So I’m writing this while I’m at work and about to pass out from exhaustion, so I need to apologize if this reads like the ramblings of a drunken man. Now that that’s out of the way, today I’m going to be answering your questions about music. HURRAY!?!?!!?!? And while they all may not be real questions (it’s about an 80/20 split), you’d ask them if you knew how or had any courage. Let’s get it started.
Q: So every time one of Paris Hilton’s singles comes on, I not only don’t change the station, but I start taping my foot and eventually singing along to it. I feel terrible about all this. It feels as if my soul is dying. What should I do?
- Adam S., Los Angeles
A: I think I can help you out here, except for the fact that Paris’s whole record is ridiculously good. For those of you who haven’t heard – don’t judge and keep in mind that absolutely none of the album’s strong points have anything to do with Hilton, except for the money she spent on producer Scott Storch. This is pretty much the perfect pop album, with shades of Kelly Clarkson’s Breakaway*. While Hilton’s voice is more produced than the one’s you’d find on a Zoog Disney musical, it in no way takes away from these great pop songs. Nor does the fact that Hilton is one of the most repulsive human beings currently alive. The album is just really, really, really well done. And in case you’re wondering, the answers yes – it nearly kills me every day that I like this album.
Q: Hey bro, WTF is up with Badly Drawn Boy? His new album blew! I mean Pitchforkmedia.com (a.k.a The Bible) gave it only a 2.8 out of 10! Where has the BDB of his two (or at least 1 ½ ) pop masterpieces gone? In related news, the Grizzly Bears record might be the best Post-Rock album I’ve heard in the last 5 years.
– Max Michael, My Parents House.
A: Um, thanks for the update, I guess. Anyhow, about the new BDB, yes it was a disappointment. But it wasn’t the train wreck most have portrayed it to be. For the most part, the album is just pleasant, ignorable chamber pop. It has some great highlights, esp. “The Time of Times,” which steals its main rift and cord progression from BDB’s “The Shinning”**. While I’m as mad as anyone that BDB is over-producing his songs and trying way too hard to make them grandiose, talk of his decline has been greatly exaggerated. He still has a few great songs per album, while never coming close to his early work. In a way, he’s the British Ryan Adams. His decline just isn’t as Weezer-esque as critics are panning it to be.
Q: So while this has been a decent year for music, I’m already pumped for ’07 with new albums from Modest Mouse, The Shins, Andrew Bird and The Arcade Fire. Any suggestions of what I should listen to while biding my time waiting for the above-mention releases? Thanks.
– CBP, T-Town.
A: I share your sentiments, friend, and here are my suggestions. For Modest Mouse, pick up The Figurine’s album Skeleton. I will say that the comparison isn’t really fair to The Figurines, considering their biggest influence is probably The Flaming Lips. There’s also shades of Hawksley Workman in there as well. All in all, this is just a terrific album. For The Shins pick up the Kite Flying Society’s debut album. The KFS are very solid, yet rarely spectacular. They do a very suitable job of putting out the Lo-Fi pop that The Shins have mastered. As for The Arcade Fire, well, it seems like every new indie band is basically trying to cover The Funeral, so your options are plentiful. No one of theses albums is good from top to bottom, so I’ll just recommend a few songs: “We Used to Vacation” and “Hospital Beds” by Cold War Kids. Also try “The Funeral” and “St. Augustine” by the Band of Horses. And as for Andrew Bird…well, just listen to his old CD’s. ‘Cause truth be told, Andrew’s playing a different game then everyone else.
Q: So what are you listening to these days?
– Claire.
A: Well, current CDs getting heavy rotation in my life are Patrick Park – Loneliness Knows My Name, Okkervil River – Black Sheep Boy, Ben Kweller – Ben Kweller, Willie Nelson – Songbird, and Mewithoutyou – Brothers, Sisters.
Q: So there is this interview with Panic! at the Disco in the new NME magazine. In this interview, they declared two things. First, “emo is blullsh*t,” and second, “We are the next Radiohead.” Your thoughts?
–Marko, Denver.
A: I felt like I needed to end with this particular question. I’m not sure what exactly should be my reaction to PAD’s*** quotes should be. I can’t decide whether I should be overjoyed by the humor of their ignorance or infuriated by it. The first thing that I have to say is that if your goal is to be the next Radiohead, you might not want to start out as a cover band for someone as sh*tty as Fallout Boy. Secondly, I find it sort of ironic that Emo has become the new glam metal. No band wants to be branded with the label of Emo. I mean, PAD is a lot of things, mainly sh*tty and obnoxious, but the one thing they are more than anything else is Emo. Maybe the band is saying that they are, in fact, bull sh*t. If that’s the case, then maybe I should ignore their ridiculous quote. But I doubt that’s the case. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go prepare for the Rapture as PAD’s stupidity has convinced me it’s coming at any moment.
