Some Quick Thoughts on Life and the NBA Playoffs

I haven’t written anything in a while, so hopefully this will satisfy my writing jones. The title of this post is pretty self-explanatory, so I’m just gonna dive right in

Things I Almost Wrote About

- “The Summer of George”: I’m essentially unemployed (working 5-10 hours a week) and I’m leaving for the summer in 2 weeks so there’s no way I can get another job. I now have a scary amount of time on my hands which I mainly spend being unproductive. Most of my day is spent wandering around my house, or to be more specific my parents house (my life is all kinds of awesome). I do read a lot, things ranging from pseudo-pretentious literature I don’t understand to the lowest of low internet ramblings. Since the better part of my day is spent lounging I’m normally dressed like some sort of hipster/jock/vagabond hybrid. Now as long as I don’t leave the house there’s nothing wrong with this get up. Unfortunately, I’ve had to run several errands as of late and I end up going out in public wearing things like UofA basketball shorts and a Yellow Bird Project tee. Combine this with my bad hair cut (I seem to get an endless amount of those) and I look like a complete mess every time I leave the house. I guess since I know that I won’t see anyone in this town for the whole summer I’ve just completely stopped caring about my personal appearance*. The lesson to be learned from all of this: The combination of (almost) unemployment and leaving for 3 months is lethal.

- “Why Lost is Criminally Overrated”: Whenever I have an abundance of time on my hands, I tend to think really deeply on matters that shouldn’t be thought about deeply, i.e. movies, TV shows, music, etc.; I’m like the Thomas Merton of pop culture. The latest victim of my musings has been the uber hit drama(?) Lost. I’ve watched all 5 seasons of this show, and with the exception of the very first one, have almost stopped watching in the middle of every season. I keep coming back because the show generally ends and begins their seasons on high notes. All in all it’s a decent show that tries too hard and whose writers think they’re much more clever than they actually are.

Yet every review I read talks about this show as if it were the greatest thing to ever be played on television. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why this is, I mean if an amateur like me can see that for everything this shows does well there’s at least 2-3 things it does poorly than why can’t these critics see it as well? And then I realized what it was. Art folks are always bemoaning for some time the loss of shared cultural experiences, i.e. ‘the current musical landscape will never allow for another Beatles’ or ‘I don’t think they’ll ever be another film like It’s a Wonderful Life, that everyone sees and is effected by’. Lost is probably the last big shared cultural experience that Gen Xers, who make up the majority of the publishing world, will have. Therefore this show has to be great, since nothing like this will never come around again (teen crazes like Harry Potter and Twilight don’t count).

In the end I didn’t write this because I’m fairly certain none of my 8 readers watch Lost and because I’m not nearly smart enough or a good enough writer to fully expound on this idea to my liking.

-“He’s Just Not That Into You”: I went to see this movie at the dollar theatre for anthropological reasons. I somehow made it to the end of this train-wreck and no longer had any interest in anthropology, or humanity for that matter. This film was watching a two hour abortion, and I’m not saying that to be hyperbolic or shocking, it was honestly that bad.

Ok, this next one needs its own bullet point list. All points are condescended as possible for everyone’s benefit

Why the Bulls-Celtics Series Wasn’t Actually Great

-Vinny Del Negro is probably the worst coach of all-time, at any level
- Game 7 was largely decided by an Eddie House hot streak. I rest my case
- Just about every great moment in this series was due in large part to extremely low basketball IQ (see: BEN GORDON, John Salmons, Paul Pierce in Game 6, Stephon Marbury, etc.) or some horrendous coaching decisions (such as Doc Rivers adjusting his line-up when the Bulls played small ball, everything the aforementioned Vinny D did)
- As far as I could tell Vinny Del Negro was drawing up the double alley-oop play from NBA Jam for all of the Bulls end of game plays. That seems to be the only logical explanation for all the double-teamed, fall away 18-footers Ben Gordon took in big situations throughout this series
- Um, Mr. Del Negro, when the Celtics are down 3, it may be in your best interest to guard their best shooter, Ray Allen
- On that note, Mr. Rivers, when Ray Allen is on his way to a 51 point night and is literally making everything he throws up, you should probably run your offense through him instead of Paul Pierce. And you should absolutely let him take the final shot instead of drawing up a play for Rajon Rondo who was 4-17 and can’t score if he’s further than 8 feet from the basket
- Oh and Mr. Del Negro, Derrick Rose got to the rim at will this series and positive things happened about 70% of the times he drove, so maybe just spread the floor and let him work instead of running Gordon, Salmons and Kirk Hinrich off screens as your primary offensive set
- Also, Vinny, Tyrus Thomas hit a slew of big jumpers in game 1, including the eventual game winner, and had 6 blocks in game 2. Barely playing him in the next 5 games may not have been the best decision
- In the end, this series produced a several great moments, the large majority of which should never have happened had competent coaches been involved. The games weren’t particularly well played, they were just all close. Just because these close games produced a ton of fun highlights doesn’t mean it was a great series, it really doesn’t
- I also had a point about how sports fans now care more about highlights than the entire package, i.e. the rest of the game, being high quality. And how this has led us to anointing this series, in which ignorance was often the main reasons the games were close, as the best first round series of all-time. But that point seems a bit farfetched and rather ostentatious, so really it’s a good thing that I didn’t write about this series

And We Conclude with a Mini-Post of Sorts

Besides my own personal heart ache and horrible officiating, the NBA Playoffs are also known for running their sponsors commercials into the ground. Since the NBA Playoffs actually last an absurdly long time and since the same companies sponsor each round (and usually don’t have the courtesy to change their commercials), viewers are liable to see the same commercial tens-of-thousands of times. Below is a video of this year’s heir apparent to this horrific trend.



