So I went to the movies last night and saw Syriana. If you don’t know what the movies about go read up on it, I’m not going to spend precious blog space rehashing the plot for you. While this movie was brilliantly acted and very interesting, I couldn’t help but thinking to myself: Wait what the f*ck is going on here. If you are considering seeing this movie may I suggest you wait. It seems that you need at least six months of research on American Oil companies dealings with Middle Eastern Countries. Still though this was a very good movie, it just expects it’s viewer to know it’s back ground story, which I didn’t. So study up on shady oil deals and the government’s involvement in them and then go watch this movie. Anyhow, here are a few thoughts and ideas I’ve been mulling over.
- Earlier this year I had the idea that U of A basketball was similar to a great marriage. Only in this marriage you wife goes out and cheats on you with some obnoxious asshole, someone like Jason Biggs, 2-3 times a year. I think this marital metaphor perfectly describes my relationship with Wildcats basketball, just thought you’d like to know.
- Is there a better feeling then putting on an old pair of jeans or a jacket you haven’t worn in a while and finding a 20 dollar bill in one of the pockets? I really don’t think there is. This hasn’t happened to me in years, but the mere thought of it fills me with joy.
- Speaking of U of A basketball, this years team is uninspiring at best. While there defense is the best it’s been in some time, the offense is about as fun to watch as to homeless people making love. I mean seriously, even if these said homeless people were mildly attractive it would still be gross.
- Do we need to start a petition to get Mark Ruffalo to stop making chick flicks? I mean c’mon Mark. You’re far too talented to be staring in romantic comedies (which it should be note are to women what porn is to men. My father told me this a few years back and I responded by vomiting.). Get back to the indie scene Mark, we miss and need you.
- Could anything make you change the channel faster then hearing “produced by Courtney Cox and David Arquette”?
- While watching the previews at the movie theater tonight, one of the trailers had this line in it: From the brilliant minds that brought you Cabin Fever. I don’t I’ve ever laughed harder at a trailer. If I was somehow involved in the writing process that brought about the train wreck know as Cabin Fever, not only would I deny that fact ‘til my dying day, but I would make sure it was never mentioned in any of my other works that I was somehow connect to that movie. But it takes all kind… I guess.
- When you can’t fall asleep until after 4:30 a.m. strange things happen to you. You find yourself on entertainment weekley.com and then wondering how the hell you got there. And then you want to kick the shit out of yourself for going there in the first place. It’s a vicious cycle.
- Well it’s after 4 and I’m going to try to sleep. Sometime in the near future I’ll put out my top songs of the year list. Hope this tides you over for now.
Until We Meet Again.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Top 10 Albums of 2005
Let me preface this list by saying that I haven’t listen to enough music this year for this to be a fully comprehensive list. There are several albums I have yet to hear that would probably be on this list based on the band’s previous work and/or what people whose musical opinions I respect have told me. So before we get to the list, in which the only real criteria is that I like the albums, here’s a few honorable mention lists.
Honorable Mention(Stuff I haven’t Heard but everyone I respect raves about): Okkervil River – Black Sheep Boy, Stephen Malkamus – Face the Truth, Anthony and the Johnsons – I Am a Bird Now, Danger Doom – The Mouse and the Mask.
Honorable Mention (Stuff I love but couldn’t crack the top 10, in order): Boy Least Likely To – Best Party Ever, Bright Eyes – I’m Wide Awake It’s Morning, New Pornographers – Twin Cinema, Matt Pond PA – Several Arrows Later, Decemberists – Picaresque, Silver Jews – Tangle Wood Numbers, Doves – Some Cities, M. Ward – Transistor Radio, Jason Collett - Idols of Exile, Block Party – Silent Alarm, Spoon – Gimmie Fiction, Shout Out Louds – Howl Howl Gaff.
Also here’s a short list of the most disappointing albums of the year.
Dishonorable Mention: Beck – Guero, Bright Eyes – Digital Ash Digital Urn, White Stripes – Get Behind Me Satan, Death Cab for Cutie – Plans.
So without further ado here’s my top ten list. Top Songs are in the order they appear on the album, and asterisk denotes my favorite song on the album.
10. Crooker Fingers – Dignity and Shame. Top Songs: Weary Arms, Twilight Creeps*, Valerie, Sleep All Summer, Dignity and Shame.
Many people in the “indie” scene have made the assertion that Eric Bachman has a similar voice to Bruce Springsteen. On Dignity and Shame, the similarities between Bachman and the Boss go further then voice. Bachman has several boss-esque lines, such as: Why’s everybody always act so tough when all anybody wants is to find a friend. This line is just like a classic Springsteen line, extremely corny, but also strangely enjoyable and good. This album also marks a turning point in Bachman’s song writing. Instead of writing portrait songs about melancholy, depression and the bottom rung of society, he’s now writing upbeat pseudo-folk songs about love and things of that nature. Even the sadder songs on the album like Sleep All Summer feel far more upbeat then any of the past Crooker Finger Albums. So since I’ve been on a Springsteen kick for most of the year this song easily makes my top ten.
9. Sun Kil Moon – Tiny Cities. Top Songs: Exit Does Not Exist*, Tiny Cities Made of Ashes, Never Ending Math Equation, Four Fingered Fishermen, Ocean Breaths Salty
Most of you probably know Sun Kil Moon as the Red House Painter guy’s side project. That would be a fair assessment, as the band hasn’t really put out anything of note until now. With the exception of Have You Forgotten**, this album is a far and away Mark Kozelek’s best work.. What that says about Kozelek, that his best work is a cover album, I’m not quite sure, but it probably isn’t good. Anyhow, if you are unfamiliar with this album, it’s a cover album of all Modest Mouse songs. Now I’m of the belief that there are only a few reasons to cover a song 1.) You have a unique spin to put on the song. You make the song your own without making people forget who originally wrote it. Or 2.) The song’s obscure and you want to draw people’s attention to it. 3.) Your Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash or Samuel Beam. This album fits in with the first reason. This is maybe the most soothing/relaxing album I’ve ever heard. Simply marvelous, check this ish out.
8. Sage Francis – A Healthy Distrust. Top Songs: Sea Lion, Crumble*, Lie Detector Test, Bridle, Jah Didn’t Kill Johnny.
This is the best rap album from a white rapper this year. Even if that was the albums only credential it still might sneak into my top 10 list. But this album is truly deserving of this honor. Sage has always been a great lyrists, but on this album he ads a new delivery style to his arsenal. While he’s kept the basic foundation of his sing-songy half-talking rap style, he switches things up enough on this album to make him sound less white (although it’s still very easy to tell) and more bad ass. Sea Lion is probably the most f’d up rap song I’ve ever heard. While normally f’d up rap songs involve necrophilia and/or incest, this one involves disappointing your mother. Sounds tame, but trust me it’s not. Crumble is possibly the best break up song, not just for rap but for any genre. Sage has finally put it together and is ready to claim the title as best white indie-rapper. Also how could you not have the album that brought Will Oldham into hip-hop on your top 10 list?
7. Ryan Adams – Cold Roses and Jacksonville City Nights
Yes these are two separate albums, 3 discs in all. So why am I putting them on my top ten list as one entry. Because, he should have only made one album this year. So I’m making this one album with myself as the producer. If this was the track listing, then this definitely would have been a top ten album. The songs, off JCN first then Cold Roses, would be: A Kiss Before I Go, The End, Hard Way to Fall, Hardest Part, September, My Heart is Broken, Don’t Fail Me Now*, Mangolia Mountain, Sweet Illusions, Meadowlake Street, Beautiful Sorta, Now That You’re Gone, Cherry Lane*, Mocking Bird, Let It Ride*, Dance All Night and Blossom.
If you’re wondering why there are 3 asterisks, that’s because there was three discs in all, so those are my favorite songs on each disc. On December 20th Ryan has his third album of the year, 29, coming out. Word on the street is that it’s not as good as these two, which even by themselves are very good, but there are probably some songs on their that I’d have to add, so stay tuned.
6. Kayne West – Late Registration Top Songs: Heard ‘Em Say, Touch the Sky*, Gold Digger, On My Way Home, Roses, Gone.
What more needs to be said about this album other then the fact that it lived up to the hype. Regardless of the fact that Kayne is a huge douche bag, aside from the amazing TV moment he provided us with ^, this album is amazing. The addition of Jon Brion to do the strings adds and amazing element and texture that few rap albums to date have had. As good as this album is, I do have a few problems with it. For one it blows it wad too early. The album completely plateaus off after Gold Digger. Also, the album is an anti-grower. I wouldn’t say it gets worse with each additional listen. But it never fully lives up to the promise it has on the first couple of listens. It’s still a great album though, it just leaves you with a feeling that it should have been better.
5. Wolf Parade - Apologies To The Queen Mary Top Songs: You Are A Runner and I Am My Father’s Son, Modern World*, Dear Sons And Daughters Of Hungry Ghosts, I’ll Believe in Anything, Dinner Bells.
Three weeks ago this album wasn’t even on my list. I had written this band off as a Modest Mouse and Arcade Fire rip off band that had a few good songs but didn’t offer much after that. Then, for some odd reason, I went back and listened to this album. And I was pretty much wrong on every first impression I had about this bandand their album. While they do steal a bit from the above mentioned bands, they have their own sound pretty much grounded out, which is extremely impressive for a debut album. This album flows better then almost any album I’ve heard this year. The songs blend into one another beautifully and when it’s all said and done your left with the impression that there are great things to come from these guys.
4. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah Top Songs: Clap Your Hands!, Let The Cool Goddess Rust Away, Details of War, The Skin Of My Yellow Country Teeth*, Upon This Tidal Wave Of Young Blood.
Ok, so they probably have one of the worst band names ever, don’t let that detour you from listening to them. When people ask me what this band sounds like I generally reply that they sound like the love child of The James, David Bowie and David Bryne with just a sprinkle of Thom Yorke. The first five times you hear this album is nearly impossible to make out 90% of the lyrics. But not since How I Made My Millions^^ has mumbling been this enjoyable. After 10 + listens you start to have a general idea of what Alec Ounsworth is saying. The opening track, Clap Your Hands!, is one of the great all-time curveballs to start an album. This band has an amazingly unique sound that grows on you. And while my description may have lead you to think differently, this band has some of the best hooks in recent memory. Another big plus for all you elitists out there, this band is probably too odd to ever hit it big in mainstream pop. Hopefully I didn’t just jinx them by writing that. (I just check the bands website and it turns out they’re performing on Conan the 16th of this month. My bad guys, I’ll take the blame for this one.)
3. Andrew Bird - Andrew Bird and the Mysterious Production of Eggs. Top Songs: Sovay, Fake Palindromes, Measuring Cups, Tables and Chairs*, The Happy Birthday Song.
I firmly believe that if this album came out last year it would have been the best album of the year. Unfortunately for Andrew Bird this years competition is a little stiffer. So may claim that I’m being locally biased because Bird is from Chicago, but that is untrue. Bird seems like the 21st Century’s answer to the Talking Heads. This is easily his most consistent album to date. He’s seems more sure of himself this time around, and musically this album triumphs because of that. At certain points during the album you have to pause and wonder how a violinist is making such amazing pop music. But everything he tries works. Lyrically Bird borders on insane and ingenious, shades of Malkamus and the aforementioned Bryne. While Weather Systems and Swimming Hour, Bird’s last two albums, showed the amazing promise and potential he has, it’s on Eggs that Bird seems to put it all together and reaffirm everyone who saw the potential in his last two albums. All in All this album is an amazing achievement for a great artist. It also has real life whistling in it, on Bird’s website bio he credits himself as a ‘professional whistler’, and you really can’t go wrong with that.
2. Common – Be. Top Song : Be*, Corners, Testify, Chi City, The Food, They Say.
While with Andrew Bird I wasn’t displaying local biased, here I am. This album is definitely a top ten album, no doubt about that. But if I wasn’t living in Chicago I’m dead certain it wouldn’t be this high. But what this album does, better then any album I’ve ever heard, including Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, is personify Chicago. Chicago itself is often personified by it’s dark, almost gothic overtones. The whole city seems to have a blues and jazz song feel to it. For the entire album Common perfectly captures that. Whether your on the North or South side, riding on the el or walking on Michigan Avenue this album makes the city come alive like nothing I’ve ever experienced. When the first, and far an away the best, track Be kicks in you’d almost swear that your listening to Al Green, only some amazing rap in comes in over the beat. The majority of this album has the feel of a ‘70’s Soul record, which is partly what makes it so great. So while this is album is probably a little to high, bare with me. If you ever in Chicago for an extended period of time, listen to this record, trust me you won’t regret it.
1. Sufjan Stevens – Illinois. Top Songs: John Wayne Gacy Jr., Jacksonville, Decatur, or, Round of Applause for Your Step Mother!*, Chicago, Casimir Pulaski Day, The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts.
Stop it, stop it. I can hear all of you screaming local biased now. First let me point out the name of this blog. Aside from referencing a Destroyer song, I truly am a west coast boy at heart. And secondly, with the exception of Chicago, I hate the entire state of Illinois. As a matter of fact because of “the game that never happened” last march I have vendetta on the entire state. It wouldn’t matter where I was, this is the best album I’ve heard since Neutral Milk Hotel’s epic Areoplanes Over the Sea. Sufjan, who, as my older brother Luke pointed out, seems like those kids in your youth group who never really said much, but when he did talk all the girls giggled. That kid always thought he was better then you, and he probably was, but you hated him anyways. He played acoustic guitar in the worship band and all the girls fell for him because of that. Well even if Sufjan is that kid, he’s still an amazing musician and this CD is still incredible. This is Sufjan’s 2nd album from his 50 states project, and I think it’s safe to say he’s probably set the bar too high. Anyhow I’m tired of typing, so I think I’m done with talking about this album. But just in case you haven’t heard this album, first slap yourself because you’re missing out an incredible musical experience. And secondly go out and listen to by any means necessary.
Well that rounds out my Top 10 Albums of the year. Next Week I’ll bring you my Top 35 Songs of 2005. So stay tuned.
Until We Meet Again
** Red House Painter’s song.
^ http://media.putfile.com/Kayne-West-Bush-Black-People , watch Mike Myers during this entire video. Also Christ Tucker trying to ad lib at the end is amazing.
^^ Radiohead B-Side. Yeah I’m an elitist.
Honorable Mention(Stuff I haven’t Heard but everyone I respect raves about): Okkervil River – Black Sheep Boy, Stephen Malkamus – Face the Truth, Anthony and the Johnsons – I Am a Bird Now, Danger Doom – The Mouse and the Mask.
Honorable Mention (Stuff I love but couldn’t crack the top 10, in order): Boy Least Likely To – Best Party Ever, Bright Eyes – I’m Wide Awake It’s Morning, New Pornographers – Twin Cinema, Matt Pond PA – Several Arrows Later, Decemberists – Picaresque, Silver Jews – Tangle Wood Numbers, Doves – Some Cities, M. Ward – Transistor Radio, Jason Collett - Idols of Exile, Block Party – Silent Alarm, Spoon – Gimmie Fiction, Shout Out Louds – Howl Howl Gaff.
Also here’s a short list of the most disappointing albums of the year.
Dishonorable Mention: Beck – Guero, Bright Eyes – Digital Ash Digital Urn, White Stripes – Get Behind Me Satan, Death Cab for Cutie – Plans.
So without further ado here’s my top ten list. Top Songs are in the order they appear on the album, and asterisk denotes my favorite song on the album.
10. Crooker Fingers – Dignity and Shame. Top Songs: Weary Arms, Twilight Creeps*, Valerie, Sleep All Summer, Dignity and Shame.
Many people in the “indie” scene have made the assertion that Eric Bachman has a similar voice to Bruce Springsteen. On Dignity and Shame, the similarities between Bachman and the Boss go further then voice. Bachman has several boss-esque lines, such as: Why’s everybody always act so tough when all anybody wants is to find a friend. This line is just like a classic Springsteen line, extremely corny, but also strangely enjoyable and good. This album also marks a turning point in Bachman’s song writing. Instead of writing portrait songs about melancholy, depression and the bottom rung of society, he’s now writing upbeat pseudo-folk songs about love and things of that nature. Even the sadder songs on the album like Sleep All Summer feel far more upbeat then any of the past Crooker Finger Albums. So since I’ve been on a Springsteen kick for most of the year this song easily makes my top ten.
9. Sun Kil Moon – Tiny Cities. Top Songs: Exit Does Not Exist*, Tiny Cities Made of Ashes, Never Ending Math Equation, Four Fingered Fishermen, Ocean Breaths Salty
Most of you probably know Sun Kil Moon as the Red House Painter guy’s side project. That would be a fair assessment, as the band hasn’t really put out anything of note until now. With the exception of Have You Forgotten**, this album is a far and away Mark Kozelek’s best work.. What that says about Kozelek, that his best work is a cover album, I’m not quite sure, but it probably isn’t good. Anyhow, if you are unfamiliar with this album, it’s a cover album of all Modest Mouse songs. Now I’m of the belief that there are only a few reasons to cover a song 1.) You have a unique spin to put on the song. You make the song your own without making people forget who originally wrote it. Or 2.) The song’s obscure and you want to draw people’s attention to it. 3.) Your Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash or Samuel Beam. This album fits in with the first reason. This is maybe the most soothing/relaxing album I’ve ever heard. Simply marvelous, check this ish out.
8. Sage Francis – A Healthy Distrust. Top Songs: Sea Lion, Crumble*, Lie Detector Test, Bridle, Jah Didn’t Kill Johnny.
This is the best rap album from a white rapper this year. Even if that was the albums only credential it still might sneak into my top 10 list. But this album is truly deserving of this honor. Sage has always been a great lyrists, but on this album he ads a new delivery style to his arsenal. While he’s kept the basic foundation of his sing-songy half-talking rap style, he switches things up enough on this album to make him sound less white (although it’s still very easy to tell) and more bad ass. Sea Lion is probably the most f’d up rap song I’ve ever heard. While normally f’d up rap songs involve necrophilia and/or incest, this one involves disappointing your mother. Sounds tame, but trust me it’s not. Crumble is possibly the best break up song, not just for rap but for any genre. Sage has finally put it together and is ready to claim the title as best white indie-rapper. Also how could you not have the album that brought Will Oldham into hip-hop on your top 10 list?