Until We Meet Again.
* Another great mainstream pop-rock album. In related news, after admitting to like both these albums, I will henceforth be snubbed by all hipsters at future shows at Solar Culture and the Rialto.
** Seriously it does. Listen to both closely.
*** I’ve never been a fan of people abbreviating band’s names, especially sh*tty ones. But I have to do it here because I’m lazy and don’t want to type it out every time.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Thursday, November 02, 2006
NBA '06-'07 Season Preview
(Note: This is purely a sports post. So you artsy types might want to steer clear and go read the New Yorker.)
Despite my uber busy schedule I’ve taken so time out to give all of you a quick NBA preview. I want to keep this brief so I’m only going to have 2-3 sentences per team, with few if any exceptions. I’ll be ranking the teams in each conference from top to bottom. These rankings are more like a power poll or college top 25, what with the NBA’s goofy premise of giving division winners a top 4 seed my rankings will not correlate with the playoff seeding. I plan on making this a quick read so let’s get to it.
West
1. San Antonio Spurs – With every mag and websites previews touting the merits of small ball the team with the best big man will hoist the Larry O’Brien trophy at the end of the year.
2. Phoenix Suns – Just enough talent to win it all. And just enough question marks and lack of a closers mentality to break my heart.
3. Dallas Mavericks – Had their best chance last year and blew it. Still if they can avoid the Spurs or Suns ‘til the conference finals they have a legit shot to win it all.
4. LA Clippers – With a healthy Corry Maggette and a maturing Shaun Livingston the Clips will be even better then last year. That said they’ll be lucky to make it back to the second round.
5. Houston Rockets – If they stay healthy and Van Gundy loosens up the reigns this will be the team no one wants to play come April
6. Sacramento Kings – If Ron Artest behaves they’re my sleeper team out West. That said Artest is about as stable as Courtney Love. Either way I’d want to stay clear of this team.
7. Denver Nuggets – Carmelo Anthony looked like a world-beater this summer (no pun intended). They still need anyone who can shoot and they drastically over-paided for Nene. But if they can get 65+ games from Marcus Camby though they’ll have enough to sneak into the playoffs.
8. Utah Jazz – They have one of the best coaches in the business and arguably the most talented front court in basketball. If they can stay healthy they’re a guaranteed playoff team. They still need a shooter and a consistent perimeter scorer before they become a true contender.
9. LA Lakers – Last year I was certain Kobe and Phil didn’t have enough to make the playoffs and I feel the exact same this year. So in other words they’re all but a lock to make it.
10. Minnesota Timberwolves – KG’s last year as a T-Wolf. And no, it won’t be pretty.
11. New Orleans Hornets – Foolishly over spent this summer and got rid of J.R. Smith, whose potential is unreal. They’ll be competitive at first and then flame out towards the end of the year.
12. Golden State Warriors – As owners of a 12 year playoff drought Warriors fans wondered aloud for years as to whether or not their coach was drunk. Don Nelson returns to the bench this year to answer that question with a resounding yes.
13. Seattle Super Sonics – This might just be the worst defensive team in the league. They’ll try to win games as if they were a mid-major during March Madness: my hoisting an ungodly amount of 3’s. And with Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis they just might be able to win a few games that way.
14. Memphis Grizzles – For the last two years when the playoffs rolled around I always wonder how the hell Memphis makes it. Now with their two best players are either injured or traded and I feel certain they’ll plummet. I mean honestly how the hell is this team going to score any points? On a completely unrelated note, be on the look out for Mike Miller’s new look this year. He looks like either a chick or a Christian alt-rocker, depending on your state of mind.
15. Portland Trailblazers – Brandon Roy will be the lone bright spot on a team that will be one of the worst in NBA history.
East
1. Cleveland Cavilers – Call me crazy, but I’m just not sold on any other team in the East. Chicago looked great on opening night, but I seriously doubt they’ll be able to score effectively all season. Miami will sleep walk through 9/10 of the regular season, Detroit feel apart last post-season and then lost their team leader. So I’m going with the team that has the best player in basketball to take the east.
2. Chicago Bulls – A team that is tailor made to beat Miami. However they could have trouble scoring against teams that are actually awake for their games.
3. Detroit Pistons – The most obnoxious team in the league can finally feel disrespected again!?!?!? They’ll be better offensively without Wallace, but will sorely miss him against any team that has a decent big man.
