covers like Tiger Beat and Teen Vouge. We all told ourselves that redemption would come in their new album.
Then Maladroit came out. It wasn’t bad, and it wasn’t great, it just was. There were a few stand out songs, but for the most part the album just didn’t do anything. It was obvious to anyone who for some odd reason wasn’t in love with the Weezer of yesteryears, that the band was done trying to experiment musically. And that their main influence had shifted from the Pixies to the Foo Fighters. Yet still we held out hope, hope that one day the real Weezer return and they’d start making good music again. And then the band came out with Make Believe, and by doing so caused anyone who actually liked Weezer for their good music to loose all faith in them. This album, which sucks more sh*t then I care to think about, was like a cock-slap to the face of all their fans who wanted to believe that their two post-Pinkerton albums were just flukes or growing pains. The first time I heard that Beverly Hills was a Weezer song, I thought it was a joke. I thought for sure that Simple Plan or SR-71 had ambushed the band in the recording studio and then put out their new album under the moniker of Weezer. This song is probably the worst radio hit since O.M.C.’s How Bizzare or Deep Blue Something’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Or any song by Lit and the Offspring, who I think were actually the same band, but that’s a topic for another day. Make Believe caps off Weezer’s fall from greatness. It’s like Nero reign in Rome or Dwight Gooden’s career after he got busted for coke, things will never be the same. And now they’ve put out their new single “Everyone’s on Drugs”, which is about as enjoyable as constantly re-watching the Passions of the Christ. How far Weezer has fallen is definitely on the list of things I’ll never get over. To make matters worse I’m pretty sure I’ll be saying/thinking something very similar to this on Modest Mouse in 3-5 years.
Until We Meet Again
*I don’t mean emo in the sh*t-eating whinny Dashboard sense, but in the actually good musically and lyrically sense. Hopefully you’re not a dumb sh*t and you understand what I’m talking about.
Weezer Fall: Listen, no matter who you are at some point in your life you loved Weezer. The blue album is probably the best power pop album of the 90’s. And Pinkerton, the defining album of my high school years, is the best melancholy/emo* album not put out by the Cure or the Smiths. Whether you got off on the catchy radio hits or the edgy pseudo-Pixies songs they did, you loved Weezer at some point and time. Then they fell off the face of the earth. And years later, like the Phoenix they rose again.
They returned by releasing the Green album. It was kinda of fun and catchy, but horribly flawed. But we (I say we b/c I refuse to belief that I was the only one who felt or did these things.) ignored the generic, uninspired lyrics and the never ending verse solos because we were all happy to have Weezer back in our lives. We rationalized the fact that they never played Pinkerton songs live by saying that they were just fronting their new album. We looked the other way as Rivers Cumo started showing up on magazine covers like Tiger Beat and Teen Vouge. We all told ourselves that redemption would come in their new album.
Then Maladroit came out. It wasn’t bad, and it wasn’t great, it just was. There were a few stand out songs, but for the most part the album just didn’t do anything. It was obvious to anyone who for some odd reason wasn’t in love with the Weezer of yesteryears, that the band was done trying to experiment musically. And that their main influence had shifted from the Pixies to the Foo Fighters. Yet still we held out hope, hope that one day the real Weezer return and they’d start making good music again. And then the band came out with Make Believe, and by doing so caused anyone who actually liked Weezer for their good music to loose all faith in them. This album, which sucks more sh*t then I care to think about, was like a cock-slap to the face of all their fans who wanted to believe that their two post-Pinkerton albums were just flukes or growing pains. The first time I heard that Beverly Hills was a Weezer song, I thought it was a joke. I thought for sure that Simple Plan or SR-71 had ambushed the band in the recording studio and then put out their new album under the moniker of Weezer. This song is probably the worst radio hit since O.M.C.’s How Bizzare or Deep Blue Something’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Or any song by Lit and the Offspring, who I think were actually the same band, but that’s a topic for another day. Make Believe caps off Weezer’s fall from greatness. It’s like Nero reign in Rome or Dwight Gooden’s career after he got busted for coke, things will never be the same. And now they’ve put out their new single “Everyone’s on Drugs”, which is about as enjoyable as constantly re-watching the Passions of the Christ. How far Weezer has fallen is definitely on the list of things I’ll never get over. To make matters worse I’m pretty sure I’ll be saying/thinking something very similar to this on Modest Mouse in 3-5 years.
Until We Meet Again
*I don’t mean emo in the sh*t-eating whinny Dashboard sense, but in the actually good musically and lyrically sense. Hopefully you’re not a dumb sh*t and you understand what I’m talking about.
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