7. Ryan Adams – Cold Roses and Jacksonville City Nights
Yes these are two separate albums, 3 discs in all. So why am I putting them on my top ten list as one entry. Because, he should have only made one album this year. So I’m making this one album with myself as the producer. If this was the track listing, then this definitely would have been a top ten album. The songs, off JCN first then Cold Roses, would be: A Kiss Before I Go, The End, Hard Way to Fall, Hardest Part, September, My Heart is Broken, Don’t Fail Me Now*, Mangolia Mountain, Sweet Illusions, Meadowlake Street, Beautiful Sorta, Now That You’re Gone, Cherry Lane*, Mocking Bird, Let It Ride*, Dance All Night and Blossom.
If you’re wondering why there are 3 asterisks, that’s because there was three discs in all, so those are my favorite songs on each disc. On December 20th Ryan has his third album of the year, 29, coming out. Word on the street is that it’s not as good as these two, which even by themselves are very good, but there are probably some songs on their that I’d have to add, so stay tuned.
6. Kayne West – Late Registration Top Songs: Heard ‘Em Say, Touch the Sky*, Gold Digger, On My Way Home, Roses, Gone.
What more needs to be said about this album other then the fact that it lived up to the hype. Regardless of the fact that Kayne is a huge douche bag, aside from the amazing TV moment he provided us with ^, this album is amazing. The addition of Jon Brion to do the strings adds and amazing element and texture that few rap albums to date have had. As good as this album is, I do have a few problems with it. For one it blows it wad too early. The album completely plateaus off after Gold Digger. Also, the album is an anti-grower. I wouldn’t say it gets worse with each additional listen. But it never fully lives up to the promise it has on the first couple of listens. It’s still a great album though, it just leaves you with a feeling that it should have been better.
5. Wolf Parade - Apologies To The Queen Mary Top Songs: You Are A Runner and I Am My Father’s Son, Modern World*, Dear Sons And Daughters Of Hungry Ghosts, I’ll Believe in Anything, Dinner Bells.
Three weeks ago this album wasn’t even on my list. I had written this band off as a Modest Mouse and Arcade Fire rip off band that had a few good songs but didn’t offer much after that. Then, for some odd reason, I went back and listened to this album. And I was pretty much wrong on every first impression I had about this bandand their album. While they do steal a bit from the above mentioned bands, they have their own sound pretty much grounded out, which is extremely impressive for a debut album. This album flows better then almost any album I’ve heard this year. The songs blend into one another beautifully and when it’s all said and done your left with the impression that there are great things to come from these guys.
4. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah Top Songs: Clap Your Hands!, Let The Cool Goddess Rust Away, Details of War, The Skin Of My Yellow Country Teeth*, Upon This Tidal Wave Of Young Blood.
Ok, so they probably have one of the worst band names ever, don’t let that detour you from listening to them. When people ask me what this band sounds like I generally reply that they sound like the love child of The James, David Bowie and David Bryne with just a sprinkle of Thom Yorke. The first five times you hear this album is nearly impossible to make out 90% of the lyrics. But not since How I Made My Millions^^ has mumbling been this enjoyable. After 10 + listens you start to have a general idea of what Alec Ounsworth is saying. The opening track, Clap Your Hands!, is one of the great all-time curveballs to start an album. This band has an amazingly unique sound that grows on you. And while my description may have lead you to think differently, this band has some of the best hooks in recent memory. Another big plus for all you elitists out there, this band is probably too odd to ever hit it big in mainstream pop. Hopefully I didn’t just jinx them by writing that. (I just check the bands website and it turns out they’re performing on Conan the 16th of this month. My bad guys, I’ll take the blame for this one.)
3. Andrew Bird - Andrew Bird and the Mysterious Production of Eggs. Top Songs: Sovay, Fake Palindromes, Measuring Cups, Tables and Chairs*, The Happy Birthday Song.
I firmly believe that if this album came out last year it would have been the best album of the year. Unfortunately for Andrew Bird this years competition is a little stiffer. So may claim that I’m being locally biased because Bird is from Chicago, but that is untrue. Bird seems like the 21st Century’s answer to the Talking Heads. This is easily his most consistent album to date. He’s seems more sure of himself this time around, and musically this album triumphs because of that. At certain points during the album you have to pause and wonder how a violinist is making such amazing pop music. But everything he tries works. Lyrically Bird borders on insane and ingenious, shades of Malkamus and the aforementioned Bryne. While Weather Systems and Swimming Hour, Bird’s last two albums, showed the amazing promise and potential he has, it’s on Eggs that Bird seems to put it all together and reaffirm everyone who saw the potential in his last two albums. All in All this album is an amazing achievement for a great artist. It also has real life whistling in it, on Bird’s website bio he credits himself as a ‘professional whistler’, and you really can’t go wrong with that.
2. Common – Be. Top Song : Be*, Corners, Testify, Chi City, The Food, They Say.
While with Andrew Bird I wasn’t displaying local biased, here I am. This album is definitely a top ten album, no doubt about that. But if I wasn’t living in Chicago I’m dead certain it wouldn’t be this high. But what this album does, better then any album I’ve ever heard, including Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, is personify Chicago. Chicago itself is often personified by it’s dark, almost gothic overtones. The whole city seems to have a blues and jazz song feel to it. For the entire album Common perfectly captures that. Whether your on the North or South side, riding on the el or walking on Michigan Avenue this album makes the city come alive like nothing I’ve ever experienced. When the first, and far an away the best, track Be kicks in you’d almost swear that your listening to Al Green, only some amazing rap in comes in over the beat. The majority of this album has the feel of a ‘70’s Soul record, which is partly what makes it so great. So while this is album is probably a little to high, bare with me. If you ever in Chicago for an extended period of time, listen to this record, trust me you won’t regret it.
1. Sufjan Stevens – Illinois. Top Songs: John Wayne Gacy Jr., Jacksonville, Decatur, or, Round of Applause for Your Step Mother!*, Chicago, Casimir Pulaski Day, The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts.
Stop it, stop it. I can hear all of you screaming local biased now. First let me point out the name of this blog. Aside from referencing a Destroyer song, I truly am a west coast boy at heart. And secondly, with the exception of Chicago, I hate the entire state of Illinois. As a matter of fact because of “the game that never happened” last march I have vendetta on the entire state. It wouldn’t matter where I was, this is the best album I’ve heard since Neutral Milk Hotel’s epic Areoplanes Over the Sea. Sufjan, who, as my older brother Luke pointed out, seems like those kids in your youth group who never really said much, but when he did talk all the girls giggled. That kid always thought he was better then you, and he probably was, but you hated him anyways. He played acoustic guitar in the worship band and all the girls fell for him because of that. Well even if Sufjan is that kid, he’s still an amazing musician and this CD is still incredible. This is Sufjan’s 2nd album from his 50 states project, and I think it’s safe to say he’s probably set the bar too high. Anyhow I’m tired of typing, so I think I’m done with talking about this album. But just in case you haven’t heard this album, first slap yourself because you’re missing out an incredible musical experience. And secondly go out and listen to by any means necessary.
Well that rounds out my Top 10 Albums of the year. Next Week I’ll bring you my Top 35 Songs of 2005. So stay tuned.
Until We Meet Again
** Red House Painter’s song.
^ http://media.putfile.com/Kayne-West-Bush-Black-People , watch Mike Myers during this entire video. Also Christ Tucker trying to ad lib at the end is amazing.
^^ Radiohead B-Side. Yeah I’m an elitist.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
A Story and the Best Idea I've had in years
- First a short story for fun: So I woke up Wednesday morning around noon. I put on a sweater and went outside to find that it was 25 degrees out accompanied by 20 mph winds which mad it feel like it was 10 degrees. Have I mentioned lately that I love the Midwest? Seriously though why do people stay here? You have a sh*tty winter 6-7 months out of the year. Summers are too humid. Really the only good time of year is Autumn, which lasts about a month or month in and a half if you’re lucky. I mean Chicago’s great and all, but it’s now great enough to justify the near year round sh*tty weather. Anyhow…
So I had this idea a couple weeks ago that I feel obligated to share with all of you. You know the way on ESPN and every other sports sties they have player profiles. They give you a statistical break down of any given player, as well as their measurements and career highlights and other quirky facts. They also included a scouting report, career to date info. All in all they’re very useful way of learning about a certain player. So what I propose is that we have player profiles for real life, player profiles, but for average people. This would especially be helpful with girls.
Say you saw some young biddy whom you were attracted to, but didn’t know. Instead of spending countless hours getting to know her, while in the process endangering you’re academic and social life, you could just read her profile. This profile would have to be compiled by an unbiased source, so some outside of that person or one of their friends would have to fill it out. This would be an amazing way of seeing whether or not you wanted to actually get to know someone or not. Because nothing is worse then spending a bunch of time around a girl only to find out she’s as superficial and shallow as you first thought. People profiles would fix all of that. They could give you some very useful information or just random facts to help you along the way, such as:
- Warning Beer Slut.
- Really likes football player
- Emotional basket-case
- Plays softball.
- Listens to Pinback, Camper Van Beethoven, Neutral Milk Hotel and things of that ilk. Definite head case, stay the f*ck away from this girl.
- Has seen ‘The Notebook’ and ‘Titanic’ over 50 times each.
- Empathizes with Nicole Richie.
- Lundberg f*cked her.
- Cried during Field of Dreams
- Way to into the show Friends. Tries to make herself and everyone in her life similar to a character in the show.
- A little too into Jane Austin, i.e. probably a lesbian.
- Claims to be a big Ashton Kutcher fan.
- Listens to hardcore music, clearly her father didn’t hug her enough.
- Envisions Susan Sarandon as the perfect mother.
- Open about her tampon usage.
- Cock Tease
- Has a tattoo on the small of her back.
- Cries after intercourse
These are hust a few of the helpful tidbits these profiles would have. I mean whose life wouldn’t be made tens of thousands of times easier by this? I think I’m going to write John McCain a letter about all of this. Hopefully he’ll be able make this brilliant idea a reality.
So I had this idea a couple weeks ago that I feel obligated to share with all of you. You know the way on ESPN and every other sports sties they have player profiles. They give you a statistical break down of any given player, as well as their measurements and career highlights and other quirky facts. They also included a scouting report, career to date info. All in all they’re very useful way of learning about a certain player. So what I propose is that we have player profiles for real life, player profiles, but for average people. This would especially be helpful with girls.
Say you saw some young biddy whom you were attracted to, but didn’t know. Instead of spending countless hours getting to know her, while in the process endangering you’re academic and social life, you could just read her profile. This profile would have to be compiled by an unbiased source, so some outside of that person or one of their friends would have to fill it out. This would be an amazing way of seeing whether or not you wanted to actually get to know someone or not. Because nothing is worse then spending a bunch of time around a girl only to find out she’s as superficial and shallow as you first thought. People profiles would fix all of that. They could give you some very useful information or just random facts to help you along the way, such as:
- Warning Beer Slut.
- Really likes football player
- Emotional basket-case
- Plays softball.
- Listens to Pinback, Camper Van Beethoven, Neutral Milk Hotel and things of that ilk. Definite head case, stay the f*ck away from this girl.
- Has seen ‘The Notebook’ and ‘Titanic’ over 50 times each.
- Empathizes with Nicole Richie.
- Lundberg f*cked her.
- Cried during Field of Dreams
- Way to into the show Friends. Tries to make herself and everyone in her life similar to a character in the show.
- A little too into Jane Austin, i.e. probably a lesbian.
- Claims to be a big Ashton Kutcher fan.
- Listens to hardcore music, clearly her father didn’t hug her enough.
- Envisions Susan Sarandon as the perfect mother.
- Open about her tampon usage.
- Cock Tease
- Has a tattoo on the small of her back.
- Cries after intercourse
These are hust a few of the helpful tidbits these profiles would have. I mean whose life wouldn’t be made tens of thousands of times easier by this? I think I’m going to write John McCain a letter about all of this. Hopefully he’ll be able make this brilliant idea a reality.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Top 5 Man Crushes
Just when you thought the content of this blog couldn’t get anymore homoerotic, I present to you the top 5 Man crushes in my life, as well as a few honorable mention.
5. Hugh Grant – As if the list wasn’t embarrassing enough, Hugh Grant’s in my top 5. It mostly has to do with his performance in About a Boy. But come to think of it, everything I’ve seen him in he’s always befuddilly charming.
4. Christian Bale – Best looking man alive and he’s Batman, what more could you ask for?
3. Mason Jennings – Number one on my list of people I’d be gay for, serouisly.
2. Dennis Quaid – This Man Crush has gotten so bad that I’m actually considering going to see Yours, Mine and Ours. Man my Dad hates me.
1. Gregory Peck – Who else would be here? I mean he’s Atticus freakin’ Finch. He also has a voice that could forever end the conflict in the Middle East.
Honorable Mention: Salim Stoudamire, Walker Percy, Willie Tuitama, John Cusak, Colin Meloy, Andrew Bird, Patrick Dempsey and Ethan Embry
Until We Meet Again
* Toni Collet would be on the list, but it turns out she’s not a dude.
5. Hugh Grant – As if the list wasn’t embarrassing enough, Hugh Grant’s in my top 5. It mostly has to do with his performance in About a Boy. But come to think of it, everything I’ve seen him in he’s always befuddilly charming.
4. Christian Bale – Best looking man alive and he’s Batman, what more could you ask for?
3. Mason Jennings – Number one on my list of people I’d be gay for, serouisly.
2. Dennis Quaid – This Man Crush has gotten so bad that I’m actually considering going to see Yours, Mine and Ours. Man my Dad hates me.
1. Gregory Peck – Who else would be here? I mean he’s Atticus freakin’ Finch. He also has a voice that could forever end the conflict in the Middle East.
Honorable Mention: Salim Stoudamire, Walker Percy, Willie Tuitama, John Cusak, Colin Meloy, Andrew Bird, Patrick Dempsey and Ethan Embry
Until We Meet Again
* Toni Collet would be on the list, but it turns out she’s not a dude.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Pieces of Me
Here’s some random thought and questions I’ve been pondering while eating the last of my Halloween candy.
- Whose idea was it to put Walnuts in Trail Mix? Is there anyone out there who actually likes walnuts, let alone walnuts in trail mix?
- Big 10 Football is almost as fun as chronic diarrhea.
- Are Carmelo Anthony and Glenn Robinson the same player?
- Why do Christians think it’s a good idea to blend two worship songs together? Everyone is already painfully aware of how bad Christian music is, why go a step further to prove this by showing that multiples songs have the same chords and progression?
- Family Feud just isn’t the same without Louie Anderson.
- Applying to a Community College feels a lot like applying for a value member’s card at a supermarket.
- I finally lost the last of my dignity when I admitted to actually liking Enrique Iglesias’s Hero.
- C’mon, it’s a catchy song.
- In related news, does anyone know if I can still categorize Kelly Clarkson as a guilty pleasure?
- Has there been a more underrated single in the last decade then Faded by Soul Decision.
- Is it just me or does Jarhead just look like an updated version of Three Kings?
- Diabetes, God’s punch line.
- Willie Tuitama = The Muther F*ckin’ Sh*t.
- If you haven’t heard it yet, the new Broken Social Scene is pretty good. Highlight songs are Swimmer and Supperconnected. And the rest of the album feels like it’s a grower.
- Also Sun Kil Moon’s Modest Mouse cover album is unbelievably good.
- Whenever Harry Potter 4 trailers come on I find myself so overcome with excitement that all I can do is clap my hands together and squeal/scream like a pre-teen girl. Cleavage often invokes this same reaction.
- Fantasy Basketball is slowly but surely taking over my entire life.
- Is there a less attractive female athlete then the softball player. (With the exception of Jennie Finch, who has that porn star hot thing going for her.)
- Sorry this isn’t much, but I’ve been busy as h-e-double hockey sticks lately.
Until We Meet Again
- Whose idea was it to put Walnuts in Trail Mix? Is there anyone out there who actually likes walnuts, let alone walnuts in trail mix?
- Big 10 Football is almost as fun as chronic diarrhea.
- Are Carmelo Anthony and Glenn Robinson the same player?
- Why do Christians think it’s a good idea to blend two worship songs together? Everyone is already painfully aware of how bad Christian music is, why go a step further to prove this by showing that multiples songs have the same chords and progression?
- Family Feud just isn’t the same without Louie Anderson.
- Applying to a Community College feels a lot like applying for a value member’s card at a supermarket.
- I finally lost the last of my dignity when I admitted to actually liking Enrique Iglesias’s Hero.
- C’mon, it’s a catchy song.
- In related news, does anyone know if I can still categorize Kelly Clarkson as a guilty pleasure?
- Has there been a more underrated single in the last decade then Faded by Soul Decision.
- Is it just me or does Jarhead just look like an updated version of Three Kings?
- Diabetes, God’s punch line.
- Willie Tuitama = The Muther F*ckin’ Sh*t.
- If you haven’t heard it yet, the new Broken Social Scene is pretty good. Highlight songs are Swimmer and Supperconnected. And the rest of the album feels like it’s a grower.
- Also Sun Kil Moon’s Modest Mouse cover album is unbelievably good.
- Whenever Harry Potter 4 trailers come on I find myself so overcome with excitement that all I can do is clap my hands together and squeal/scream like a pre-teen girl. Cleavage often invokes this same reaction.
- Fantasy Basketball is slowly but surely taking over my entire life.