4. Miami Heat – The defending champs will be on cruise control until the playoffs. I struggle to see the Heat getting by the Bulls or Cavs, but even if they do whichever team comes out of the West won’t choke away the title this year. Also I hear Pat Riely is replacing last years theme of “15 Strong” with Modest Mouse’s song “Sleepwalking”. All joking aside sleepwalking would be a vast improvement over what happened on opening night.
5. New Jersey Nets – Still a solid big man away from seriously contending. They should trade Vinsanity or RJ (and a couple of draft picks) for KG.
6. Washington Wizards - Before they can make the jump to the elite they need a decent big man and Gilbert needs to learn to set up as team mates and have better shot selection.
7. Orlando Magic – I’d feel a lot better about the Magic’s season if they’d drafted Ronney Brewer over J.J. Redick. While Reddick is a great (yet vastly overrated) shooter, there’s no possible way you can play him and Jameer Nelson at the same time and hope to guard anyone. That said they’ll still make the layoffs as long as their bigs stay healthy. Don’t hold me to it but I feel pretty strongly Dwight Howard’s going average 20 and 13 this year.
8. Indiana Pacers – All signs point to another train wreck season for the Pacers. But I can’t count Rick Carlise out.
9. Boston Celtics – Danny Ainge seems to be stock piling talent in order to make a run at another superstar to put along side Paul Pierce. They have more young talent then any other team in the league, by a whole lot. Whether or not they can develop any of it is another story. This team will be the most sporadic in the NBA.
10. Milwaukee Bucks – They have one of the games best shooters in Michael Redd and a very young, but talented front court. Unfortunately for them the only player on their roster who can create shots for other people is Andrew Bogut.
11. Philadelphia 76ers – No depth + aging superstar + Karl Malone Jr.(Chris Webber)* on one leg + Only one player who plays defense (the other AI) = No Playoffs for the second straight year.
12. Toronto Raptors – Bryan Calegelo will have this team in the playoffs in 3 years.
13. New York Knicks – Too much drama, not enough chemistry, not a single player on the roster who can create a shot for someone other than himself, the worst gm of all-time who doubles as an underachieving head coach and a bloated pay-roll. I think it’s safe to say the Knicks are a Katrina-level disaster.
14. Charlotte Bobcats – Does anyone else feel another MJ comeback coming on?
15. Atlanta Hawks – Not much too say here, just a really bad team. Speedy Claxton is not the answer at point, he’s a decent change of pace back up at best. Marvin Williams would have been my pick to have a break out year, but now he’s on the shelf for two months. Free Salim.
Playoffs:
1st Round Winners: Spurs, Suns, Mavericks, Rockets. Cavs, Heat, Bulls and Pistons.
2nd Round: Spurs, Suns, Cavs and Bulls
Confrence Finals: Spurs and Cavs
Finals: Spurs over Cavs
MVP: Lebron James
Coach of the Year: Jeff Van Gundy
Rookie of the Year: Brandon Roy, Adam Morrison
Until We Meet Again
* That’s my clever way of saying C-Webb’s unclutch.
Despite my uber busy schedule I’ve taken so time out to give all of you a quick NBA preview. I want to keep this brief so I’m only going to have 2-3 sentences per team, with few if any exceptions. I’ll be ranking the teams in each conference from top to bottom. These rankings are more like a power poll or college top 25, what with the NBA’s goofy premise of giving division winners a top 4 seed my rankings will not correlate with the playoff seeding. I plan on making this a quick read so let’s get to it.
West
1. San Antonio Spurs – With every mag and websites previews touting the merits of small ball the team with the best big man will hoist the Larry O’Brien trophy at the end of the year.
2. Phoenix Suns – Just enough talent to win it all. And just enough question marks and lack of a closers mentality to break my heart.
3. Dallas Mavericks – Had their best chance last year and blew it. Still if they can avoid the Spurs or Suns ‘til the conference finals they have a legit shot to win it all.
4. LA Clippers – With a healthy Corry Maggette and a maturing Shaun Livingston the Clips will be even better then last year. That said they’ll be lucky to make it back to the second round.
5. Houston Rockets – If they stay healthy and Van Gundy loosens up the reigns this will be the team no one wants to play come April
6. Sacramento Kings – If Ron Artest behaves they’re my sleeper team out West. That said Artest is about as stable as Courtney Love. Either way I’d want to stay clear of this team.
7. Denver Nuggets – Carmelo Anthony looked like a world-beater this summer (no pun intended). They still need anyone who can shoot and they drastically over-paided for Nene. But if they can get 65+ games from Marcus Camby though they’ll have enough to sneak into the playoffs.