What exactly is the point of this commercial? Beyond keeping up Sprite’s name brand recognition? This is supposed to make me want to drink Sprite? Why would I drink something that makes people combust on impact? And why are people so thrilled to be getting drenched by this liquid? Forget for a moment that this downpour is the remnants of their friends. I think we can safely assume that the liquid that’s raining down on them is Sprite. So why again are they happy that Sprite if cascading down on them? If I were to get drenched by Sprite, I’d be extremely anger and sticky, not laughing and pumping my fist. And if this Sprite also happened to be the result of two of my friends spontaneously combusting then I’d be irreparably scared, both mentally and emotionally. This commercial makes my head hurt.

Until We Meet Again
* Damnit I’ve become a hippie. I’d just like to say eff you to all my friends here in town who did nothing to prevent this

Would You Rather...

So I was planning on writing a long ass post about the NBA Playoffs and how it parallels to the third (and current season) of Lost. Both desperately want you to believe that in the importance of their ensemble. For the league, they want you to believe that all the teams (or at the very least all of the playoff teams) are of equal importance. Lost wants the viewers to believe that all the characters are of equal importance. The problem with this is, Lost has gone out of its way this season to show us that really only 4-6 characters matter in the grand scheme of things. Likewise, the NBA season has shown that really only 3 teams matter (Dallas, San Antonio and Phoenix). That’s the real reason this season has been so terrible. Everyone with half a brain knows that one of those 3 teams is going to win it all, yet we’ve been force to watch a bunch of other teams that have no shot at winning the title this year. This is also why this season of Lost has blown (although they’ve started to pick it up the last few episodes). The show has already made it clear that only a few of the characters factor in to the big picture, yet they routinely make episodes about the characters who they’ve all but told us don’t matter.

Anyways, I decided not to write that because it would have taken to long. Also, any time I write about sports I get way too long winded and don’t know how to curtail myself. So I decided to do something completely different. Explanation below.

My boy Aaron and I haven’t kept in the best of touch since I moved out to Denver, which is unfortunate. Instead of keeping in touch via phone calls and letters like normal human beings, we decided to simulate the conversations we would be having if we still lived in the same town. We’ve also decided to share those conversations with you. In bold print you’ll find the “Would You Rather Questions” that Aaron asked me. If you check out his blog, you’ll find his answers to the questions that I asked him. I’m really not sure when he’ll finish answering my questions, but here’s the address: blog.myspace.com/thebrightside2

If you were sentenced to death, would you rather have your last meal be the greatest meal you ever ate and a conjugal visit from whomever you want … or no meal and no conjugality but you get a 10% chance you’ll be pardoned by the governor?

This is a loaded question. I feel like I’d have to go with the first option. Even if the low percentage chance that the Govern would pardon me happpened, how can I guarantee that the rest of my life would be better then the best meal of my life and a conjugal visit with anyone I wanted? As a man with a gambling problem, I’d bet the great meal and conjugal visit would treat me better then the rest of my life even if I did get the pardon. And if the odds hold true and I don’t get pardoned, then I’d wasted a great meal and great sex. Ok, maybe this question isn’t as loaded as I thought it was.

Would you rather have the ability to pass any test, this means you get the equivalent of an A on anything from a final to a PhD to a field sobriety test, however you don’t retain any knowledge of the subject… or you develop a photographic memory and the ability to read an entire book in a few hours and retain all that you’ve read but you inevitably fail any test you take?

Jebus, another loaded question. I think that how you answer this question says a lot about you. Would you rather have intelligence or achievement, that’s what it boils down to. I think I’d have to go with the photographic memory. At least that way I’d still be intelligent and the life of any cocktail party. Yeah, I’;m taking intelligence over achievement. I feel like that’s where I’m headed anyway, an intelligent person who will most likely achieve very little. Except replace intelligence with ‘was kinda smart that one time…’,

Would you rather be a starting pitcher for the Oakland A’s with an ERA of 1.46 and a 1.46 inch penis or a mid-relieving pitcher for the Kansas City Royals with an ERA of 9.53 and a 9.53 inch penis?

Well, I’d be living in Kansas City or Oakland. So as far as I can tell, I’m f*cked either way. I think gun to my head I’d rather be the pitcher in Oakland. At least then I’d be rich, or at least I would be once my contract with the A’s ran out. Then I’d have enough money for some sort of penial enlargement surgery or device (insert your own dated and unfunny Austin Powers ‘Swedish Maid Penis Pump’ joke here). That, and if I were playing in Oakland there’s the slight chance that I might get put into Billie Bean’s follow up to "Money Ball".

If you were up for adoption would you rather be adopted by Shaq or Johnny Depp?

Shaq. I have enough problems with the fairer sex as is, but if Johnny Depp was my adopted father I’d be an out and out train wreck. Even the most well meaning of girls would only want to hang out with me for a chance to meet my father, and I just couldn’t handle that. That and having a huge man crush on my father would just be awkward for everyone involved.

If you could travel to the future and take something thing back with you would you rather have a Playstation 5 (with two games) or the entire series of Veronica Mars in a box set (9 seasons)?

I’m going have to go with surprise option C here. I’d pull a Biff Tannen and bring back a Sports Almanac. Also, this is probably the only way I’d ever make money at a Vegas Sports book.