- Is there a less attractive female athlete then the softball player. (With the exception of Jennie Finch, who has that porn star hot thing going for her.)
- Sorry this isn’t much, but I’ve been busy as h-e-double hockey sticks lately.
Until We Meet Again
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
05-06 NBA Season Preview
With the NBA Season starting tonight I’ve decided to unveil my predictions for the season. Here they are by conference.
East:
1. Detroit Pistons: They lost Larry Brown and gained a better offensive coash and more depth, I doubt they’ll fall off. They also will have a huge chip on their shoulder, trying to prove to everyone that it was them and not Larry who was responsible for their winning ways.
2. Miami Heat: They added talent, but they added guys who need the ball to be effective. They lost their outside shooters and got worst defensively, all in all a bad off-season for the Heat. However D-Wade and Shaq are enough for them to win their division, but they won’t get out of the 2nd round.
3. New Jersey Nets: Best perimeter team in the league. However they’re very weak and limited up front. Still they’ll cruise to a division title and I expect them to outlast Miami and get back to the Eastern Conference finals. Of course if Jason Kidd starts to play like a geriatric old man again, then all bets are off.
4. Indiana Pacers: Second best team in the conference, but they play in the same division as Detroit. They’re the deepest team in the league and they’ll play Detroit in the 2nd Round in what will be the real Eastern Conference Finals.
5. Cleveland Cavilers: LeBron might be the best player in the league. If he’s really only 21 (and admit it, we all have our doubts about that) he’ll challenge MJ for best ever before he’s done. They added shooters in Damon Jones and Marshall. And they added another scorer/creator in Hughes to take pressure and hopefully minutes off Lebron. They should aim for the 6th Seed so they have a chance to get out of the first round.
6. Washington Wizards: Gilbert will be even better this year as he’ll get more touches with Hughes gone. Caron Butler for Kwame Brown is an incredible steal for the Wiz. Antonio Daniels will take ball handling pressure of Gil and we’ll help to replace Hughes D. If they ever get the ball to their underrated big men they could have a lethal inside out combo.
7. Chicago Bulls: IMO the first six are locks, but after that everything gets sketchy. Despite loosing Curry’s offense, their D will get them back to the playoffs. Look for the Argentinan guy with a hard to spell/pronounce name to take over for Deng by mid-season.
8. Philadelphia 76ERS: On paper this team is average at best, but I believe AI will will them into the playoffs. C-Webb will suck, yet people will still convince themselves that he could turn the corner at any time.
9. Milwaukee Bucks: Bogut will stumble out of the gates and everyone will say he’s a bust. But in a few years he’ll look like a young Brad Miller. This team will start hot until teams remember the TJ Ford can’t shoot. If they were in an easier division they might challenge for a playoff spot. After the Maglorie trade I think they’ll make the playoffs over Philly, but I still refuse to bet against Iverson.
10. New York Knicks: Larry Brown is a huge a$$ hole, but he’s an incredibly talented coach. If he goes against his instinct and gives his rookies big minutes then this team could sneak into the playoffs.
11. Orlando Magic: This team will resemble a pick up team. They’ll have great talent, but they need to get Steve Francis the H out of dodge. If they can bring in a decent 2 guard and let Grant Hill (assuming he’s healthy) play point forward, they could cause a lot of trouble for teams. But they’re not making the playoffs so they need to start developing Dwight Howard.
12. Boston Celtics: Has some very good and very young talent. They need a decent Pg though, also look for Paul Pierce to continue his downward slide.
13. Toronto Raptors: Chris Bosh is a tremendous young player, Jalen Rose has the best quotes in the league. Outside of that, they suck. How bad are they? Loren Woods is set to win the Center position by default.
14. Atlanta Hawks: The only reason they’re ahead of the Bobcats is out of respect for Salim, who will make several teams regret not picking him in the late 1st round. Joe Johnson will prove he was worth the money, but the Hawks will still be really bad. They need to trade one of their 20 6-8 SF for some size and a PG. Overall the Hawks future looks far better then it has in some time. They’ll be decent in a few years.
15 Charlotte Bobcats: Okafor’s a stud and Gerald Wallace will have a break out year. But I’m not sold on Felton, and May is a questionable draft, considering you can’t play him and Okafor at the same time. The season will be a success if they win over 20 games.
West:
1. San Antonio Spurs: The only question remains who hits all the big shots? Ginobli, Duncan, Horry or new comer Van Exel. It won’t matter too much because they’re that much better then everyone else. The NBA has found the dynasty to replace the Lakers. Unfortunately they’re not nearly as marketable or hateable.
2. Sacramento Kings: Peja will return to form, Bibby will be better then ever, and if Miller can stay healthy they’ll capitalize more then anyone else on Amare’s injury. However another post-season collapse should pave the way for Rick Adelman’s exit, and for the Kings to be a serious title contender again with a new coach. Assuming they resign Peja.
3. Denver Nuggets: They benefit from playing in the leagues worst division, which should assure them the number 3 spot. How far they go in the playoffs depends on whether or not Carmelo develops into an all-around player, because right now he’s just a scorer. Speaking of which, is anyone else excited about Melo and Karl’s first fight. My guess is they’ll have a mini fight this year and within two years one of them will be gone. This just might be the best sub plot in the league for the next 3 years.
4. Houston Rockets: This will be the year T-Mac finally gets out of the first round. If Yao’s conditioning gets better they’re the only team in the west that can challenge San Antonio. PG play might hurt them early on, but when Bobby Sura comes back he’ll stabilize the team.
5. Dallas Mavericks: Solid all around team, who will look better in the regular season then in the playoffs. Once the playoffs start, look for Dirk to fall off again.
6. Phoenix Suns: Everyone says they had a terrible off season, but forgets they beat Dallas 3-1 with out Joe Johnson. They also had no bench and Q was no existent. So how exactly did they get worse? The trio of Raja Bell (an old flame of mine), James Jones and Jim Jackson will make up for the loss of Q and JJ. If they can hold down the fort until Amare gets back they’ll have everyone in the West not named the Spurs sh*tting kittens by April. Their main problem maybe the lack of a back up PG for Nash. Jackson, Jones and Barbosa will do a decent job filling in, but none of them has the ability to push it the way Nash, or last years back up Johnson, did. Either way, if Nash stays healthy they’ll get another shot at the Spurs in the Western Conference Finals.
7. Memphis Grizzles: This team always finds ways to improve. The addition of Eddie Jones, Damon Stoudamire and Bobby Jackson will help w/ chemistry and leadership. Hakim Warrick will be far better then expected. And Pau Gasol will have his best season yet, then flame out in the playoffs reminding everyone that you can’t win with a Euro as your best player. That said, Gasol is far and away the tougher Euro player, which isn’t saying much.
8. Utah Jazz: This is my riskiest and probably my worse pick. But I’m a believer in Jerry Sloan. I’m a huge believer in AK-47. Boozer will be better then last year. If Okur is in shape he’ll have a great year. Deron Williams maybe a rookie, but he’s a gamer and will be a very good PG. Devin Brown and Gordon Gerick platooning the SG position and be decently effective. All in all, I think that’s enough to get them back to the playoffs.
9. Los Angeles Clippers: If they stay healthy and share the ball they’ll make the playoffs. I doubt either of those things happen. They’ll be smart to move Casell and let Livingston take over the reigns at PG.
10. Minnesota Timberwolves: The only reason they’re this high is because of KG. The rest of the team sucks, and that’s being generous. They drafted Rashad Mcants in the Lottery, despite the fact that he doesn’t played D and scored a whopping 0 points in the 2nd half of the biggest game of his life (NCCA Title National Game). Yeah that was a smart choice.
11. Golden State Warriors: Everyone’s picking them to get to the playoffs this year. Personally I don’t like the fact that the majority of their hopes are depends upon Barron Davis’s health. Regardless this team will be very fun to watch. I see them falling just short of the post season. Ike Digou is a sleeper for Rookie of the Year if he stays healthy.
12. Seattle Super Sonics: Loosing their coach is going to hurt them, a lot. They have no back up plan if Luke Ridnour falters. Ray Ray will be great as always, but I doubt the rest of the team can duplicate last years dream season.
13. Los Angeles Lakers: Just because Phil’s back doesn’t make Kobe MJ. And while I love the Lamar Odom, I think it’s clear that he doesn’t want to play 2nd fiddle to Kobe, and really who can blame him? (With apologies to Luke Walton) The rest of this team is gawd awful. Phil is know for making good teams great, not sh*tty teams good. If he gets this team in the top 10 in the West he deserves coach of the year.
14. Portland Trailblazers: Their down to single digit headcases, which is a good thing. With Zach Randolph, Sebastian Telifair and Martell Webster they have a nice young core. They need either Travis Outlaw or Darius Miles to pan out at the 3. Hopefully they’ll trade Juan Dixon to a contender so he can be effective. And if nothing else lets at least hope we get a minimum of 5 shots of Juan’s brother during the games, that guy is pure gold.
15. New Orleans… er Oklahoma/Baton Rouge Hornets: This team blows more then Hurricane Katrina. Now that joke was not only tasteless, but it wasn’t really funny. Still the Hornets are real bad, and they’ll be even worse now that they’ve traded Jamal Maglorie. Chris Paul is everyone’s pick for the next great PG. I’m not sold on him, but he and J.R. Smith should provide a nice glimmer of hope for the team with out a home.
Awards:
MVP:
1. Tim Duncan – He’s the new Shaq, meaning he should win it every year.
2. LeBron James – Might already be the best player in the league.
3. Ron Artest – If he keeps his head on straight the Pacers will win the east he’ll deserve MVP consideration. But that’s a big IF.
4. Kevin Garnett- He puts up amazing numbers every year, but his sh*tty team will keep him from placing higher.
5. Allen Iverson – Just because he should have on it last year.
Coach of the Year
1. Jerry Sloan – If Utah makes the playoffs
2. Greg Popovich – See Tim Duncan
3. Rick Carlise – If he can keep Artest in check he deserves it.
Rookie of the Year
1. Deron Williams
2. Ike Digou
3. Salim Stoudamire
Finals pick:
Spurs over Pacers (4-2)
East:
1. Detroit Pistons: They lost Larry Brown and gained a better offensive coash and more depth, I doubt they’ll fall off. They also will have a huge chip on their shoulder, trying to prove to everyone that it was them and not Larry who was responsible for their winning ways.
2. Miami Heat: They added talent, but they added guys who need the ball to be effective. They lost their outside shooters and got worst defensively, all in all a bad off-season for the Heat. However D-Wade and Shaq are enough for them to win their division, but they won’t get out of the 2nd round.
3. New Jersey Nets: Best perimeter team in the league. However they’re very weak and limited up front. Still they’ll cruise to a division title and I expect them to outlast Miami and get back to the Eastern Conference finals. Of course if Jason Kidd starts to play like a geriatric old man again, then all bets are off.
4. Indiana Pacers: Second best team in the conference, but they play in the same division as Detroit. They’re the deepest team in the league and they’ll play Detroit in the 2nd Round in what will be the real Eastern Conference Finals.
5. Cleveland Cavilers: LeBron might be the best player in the league. If he’s really only 21 (and admit it, we all have our doubts about that) he’ll challenge MJ for best ever before he’s done. They added shooters in Damon Jones and Marshall. And they added another scorer/creator in Hughes to take pressure and hopefully minutes off Lebron. They should aim for the 6th Seed so they have a chance to get out of the first round.
6. Washington Wizards: Gilbert will be even better this year as he’ll get more touches with Hughes gone. Caron Butler for Kwame Brown is an incredible steal for the Wiz. Antonio Daniels will take ball handling pressure of Gil and we’ll help to replace Hughes D. If they ever get the ball to their underrated big men they could have a lethal inside out combo.
7. Chicago Bulls: IMO the first six are locks, but after that everything gets sketchy. Despite loosing Curry’s offense, their D will get them back to the playoffs. Look for the Argentinan guy with a hard to spell/pronounce name to take over for Deng by mid-season.
8. Philadelphia 76ERS: On paper this team is average at best, but I believe AI will will them into the playoffs. C-Webb will suck, yet people will still convince themselves that he could turn the corner at any time.
9. Milwaukee Bucks: Bogut will stumble out of the gates and everyone will say he’s a bust. But in a few years he’ll look like a young Brad Miller. This team will start hot until teams remember the TJ Ford can’t shoot. If they were in an easier division they might challenge for a playoff spot. After the Maglorie trade I think they’ll make the playoffs over Philly, but I still refuse to bet against Iverson.
10. New York Knicks: Larry Brown is a huge a$$ hole, but he’s an incredibly talented coach. If he goes against his instinct and gives his rookies big minutes then this team could sneak into the playoffs.
11. Orlando Magic: This team will resemble a pick up team. They’ll have great talent, but they need to get Steve Francis the H out of dodge. If they can bring in a decent 2 guard and let Grant Hill (assuming he’s healthy) play point forward, they could cause a lot of trouble for teams. But they’re not making the playoffs so they need to start developing Dwight Howard.
12. Boston Celtics: Has some very good and very young talent. They need a decent Pg though, also look for Paul Pierce to continue his downward slide.
13. Toronto Raptors: Chris Bosh is a tremendous young player, Jalen Rose has the best quotes in the league. Outside of that, they suck. How bad are they? Loren Woods is set to win the Center position by default.
14. Atlanta Hawks: The only reason they’re ahead of the Bobcats is out of respect for Salim, who will make several teams regret not picking him in the late 1st round. Joe Johnson will prove he was worth the money, but the Hawks will still be really bad. They need to trade one of their 20 6-8 SF for some size and a PG. Overall the Hawks future looks far better then it has in some time. They’ll be decent in a few years.
15 Charlotte Bobcats: Okafor’s a stud and Gerald Wallace will have a break out year. But I’m not sold on Felton, and May is a questionable draft, considering you can’t play him and Okafor at the same time. The season will be a success if they win over 20 games.
West:
1. San Antonio Spurs: The only question remains who hits all the big shots? Ginobli, Duncan, Horry or new comer Van Exel. It won’t matter too much because they’re that much better then everyone else. The NBA has found the dynasty to replace the Lakers. Unfortunately they’re not nearly as marketable or hateable.
2. Sacramento Kings: Peja will return to form, Bibby will be better then ever, and if Miller can stay healthy they’ll capitalize more then anyone else on Amare’s injury. However another post-season collapse should pave the way for Rick Adelman’s exit, and for the Kings to be a serious title contender again with a new coach. Assuming they resign Peja.
3. Denver Nuggets: They benefit from playing in the leagues worst division, which should assure them the number 3 spot. How far they go in the playoffs depends on whether or not Carmelo develops into an all-around player, because right now he’s just a scorer. Speaking of which, is anyone else excited about Melo and Karl’s first fight. My guess is they’ll have a mini fight this year and within two years one of them will be gone. This just might be the best sub plot in the league for the next 3 years.
4. Houston Rockets: This will be the year T-Mac finally gets out of the first round. If Yao’s conditioning gets better they’re the only team in the west that can challenge San Antonio. PG play might hurt them early on, but when Bobby Sura comes back he’ll stabilize the team.
5. Dallas Mavericks: Solid all around team, who will look better in the regular season then in the playoffs. Once the playoffs start, look for Dirk to fall off again.
6. Phoenix Suns: Everyone says they had a terrible off season, but forgets they beat Dallas 3-1 with out Joe Johnson. They also had no bench and Q was no existent. So how exactly did they get worse? The trio of Raja Bell (an old flame of mine), James Jones and Jim Jackson will make up for the loss of Q and JJ. If they can hold down the fort until Amare gets back they’ll have everyone in the West not named the Spurs sh*tting kittens by April. Their main problem maybe the lack of a back up PG for Nash. Jackson, Jones and Barbosa will do a decent job filling in, but none of them has the ability to push it the way Nash, or last years back up Johnson, did. Either way, if Nash stays healthy they’ll get another shot at the Spurs in the Western Conference Finals.
7. Memphis Grizzles: This team always finds ways to improve. The addition of Eddie Jones, Damon Stoudamire and Bobby Jackson will help w/ chemistry and leadership. Hakim Warrick will be far better then expected. And Pau Gasol will have his best season yet, then flame out in the playoffs reminding everyone that you can’t win with a Euro as your best player. That said, Gasol is far and away the tougher Euro player, which isn’t saying much.
8. Utah Jazz: This is my riskiest and probably my worse pick. But I’m a believer in Jerry Sloan. I’m a huge believer in AK-47. Boozer will be better then last year. If Okur is in shape he’ll have a great year. Deron Williams maybe a rookie, but he’s a gamer and will be a very good PG. Devin Brown and Gordon Gerick platooning the SG position and be decently effective. All in all, I think that’s enough to get them back to the playoffs.
9. Los Angeles Clippers: If they stay healthy and share the ball they’ll make the playoffs. I doubt either of those things happen. They’ll be smart to move Casell and let Livingston take over the reigns at PG.
10. Minnesota Timberwolves: The only reason they’re this high is because of KG. The rest of the team sucks, and that’s being generous. They drafted Rashad Mcants in the Lottery, despite the fact that he doesn’t played D and scored a whopping 0 points in the 2nd half of the biggest game of his life (NCCA Title National Game). Yeah that was a smart choice.
11. Golden State Warriors: Everyone’s picking them to get to the playoffs this year. Personally I don’t like the fact that the majority of their hopes are depends upon Barron Davis’s health. Regardless this team will be very fun to watch. I see them falling just short of the post season. Ike Digou is a sleeper for Rookie of the Year if he stays healthy.
12. Seattle Super Sonics: Loosing their coach is going to hurt them, a lot. They have no back up plan if Luke Ridnour falters. Ray Ray will be great as always, but I doubt the rest of the team can duplicate last years dream season.
13. Los Angeles Lakers: Just because Phil’s back doesn’t make Kobe MJ. And while I love the Lamar Odom, I think it’s clear that he doesn’t want to play 2nd fiddle to Kobe, and really who can blame him? (With apologies to Luke Walton) The rest of this team is gawd awful. Phil is know for making good teams great, not sh*tty teams good. If he gets this team in the top 10 in the West he deserves coach of the year.
14. Portland Trailblazers: Their down to single digit headcases, which is a good thing. With Zach Randolph, Sebastian Telifair and Martell Webster they have a nice young core. They need either Travis Outlaw or Darius Miles to pan out at the 3. Hopefully they’ll trade Juan Dixon to a contender so he can be effective. And if nothing else lets at least hope we get a minimum of 5 shots of Juan’s brother during the games, that guy is pure gold.
15. New Orleans… er Oklahoma/Baton Rouge Hornets: This team blows more then Hurricane Katrina. Now that joke was not only tasteless, but it wasn’t really funny. Still the Hornets are real bad, and they’ll be even worse now that they’ve traded Jamal Maglorie. Chris Paul is everyone’s pick for the next great PG. I’m not sold on him, but he and J.R. Smith should provide a nice glimmer of hope for the team with out a home.
Awards:
MVP:
1. Tim Duncan – He’s the new Shaq, meaning he should win it every year.
2. LeBron James – Might already be the best player in the league.
3. Ron Artest – If he keeps his head on straight the Pacers will win the east he’ll deserve MVP consideration. But that’s a big IF.
4. Kevin Garnett- He puts up amazing numbers every year, but his sh*tty team will keep him from placing higher.
5. Allen Iverson – Just because he should have on it last year.
Coach of the Year
1. Jerry Sloan – If Utah makes the playoffs
2. Greg Popovich – See Tim Duncan
3. Rick Carlise – If he can keep Artest in check he deserves it.
Rookie of the Year
1. Deron Williams
2. Ike Digou
3. Salim Stoudamire
Finals pick:
Spurs over Pacers (4-2)
Friday, October 28, 2005
Phone calls and things of that nature
Disclaimer: To anyone I’ve talk on the phone with in the last couple of months be assured this is not about you. These are just some thoughts and observations I've made. No one who reads this blog is the cause of this post, and that’s the honest to God truth.
So as most of you know I recently purchased a cell phone. Since then I’ve had several people calling me, some of whom I had no intention of ever speaking with again (yeah that ones about you half brother! B*tch.), and all these conversations have ended poorly. Now there are several different reasons for this. The following is reasons why I suck at phone calls, as well as ways to make calls better, for everyone (namely me).
1.) I don’t translate well on the phone: I haven’t had my A game for months now, maybe years. Needless to say I'm far from my best, and I’m even worse on the phone. I think it’s because a large part of my communication is verbal. And when I’m actually talking to some one face to face I have some idea of when they’ll stop talking. On the phone I have almost no sense of the flow of conversation. So the majority of my phone calls are filled up with me awkwardly cutting people off or awkward silences.
2.) People are f*cking retarded when it comes to phone calls: Everyone should know by now that phone calls can never come close to replacing talking with someone face to face. Which should make people realize that the only purpose of a phone call is: to find out where someone is or what they’re doing or to catch up with that person. If the said call is regarding the first two, then that call should last no longer then a minute and a half. If you’re truly calling to catch up with someone, you should follow this proceeded. Person A gives a brief synopsis of what has gone on in his life since the two parties have last talked. Person B listens intently and only speaks if it is to ask for a further explanation or clarity. When Person A is done, then Person B goes and the same rules apply. Wouldn’t calls be easier if we all followed this simple format?
3.) The Comfort Zone: This one mainly applies to men talking with other men on the phone. As a general rule, guys seem to dance around all the ‘how have you been’ for at least 10 minutes. The first ten minutes of the conversation are usually spent awkwardly exchanging jokes and verbal jabs. Eventually the two come to some sort of middle ground where they’re then comfortable enough to talk about why they really called, to catch up. For me, I find things get awkward after the ice has been broken. What that says about me, I don’t know.
4.) When the conversation comes to a screeching halt, end it: Every phone conversation dies eventually. When this happens, end it. Sounds simple, but for some reason it’s not. Must people seem content to let the conversation a slow and painful death. People would rather sit in a silence so immensely awkward that both sides of the conversation want to tear their own flesh off then end a phone call. I suppose people don’t want to come off as rude for ending the conversation, but that’s dumb. I suggest that when a certain amount of time has past, people should end the conversation at the first sign of it dying. We’ve all had calls which left of with a bad taste in our mouths because of how horribly they ended. Let’s avoid this and just end them early.
And that’s why I suck on the phone. But if you follow my plan, you should be having less awkward and more productive phone calls in no time.
Until We Meet Again.
p.s. I’ll be back next week with an NBA Season preview. If sports aren’t you’re thing, probably best to not check back next week.
So as most of you know I recently purchased a cell phone. Since then I’ve had several people calling me, some of whom I had no intention of ever speaking with again (yeah that ones about you half brother! B*tch.), and all these conversations have ended poorly. Now there are several different reasons for this. The following is reasons why I suck at phone calls, as well as ways to make calls better, for everyone (namely me).
1.) I don’t translate well on the phone: I haven’t had my A game for months now, maybe years. Needless to say I'm far from my best, and I’m even worse on the phone. I think it’s because a large part of my communication is verbal. And when I’m actually talking to some one face to face I have some idea of when they’ll stop talking. On the phone I have almost no sense of the flow of conversation. So the majority of my phone calls are filled up with me awkwardly cutting people off or awkward silences.
2.) People are f*cking retarded when it comes to phone calls: Everyone should know by now that phone calls can never come close to replacing talking with someone face to face. Which should make people realize that the only purpose of a phone call is: to find out where someone is or what they’re doing or to catch up with that person. If the said call is regarding the first two, then that call should last no longer then a minute and a half. If you’re truly calling to catch up with someone, you should follow this proceeded. Person A gives a brief synopsis of what has gone on in his life since the two parties have last talked. Person B listens intently and only speaks if it is to ask for a further explanation or clarity. When Person A is done, then Person B goes and the same rules apply. Wouldn’t calls be easier if we all followed this simple format?
3.) The Comfort Zone: This one mainly applies to men talking with other men on the phone. As a general rule, guys seem to dance around all the ‘how have you been’ for at least 10 minutes. The first ten minutes of the conversation are usually spent awkwardly exchanging jokes and verbal jabs. Eventually the two come to some sort of middle ground where they’re then comfortable enough to talk about why they really called, to catch up. For me, I find things get awkward after the ice has been broken. What that says about me, I don’t know.
4.) When the conversation comes to a screeching halt, end it: Every phone conversation dies eventually. When this happens, end it. Sounds simple, but for some reason it’s not. Must people seem content to let the conversation a slow and painful death. People would rather sit in a silence so immensely awkward that both sides of the conversation want to tear their own flesh off then end a phone call. I suppose people don’t want to come off as rude for ending the conversation, but that’s dumb. I suggest that when a certain amount of time has past, people should end the conversation at the first sign of it dying. We’ve all had calls which left of with a bad taste in our mouths because of how horribly they ended. Let’s avoid this and just end them early.
And that’s why I suck on the phone. But if you follow my plan, you should be having less awkward and more productive phone calls in no time.
Until We Meet Again.
p.s. I’ll be back next week with an NBA Season preview. If sports aren’t you’re thing, probably best to not check back next week.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
A random tidbit and the Best Top Ten List Evah!!!!
As if my life wasn’t sh*tty enough I just found out that one of my all-time favorite musicians, Mason Jennings, has been signed by Isaac Brock’s (the lead singer of Modest Mouse) new label. Mason will release his new album, which should come out out in early 2006 on this label. This means that coming to a frat house near you: Mason Jennings!!! (And yes I realize Mason is already, a very oddly I might ad, big in the frat scene, but you get the picture.) It also means that in the near future people will say to me: ‘Have you heard of that new guy Mason Jennings?’. I will then proceed to flip out and tell this person that Mason Jennings has actually been around for some time now, first album came out in 1997, and that their parents are ashamed of them and God couldn’t possibly love them. Mason’s new album will probably be a replay of Modest Mouse’s last album for me. A great album ruined by mindless douches. F***ing A man. F***ing A.
Anyway, I’ve decided to leave you all on a much happier note. The following is a top ten list that a football player at my school put in the ‘about me’ section of his facebook page. For practical purposes I’m assuming ‘mess with’ means mess around with or be active sexually (i.e. putting out, "Roman" hands, ect.) in some way. Enjoy.
TOP 10 reasons to mess with a football player
10. We love to HIT HARD
9. We'll play anywhere and anytime
8. We always wear protection
7. We love to play dirty
6. We are not afraid of turf burns
5. We smack asses for great effort
4. We always like to be on the top
3. We are good with using our hands
2. We can go for 90 minutes with 11 different positions
1. Our main goal is to drive it in for the score, and hear the loud screaming
Until We Meet Again
Anyway, I’ve decided to leave you all on a much happier note. The following is a top ten list that a football player at my school put in the ‘about me’ section of his facebook page. For practical purposes I’m assuming ‘mess with’ means mess around with or be active sexually (i.e. putting out, "Roman" hands, ect.) in some way. Enjoy.
TOP 10 reasons to mess with a football player
10. We love to HIT HARD
9. We'll play anywhere and anytime
8. We always wear protection
7. We love to play dirty
6. We are not afraid of turf burns
5. We smack asses for great effort
4. We always like to be on the top
3. We are good with using our hands
2. We can go for 90 minutes with 11 different positions
1. Our main goal is to drive it in for the score, and hear the loud screaming
Until We Meet Again
Friday, October 14, 2005
You said you’d never have my baby so I went out and adopted a highway
I’m on fall break now, so here’s a hot list for all of you readers, if you do in fact exist.
Things I’m hot on:
Thumbsucker: This was a really good movie. Something, and I’m not even sure what it is, kept it from being great. Oddly it wasn’t the presence of Keanu Reeves, whose character is so good that not even he could ruin it. It wasn’t Benjamin Bratt, who surprisingly steals this movie, mainly because he has another one of the films great characters. I really can’t say what it was, but something kept this movie from being great. Either way this film is definitely worth while and I’d highly recommend it to anyone. Even if you’re not into intelligent/indie films go for the fact that Kelli Garner is ridiculously hot in this film.
Matt Pond PA – Several Arrows Later: This band continues to get better with each album. They’ve set the bar extremely high for all Chamber Pop bands. This album is MPPA’s popiest to date, as the band beautifully steals from the Arcade Fire,Travis and even the Strokes at times. There’s also a song called ‘The Moviegoer’ giving the band big points for referencing Walker Percy. The only problem with this album is the same problem with all MPPA albums. While all the songs are nice and lovely, not all of them stand out, the middle tracks on this album tend to blend together. While it’s not like they’re bad songs, they just don’t stand out. Another downside is the single: Halloween, which is easily the best song on the album, is destined to make this band semi-popular. And as an elitist a-hole I’m very opposed to this. Other then that this is a really solid album, easily the bands most experimental. Highlight Songs: Halloween, So Much Trouble, Emblems, The Trees and the Wild, Several Arrows Later.
My Rating: 8.3 out of 10.
Rockford Charitable Games Association: This is supposedly a charity here in Illinois. But as far as I can tell it’s just a front for an underground casino. They play Texas Hold ‘Em out several different locations each week. They claim to give the rake to charity. But I just don’t believe them. Plus it’s a lot cooler if you feel like you could be arrested at any given time during a hand. Plus I won over 60 dollars there so I’m real hot on it.
Things I’m not hot on ( a.k.a. The Not Hot List):
Domino: No, I haven’t seen the movie. But have you seen Keira Knightley’s butch hair cut in this film. I don’t care what the character is suppose to look like, this was a terrible idea. Since 90% of the people who go to see this movie will be men going to watch Knightley is a really a good idea to give her a 10 year-old boy’s hair cut? The answer my friends is no.
Smoking: Against my better judgment, I recently quit quitting smoking. My main reason for this is I have too much time on my hands, it gives me some extra motivation w/ homework as well as something to plan my day around. Now as depressing as that last sentence was, I made it sound as if smoking was a good thing. Well it’s not. I’m starting to remember why I hate smoking. First you always smell, and there’s only so much Axe a man can spray on himself. And even after you brush your teeth the stench and taste never really leaves you mouth.
Rookie of the Year: All I remembered of this movie was the premise and that I loved it as a kid. A few days ago my suite mates and I re-watched it. And this movie is so f*cking unrealistic it hurts. And I know it’s a kid’s movie and expecting realism is ignorant. I think what really disappointed me was the low standards I had for movies as a child.
Things I’m hot on, but really wish I wasn’t (a.k.a Guilty Pleasures):
Facebook.com: While I tell myself I’m just on there to kill time, I’m starting to enjoy it, a lot. And if you know anything about this site you should know why it’s a guilty pleasure.
Cameron Crowe: I love his films, there I said it. I’m constantly re-watching Vanilla Sky, Jerry McGuire, Say Anything, the works. So why is it a guilty pleasure. B/C the guys an ass clown. He’s stuck in the eighties, for further proof see the line in the VS where he tells someone he’s attracted to a girl by saying: I dug her completely. And now Elizabethtown is coming out today, which stars Orlando Bloom and Kristen Dunst. On paper this movie looks real sh*tty. But I’m sure I’m going love it. And then I’ll have to hide the fact that I liked an Orlando Bloom film from people. And that’s why Cameron is a guilty pleasure.
Until We Meet Again
Things I’m hot on:
Thumbsucker: This was a really good movie. Something, and I’m not even sure what it is, kept it from being great. Oddly it wasn’t the presence of Keanu Reeves, whose character is so good that not even he could ruin it. It wasn’t Benjamin Bratt, who surprisingly steals this movie, mainly because he has another one of the films great characters. I really can’t say what it was, but something kept this movie from being great. Either way this film is definitely worth while and I’d highly recommend it to anyone. Even if you’re not into intelligent/indie films go for the fact that Kelli Garner is ridiculously hot in this film.
Matt Pond PA – Several Arrows Later: This band continues to get better with each album. They’ve set the bar extremely high for all Chamber Pop bands. This album is MPPA’s popiest to date, as the band beautifully steals from the Arcade Fire,Travis and even the Strokes at times. There’s also a song called ‘The Moviegoer’ giving the band big points for referencing Walker Percy. The only problem with this album is the same problem with all MPPA albums. While all the songs are nice and lovely, not all of them stand out, the middle tracks on this album tend to blend together. While it’s not like they’re bad songs, they just don’t stand out. Another downside is the single: Halloween, which is easily the best song on the album, is destined to make this band semi-popular. And as an elitist a-hole I’m very opposed to this. Other then that this is a really solid album, easily the bands most experimental. Highlight Songs: Halloween, So Much Trouble, Emblems, The Trees and the Wild, Several Arrows Later.
My Rating: 8.3 out of 10.
Rockford Charitable Games Association: This is supposedly a charity here in Illinois. But as far as I can tell it’s just a front for an underground casino. They play Texas Hold ‘Em out several different locations each week. They claim to give the rake to charity. But I just don’t believe them. Plus it’s a lot cooler if you feel like you could be arrested at any given time during a hand. Plus I won over 60 dollars there so I’m real hot on it.
Things I’m not hot on ( a.k.a. The Not Hot List):
Domino: No, I haven’t seen the movie. But have you seen Keira Knightley’s butch hair cut in this film. I don’t care what the character is suppose to look like, this was a terrible idea. Since 90% of the people who go to see this movie will be men going to watch Knightley is a really a good idea to give her a 10 year-old boy’s hair cut? The answer my friends is no.
Smoking: Against my better judgment, I recently quit quitting smoking. My main reason for this is I have too much time on my hands, it gives me some extra motivation w/ homework as well as something to plan my day around. Now as depressing as that last sentence was, I made it sound as if smoking was a good thing. Well it’s not. I’m starting to remember why I hate smoking. First you always smell, and there’s only so much Axe a man can spray on himself. And even after you brush your teeth the stench and taste never really leaves you mouth.
Rookie of the Year: All I remembered of this movie was the premise and that I loved it as a kid. A few days ago my suite mates and I re-watched it. And this movie is so f*cking unrealistic it hurts. And I know it’s a kid’s movie and expecting realism is ignorant. I think what really disappointed me was the low standards I had for movies as a child.
Things I’m hot on, but really wish I wasn’t (a.k.a Guilty Pleasures):
Facebook.com: While I tell myself I’m just on there to kill time, I’m starting to enjoy it, a lot. And if you know anything about this site you should know why it’s a guilty pleasure.
Cameron Crowe: I love his films, there I said it. I’m constantly re-watching Vanilla Sky, Jerry McGuire, Say Anything, the works. So why is it a guilty pleasure. B/C the guys an ass clown. He’s stuck in the eighties, for further proof see the line in the VS where he tells someone he’s attracted to a girl by saying: I dug her completely. And now Elizabethtown is coming out today, which stars Orlando Bloom and Kristen Dunst. On paper this movie looks real sh*tty. But I’m sure I’m going love it. And then I’ll have to hide the fact that I liked an Orlando Bloom film from people. And that’s why Cameron is a guilty pleasure.
Until We Meet Again
Monday, October 10, 2005
Attention American Screen Writers: You’re Not J.D. Salinger.
Ok we’ve all read Catcher and the Rye. It was a great book. It perfectly captured the male adolescent and even foreshadowed the emo phenomenon. The book has a nostalgic feel, even the first time reading it, because the male reader can relate to it so well. And Franny and Zoey is equally as amazing. But I’ve got news for all of you, you’re not J.D. Salinger. Trying to re-write Catcher is played. Trying to make every dysfunctional family the Glass family is over done. You’re not witty, clever or elitist for mentioning or alluding to Holden Caulfield. I have a wonderful idea for all of you, try be original once in your worthless life. You’re not doing anyone a favor by butchering either of Salinger’s novels. No one cares how your life parallels Holden’s. That girl you fell in love with wasn’t Zooey, you were just trying to force her to be Zooey. Making a film about her is interesting to know one. For f*ck sake move on and start copying another writer.