On a semi-unrelated note, I’d willingly forgo a time traveling trip if I knew that Veronica Mars would be on for 9 Seasons. I hate that I actually mean that.Would you rather have a horse tail or only one foot?

Horse tail, much easier to cover up. And unlike having one foot, I feel like I could still do most of the things I love with a horse tail. Although visiting water parks would become incredibly difficult.

Would you rather die in a fist fight with a bionic grizzly bear or in a naked tickle fight with Randy?

Is this a serious question? I’d much rather die fighting a Grizzly Bear. Even though it’d be far more painful, at least then I’d die with some of my dignity intact.
Until We Meet Again

NBA '06-'07 Season Preview

(Note: This is purely a sports post. So you artsy types might want to steer clear and go read the New Yorker.)

Despite my uber busy schedule I’ve taken so time out to give all of you a quick NBA preview. I want to keep this brief so I’m only going to have 2-3 sentences per team, with few if any exceptions. I’ll be ranking the teams in each conference from top to bottom. These rankings are more like a power poll or college top 25, what with the NBA’s goofy premise of giving division winners a top 4 seed my rankings will not correlate with the playoff seeding. I plan on making this a quick read so let’s get to it.

West

1. San Antonio Spurs – With every mag and websites previews touting the merits of small ball the team with the best big man will hoist the Larry O’Brien trophy at the end of the year.

2. Phoenix Suns – Just enough talent to win it all. And just enough question marks and lack of a closers mentality to break my heart.

3. Dallas Mavericks – Had their best chance last year and blew it. Still if they can avoid the Spurs or Suns ‘til the conference finals they have a legit shot to win it all.

4. LA Clippers – With a healthy Corry Maggette and a maturing Shaun Livingston the Clips will be even better then last year. That said they’ll be lucky to make it back to the second round.
5. Houston Rockets – If they stay healthy and Van Gundy loosens up the reigns this will be the team no one wants to play come April

6. Sacramento Kings – If Ron Artest behaves they’re my sleeper team out West. That said Artest is about as stable as Courtney Love. Either way I’d want to stay clear of this team.

7. Denver Nuggets – Carmelo Anthony looked like a world-beater this summer (no pun intended). They still need anyone who can shoot and they drastically over-paided for Nene. But if they can get 65+ games from Marcus Camby though they’ll have enough to sneak into the playoffs.

8. Utah Jazz – They have one of the best coaches in the business and arguably the most talented front court in basketball. If they can stay healthy they’re a guaranteed playoff team. They still need a shooter and a consistent perimeter scorer before they become a true contender.

9. LA Lakers – Last year I was certain Kobe and Phil didn’t have enough to make the playoffs and I feel the exact same this year. So in other words they’re all but a lock to make it.

10. Minnesota Timberwolves – KG’s last year as a T-Wolf. And no, it won’t be pretty.

11. New Orleans Hornets – Foolishly over spent this summer and got rid of J.R. Smith, whose potential is unreal. They’ll be competitive at first and then flame out towards the end of the year.

12. Golden State Warriors – As owners of a 12 year playoff drought Warriors fans wondered aloud for years as to whether or not their coach was drunk. Don Nelson returns to the bench this year to answer that question with a resounding yes.

13. Seattle Super Sonics – This might just be the worst defensive team in the league. They’ll try to win games as if they were a mid-major during March Madness: my hoisting an ungodly amount of 3’s. And with Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis they just might be able to win a few games that way.

14. Memphis Grizzles – For the last two years when the playoffs rolled around I always wonder how the hell Memphis makes it. Now with their two best players are either injured or traded and I feel certain they’ll plummet. I mean honestly how the hell is this team going to score any points? On a completely unrelated note, be on the look out for Mike Miller’s new look this year. He looks like either a chick or a Christian alt-rocker, depending on your state of mind.

15. Portland Trailblazers – Brandon Roy will be the lone bright spot on a team that will be one of the worst in NBA history.

East

1. Cleveland Cavilers – Call me crazy, but I’m just not sold on any other team in the East. Chicago looked great on opening night, but I seriously doubt they’ll be able to score effectively all season. Miami will sleep walk through 9/10 of the regular season, Detroit feel apart last post-season and then lost their team leader. So I’m going with the team that has the best player in basketball to take the east.

2. Chicago Bulls – A team that is tailor made to beat Miami. However they could have trouble scoring against teams that are actually awake for their games.

3. Detroit Pistons – The most obnoxious team in the league can finally feel disrespected again!?!?!? They’ll be better offensively without Wallace, but will sorely miss him against any team that has a decent big man.


4. Miami Heat – The defending champs will be on cruise control until the playoffs. I struggle to see the Heat getting by the Bulls or Cavs, but even if they do whichever team comes out of the West won’t choke away the title this year. Also I hear Pat Riely is replacing last years theme of “15 Strong” with Modest Mouse’s song “Sleepwalking”. All joking aside sleepwalking would be a vast improvement over what happened on opening night.

5. New Jersey Nets – Still a solid big man away from seriously contending. They should trade Vinsanity or RJ (and a couple of draft picks) for KG.

6. Washington Wizards - Before they can make the jump to the elite they need a decent big man and Gilbert needs to learn to set up as team mates and have better shot selection.

7. Orlando Magic – I’d feel a lot better about the Magic’s season if they’d drafted Ronney Brewer over J.J. Redick. While Reddick is a great (yet vastly overrated) shooter, there’s no possible way you can play him and Jameer Nelson at the same time and hope to guard anyone. That said they’ll still make the layoffs as long as their bigs stay healthy. Don’t hold me to it but I feel pretty strongly Dwight Howard’s going average 20 and 13 this year.