Until We Meet Again
Until We Meet Again
Friday, October 07, 2005
It's been a long time. But you know what they say, slow motion better then no motion.
So I've been incrediblly busy this last week, and so instead of updating with something new I'll give you all a blast from the past: an old top 5 list. Here it is:
Top 5 Euphemisms for Heterosexual Intercourse.
5. Doing the DEW!!?!?!?!?!?!?
4. Bumping Nasties.
3. Genital Bowling.
2. That thing my parents do when they think I’m asleep.
1. Balls to taint slapping.
Until We Meet Again
Top 5 Euphemisms for Heterosexual Intercourse.
5. Doing the DEW!!?!?!?!?!?!?
4. Bumping Nasties.
3. Genital Bowling.
2. That thing my parents do when they think I’m asleep.
1. Balls to taint slapping.
Until We Meet Again
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Stop everything and...
Go to theonion.com and then go to the sports page. There's a photo and headline on the right side that is probably the funniest thing I've ever seen.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Say It Ain't So
As a follow up to a recent post about things I’ve never gotten over, I give you, perhaps the on thing I’ll never ever get over. So with out further ado…
Weezer Fall: Listen, no matter who you are at some point in your life you loved Weezer. The blue album is probably the best power pop album of the 90’s. And Pinkerton, the defining album of my high school years, is the best melancholy/emo* album not put out by the Cure or the Smiths. Whether you got off on the catchy radio hits or the edgy pseudo-Pixies songs they did, you loved Weezer at some point and time. Then they fell off the face of the earth. And years later, like the Phoenix they rose again.
They returned by releasing the Green album. It was kinda of fun and catchy, but horribly flawed. But we (I say we b/c I refuse to belief that I was the only one who felt or did these things.) ignored the generic, uninspired lyrics and the never ending verse solos because we were all happy to have Weezer back in our lives. We rationalized the fact that they never played Pinkerton songs live by saying that they were just fronting their new album. We looked the other way as Rivers Cumo started showing up on magazine covers like Tiger Beat and Teen Vouge. We all told ourselves that redemption would come in their new album.
Then Maladroit came out. It wasn’t bad, and it wasn’t great, it just was. There were a few stand out songs, but for the most part the album just didn’t do anything. It was obvious to anyone who for some odd reason wasn’t in love with the Weezer of yesteryears, that the band was done trying to experiment musically. And that their main influence had shifted from the Pixies to the Foo Fighters. Yet still we held out hope, hope that one day the real Weezer return and they’d start making good music again. And then the band came out with Make Believe, and by doing so caused anyone who actually liked Weezer for their good music to loose all faith in them. This album, which sucks more sh*t then I care to think about, was like a cock-slap to the face of all their fans who wanted to believe that their two post-Pinkerton albums were just flukes or growing pains. The first time I heard that Beverly Hills was a Weezer song, I thought it was a joke. I thought for sure that Simple Plan or SR-71 had ambushed the band in the recording studio and then put out their new album under the moniker of Weezer. This song is probably the worst radio hit since O.M.C.’s How Bizzare or Deep Blue Something’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Or any song by Lit and the Offspring, who I think were actually the same band, but that’s a topic for another day. Make Believe caps off Weezer’s fall from greatness. It’s like Nero reign in Rome or Dwight Gooden’s career after he got busted for coke, things will never be the same. And now they’ve put out their new single “Everyone’s on Drugs”, which is about as enjoyable as constantly re-watching the Passions of the Christ. How far Weezer has fallen is definitely on the list of things I’ll never get over. To make matters worse I’m pretty sure I’ll be saying/thinking something very similar to this on Modest Mouse in 3-5 years.
Until We Meet Again
*I don’t mean emo in the sh*t-eating whinny Dashboard sense, but in the actually good musically and lyrically sense. Hopefully you’re not a dumb sh*t and you understand what I’m talking about.
Weezer Fall: Listen, no matter who you are at some point in your life you loved Weezer. The blue album is probably the best power pop album of the 90’s. And Pinkerton, the defining album of my high school years, is the best melancholy/emo* album not put out by the Cure or the Smiths. Whether you got off on the catchy radio hits or the edgy pseudo-Pixies songs they did, you loved Weezer at some point and time. Then they fell off the face of the earth. And years later, like the Phoenix they rose again.
They returned by releasing the Green album. It was kinda of fun and catchy, but horribly flawed. But we (I say we b/c I refuse to belief that I was the only one who felt or did these things.) ignored the generic, uninspired lyrics and the never ending verse solos because we were all happy to have Weezer back in our lives. We rationalized the fact that they never played Pinkerton songs live by saying that they were just fronting their new album. We looked the other way as Rivers Cumo started showing up on magazine covers like Tiger Beat and Teen Vouge. We all told ourselves that redemption would come in their new album.
Then Maladroit came out. It wasn’t bad, and it wasn’t great, it just was. There were a few stand out songs, but for the most part the album just didn’t do anything. It was obvious to anyone who for some odd reason wasn’t in love with the Weezer of yesteryears, that the band was done trying to experiment musically. And that their main influence had shifted from the Pixies to the Foo Fighters. Yet still we held out hope, hope that one day the real Weezer return and they’d start making good music again. And then the band came out with Make Believe, and by doing so caused anyone who actually liked Weezer for their good music to loose all faith in them. This album, which sucks more sh*t then I care to think about, was like a cock-slap to the face of all their fans who wanted to believe that their two post-Pinkerton albums were just flukes or growing pains. The first time I heard that Beverly Hills was a Weezer song, I thought it was a joke. I thought for sure that Simple Plan or SR-71 had ambushed the band in the recording studio and then put out their new album under the moniker of Weezer. This song is probably the worst radio hit since O.M.C.’s How Bizzare or Deep Blue Something’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Or any song by Lit and the Offspring, who I think were actually the same band, but that’s a topic for another day. Make Believe caps off Weezer’s fall from greatness. It’s like Nero reign in Rome or Dwight Gooden’s career after he got busted for coke, things will never be the same. And now they’ve put out their new single “Everyone’s on Drugs”, which is about as enjoyable as constantly re-watching the Passions of the Christ. How far Weezer has fallen is definitely on the list of things I’ll never get over. To make matters worse I’m pretty sure I’ll be saying/thinking something very similar to this on Modest Mouse in 3-5 years.
Until We Meet Again
*I don’t mean emo in the sh*t-eating whinny Dashboard sense, but in the actually good musically and lyrically sense. Hopefully you’re not a dumb sh*t and you understand what I’m talking about.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
You can take all the tea in China. Put it in a big brown bag for me.
More blurbs and things of that nature.
· If you haven’t seen it yet drop everything and check out Jake Plumber’s mustache: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/players/profile?playerId=1177
· Whoever Green lighted Commander and Chief deserves to be shot, and then left for dead in New Mexico. Well you could probably take out the shot part and it would still be pretty bad.
· My roommate (who happens to be a huge cock monger) recently went to a Hot Hot Heat concert, and now that’s the only band he plays in our room. This band is like the soundtrack to a seizure. I almost vomit everytime I walk in and see that shit eater rocking out to this gawd awful music. (Editor’s Note: They actually have a few decent songs, but never, under any circumstance play more then 3 songs of theirs in a row. Just trust me on this.)
· Is there anything worse then the girl whose b/f plays on a sports team and then she feels compelled to out scream everyone whenever her significant other does anything half way decent. Man I hate that sh*t.
· Wouldn’t life be better if everyone referred to his or her reproductive organ as their ‘wrong wrong’.
· I’ve decided to curb my roommate. I came to this decision after I was woken up by his girlfriend text messaging him. He then preceded to call her and talk in the boyfriend voice for no less then 30 minutes. Keep in mind this was all happening at 8:45. I didn’t have to get up till 1:00. What an a$$.
· If you’re desperately missing Ryan Adams’s Wiskeytown days, then go out and buy his new CD “Jacksonville City Lights”. The CD is pure unadulterated country. It gets a bit too twangy at times, but the bright spots easily outway the ruff ones. And the highlights, as they are on all Ryan Adams CDs, are incredible. This album’s big winner is “The End” or “Hard Way to Fall”. Overall I give it a 7.5 out of 10.
· Whenever someone yells “We love you (insert band or person’s name)” at a concert I always feel compelled to yell “Speak for yourself b*tch” right after that.
· Of all the pointless traditions I semi-keep for myself I find know to be more enjoyable or as constant as my tradition of playing Pavement’s “Cut Your Hair” after each hair cut. (Ed: The one tradition that is way more constant then this one is the touching of my wrong wrong when I’m sad.)
· Has any trend ever been worse then the popped collar fad?
· Take my word for it, the freshman 15 is put on warp speed by the presence of a soft serve ice cream.
· After reviewing all my options and thinking things over during numerous sleepless nights I’ve decided my dream job would have to be being a Mob boss with a heart of gold.
· After seeing him live, I’ve recently been playing Sufjan Steven’s album Illinois almost non-stop and I’ve come to two conclusions 1. This is not only far and away the best album of this year, but… 2. This maybe the best album since OK Computer. Is currently 2:00 a.m., so that may explain for the hyperbole, but the album is really freakin’ good.
· I realize most of this post wouldn’t even pass as my B-Game, yet I feel obligated to post for all of my readers. You should all feel guilty about the poor quality of this post. This is what happens when you rush art. Have a good weekend.
Until We Meet Again
· If you haven’t seen it yet drop everything and check out Jake Plumber’s mustache: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/players/profile?playerId=1177
· Whoever Green lighted Commander and Chief deserves to be shot, and then left for dead in New Mexico. Well you could probably take out the shot part and it would still be pretty bad.
· My roommate (who happens to be a huge cock monger) recently went to a Hot Hot Heat concert, and now that’s the only band he plays in our room. This band is like the soundtrack to a seizure. I almost vomit everytime I walk in and see that shit eater rocking out to this gawd awful music. (Editor’s Note: They actually have a few decent songs, but never, under any circumstance play more then 3 songs of theirs in a row. Just trust me on this.)
· Is there anything worse then the girl whose b/f plays on a sports team and then she feels compelled to out scream everyone whenever her significant other does anything half way decent. Man I hate that sh*t.
· Wouldn’t life be better if everyone referred to his or her reproductive organ as their ‘wrong wrong’.
· I’ve decided to curb my roommate. I came to this decision after I was woken up by his girlfriend text messaging him. He then preceded to call her and talk in the boyfriend voice for no less then 30 minutes. Keep in mind this was all happening at 8:45. I didn’t have to get up till 1:00. What an a$$.
· If you’re desperately missing Ryan Adams’s Wiskeytown days, then go out and buy his new CD “Jacksonville City Lights”. The CD is pure unadulterated country. It gets a bit too twangy at times, but the bright spots easily outway the ruff ones. And the highlights, as they are on all Ryan Adams CDs, are incredible. This album’s big winner is “The End” or “Hard Way to Fall”. Overall I give it a 7.5 out of 10.
· Whenever someone yells “We love you (insert band or person’s name)” at a concert I always feel compelled to yell “Speak for yourself b*tch” right after that.
· Of all the pointless traditions I semi-keep for myself I find know to be more enjoyable or as constant as my tradition of playing Pavement’s “Cut Your Hair” after each hair cut. (Ed: The one tradition that is way more constant then this one is the touching of my wrong wrong when I’m sad.)
· Has any trend ever been worse then the popped collar fad?
· Take my word for it, the freshman 15 is put on warp speed by the presence of a soft serve ice cream.
· After reviewing all my options and thinking things over during numerous sleepless nights I’ve decided my dream job would have to be being a Mob boss with a heart of gold.
· After seeing him live, I’ve recently been playing Sufjan Steven’s album Illinois almost non-stop and I’ve come to two conclusions 1. This is not only far and away the best album of this year, but… 2. This maybe the best album since OK Computer. Is currently 2:00 a.m., so that may explain for the hyperbole, but the album is really freakin’ good.
· I realize most of this post wouldn’t even pass as my B-Game, yet I feel obligated to post for all of my readers. You should all feel guilty about the poor quality of this post. This is what happens when you rush art. Have a good weekend.
Until We Meet Again
Monday, September 26, 2005
Memories and Memoirs, Part 1
So after re-watching High Fidelity, one of the best movies evah, I came across a line that got me thinking. The line was:
“Some people never got over ‘Nam or the night their band opened for Nirvana. Well I never got over Charlie.”
This line got me thinking about things I’ve never gotten over. Some of them I may never get over, others I maybe over by the time I finish typing this. But either way here’s Part 1 of the list of things I’ve yet to get over.
The Ninja Gadien Trilogy: Three of the best video games ever, and on each one I’ve gotten to the final boss and never, despite countless hours of trying, defeated him. That fact haunts me to this day.
My Half Brother cheating every time we play Scategories: Seriously, who the f*** does he think he is? I mean it’s Scategories for chrissakes. I could go off on countless stories, b/c he cheats every f***ing time we play, but I’ll stick with just one story. One of the categories was toys and the letter was W, so this a-hole puts down Wonka trucks. Now we all know that it’s Tonka Trucks. Still, this lying POS went on to convince whoever it was we were playing with that the companies name was actually Wonka and they bought it. I was the only one who tried to vote him down. F him and F all of those people we played with that day.
The Ending to Huck Finn: Here we have a novel that was on the verge of being extrodinary, and then Twain pulls a Chris Webber on us. Seriously, he negates all the character progression that has gone on to this point and almost ruins the novel. I take it back, this is like C-Webb, the Buffalo Bills, Donovan Mcnab, Greg Norman and Byung Yung Kim all rolled into one.
The fact that System of a Down is really, really good: Honestly have you listened to this band? The tempo changes they pull are absolutely amazing. Their lead singer has an incredible voice with superb range. And I don’t even like the style of music they do but the songs are always catchy. Sh*t I hate the fact this band is too damned talented for me to label them as a guilty pleasure.
That the Arcade Fire-Wolf Parade Show in Chi-town being sold out: Truthfully I’m pretty much over this one, but this show is an absolute cream dream. By the time I found out about it it was already sold out. Damn.
The U of A – Illinois Game, 2005: I've tried long and hard to convince myself that his game never happened, but it did. Let me give you a little background here so you can understand the whole picture. U of A basketball is my 2nd religion, I’m completely serious. I live in die by this team every year from November to April. So here I am going to school in Chicago where everyone and there mother has jumped on the Illini bandwagon. Arizona has a 13 point lead 3 minutes left. I’m headed for the best gloating seesion of all-time, and the team to which I’ve devoted 20 solid years to is on the verge of the basketball Mecca known as the Final Four. Things couldn’t have possibly been better at that moment. And then, sh*t happened. I’d go into detail of telling you how they fell apart and eventually lost in OT all the while the refs swallowed their whistles. But I’d rather do something less painful like repeatedly stab myself in the penis with a sharp fork. I know now that I’ll never get over this game; I think I’m going go puke now and then take my own life. The mere memories of this game send me into a minor depression, seriously. Well now I feel completely miserable, stay tuned for part II.
Until We Meet Again
“Some people never got over ‘Nam or the night their band opened for Nirvana. Well I never got over Charlie.”
This line got me thinking about things I’ve never gotten over. Some of them I may never get over, others I maybe over by the time I finish typing this. But either way here’s Part 1 of the list of things I’ve yet to get over.
The Ninja Gadien Trilogy: Three of the best video games ever, and on each one I’ve gotten to the final boss and never, despite countless hours of trying, defeated him. That fact haunts me to this day.
My Half Brother cheating every time we play Scategories: Seriously, who the f*** does he think he is? I mean it’s Scategories for chrissakes. I could go off on countless stories, b/c he cheats every f***ing time we play, but I’ll stick with just one story. One of the categories was toys and the letter was W, so this a-hole puts down Wonka trucks. Now we all know that it’s Tonka Trucks. Still, this lying POS went on to convince whoever it was we were playing with that the companies name was actually Wonka and they bought it. I was the only one who tried to vote him down. F him and F all of those people we played with that day.
The Ending to Huck Finn: Here we have a novel that was on the verge of being extrodinary, and then Twain pulls a Chris Webber on us. Seriously, he negates all the character progression that has gone on to this point and almost ruins the novel. I take it back, this is like C-Webb, the Buffalo Bills, Donovan Mcnab, Greg Norman and Byung Yung Kim all rolled into one.
The fact that System of a Down is really, really good: Honestly have you listened to this band? The tempo changes they pull are absolutely amazing. Their lead singer has an incredible voice with superb range. And I don’t even like the style of music they do but the songs are always catchy. Sh*t I hate the fact this band is too damned talented for me to label them as a guilty pleasure.
That the Arcade Fire-Wolf Parade Show in Chi-town being sold out: Truthfully I’m pretty much over this one, but this show is an absolute cream dream. By the time I found out about it it was already sold out. Damn.
The U of A – Illinois Game, 2005: I've tried long and hard to convince myself that his game never happened, but it did. Let me give you a little background here so you can understand the whole picture. U of A basketball is my 2nd religion, I’m completely serious. I live in die by this team every year from November to April. So here I am going to school in Chicago where everyone and there mother has jumped on the Illini bandwagon. Arizona has a 13 point lead 3 minutes left. I’m headed for the best gloating seesion of all-time, and the team to which I’ve devoted 20 solid years to is on the verge of the basketball Mecca known as the Final Four. Things couldn’t have possibly been better at that moment. And then, sh*t happened. I’d go into detail of telling you how they fell apart and eventually lost in OT all the while the refs swallowed their whistles. But I’d rather do something less painful like repeatedly stab myself in the penis with a sharp fork. I know now that I’ll never get over this game; I think I’m going go puke now and then take my own life. The mere memories of this game send me into a minor depression, seriously. Well now I feel completely miserable, stay tuned for part II.