8. Indiana Pacers – All signs point to another train wreck season for the Pacers. But I can’t count Rick Carlise out.

9. Boston Celtics – Danny Ainge seems to be stock piling talent in order to make a run at another superstar to put along side Paul Pierce. They have more young talent then any other team in the league, by a whole lot. Whether or not they can develop any of it is another story. This team will be the most sporadic in the NBA.

10. Milwaukee Bucks – They have one of the games best shooters in Michael Redd and a very young, but talented front court. Unfortunately for them the only player on their roster who can create shots for other people is Andrew Bogut.

11. Philadelphia 76ers – No depth + aging superstar + Karl Malone Jr.(Chris Webber)* on one leg + Only one player who plays defense (the other AI) = No Playoffs for the second straight year.

12. Toronto Raptors – Bryan Calegelo will have this team in the playoffs in 3 years.

13. New York Knicks – Too much drama, not enough chemistry, not a single player on the roster who can create a shot for someone other than himself, the worst gm of all-time who doubles as an underachieving head coach and a bloated pay-roll. I think it’s safe to say the Knicks are a Katrina-level disaster.

14. Charlotte Bobcats – Does anyone else feel another MJ comeback coming on?

15. Atlanta Hawks – Not much too say here, just a really bad team. Speedy Claxton is not the answer at point, he’s a decent change of pace back up at best. Marvin Williams would have been my pick to have a break out year, but now he’s on the shelf for two months. Free Salim.

Playoffs:
1st Round Winners: Spurs, Suns, Mavericks, Rockets. Cavs, Heat, Bulls and Pistons.
2nd Round: Spurs, Suns, Cavs and Bulls
Confrence Finals: Spurs and Cavs
Finals: Spurs over Cavs

MVP: Lebron James
Coach of the Year: Jeff Van Gundy
Rookie of the Year: Brandon Roy, Adam Morrison

Until We Meet Again

* That’s my clever way of saying C-Webb’s unclutch.

Fix You/It

Time again for yet another new gimmick that I’ll probably never use again, this one’s called fix you/it. And yes it’s a Coldplay reference, and yes I’m embarrassed, but I think it works. And besides Coldplay’s not all bad, I mean they did point out to us that the stars are in fact yellow*. Anyhow, below you’ll find a list of broken things and my advice on how to fix them. Well enough with the foreplay, let’s jump right in.

Sports Center:
- Lets be honest, this show is just slipping, it’s plummeting off it’s pedigree. The show has become more gimmicky then my blog. Each months there’s less and less high lights and more and more analysis and topical pieces. Sports Center should be about highlights, save analysis for Outside the Lines and NBA, NFL, NHL, MLB, ect, ect, Tonight and what not. Honestly the only time and issue should have analysis is if it’s truly a ground breaking, larger then life story. And worst the show should be 85% highlights and 15% analysis. Right now it seems as if there’s more analysis then highlights, which is just plain wrong.
- No more Stuart Scott. His lazy eye creeps everyone out, he’s not funny and the only people who like him are rich white kids who have never come in contact with an actual black person. Do us all a favor and put “Stu” out to pasture.
- And finally if you insist on having analysis please teach your side reporters how to speak. I personally cringe every time they throw it some writer for ESPN the Mag or ESPN.com. I cringe because A.) This person generally looks like they’re about to sh*t themselves because they’ve never been on TV before and B.) Every single one of these people talks to the camera as if he’s addressing a kinder garden class. It’s just so damn awkward. Please, teach these people how to talk before you let them on TV, I don’t think that’s asking to much.

Radio Music: (This category is awkwardly phrased.)
- This maybe asking to much, but can the Soul not Meet Body every half hour?**
- Stop trying to portray James Blunt and Nickleback as actual artists. List James Blunt is a huge joke. His lyrics are beyond atrocious and it sounds like he’s trying to sound like Aaron Nevil covering Maroon 5 songs. And as for Nickleback, well there first to single were exactly the same, literally. If you haven’t heard the mash up of ‘How You Remind Me’ and ‘Someday’, in which the songs line up perfectly, the whole way though, then you might not no what I’m talking about. But just trust me.
- Diversity. Just like a good portfolio, mainstream music needs this in the worst way. I mean do we really need 50 pop punk bands posing as limp-wrist core bands? Can anyone actually tell the difference between Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, All-American Rejects, Good Charlotte, Hawthorne Heights and the 40 other bands that all have the exact same sound? The answer is of course no. And we won’t even go into the multiple U2/Radiohead rip offs***.
- Originality. I could on forever on this, let’s just move on.

The Daily Show:
- Jon Stewart, for the love of gawd start taking yourself less seriously. You use to be funny, and now you appear as if you’re running for office in ’08. No matter how hard you try your show isn’t going to get Bush impeached, so just concentrate on being funny. Trust me it’s for the best.
- New Side Reporters. It’s pretty obvious that the shows writers are still funny, but the show has yet to recover from losing Mo Rocca and the Steves. And the group that has replaced them is about as humorous as Larry the Cable Guy and Paul Rodriguez. And if you think either of those men are famous please stop reading my blog.
- Stop being so damn preachy. Maybe it’s because I tune it to the show for humor and not to get my opinion from it, but lately the show has been extremely pretentious, listen I’m pretty sure your sh*t smells to. Or maybe it doesn’t, but it sure seems like it does.