Until We Meet Again
Friday, September 23, 2005
Do you believe in MGM Endings
More blurbs and bullet points (mainly to keep my half brother off my back).
- Hurricane Rita reminds me of those bands that have a really popular debut album then rush out their 2nd album a few months later only to find that it sucks and people have lost interest. (Note: It’s a joke…)
- After a good deal of thought I’ve decided that the sh*tty lip wrist-core that is currently sweeping the nation can be traced back, like almost all modern music, to the Pixies.
- I’ve now lowered my dating standards to a girl who would be able to understand how kick ass the mix I would give her is.
- I’m not the first person to find out about this, but the rand facts about chuck Norris and Vin Diesel are probably two of the funniest websites I’ve ever been to.
- More songs I missed on the Hurricane Katrina Mix: I wish I was in New Orleans by Tom Waits and Eye of the Hurricane by The Alarm.
- You know you live an uneventful/depressing life when you’re considering taking up smoking again just to kill time.
- Life’s a bitch and I’m her whore.
- Currently Chicago weather is hot, humid and miserable overall. With in a matter of weeks it will be too cold to go outside and equally as miserable. What a great city!?!?!?!!?!?
- True story: So I was walking on Wheaton’s Campus last weekend when a group of jr. highers and their leader came up with a video camera. They explained to me that they were doing a thing for their youth group where they were going around telling people they got punk’d. So they told me I got punk’d. I then punched all of them in the face and started shouting “No Bitch you got punk’d!!!!” Well the first part was true.
- If the only people who request to be my friends on myspace are topless guys who are obviously unsure about their sexuality and gay Latinos what does that say about me?
- Am I the only one who can stop thinking of the old SNL skit about Hurricane Dikta?
- Looking for a good book to make you feel racially aware and intellecitual read The Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. DuBois.
- I think one of my life goals is to have a silhouette of myself appear in an Ipod ad.
- Reason #164 I hate my Roommate: He’s always shushing me when I walk into our room because he’s on the phone with his special lady friend. What a cock gobbler.
Until We Meet Again
- Hurricane Rita reminds me of those bands that have a really popular debut album then rush out their 2nd album a few months later only to find that it sucks and people have lost interest. (Note: It’s a joke…)
- After a good deal of thought I’ve decided that the sh*tty lip wrist-core that is currently sweeping the nation can be traced back, like almost all modern music, to the Pixies.
- I’ve now lowered my dating standards to a girl who would be able to understand how kick ass the mix I would give her is.
- I’m not the first person to find out about this, but the rand facts about chuck Norris and Vin Diesel are probably two of the funniest websites I’ve ever been to.
- More songs I missed on the Hurricane Katrina Mix: I wish I was in New Orleans by Tom Waits and Eye of the Hurricane by The Alarm.
- You know you live an uneventful/depressing life when you’re considering taking up smoking again just to kill time.
- Life’s a bitch and I’m her whore.
- Currently Chicago weather is hot, humid and miserable overall. With in a matter of weeks it will be too cold to go outside and equally as miserable. What a great city!?!?!?!!?!?
- True story: So I was walking on Wheaton’s Campus last weekend when a group of jr. highers and their leader came up with a video camera. They explained to me that they were doing a thing for their youth group where they were going around telling people they got punk’d. So they told me I got punk’d. I then punched all of them in the face and started shouting “No Bitch you got punk’d!!!!” Well the first part was true.
- If the only people who request to be my friends on myspace are topless guys who are obviously unsure about their sexuality and gay Latinos what does that say about me?
- Am I the only one who can stop thinking of the old SNL skit about Hurricane Dikta?
- Looking for a good book to make you feel racially aware and intellecitual read The Souls of Black Folk by W.E.B. DuBois.
- I think one of my life goals is to have a silhouette of myself appear in an Ipod ad.
- Reason #164 I hate my Roommate: He’s always shushing me when I walk into our room because he’s on the phone with his special lady friend. What a cock gobbler.
Until We Meet Again
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Well here’s my newest hot list.
Things I’m hot on:
Sufjan Stevens: Wow, what a man. I wasn’t terribly familiar with Illinois, his latest album, when I saw him live, but wow. This was easily one of the three best shows I’ve ever seen. The guys really good and if you have a chance to go see him do so, I promise you won’t regret it. I’m not going to say anything else about the show b/c there’s no way I’ll do it justice.
Kanye West – Late Registration: Quickly approaching the “Holy F*cking Sh*t” level.
Salinger: First I read Catcher in the Rye, about two years too late but it was still great, and I’m halfway through Franny and Zoey which is rocking my socks off. So yeah.
Music: Elizabethtown Soundtrack, Castle Old Chair – Sad Pants: Don’t let the name fool you, this is not an emo album, just really good music. Tim Booth – Bone, Crooker Fingers – Dignity & Shame: I’d forgotten how great this album is, Hayden – Elk Lake Serenade, Silver Jews – Tanglewood Numbers: This album isn’t as good as all the others, but it’s growing on me. Especially Punks in the Beerlight and I’m getting back into getting back into you.
Arrested Development Season 3: One episode in and I’m hooked, this show has yet to miss a beat, just amazing.
Things I’m not hot on ( a.k.a. The Not Hot List):
Girls who wear dresses: It’s one thing if you have date, or it’s Sunday and you went to church. But if it’s Thursday and the only place your going is to the cafeteria, then why the f*ck are you so overdressed? Listen we understood that you were lady like when you refused to put out, wearing the dress is just overkill.
The new Deathcab CD: Against my better judgment I gave this Cd a listen and wow, it blew a$$. I mean it made Transatlantacisim look pretty good by comparison. This band is doing everything in its power to make me forget how good the Forbidden Love EP is.
Tampon commercials: That sh*t is gross!!!?!!?!?!?
Things I’m hot on, but really wish I wasn’t (a.k.a Guilty Pleasures):
Yahoo Pool: I currently lead a very sad life.
My Ipod: Not only does it keep me company when I leave my room, but it has also saved me from several stop and talks. But b/c I feel like an a-hole hipster for always having it with me, it has to be labeled as a guilty pleasure.
Until Next We Meet Again
Things I’m hot on:
Sufjan Stevens: Wow, what a man. I wasn’t terribly familiar with Illinois, his latest album, when I saw him live, but wow. This was easily one of the three best shows I’ve ever seen. The guys really good and if you have a chance to go see him do so, I promise you won’t regret it. I’m not going to say anything else about the show b/c there’s no way I’ll do it justice.
Kanye West – Late Registration: Quickly approaching the “Holy F*cking Sh*t” level.
Salinger: First I read Catcher in the Rye, about two years too late but it was still great, and I’m halfway through Franny and Zoey which is rocking my socks off. So yeah.
Music: Elizabethtown Soundtrack, Castle Old Chair – Sad Pants: Don’t let the name fool you, this is not an emo album, just really good music. Tim Booth – Bone, Crooker Fingers – Dignity & Shame: I’d forgotten how great this album is, Hayden – Elk Lake Serenade, Silver Jews – Tanglewood Numbers: This album isn’t as good as all the others, but it’s growing on me. Especially Punks in the Beerlight and I’m getting back into getting back into you.
Arrested Development Season 3: One episode in and I’m hooked, this show has yet to miss a beat, just amazing.
Things I’m not hot on ( a.k.a. The Not Hot List):
Girls who wear dresses: It’s one thing if you have date, or it’s Sunday and you went to church. But if it’s Thursday and the only place your going is to the cafeteria, then why the f*ck are you so overdressed? Listen we understood that you were lady like when you refused to put out, wearing the dress is just overkill.
The new Deathcab CD: Against my better judgment I gave this Cd a listen and wow, it blew a$$. I mean it made Transatlantacisim look pretty good by comparison. This band is doing everything in its power to make me forget how good the Forbidden Love EP is.
Tampon commercials: That sh*t is gross!!!?!!?!?!?
Things I’m hot on, but really wish I wasn’t (a.k.a Guilty Pleasures):
Yahoo Pool: I currently lead a very sad life.
My Ipod: Not only does it keep me company when I leave my room, but it has also saved me from several stop and talks. But b/c I feel like an a-hole hipster for always having it with me, it has to be labeled as a guilty pleasure.
Until Next We Meet Again
Friday, September 16, 2005
Jesus rides beside me, He never buys any smokes.
Here’s yet another sampling of my thoughts
· Why would anyone think it’s a good idea to tell you that a mentally handicap person is “a breath of fresh air”
· Do women see an ad for tampons on TV and then feel the immediate impulse to go out and buy that brand? Or are they just as uncomfortable as us when they come on?
· Book recommendation: The Brief and Freighting Reign" of Phil by George Saunders. This book is brilliantly written, weird as all hell, and oddly moving. And it’s an extremely quick read, pick this sh*t up.
· No matter how many times I see Jerry McGuire, I still get chocked up at the “I’m not letting you get rid of me” line.
· I have a phenomenal idea for a reality TV show. Find a gay football player, get him on a team in the NFL. Then let all they players on that team know he’s gay and just have the cameras rolling. Not Only am I certain this would make for great entertainment, but everyone would watch it.
· Avid reader Travis P. pointed out that I had two key misses in my Hurricane Katrina mix, Blame it on the rain by Milli Vanilli and Rock me like a hurricane by the Scorpions. In related news I’m still headed straight for hell.
· If you haven’t seen it, watch the Black Bush skit on Chappelle Season 2. Probably the hardest I’ve laughed evah!!!!
· I often feel a bit sound when I realize the only chance Arizona ever has of winning a national championship in football is when I play with them in NCAA Football 2005. And yes I have a very sad life right now.
· Which musical style is more generic, mainstream country or mainstream rap?
· Is it a curse or a mixed blessing that I’m great at nothing but near average on several things?
· I’m going to see Sufjan Stevens tomorrow. I having nothing more to add to this, I just wanted to brag.
· No matter how many times I watch the Real Cancun the “For a piece of a$$ you’re never going see again…You had 24 hours” line followed by the “ohhhh” gets me every time.
Until We Meet Again
· Why would anyone think it’s a good idea to tell you that a mentally handicap person is “a breath of fresh air”
· Do women see an ad for tampons on TV and then feel the immediate impulse to go out and buy that brand? Or are they just as uncomfortable as us when they come on?
· Book recommendation: The Brief and Freighting Reign" of Phil by George Saunders. This book is brilliantly written, weird as all hell, and oddly moving. And it’s an extremely quick read, pick this sh*t up.
· No matter how many times I see Jerry McGuire, I still get chocked up at the “I’m not letting you get rid of me” line.
· I have a phenomenal idea for a reality TV show. Find a gay football player, get him on a team in the NFL. Then let all they players on that team know he’s gay and just have the cameras rolling. Not Only am I certain this would make for great entertainment, but everyone would watch it.
· Avid reader Travis P. pointed out that I had two key misses in my Hurricane Katrina mix, Blame it on the rain by Milli Vanilli and Rock me like a hurricane by the Scorpions. In related news I’m still headed straight for hell.
· If you haven’t seen it, watch the Black Bush skit on Chappelle Season 2. Probably the hardest I’ve laughed evah!!!!
· I often feel a bit sound when I realize the only chance Arizona ever has of winning a national championship in football is when I play with them in NCAA Football 2005. And yes I have a very sad life right now.
· Which musical style is more generic, mainstream country or mainstream rap?
· Is it a curse or a mixed blessing that I’m great at nothing but near average on several things?
· I’m going to see Sufjan Stevens tomorrow. I having nothing more to add to this, I just wanted to brag.
· No matter how many times I watch the Real Cancun the “For a piece of a$$ you’re never going see again…You had 24 hours” line followed by the “ohhhh” gets me every time.
Until We Meet Again
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
A theory, and I’m probably an Insomniac
So as I begin typing this it’s currently 3:30 in the a.m. Chicago time. So as you read on remember that you’re reading the writings of a desperate, tired and semi-horny man. Anyhow, as I was lying awake in my bed pondering why my room feels like a sauna (side note: F*CK the Midwest and its F*CKING humidity.) I had a miraculous thought/theory. I will now precede to give birth to this idea that I’ve become impregnated with. So with out further ado I present to you my Ashton Kutcher theory. (Quick question: Does the fact that I’m thinking about Ashton Kutcher at 3:30 in the morning mean I’m gay… on second thought don’t answer that.) So here’s how the theory works. We all have a celebrity, who sucks sh*t, yet time we always see there new movies. For me that celebrity is Ashton Kutcher. After checking out his filmography on imdb.com I found out that I’ve seen over 70% of Ashton’s films. Now I making myself extremely venerable by telling you all this, but I don’t care. We all have are sh*tty celebrity to whom we see all their movies, no matter how terrible they’ll be. And thus the Ashton Kutcher Theory is born. You can make fun of me all you want, but deep down you to have a guilty pleasure actor or actress. Well I’m going go to sleep now, I’ll update again on Friday.
Until We meet Again
Until We meet Again
Monday, September 12, 2005
Hurricane Katrina
Remember after 9/11 when they stopped playing a bunch of songs on the radio because they were deemed offensive in some way or another. Well in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina I’ve compiled a list of songs that clear channel may want to stop playing for awhile. So now with out further ado, here’s my Hurricane Katrina mix.
Disclaimer: I realize this is a tragedy. I’ve given money to the Red Cross, I’m constantly in prayer for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. This list is my attempt at black comedy. It maybe in extremely poor taste, and poorly timed, but sometimes greatness requires great risk taking. I apologize to anyone who might be offended. I only intended this for comical purposes.
1. Jars Clay – Flood (Yeah you should probably stop reading now.)
2. Belle & Sebastian – Get Me Away from Here I’m Dying
3. Bob Dylan – Hurricane
4. Led Zeppelin – When the Levy Breaks
5. Badly Drawn Boy – Wet, Wet, Wet
6. Silver Jews – New Orleans
7. M. Ward – So Much Water
8. BJ Thomas – Rain Drops Keep Falling on my Head
9. David Gray – Dead in the Water (I felt really bad about this one.)
10. Fruit Bats – The Wind that Blew My Heart Away
11. Hillary Duff – Let the Rain Fall Down
12. Fountains of Wayne – Sink to the Bottom
13. Poor Rich Ones – Drown
14. Pixies – Wave of Mutilation
So Now that you all know I’m destined for hell, have a great day.
Until We Meet Again
Disclaimer: I realize this is a tragedy. I’ve given money to the Red Cross, I’m constantly in prayer for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. This list is my attempt at black comedy. It maybe in extremely poor taste, and poorly timed, but sometimes greatness requires great risk taking. I apologize to anyone who might be offended. I only intended this for comical purposes.
1. Jars Clay – Flood (Yeah you should probably stop reading now.)
2. Belle & Sebastian – Get Me Away from Here I’m Dying
3. Bob Dylan – Hurricane
4. Led Zeppelin – When the Levy Breaks
5. Badly Drawn Boy – Wet, Wet, Wet
6. Silver Jews – New Orleans
7. M. Ward – So Much Water
8. BJ Thomas – Rain Drops Keep Falling on my Head
9. David Gray – Dead in the Water (I felt really bad about this one.)
10. Fruit Bats – The Wind that Blew My Heart Away
11. Hillary Duff – Let the Rain Fall Down
12. Fountains of Wayne – Sink to the Bottom
13. Poor Rich Ones – Drown
14. Pixies – Wave of Mutilation
So Now that you all know I’m destined for hell, have a great day.
Until We Meet Again
Friday, September 09, 2005
A Logic Deduction
So one day my roommate and I decided to come up with a list of obnoxious things girls say to guys. We did this because we were bored and my roommates a complete douche so I’d rather talk about inconsequential bull-sh*t with him because there’s no chance of having a normal conversation with any substance at all. Anyhow, while we were making this list, we got a sort of thinker’s bloc. We had come up with our top two and after that couldn’t thing of any other sayings or words. Our top 2 were, in order: “Hey stranger” and “Where have you been all my life”. We finally came to two conclusions. 1. That while other things girls say maybe obnoxious, these two are on a much higher level, a level that no other saying currently and hopefully never will reach. 2. And finally, and most importantly, we decided that the combination of these two saying is the worst possible thing a human-being can say to someone. If any girl says “Hey stranger where have you been all my life?” is anything more repulsive. Whenever a girl says this to me I immediately picture the Holocaust in my head. Seriously though, if I was deeply in love with a girl and she said this to me, I’d never speak to her again. I’d probably punch her in the face and then repeatedly scream “What the F***”. And after that we’d be through. Have a good weekend.
Until We meet Again
Until We meet Again
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Pressure, pressing down on me.
So in my continued efforts to get a hot bod, I went to my schools mini workout place located in the girl’s dormitory. This was a mistake; for as I found out moments after I began to run on the treadmill (I know I’m a poon) that the AC in the building had been cut for one reason or another. Anyhow, as those who have seen me exercise (an elite group I can assure you of that) know, I sweat profusely. In fact you probably know this if you’ve been around me and the temperature was above 85. So needless to say I lost probably around 10 lbs of water weight during my run. Midway through, when I was already drenched in sweat, a young lady came into work out as well. Seeing as how I was distracted by my music and the fact that she was by no means a ‘looker’ I didn’t really care. However this soon became a problem. Maybe it was the added heat or the sh*tty cafeteria food I’ve been eating, but none the less my stomach was not in a good mood. So I was faced with a dilemma, because I badly needed to fart. Now I was about as unpressentable as they come, in fact by this time my shirt had morphed with my skin. So not only was I sweaty and disgusting, but my white t-shirt was now see through, so if this coed wanted to she could have easily seen my cha chas. And while I really didn’t care what this girl thought of me, news travels fast on this tiny, God—forsaken campus, so I didn’t need her telling an entire girls dormitory how gross I am, they can find that out for themselves. So I decided to hold it in and maybe slip a few out if possible. Well nothing big happened for awhile, but soon my urge to fart was transformed into one of needing to sh*t, badly. I had a few minutes left in my run, and now I was pushin’ cotton I had to go so badly. So instead of ending early, I just sort of closed up the distance between my legs and hoped for the best. Seeing as it now looked as if I had come out of the shower with out drying off and I was running with my butt cheeks clenched together and my legs at a very close proximity I can only imagine what that girl was thinking. Or what she thought when I stopped running and walked awkwardly out of the room and then rushed off to the nearest bathroom. I’m not sure why I’m sharing this, hopefully enough of you out there are as juvenile as I am and get a good deal of laughs out of this.
Until We Meet Again.
Until We Meet Again.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Notes and Thoughts:
Here’s a small sampling of the things that occupied my mind during Labor Day weekend, along with wondering if my half brother remembered his morals in Los Angeles.
· Wouldn’t golf be a far more enjoyable/watchable sport if the announcers just randomly cursed, while maintaining their oh so calm voices. Example: “Holy f*cking sh*t that was a nice putt by Davis Love III”
· Remember a couple years back when there was up roar from the black community about the fact that there were no Hurricanes named after African-American names. Well I’ve decided to do something about that and I will now only refer to Hurricane Katrina as Hurricane Jawanda
· Thanks to the Hurricane Jawanda every sports journalist feel obligated to point out to us ‘that it’s times like these that make us remember football is just a sport.’ So you’re telling me you need a natural disaster or a war to remind you that sports, even at the professional level, are nothing more then entertainment? I’m mean I takes sports very seriously, some almost to a religious extent (U of A), but at no point in my life have I needed an act of God to make me realize it wasn’t anything more then sports.
· In case you didn’t realize, saying I followed some sports religiously was hyperbole.
· As a man who’s 1/64 Indian I’m personally offended by the Atlanta Braves mascot name…
· There are few things worse in life then the post-working out diarrhea.
· I often confuse melancholy with depression.
· Kareem Abdul-Jabar has been hired as a special assistant to the LA Lakers*. Am I the only one confused by the title of 'special' assistant? Is this an attempt to alienate the other assistants? Why does Kareem get this honorary title and no one else? Or is the all for show, and that's why the special title is given? Please, can someone fill me in on this.
· On paper, and from the trailer, I think it’s safe to say that ‘The Man’ will probably be one of the worst movies of all-time.
· If I get a cell phone from U.S. Cellular does that mean I’m supporting Joan Cusack, who is the company’s spokes person. And if it does, can I even look myself in the mirror from here on out.
· How happy was William Dafoe when he found out about his role in ‘Boondock Saints’? Seriously that’s the role he was made to play, and he was allowed to be as flamboyant as he wanted to be with out it taking away from his character. I believe that the only time an actor could have been happier about a role was when Doug E. Doug learned of his role in Cool Runnings.
· Is it a bad sign if I got scared by the trailer of “The Exorcism of Emily Rose”?
Well that’s it for now. Until We Meet Again.
* http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=2150035
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Top 5 List
Top 5 Reasons I hate being at Trinity
5. I don’t like Christians – Despite being a practicing Christian, the group that pisses me off the most is far and away Christians (as previously documented in this web space). I could go on forever about the “Christian” things people do here to piss me off, but I’m too lazy.
4. My Roommate pops his collar – He also owns over 30 polo’s, what a cock monger.
3. Soft Serve Ice Cream – Yeah it’s delicious, but at what cost.
2. Website Filtering – Both Maddox and The Onion are blocked by my school. I thought I was paying to go to school, not be babysat. I also can’t play on-line poker.
1. The Midwest – Yeah right now it’s ok, but in a matter of weeks it’s going to be the most miserable place in the U.S.A, if you exclude New Mexico.
* While I'm not quite ready to talk about it, pick up the new Kanye West, this CD is unbef*ckinglievable. Regardless of how big of an ass-wipe Kanye may be, his producing and sub-par rapping are amazing, esp. on this album.
5. I don’t like Christians – Despite being a practicing Christian, the group that pisses me off the most is far and away Christians (as previously documented in this web space). I could go on forever about the “Christian” things people do here to piss me off, but I’m too lazy.
4. My Roommate pops his collar – He also owns over 30 polo’s, what a cock monger.
3. Soft Serve Ice Cream – Yeah it’s delicious, but at what cost.
2. Website Filtering – Both Maddox and The Onion are blocked by my school. I thought I was paying to go to school, not be babysat. I also can’t play on-line poker.
1. The Midwest – Yeah right now it’s ok, but in a matter of weeks it’s going to be the most miserable place in the U.S.A, if you exclude New Mexico.
* While I'm not quite ready to talk about it, pick up the new Kanye West, this CD is unbef*ckinglievable. Regardless of how big of an ass-wipe Kanye may be, his producing and sub-par rapping are amazing, esp. on this album.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
It's that time again.
Since Labor day Weekend is fast approaching I've decided to give you all my newest Hot List.
Things I’m hot on:
Super Bases Loaded 3 – License to Steal: This is an old school Super NES game. I now have an emulator on my computer, and this game is currently taking up most of my free time. And as sad/depressing as that fact maybe I feel pretty good about it.
Finding High Fidelity at Wal-Mart for 5 bucks: Far and away the best thing to happen to me since returning to the Midwest.
Nike Free: My new running shoes that simulate running barefoot, there incredibly comfortable and, as an added bonus, they strengthen you feet and leg muscles. And for all you cynical A-holes out there you read this right, I’m now getting into running.
Built to Spill – Nowhere Nothin’ F*ck Up: Arguably the greatest song title ever, and a pretty damn good song as well. Easily my favorite Built to Spill song.
Other Musical Shout Outs: (Please except my apology, my adjectives suck when I’m describing music.) New Pornographers – Twin Cinema: Better then Electric Version. ‘Bleeding Heart Show’ is the best song FYI, followed closely by ‘Sing Me Spanish Techno’. Ash – Free for All Angels: Best alternative record I’ve heard since ‘Hearts of Oak’. Jason Collett – Idols of Exile: Really great and catchy alt. country. Of Montreal - The Sunlandic Twins: Sounds like an updated version of New Order, good stuff. Wolf Parade - Apologies to the Queen Mary: While Modern World completely carries the record, overall not a bad debut album. Sounds like a Radiohead, Talking Heads and Modest Mouse hybrid.
Things I’m not hot on ( a.k.a. The Not Hot List):
Matt Nathanson – Laid: When I heard one of my suite mates playing one of my all-time favorite songs, Laid by The James, my heart jumped. Upon further investigation I found out that they were actually watch American Wedding, the third movie in the epic American Pie trilogy. I also found out that it was a cover version of the song by some ass muncher named Matt Nathanson. I then threw up in my mouth.
Who I’ve become in my suite: Outside of my roommate, who’s a blow hard anyway, I don’t really know anyone in my suite. I realized the other day that instead of talking to them when I go by I either wink or give a head nod. I guess you could say we’re casual friends. Anyhow, I caught myself the other day, and I’ve been a wreck ever since. I’ve officially become that guy, the head nod or wink guy, and I f*cking hate that guy. In relate news my life blows.
Quitting Smoking: Now I realize that I’m far healthier this way, and saving money, but it still sucks. I miss smoking, I now have to play SNES games on my computer to kill time. I also miss the special bond I use to have with other smokers. Likewise, I miss the back motel by my school where I use to sneak out to to go smoke.. But mostly I miss how awesome I looked when smoking.
Things I’m hot on, but really wish I wasn’t (a.k.a Guilty Pleasures):
Anberlin: A Tooth and Nail band that’s both popier and catchier then MxPx. I hate the fact that I like this band.
My Space: Over the summer, when I’d got to a computer every other week, I started a My Space account so I could post/make fun of my friend/current roommate who had just started an account (I found out about all this b/c the dipsh*t e-mailed me, saying he had started a my space site). So I signed up and posted a very witty comment. Now that I’m back in the real world I’ve found that I’m spending far too much time on My Space, so I decided to check myself and cut back. My roommate, who’s an avid My Space supporter, says I’m being foolish. An argument then commenced and midway through I had an a epiphany: Arguing about My Space is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win you’re still retarded. (In case you’re wondering the answers yes, I only wrote about this so I could use that last line.)
Until We Meet Again.
Things I’m hot on:
Super Bases Loaded 3 – License to Steal: This is an old school Super NES game. I now have an emulator on my computer, and this game is currently taking up most of my free time. And as sad/depressing as that fact maybe I feel pretty good about it.
Finding High Fidelity at Wal-Mart for 5 bucks: Far and away the best thing to happen to me since returning to the Midwest.
Nike Free: My new running shoes that simulate running barefoot, there incredibly comfortable and, as an added bonus, they strengthen you feet and leg muscles. And for all you cynical A-holes out there you read this right, I’m now getting into running.
Built to Spill – Nowhere Nothin’ F*ck Up: Arguably the greatest song title ever, and a pretty damn good song as well. Easily my favorite Built to Spill song.
Other Musical Shout Outs: (Please except my apology, my adjectives suck when I’m describing music.) New Pornographers – Twin Cinema: Better then Electric Version. ‘Bleeding Heart Show’ is the best song FYI, followed closely by ‘Sing Me Spanish Techno’. Ash – Free for All Angels: Best alternative record I’ve heard since ‘Hearts of Oak’. Jason Collett – Idols of Exile: Really great and catchy alt. country. Of Montreal - The Sunlandic Twins: Sounds like an updated version of New Order, good stuff. Wolf Parade - Apologies to the Queen Mary: While Modern World completely carries the record, overall not a bad debut album. Sounds like a Radiohead, Talking Heads and Modest Mouse hybrid.
Things I’m not hot on ( a.k.a. The Not Hot List):
Matt Nathanson – Laid: When I heard one of my suite mates playing one of my all-time favorite songs, Laid by The James, my heart jumped. Upon further investigation I found out that they were actually watch American Wedding, the third movie in the epic American Pie trilogy. I also found out that it was a cover version of the song by some ass muncher named Matt Nathanson. I then threw up in my mouth.
Who I’ve become in my suite: Outside of my roommate, who’s a blow hard anyway, I don’t really know anyone in my suite. I realized the other day that instead of talking to them when I go by I either wink or give a head nod. I guess you could say we’re casual friends. Anyhow, I caught myself the other day, and I’ve been a wreck ever since. I’ve officially become that guy, the head nod or wink guy, and I f*cking hate that guy. In relate news my life blows.
Quitting Smoking: Now I realize that I’m far healthier this way, and saving money, but it still sucks. I miss smoking, I now have to play SNES games on my computer to kill time. I also miss the special bond I use to have with other smokers. Likewise, I miss the back motel by my school where I use to sneak out to to go smoke.. But mostly I miss how awesome I looked when smoking.
Things I’m hot on, but really wish I wasn’t (a.k.a Guilty Pleasures):
Anberlin: A Tooth and Nail band that’s both popier and catchier then MxPx. I hate the fact that I like this band.
My Space: Over the summer, when I’d got to a computer every other week, I started a My Space account so I could post/make fun of my friend/current roommate who had just started an account (I found out about all this b/c the dipsh*t e-mailed me, saying he had started a my space site). So I signed up and posted a very witty comment. Now that I’m back in the real world I’ve found that I’m spending far too much time on My Space, so I decided to check myself and cut back. My roommate, who’s an avid My Space supporter, says I’m being foolish. An argument then commenced and midway through I had an a epiphany: Arguing about My Space is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win you’re still retarded. (In case you’re wondering the answers yes, I only wrote about this so I could use that last line.)
Until We Meet Again.
Monday, August 29, 2005
I Got 99 Problems...(Part 2)
As most of you know, ah who am I kidding only my friends and family read this blog. Anyway, I was at a camp in the mountains all summer. As great as this experience was, there was one downside: Every relationship with members of the fairer sex reverted back to that of a jr. highish nature. While I was at the camp this ‘situation’ was phenomenal, but now not so much. I found this out the hard way this past weekend. While swimming in Lake Michigan with a coed group I had an epiphany, I no longer know how to relate with the ladies. Starting anything beyond a casual relationship has become a huge ordeal. Now I don’t mean to give off the impression that before I went to camp I was reeling in the honies like a young Peter Facinelli*, but I held my own. So now whenever I encounter a girl I say hello then just stare creepily at her with out saying another word. I’m not trying to be awkward, but I’ve clearly forgotten how to interact with fefes** any level higher then punching the girl you think is cute. Hopefully this is just a phase that will pass, like acne or masturbation. Come to think of it I still have acne and well, um… yeah.
Until We Meet Again
* Mike Dexter… http://imdb.com/name/nm0004906/
** Wisconsinite slang for a lady
Until We Meet Again
* Mike Dexter… http://imdb.com/name/nm0004906/
** Wisconsinite slang for a lady
Thursday, August 25, 2005
The worse thing to happen to me @ TIU
So Tuesday night I reluctantly returned to my school. After several awkward encounters, I finally went to eat. To both my delight and chagrin I found out that the newest edition to my school’s sh!tty cafeteria was a soft serve ice cream machine. Now I, as a fat kid, happen to love ice cream, especially that of the soft serve variety. However, I’m also aware that most members of the opposite sex love ice cream as well. Before the ice cream wasn’t such a huge attraction b/c girls didn’t like to go through all the work of scooping it and they were afraid that guys checked out the back sides when they bent over to scoop it. But the soft serve machine changes all of that. Now girls can eat all the ice cream they want, with out having to work hard to get it or fear of guys scamming on them. So you’re thinking good for them, they deserve it! No, f!ck no. This basically means by November the only attractive girls left on campus will be the anorexic ones, a look I’ve never really cared for anyway(Although my douche roomate sure gets his rocks off on uncomfortably skinny girls.). So not only am I stuck at a school I don’t want to be at, but the schools female population is about to balloon up like a blow fish colony*.
Until We Meet Again
*I’m sorry, my analogies aren’t what they use to be.
Until We Meet Again
*I’m sorry, my analogies aren’t what they use to be.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Back up in your ass with the ressurection
Welcome back. Good news all around, I'm back!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!??!?!!? And more good news, I've never not wanted to be somewhere as much as I don't want to bea t my school right now, which means... EVEN MORE POSTS!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!? So be prepared for more fun then you're probably capable of handling. Looking foward to getting back on the horse for another long illustrious ride in blogger-dome.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Maybe I’ll See You Again… When the fighting stops.
As the majority of you read this, I’ll be in a carembarking a 28 hour trip from Chi-Town to T-Town. Iregret to inform you all that this will be my lastpost, at least until August 23rd or so. Over thesummer I’ve taken a job as a camp counselor and willbe unable to reach a computer daily or even weekly. Iwant to take this moment to thank of all of you forstopping by, reading my thoughts, stories andquarries. And for commenting and all that. You’ve allhelped make this blog not only one of a kind, but thebest blog EVAH!!!!!! Now before you start to patyourself on the back, don’t fool yourself intobelieving that you had to much to do with it. We allknow that I was the master and architect of this workof genius. I just thought I’d allow for a moment ofhumility and let you all know that, like 2pac said,you are appreciated. Well I’m off, I’ll see you all inlate August.
I'm Wide Awake. It's Morning
So against my better judgment I recently purchased Bright Eyes' new CD I’m Wide Awake. It’s Morning. Once upon a time Bright Eyes was one of my favorite bands, then I got over the fact that my father didn’t hug me enough when I was younger. But seriously, Bright Eyes and I had a bad break up after Conor Oberst went all emo and sh*t on me in a concert in Tucson. I’m still not entirely ready to talk about all that went on. Needless to say Bright Eyes only played 10 songs, including encore, maybe even less. I’ve been bitter ever since. So when I saw the CD for 9.99 at Best Buy, I was skeptical to say the least. I had heard that the CD was very good from a number of people. Plus I was in a good mood b/c school was almost done and I felt like buying a CD. And it was either this or the new Dave Matthews*. So I bought the CD and was first taken in by the stunning art work. The Cover, the liner notes and the CD itself are all very beautiful. And as for the CD itself… I absolutely love it. Now this isn’t just some old school, guilty pleasure kick I’m on, this CD is real farking good. It’s all acoustic based folk, which Oberst pulls off masterfully. If he sticks to just this style, and Desaparecidos' style, he could actually have a respectable career. This is far and away the least pretentious and melodramatic Conor has ever been; and he's toned down on the bravado too. Even his superiority complex lines, which are few and far between**, are far more subtle this time around. I’m still flabbergasted by how much I like this album. The highlight tracks are Road to Joy, which cleverly samples Beethoven’s Ode to Joy, First Day of My Life, Poison Oak, Train Under Water and We Are Nowhere And It's Now. All in all a very solid album, which I begrudgedly recommend to all of you.
Until We Meet Again
* It’s a joke, I F---ing swear.
** When compared to past Bright Eyes’ Albums
Until We Meet Again
* It’s a joke, I F---ing swear.
** When compared to past Bright Eyes’ Albums
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
I Got 99 Problems...
We all know how the phrase ends. And I think we can all relate, in some way or another. Some of you may remember that I recently thought that I was either gay or A sexual, but recent events and some deep soul searching have showed me the error in my assumption. So here it goes. In the bane of Randy and that chunky Asdell kid, I’m going to write about love (or lack thereof in my case. LOL)
Anyhow, I went through a stretch a few weeks back where, regardless of how hard I tried, I couldn’t find any girls attractive. Now before your mind starts rushing off in the wrong direction, let me enlighten you. This doesn’t mean I was put off by the female form. I still found girls attractive, but I couldn’t find any worthy of pursuit or daydreaming, and things of that nature. So I began to wonder whether or not I was gay or something like that. I thought about it, and I realized two things that convinced me I was neither gay nor A sexual. First, the thought of intercourse with another man absolutely disgusts me. I’d rather die some slow excruciating death then give or receive, well you know, that S word. And as for being A sexual, the thought of a life with out any sexual gratification is equally as terrifying to me. So why then could I not find a fefe* to have a crush on? I eventually figured it out. My standards, despite being extremely brief, are way too high. I only want a girl who’s attractive, smart, and not a complete emotional basket case. I know, I know, I’m f*cked. Because the only females I find that aren’t emotional wrecks are either A.) Similar and looks and mannerism to that of a dude. Or B.) Painstakingly shallow. So what’s a jigga to do? Should I compromise my standards and beliefs or hold out hope that there’s a girl out there who can actually meet my standards? I realize the latter is about as futile as believing and Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and that not all sailors are gay**. I guess it’s just hopeless. To be honest, all I really want is a girl to kiss me on the cheek when I leave, like in those old timey movies. Is that too much to ask for? I don't think it is. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m now going to slice my wrist why listening to Air Supply.