Nick and Jessica:
- Listen I loved ‘Newlyweds’ just as much as everyone else, but I feel strongly that this situation doesn’t need fixing. My reasoning for this: I’ve fallen head over heals for Nick’s new single “What’s Left of Me”. And no, I’m not joking. I really like that song.

NBA Refs:
- Start listening to Mark Cuban. While his views are a little extreme, with a little tweaking they would be just what the league ordered. If you haven’t read his take on reffing in the playoffs yet go here: www.blogmaverick.com
- Consistency. This is all you can ask a ref for, is to be consistent. Instead one play the refs will call a player for a foul if he’s with in three feet of his man, then on the next they want call a foul unless someone gets tackled. Have some sort of guide line and stop flying by the seat of your pants out there, you’re embarrassing yourself.
- Let the big men play. I’m sick and tired of seeing tick tack fouls called on big men. I the offense player initiates any contact he’s going to the line, which is BS. I know the NBA wants scoring up, but at least give the defensive player a chance, especially in the playoffs.
- Remember, it’s not about you. Let the players decide the game. I’ve seen to many great games ruined by the refs this postseason. The prime example was the Spurs-Mavs game 3 on Saturday. Dirk, as good as he was, got a call every time he drove, irregardless of what the Spurs defense did. They fouled Tim Duncan out, who was proving once again why he’s the best player in the game, on an awful call and made sure that Dallas would have a chance to win the game at the line. Is it to much to ask for a good post season game in which I don’t have to talk about the refs afterward? Seriously, I just want to see the players determine the outcome of the game,
unassisted.

My Blog:
- Editing. Seriously this thing is so damn sloppy, the least I could do is spell check.
- Drop the ego. Most of the time I come off like a pragmatic, egocentrical a-hole. My posts would probably be a lot more readable if I had a little bit of humility.
- Branching out. Let’s face it, I’m really not that diverse. I only have opinions about sports, music, TV/Movies and every now and then video games. My blog would probably be better if I was interesting.

Well that’s it for now. Hopefully that will sustain you for sometime, because I’m pretty winded after all that typing. Stay pure readers.

Until We Meet Again.

* With apologies to Chuck Klosterman. I meant that more as a reference then blatant plagerism, honest.
** This joke here is referring to the Death Cab for Cutie single that plays every 30 minutes.
*** For the musically uneducated these are the bands you hear on the radio and think are Coldplay.

The Rasheed Wallace of Loews Ventana Canyon Resort

CTC. Cut the check. How could any of us forget the once infamous words of ‘Sheed telling the world that the only thing that mattered to him was getting paid. I know I can’t. Rasheed said this back when he was playing for the Portland Trailblazers, mere months away from being shipped to Detroit via hotlanta. And just look at him now, he’s the X-Factor, toughest match up and arguably the best player on the best team in the league. So what does all this have to do with you and me? Well I really don’t know or care how it relates to you to you, but as for me, I can no longer relate to ‘Sheed. Even though I’ve never smoked pot*, I found it much easier to relate to the Portland version of ‘Sheed. He was a man that was complete insane and completely honest.. He only cared about one thing and one thing only: gettin’ paid. Which brings us back to myself and Loews Ventana Canyon Resort (LVCR for short). While I still do my job, my effort is getting more and more half assed. Like the old ‘Sheed all I care about is my pay check, which are getting smaller and smaller do to less people staying at the resort. And when I’m honest with myself, there’s really no reason for me to try any harder then I currently am. I’m suppose to bridge the gap from the evening crew to the a.m. crew. My main duty is making sure the morning crew isn’t over whelmed when they get in and covering the p.m. crews arses. But here’s the problem with all that, there’s not single redeemable person in the entire staff of people I work with. There’s butt f*ck Chuck, the am crew’s manager who’s so gay he’s almost over doing it. He spends his entire day eating and flirting with boys and over weight women. Needless to say I’m extremely jealous. In fact the entire morning crew us pretty much a train wreck. The only semi-redemable person is this one over weight chica, but I’m pretty sure she talks sh*t about me in Spanish to the other over weight chicas**. Then there’s the pm shift, who might be an even more motley crew. They’re lead my a manager whose going through mid-life crisis so badly that I’m half convinced it’s an act. Despite the fact that’s he’s balding pretty badly he still tries to spike his hair up and pretend like nothings wrong. I’m also pretty sure that he dies his hair, but I can’t prove it. Then there’s the Chinese guy I work with, who despite being married and having a four month old child insists of giving be a recap of all the ‘tits’ in the room he just delivered food to. And we haven’t even touched on the goofy foreigner, the whinny/emo/constantly bitching about something guy., or the biker guy whose hearing is so shot he shouts everything he says and repeats every sentence to you at least 4 times. Wait, I forgot there is one redeemable soul in this gawd awful work place. That would be the heavy set cashier who has impeccable music taste and is extremely funny. But other then that I doubt I’d shed a tear if I never saw the rest of my co-workers. And now on to NBA playoffs thoughts and other news.