I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you?
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong
Until We Meet Again
* Midwest slang for a lady.
** Seriously, does anyone know or ever seen a straight sailor? That’s what I thought.
Anyhow, I went through a stretch a few weeks back where, regardless of how hard I tried, I couldn’t find any girls attractive. Now before your mind starts rushing off in the wrong direction, let me enlighten you. This doesn’t mean I was put off by the female form. I still found girls attractive, but I couldn’t find any worthy of pursuit or daydreaming, and things of that nature. So I began to wonder whether or not I was gay or something like that. I thought about it, and I realized two things that convinced me I was neither gay nor A sexual. First, the thought of intercourse with another man absolutely disgusts me. I’d rather die some slow excruciating death then give or receive, well you know, that S word. And as for being A sexual, the thought of a life with out any sexual gratification is equally as terrifying to me. So why then could I not find a fefe* to have a crush on? I eventually figured it out. My standards, despite being extremely brief, are way too high. I only want a girl who’s attractive, smart, and not a complete emotional basket case. I know, I know, I’m f*cked. Because the only females I find that aren’t emotional wrecks are either A.) Similar and looks and mannerism to that of a dude. Or B.) Painstakingly shallow. So what’s a jigga to do? Should I compromise my standards and beliefs or hold out hope that there’s a girl out there who can actually meet my standards? I realize the latter is about as futile as believing and Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and that not all sailors are gay**. I guess it’s just hopeless. To be honest, all I really want is a girl to kiss me on the cheek when I leave, like in those old timey movies. Is that too much to ask for? I don't think it is. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m now going to slice my wrist why listening to Air Supply.
I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you?
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong
Until We Meet Again
* Midwest slang for a lady.
** Seriously, does anyone know or ever seen a straight sailor? That’s what I thought.
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Everything That’s Beautiful Dies Too Soon
It’s been awhile this I posted anything of substance, and I’m still not sure if I have anything I need to say. My finals week is coming up, so this blog will be updated far less then normal (or far more as I’ll use it as a means of procrastination, we’ll just have to wait and see.) My advertiser recently mentioned to me that readership of my blog has gone down. I told them all not to worry. Because for a while you all can go off and get your cheap laughs at Randy, or give Luke your pity laughs. But in the end, when it’s all said and done and the dust settles* you’ll all come back to me. Because we all know that your love affair with other blogs won’t last long. Eventually you’ll realize those other blogs are just flavors of the weeks and you’ll come rushing back to me. The comfort you felt here that unnerved you so much it caused all of you to flee is something you’ll deeply miss. You’ll return to me dear reader because I’m the only one who knows your true self. I’m the only blogger who allows you to unwind and be who you want to be, not who other bloggers are trying to force you to be. So when you realize you’re not running to someone, just running away from the place where you feel safe**, let me be the first to say: Welcome Back.
Until We Meet Again
* Did I forget any clichés?
** Which dear reader, is just plain wrong. Why would you run from safety? The world is a cold dark place. Come back and allow me to be the shinny beckon of light. Forget your worries and relax, I’m going make everything ok
Until We Meet Again
* Did I forget any clichés?
** Which dear reader, is just plain wrong. Why would you run from safety? The world is a cold dark place. Come back and allow me to be the shinny beckon of light. Forget your worries and relax, I’m going make everything ok
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Top 5 ‘Old School’ Video Games
5. Mega Man 2 – Any of the Mega Man games could go here, but 2 was always my fav.
4. Mario Kart – For either the 64 or SNES, this is still one of the best multiplayer games.
3. NBA Live ’96 – Still my favorite basketball game to date, so damn good.
2. Super Mario Bros. 3 – Best of the best in the Mario games.
1. Tecmo Super Bowl – I miss this game.
4. Mario Kart – For either the 64 or SNES, this is still one of the best multiplayer games.
3. NBA Live ’96 – Still my favorite basketball game to date, so damn good.
2. Super Mario Bros. 3 – Best of the best in the Mario games.
1. Tecmo Super Bowl – I miss this game.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Who would want to be such an asshole
As most of you may know (ok who am I kidding, only my friends and family read this blog, all of you know this), I’m a Christian. But despite my faith, I think I hate evangelical Christians more then any other sect. Now I’m generalizing of course, I don’t hate all Christians, but few groups agitate me more then Christians. I’ve compiled a list of the things Christian say and do that piss me off the most. Here are some exerts from my list.
‘Lady in Waiting’ – Not sure if this is even originally a Christian saying, but Christians are currently the only people dense enough to use this term. Needless to say it pisses me off.
‘Here comes trouble’ – Old men at my church always say this when either I walk up or any kids with in the age range from 11-19. It’s old men like this that have forced me to sleep in on Sundays.
Carmen – Maybe the worst musician of this or any era. Yet Christians keep on supporting him by continuing to buy his sh*tty music, like Who’s in the House, JC (Galatians 3:20 Remix!)* Christians, if you want people to take you seriously, never ever, under any circumstance bring up Carmen in a conversation. In fact pretend like he doesn’t exist.
WWJD The Water Color Paint Set – Sadly I’m not making this up, this was an actual product I saw in a Christian book store. WTF does a water paint set have to do with God, this is just one of several examples of people trying to make an easy buck of Christianity.
The picture in my last post – That’s an actual Christian t-shirt. If you think it’s only one of a kind, then go to this site: www.testimonytees.com
That guy who kissed dating good-bye – What was he thinking, and who gives a fly f*** if he kissed dating good-bye. This maybe my main problem with Christianity, everyone feels entitled to tell everyone else their opinion on even the most trivial of things. Keep your opinions to yourself, I really don’t want to hear your views on infant baptism. Seriously I don’t.
V.B.S. – I’m not against V.B.S in general, but few things get my panties in an uproar quite like the hand motions for those stupid f*cking songs.
Until We Meet Again
* May or may not be an actual Carmen song.
‘Lady in Waiting’ – Not sure if this is even originally a Christian saying, but Christians are currently the only people dense enough to use this term. Needless to say it pisses me off.
‘Here comes trouble’ – Old men at my church always say this when either I walk up or any kids with in the age range from 11-19. It’s old men like this that have forced me to sleep in on Sundays.
Carmen – Maybe the worst musician of this or any era. Yet Christians keep on supporting him by continuing to buy his sh*tty music, like Who’s in the House, JC (Galatians 3:20 Remix!)* Christians, if you want people to take you seriously, never ever, under any circumstance bring up Carmen in a conversation. In fact pretend like he doesn’t exist.
WWJD The Water Color Paint Set – Sadly I’m not making this up, this was an actual product I saw in a Christian book store. WTF does a water paint set have to do with God, this is just one of several examples of people trying to make an easy buck of Christianity.
The picture in my last post – That’s an actual Christian t-shirt. If you think it’s only one of a kind, then go to this site: www.testimonytees.com
That guy who kissed dating good-bye – What was he thinking, and who gives a fly f*** if he kissed dating good-bye. This maybe my main problem with Christianity, everyone feels entitled to tell everyone else their opinion on even the most trivial of things. Keep your opinions to yourself, I really don’t want to hear your views on infant baptism. Seriously I don’t.
V.B.S. – I’m not against V.B.S in general, but few things get my panties in an uproar quite like the hand motions for those stupid f*cking songs.
Until We Meet Again
* May or may not be an actual Carmen song.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Friday, April 29, 2005
Top 5 Euphemisms for Heterosexual Intercourse.
Our newest segment: Top 5 lists. Here’s this weeks installment.
5. Doing the DEW!!?!?!?!?!?!?
4. Bumping Nasties.
3. Genital Bowling.
2. That thing my parents do when they think I’m asleep.
1. Balls to taint slapping.
5. Doing the DEW!!?!?!?!?!?!?
4. Bumping Nasties.
3. Genital Bowling.
2. That thing my parents do when they think I’m asleep.
1. Balls to taint slapping.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Hot Stuff Coming Through
Now that crisis has narrowly been evaded at my college, I figure it’s time for another hot list.
Things I’m hot on:
Dirk Nowitzki’s NBA Playoffs ad: If you haven’t seen it yet, you’re missing out. He calls the NBA Championship trophy a ton of times, telling it that he loves it and wants to be with it. On paper, not really funny, but Dirk is pure unadulterated gold in this commercial, trust me.
Kung Fu Hustle: Plain and simple, the story sucked. But the actions scenes were probably the coolest and most original I’ve ever seen. Also, what’s not to like about Kung Fu(besides the Asians of course.).
I’ll Be Your Huckleberry: The scene in Tombstone where Val Killmer says this line, gets me everytime.
Music: This is the section where I give my musical shout outs, here goes…
Spoon – I Turn My Camera On, Stereophonics – Dakota, Ladybug Transistor – Oceans in the Hall, Josh Rouse – Flight Attendant, Decemberists – On the Bus Mall, Blink 182 – Damnit (F*** all of you for judging me,, I am who I am.), Tom Petty – Something in the Air, Snow Patrol – Mahogany, Joe Firstman – After Los Angeles, Third Eye Blind – Loosing a Whole Year (See the Blink 182 song), Frausdots – Dead Wrong and Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash – Last Goodbye.
Things I’m not hot on ( a.k.a. The Not Hot List):
The fact that I’m either gay or A Sexual at best: More on this later, I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk about this. No it’ll be a while…
Smoking: Before any of you get the wrong idea, I absolutely love smoking. But with my campus being a dry and pure air campus, I have to walk at least ten minutes to smoke, which is a hardcore pain in the ass. And once I get off campus and behind the motel which I smoke at, I have my head on a swivel as I’m looking around to make sure no one from my school is around. I can’t really even enjoy the grits anymore, which is just a damn shame.
Indians: I know I’ve been over this before, but this time I have a fun story. My senior year of high school basketball at regionals is our setting. We’re playing a team from the Sells Indian reservation, and they had probably close to 500 fans in the gym. So late in the game while my boy Will was at the foul line, I went over to talk to my coach. Since it had been a rough game an abundance of sweet was resting on the ball. Before he shot his free throws Will asked the officials to wipe the ball off, b/c of all the sweat. As this was happening a rather large Indian man stood up right behind my coach and yelled “It’s not sweat it’s the cum on our hands faggot.”. Needless to say I immediately started to dry heave. Good times.
Things I’m hot on, but really wish I wasn’t (a.k.a Guilty Pleasures):
Felicity, Season 2: Even more evidence that I’m probably gay, but I don’t care. I half way through the season, 3 discs, 12 eps, and the show has it’s handcuffs firmly encased on me, and I’m not even putting up a fight.
Star Wars Episode III Trailer: Personally I can’t wait for this movie and I’m not really ashamed of that. But me acting like a kid on Christmas morning every time I see the trailer just makes me feel like the huge virgin I am. Yep.
My ‘Back to the Future’ Fan Fiction: I don’t have any yet, but the mere thought of it is a guilty pleasure.
Until We Meet Again
Things I’m hot on:
Dirk Nowitzki’s NBA Playoffs ad: If you haven’t seen it yet, you’re missing out. He calls the NBA Championship trophy a ton of times, telling it that he loves it and wants to be with it. On paper, not really funny, but Dirk is pure unadulterated gold in this commercial, trust me.
Kung Fu Hustle: Plain and simple, the story sucked. But the actions scenes were probably the coolest and most original I’ve ever seen. Also, what’s not to like about Kung Fu(besides the Asians of course.).
I’ll Be Your Huckleberry: The scene in Tombstone where Val Killmer says this line, gets me everytime.
Music: This is the section where I give my musical shout outs, here goes…
Spoon – I Turn My Camera On, Stereophonics – Dakota, Ladybug Transistor – Oceans in the Hall, Josh Rouse – Flight Attendant, Decemberists – On the Bus Mall, Blink 182 – Damnit (F*** all of you for judging me,, I am who I am.), Tom Petty – Something in the Air, Snow Patrol – Mahogany, Joe Firstman – After Los Angeles, Third Eye Blind – Loosing a Whole Year (See the Blink 182 song), Frausdots – Dead Wrong and Bastard Sons of Johnny Cash – Last Goodbye.
Things I’m not hot on ( a.k.a. The Not Hot List):
The fact that I’m either gay or A Sexual at best: More on this later, I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk about this. No it’ll be a while…
Smoking: Before any of you get the wrong idea, I absolutely love smoking. But with my campus being a dry and pure air campus, I have to walk at least ten minutes to smoke, which is a hardcore pain in the ass. And once I get off campus and behind the motel which I smoke at, I have my head on a swivel as I’m looking around to make sure no one from my school is around. I can’t really even enjoy the grits anymore, which is just a damn shame.
Indians: I know I’ve been over this before, but this time I have a fun story. My senior year of high school basketball at regionals is our setting. We’re playing a team from the Sells Indian reservation, and they had probably close to 500 fans in the gym. So late in the game while my boy Will was at the foul line, I went over to talk to my coach. Since it had been a rough game an abundance of sweet was resting on the ball. Before he shot his free throws Will asked the officials to wipe the ball off, b/c of all the sweat. As this was happening a rather large Indian man stood up right behind my coach and yelled “It’s not sweat it’s the cum on our hands faggot.”. Needless to say I immediately started to dry heave. Good times.
Things I’m hot on, but really wish I wasn’t (a.k.a Guilty Pleasures):
Felicity, Season 2: Even more evidence that I’m probably gay, but I don’t care. I half way through the season, 3 discs, 12 eps, and the show has it’s handcuffs firmly encased on me, and I’m not even putting up a fight.
Star Wars Episode III Trailer: Personally I can’t wait for this movie and I’m not really ashamed of that. But me acting like a kid on Christmas morning every time I see the trailer just makes me feel like the huge virgin I am. Yep.
My ‘Back to the Future’ Fan Fiction: I don’t have any yet, but the mere thought of it is a guilty pleasure.
Until We Meet Again
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
WARNING: This post is not for the feint of heart, or anyone with a conscience.
As some of you may know, my college has recently undergone a bit of a crisis. Minority students had to be taken off campus to a safer location on Thursday night and didn’t return until Sunday afternoon. For more info go here: http://abclocal.go.com/wls/news/042105_ns_hatemail.html
Now most people put in this situation would be appalled and frightened, but for me and a select few students, we were neither. Instead we were what many students would call “insensitive” and “a$$-holes”. While no of us ment to downplay the seriousness of this event, we just decide to ease our minds by making a slew of tasteless and racially insensitive jokes. Here are some of the highlights:
(Spaces means the comments are unrelated. For multiple reasons I’m going to keep everyone’s identity sort of hidden. Word.)
Thursday, day of the evacuation.
Me: So the first girl had money taken from her car and the hate letter was left in the car.
?: Yeh she had 200 dollars stolen.
J(suitemate): Yeah but it was probably just drug money anyway.
(We didn’t want to laugh at this, but it was really funny.)
After the evacuation…
K (suitemate): Yeah so they whitewashed the entire campus.
ME: Yeah this whole thing is unnerving, now let’s go watch American History X.
N(friend of a friend): I don’t know about you guys, but I certainly feel safer now.
Friday and Saturday:
Me: It sucks that the minorities are all gone, but at least I finally feel like I have a big penis.
Me: I just have a feeling something bad is going happen. I’m not going to class the first day the minorities come back.
D(friend): To show your disapproval for their safe return?
Me: No dipsh*t, are you kidding me?
D: Sorta.
? (Source asked to remain anonymous): Wow an all white campus, now I know what kids feel like at a real Christian College.
Note: Some comments were either not funny enough or too tasteless to be posted. All of these were jokes, at least I think so. In related news I’m headed straight to hell.
Until We Meet Again
Now most people put in this situation would be appalled and frightened, but for me and a select few students, we were neither. Instead we were what many students would call “insensitive” and “a$$-holes”. While no of us ment to downplay the seriousness of this event, we just decide to ease our minds by making a slew of tasteless and racially insensitive jokes. Here are some of the highlights:
(Spaces means the comments are unrelated. For multiple reasons I’m going to keep everyone’s identity sort of hidden. Word.)
Thursday, day of the evacuation.
Me: So the first girl had money taken from her car and the hate letter was left in the car.
?: Yeh she had 200 dollars stolen.
J(suitemate): Yeah but it was probably just drug money anyway.
(We didn’t want to laugh at this, but it was really funny.)
After the evacuation…
K (suitemate): Yeah so they whitewashed the entire campus.
ME: Yeah this whole thing is unnerving, now let’s go watch American History X.
N(friend of a friend): I don’t know about you guys, but I certainly feel safer now.
Friday and Saturday:
Me: It sucks that the minorities are all gone, but at least I finally feel like I have a big penis.
Me: I just have a feeling something bad is going happen. I’m not going to class the first day the minorities come back.
D(friend): To show your disapproval for their safe return?
Me: No dipsh*t, are you kidding me?
D: Sorta.
? (Source asked to remain anonymous): Wow an all white campus, now I know what kids feel like at a real Christian College.
Note: Some comments were either not funny enough or too tasteless to be posted. All of these were jokes, at least I think so. In related news I’m headed straight to hell.
Until We Meet Again
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