- Two years in a row I’ve thought Steve Nash probably didn’t deserve the MVP, and two years in a row he’s used the playoffs to prove me wrong. In related news I apologize to all Suns fans out their as I no doubt just jinxed the man.
- What’s the difference between Tony Parker and Steve Nash defensively? Tim Duncan, Robert Horry and Bruce Bowen. Both Nash and Parker are horrible defenders, but one player just has a plethora of great defenders around him so he doesn’t look half as bad. PG defenense is the easiest to cover up, you just need good defenders in other spots to be able to cover for him. Remember this next year when Nash is flanked by Raja Bell and Shawn Marion on the wings and Kurt Thomas and Amare Stoudamire in the post and everyone’s talking about how much he’s improved as a defender.
- Pat Riley should be fired for not putting a single decent defender or shooter around D-Wade and Shaq. It was painful to watch both of them get quadruple teamed by the Nets and have no one to kick it out to. That said if RJ’s not 100% healthy the Heat will take this series in 6.
- Fearless prediction: If Dallas somehow upsets San Antonio, the Suns are going to the NBA finals. Steve Nash won’t let his team lose to the Mavericks and all in all the Suns are the worst possible match up for them. But Dallas isn’t going to get by San Antonio, so it doesn’t really matter.
- If you enjoy basketball pray that RJ is healthy so the Nets have a chance at up ending the Pistons and we can be spared from yet another Piston-Spurs finals.

Well that’s it for now. Enjoy watching the Suns attempt to reach 200 points tonight.

Until We Meet Again

* Mainly because I’m certain I’d enjoy it far too much.
** For those of you scoring at home, that’s 3 heavy set Latino women that I work with in the morning.

Letters from Readers

Here’s yet another new section for you when I answer questions that my numerous readers have. This here is my first letter to the editor section. Yes it’s a rip off of the sports guy’s mailbag, which is a rip off of Lettermen’s CBS Mailbag, which is probably a rip off of something else. So with out further ado, here’s a little Q + A time for ya.

Q: Hey Calvin long time reader, first time writer, Who’s been a better player for the Lakers so far in the playoffs: Kobe or Odom? Also what’s up with the reefing in this series?
Adam. Spokane, WA.
A: Great question Adam, but I wouldn’t limit it just to those two Lakers. While they’ve both been great I think Shawn Marion has far and away been the Lakers best player. As for the reefing, it’s been horrendous for both teams the entire series. It’s as if the refs are petrified that a basketball game might break out. It’s even more upsetting when you see final 3 minutes of game 4 and overtime showing us just how good this series would be if the refs just stepped back and stopped calling a foul every possession.

Q: You have great musical taste! Any suggestions? Guilty pleasures? Or Song of the Summer we should know about? Music Lover in Mundeline, IL.
A: I sure do music lover. Josh Ritter’s newest album “The Animal Years” is absolutely amazing. It’s the only record I’ve heard so far this year that rivals Destroyer’s Rubies. Check this ish out, the highlight songs are Girl in the War, Thin Blue Flame and Lily, Egypt to name a few. As for guilty pleasures, I’m pretty fond of Angles and the Airwaves, Tom Delong’s new band. Please just don’t tell anyone. As for Song of the Summer, I’m not quite sure yet. I don’t think there’s a sure firer pick like there was last summer with Feel Good INC. Gun to my head I’m going with Gnarles Barkley – Crazy. Hopefully other contenders will step up to the plate, but who knows. It’s been a lack luster year for music so far.

Q: Any thoughts on the NFL Draft? Why didn’t Reggie Bush go #1?
Trevor in Tucson.
A: I don’t know Trevor. All I can say is thinks don’t look to good for Houston, especially after an ecstatic Sam Bowie called thanking Mario Williams and the Texans GM over and over again. But what might be even more upsetting then this horrendous pick is that now the extremely over hyped NFL Draft might not go away. Mel Kiper and ESPN could potentially keep running stories on this from now until next April. So not only did the Texans hurt themselves, but they also hurt all of us as well.

Q: You personally said that Dirk would flop in the playoffs. How do you feel about that prediction now? Don Denver. Dallas, TX
A: Not to good. Dirk and the Mavs got the perfect draw in round one, the Grizzlies might be the worst playoff team in the west, just behind Denver. There’s not a single player on their team who has a prayer of guarding Dirk. So now he can get his confidence up in round 1 and hope it carries over to round 2. That said it won’t matter because they’re not getting by the Spurs.

Q: How is Steve Nash goin’ win the MVP? Kobe’s team is beating him in the playoffs, # 8’s the real MVP!!!!!?!?!!?!?
Back on the Bandwagon in LA, CA.
A: Great point bandwagoner, ‘cause the MVP is decided in the playoffs. Listen, everyone who’s making the argument that Nash doesn’t deserve the MVP award and then trying to use the Lakers-Suns series their main reason, please stop before you make us all dumber. The MVP is a regular season award, not a first round of the playoffs award. During the regular season seven Suns players had career years, thanks mainly to Steve Nash. During the regular season several Lakers players contemplated suicide thanks in large part to Kobe’s efforts to put up the first ever single-digit passing season. I’m not about to make the argument that Nash is better then Kobe, and he’s far from the best player in the league. But during the regular season no player played better, or had a more important role for their team then Steve Nash. Combine that with that fact that most people assumed the Suns would miss the playoffs this year and it’s pretty easy to see why Nash won his second MVP.

Q: What are your thoughts on Lost, is it really the best show on TV?
Duncan K. Neptune, CA.
A: While Lost is great, several HBO shows are better then it. I personally think it’s the 2nd best non-HBO show on TV. Veronica Mars is first. In fact Veronica Mars just might be the best show ever, and honestly I’m not joking. But anyway, back to Lost. I really like the show, but it’s over hyped, especially for all the wrong reasons. The best part of the show is the over arching story line of why they’re on the island and what the hell is up with the island. Yet everyone I know raves about the characters and how moving the show is. I really wonder what show these people are watching because the only good character on the show is John Locke. Other then that the only characters I care about are the attractive ones. Just about every other character is boring and one-dimensional. And I’ll be the first to admit that there was about 3-4 episodes in the first season that I found very moving. But the second season, with every episode ending with the slow-mo camera shots and swelling strings and piano, has been like a girl who doesn’t wear underwear, it’s trying way to hard.*

Q: Are there any other blogs that we should know about?
Craig. Omaha, NE.
A: Yes there is. While most people don’t update their blogs anymore, there’s still one exception to the rule: greatvision.blogspot.com Check him out.

Q: hey cal i read u’re blog once and it was sweet. anyway I have a question for u: i played sports in hs and now i can’t seem to move on. i can’t decide what I want to do as a career, it just doesn’t seem like i’m right for anything. u got some advice bro?
p.s. i scored 13 touchdowns my senior year at halfback.
brad taylor. yuma, az.
A: Have you considered becoming a personal trainer?

Well that it’s for today. Enjoy the NBA playoffs, if the refs will allow you to.

Until We Meet Again.

* Oh f*ck. Did I just reference Blink 182

05-06 NBA Season Preview

With the NBA Season starting tonight I’ve decided to unveil my predictions for the season. Here they are by conference.

East:

1. Detroit Pistons: They lost Larry Brown and gained a better offensive coash and more depth, I doubt they’ll fall off. They also will have a huge chip on their shoulder, trying to prove to everyone that it was them and not Larry who was responsible for their winning ways.
2. Miami Heat: They added talent, but they added guys who need the ball to be effective. They lost their outside shooters and got worst defensively, all in all a bad off-season for the Heat. However D-Wade and Shaq are enough for them to win their division, but they won’t get out of the 2nd round.
3. New Jersey Nets: Best perimeter team in the league. However they’re very weak and limited up front. Still they’ll cruise to a division title and I expect them to outlast Miami and get back to the Eastern Conference finals. Of course if Jason Kidd starts to play like a geriatric old man again, then all bets are off.
4. Indiana Pacers: Second best team in the conference, but they play in the same division as Detroit. They’re the deepest team in the league and they’ll play Detroit in the 2nd Round in what will be the real Eastern Conference Finals.
5. Cleveland Cavilers: LeBron might be the best player in the league. If he’s really only 21 (and admit it, we all have our doubts about that) he’ll challenge MJ for best ever before he’s done. They added shooters in Damon Jones and Marshall. And they added another scorer/creator in Hughes to take pressure and hopefully minutes off Lebron. They should aim for the 6th Seed so they have a chance to get out of the first round.
6. Washington Wizards: Gilbert will be even better this year as he’ll get more touches with Hughes gone. Caron Butler for Kwame Brown is an incredible steal for the Wiz. Antonio Daniels will take ball handling pressure of Gil and we’ll help to replace Hughes D. If they ever get the ball to their underrated big men they could have a lethal inside out combo.
7. Chicago Bulls: IMO the first six are locks, but after that everything gets sketchy. Despite loosing Curry’s offense, their D will get them back to the playoffs. Look for the Argentinan guy with a hard to spell/pronounce name to take over for Deng by mid-season.
8. Philadelphia 76ERS: On paper this team is average at best, but I believe AI will will them into the playoffs. C-Webb will suck, yet people will still convince themselves that he could turn the corner at any time.
9. Milwaukee Bucks: Bogut will stumble out of the gates and everyone will say he’s a bust. But in a few years he’ll look like a young Brad Miller. This team will start hot until teams remember the TJ Ford can’t shoot. If they were in an easier division they might challenge for a playoff spot. After the Maglorie trade I think they’ll make the playoffs over Philly, but I still refuse to bet against Iverson.
10. New York Knicks: Larry Brown is a huge a$$ hole, but he’s an incredibly talented coach. If he goes against his instinct and gives his rookies big minutes then this team could sneak into the playoffs.
11. Orlando Magic: This team will resemble a pick up team. They’ll have great talent, but they need to get Steve Francis the H out of dodge. If they can bring in a decent 2 guard and let Grant Hill (assuming he’s healthy) play point forward, they could cause a lot of trouble for teams. But they’re not making the playoffs so they need to start developing Dwight Howard.
12. Boston Celtics: Has some very good and very young talent. They need a decent Pg though, also look for Paul Pierce to continue his downward slide.
13. Toronto Raptors: Chris Bosh is a tremendous young player, Jalen Rose has the best quotes in the league. Outside of that, they suck. How bad are they? Loren Woods is set to win the Center position by default.
14. Atlanta Hawks: The only reason they’re ahead of the Bobcats is out of respect for Salim, who will make several teams regret not picking him in the late 1st round. Joe Johnson will prove he was worth the money, but the Hawks will still be really bad. They need to trade one of their 20 6-8 SF for some size and a PG. Overall the Hawks future looks far better then it has in some time. They’ll be decent in a few years.
15 Charlotte Bobcats: Okafor’s a stud and Gerald Wallace will have a break out year. But I’m not sold on Felton, and May is a questionable draft, considering you can’t play him and Okafor at the same time. The season will be a success if they win over 20 games.

West:

1. San Antonio Spurs: The only question remains who hits all the big shots? Ginobli, Duncan, Horry or new comer Van Exel. It won’t matter too much because they’re that much better then everyone else. The NBA has found the dynasty to replace the Lakers. Unfortunately they’re not nearly as marketable or hateable.
2. Sacramento Kings: Peja will return to form, Bibby will be better then ever, and if Miller can stay healthy they’ll capitalize more then anyone else on Amare’s injury. However another post-season collapse should pave the way for Rick Adelman’s exit, and for the Kings to be a serious title contender again with a new coach. Assuming they resign Peja.
3. Denver Nuggets: They benefit from playing in the leagues worst division, which should assure them the number 3 spot. How far they go in the playoffs depends on whether or not Carmelo develops into an all-around player, because right now he’s just a scorer. Speaking of which, is anyone else excited about Melo and Karl’s first fight. My guess is they’ll have a mini fight this year and within two years one of them will be gone. This just might be the best sub plot in the league for the next 3 years.
4. Houston Rockets: This will be the year T-Mac finally gets out of the first round. If Yao’s conditioning gets better they’re the only team in the west that can challenge San Antonio. PG play might hurt them early on, but when Bobby Sura comes back he’ll stabilize the team.
5. Dallas Mavericks: Solid all around team, who will look better in the regular season then in the playoffs. Once the playoffs start, look for Dirk to fall off again.
6. Phoenix Suns: Everyone says they had a terrible off season, but forgets they beat Dallas 3-1 with out Joe Johnson. They also had no bench and Q was no existent. So how exactly did they get worse? The trio of Raja Bell (an old flame of mine), James Jones and Jim Jackson will make up for the loss of Q and JJ. If they can hold down the fort until Amare gets back they’ll have everyone in the West not named the Spurs sh*tting kittens by April. Their main problem maybe the lack of a back up PG for Nash. Jackson, Jones and Barbosa will do a decent job filling in, but none of them has the ability to push it the way Nash, or last years back up Johnson, did. Either way, if Nash stays healthy they’ll get another shot at the Spurs in the Western Conference Finals.
7. Memphis Grizzles: This team always finds ways to improve. The addition of Eddie Jones, Damon Stoudamire and Bobby Jackson will help w/ chemistry and leadership. Hakim Warrick will be far better then expected. And Pau Gasol will have his best season yet, then flame out in the playoffs reminding everyone that you can’t win with a Euro as your best player. That said, Gasol is far and away the tougher Euro player, which isn’t saying much.
8. Utah Jazz: This is my riskiest and probably my worse pick. But I’m a believer in Jerry Sloan. I’m a huge believer in AK-47. Boozer will be better then last year. If Okur is in shape he’ll have a great year. Deron Williams maybe a rookie, but he’s a gamer and will be a very good PG. Devin Brown and Gordon Gerick platooning the SG position and be decently effective. All in all, I think that’s enough to get them back to the playoffs.
9. Los Angeles Clippers: If they stay healthy and share the ball they’ll make the playoffs. I doubt either of those things happen. They’ll be smart to move Casell and let Livingston take over the reigns at PG.
10. Minnesota Timberwolves: The only reason they’re this high is because of KG. The rest of the team sucks, and that’s being generous. They drafted Rashad Mcants in the Lottery, despite the fact that he doesn’t played D and scored a whopping 0 points in the 2nd half of the biggest game of his life (NCCA Title National Game). Yeah that was a smart choice.
11. Golden State Warriors: Everyone’s picking them to get to the playoffs this year. Personally I don’t like the fact that the majority of their hopes are depends upon Barron Davis’s health. Regardless this team will be very fun to watch. I see them falling just short of the post season. Ike Digou is a sleeper for Rookie of the Year if he stays healthy.
12. Seattle Super Sonics: Loosing their coach is going to hurt them, a lot. They have no back up plan if Luke Ridnour falters. Ray Ray will be great as always, but I doubt the rest of the team can duplicate last years dream season.
13. Los Angeles Lakers: Just because Phil’s back doesn’t make Kobe MJ. And while I love the Lamar Odom, I think it’s clear that he doesn’t want to play 2nd fiddle to Kobe, and really who can blame him? (With apologies to Luke Walton) The rest of this team is gawd awful. Phil is know for making good teams great, not sh*tty teams good. If he gets this team in the top 10 in the West he deserves coach of the year.
14. Portland Trailblazers: Their down to single digit headcases, which is a good thing. With Zach Randolph, Sebastian Telifair and Martell Webster they have a nice young core. They need either Travis Outlaw or Darius Miles to pan out at the 3. Hopefully they’ll trade Juan Dixon to a contender so he can be effective. And if nothing else lets at least hope we get a minimum of 5 shots of Juan’s brother during the games, that guy is pure gold.
15. New Orleans… er Oklahoma/Baton Rouge Hornets: This team blows more then Hurricane Katrina. Now that joke was not only tasteless, but it wasn’t really funny. Still the Hornets are real bad, and they’ll be even worse now that they’ve traded Jamal Maglorie. Chris Paul is everyone’s pick for the next great PG. I’m not sold on him, but he and J.R. Smith should provide a nice glimmer of hope for the team with out a home.

Awards:

MVP:
1. Tim Duncan – He’s the new Shaq, meaning he should win it every year.
2. LeBron James – Might already be the best player in the league.
3. Ron Artest – If he keeps his head on straight the Pacers will win the east he’ll deserve MVP consideration. But that’s a big IF.
4. Kevin Garnett- He puts up amazing numbers every year, but his sh*tty team will keep him from placing higher.
5. Allen Iverson – Just because he should have on it last year.

Coach of the Year
1. Jerry Sloan – If Utah makes the playoffs
2. Greg Popovich – See Tim Duncan
3. Rick Carlise – If he can keep Artest in check he deserves it.

Rookie of the Year
1. Deron Williams
2. Ike Digou
3. Salim Stoudamire

Finals pick:

Spurs over Pacers (4-2)