8. Utah Jazz – They have one of the best coaches in the business and arguably the most talented front court in basketball. If they can stay healthy they’re a guaranteed playoff team. They still need a shooter and a consistent perimeter scorer before they become a true contender.
9. LA Lakers – Last year I was certain Kobe and Phil didn’t have enough to make the playoffs and I feel the exact same this year. So in other words they’re all but a lock to make it.
10. Minnesota Timberwolves – KG’s last year as a T-Wolf. And no, it won’t be pretty.
11. New Orleans Hornets – Foolishly over spent this summer and got rid of J.R. Smith, whose potential is unreal. They’ll be competitive at first and then flame out towards the end of the year.
12. Golden State Warriors – As owners of a 12 year playoff drought Warriors fans wondered aloud for years as to whether or not their coach was drunk. Don Nelson returns to the bench this year to answer that question with a resounding yes.
13. Seattle Super Sonics – This might just be the worst defensive team in the league. They’ll try to win games as if they were a mid-major during March Madness: my hoisting an ungodly amount of 3’s. And with Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis they just might be able to win a few games that way.
14. Memphis Grizzles – For the last two years when the playoffs rolled around I always wonder how the hell Memphis makes it. Now with their two best players are either injured or traded and I feel certain they’ll plummet. I mean honestly how the hell is this team going to score any points? On a completely unrelated note, be on the look out for Mike Miller’s new look this year. He looks like either a chick or a Christian alt-rocker, depending on your state of mind.
15. Portland Trailblazers – Brandon Roy will be the lone bright spot on a team that will be one of the worst in NBA history.
East
1. Cleveland Cavilers – Call me crazy, but I’m just not sold on any other team in the East. Chicago looked great on opening night, but I seriously doubt they’ll be able to score effectively all season. Miami will sleep walk through 9/10 of the regular season, Detroit feel apart last post-season and then lost their team leader. So I’m going with the team that has the best player in basketball to take the east.
2. Chicago Bulls – A team that is tailor made to beat Miami. However they could have trouble scoring against teams that are actually awake for their games.
3. Detroit Pistons – The most obnoxious team in the league can finally feel disrespected again!?!?!? They’ll be better offensively without Wallace, but will sorely miss him against any team that has a decent big man.
4. Miami Heat – The defending champs will be on cruise control until the playoffs. I struggle to see the Heat getting by the Bulls or Cavs, but even if they do whichever team comes out of the West won’t choke away the title this year. Also I hear Pat Riely is replacing last years theme of “15 Strong” with Modest Mouse’s song “Sleepwalking”. All joking aside sleepwalking would be a vast improvement over what happened on opening night.
5. New Jersey Nets – Still a solid big man away from seriously contending. They should trade Vinsanity or RJ (and a couple of draft picks) for KG.
6. Washington Wizards - Before they can make the jump to the elite they need a decent big man and Gilbert needs to learn to set up as team mates and have better shot selection.
7. Orlando Magic – I’d feel a lot better about the Magic’s season if they’d drafted Ronney Brewer over J.J. Redick. While Reddick is a great (yet vastly overrated) shooter, there’s no possible way you can play him and Jameer Nelson at the same time and hope to guard anyone. That said they’ll still make the layoffs as long as their bigs stay healthy. Don’t hold me to it but I feel pretty strongly Dwight Howard’s going average 20 and 13 this year.
8. Indiana Pacers – All signs point to another train wreck season for the Pacers. But I can’t count Rick Carlise out.
9. Boston Celtics – Danny Ainge seems to be stock piling talent in order to make a run at another superstar to put along side Paul Pierce. They have more young talent then any other team in the league, by a whole lot. Whether or not they can develop any of it is another story. This team will be the most sporadic in the NBA.
10. Milwaukee Bucks – They have one of the games best shooters in Michael Redd and a very young, but talented front court. Unfortunately for them the only player on their roster who can create shots for other people is Andrew Bogut.
11. Philadelphia 76ers – No depth + aging superstar + Karl Malone Jr.(Chris Webber)* on one leg + Only one player who plays defense (the other AI) = No Playoffs for the second straight year.
12. Toronto Raptors – Bryan Calegelo will have this team in the playoffs in 3 years.
13. New York Knicks – Too much drama, not enough chemistry, not a single player on the roster who can create a shot for someone other than himself, the worst gm of all-time who doubles as an underachieving head coach and a bloated pay-roll. I think it’s safe to say the Knicks are a Katrina-level disaster.
14. Charlotte Bobcats – Does anyone else feel another MJ comeback coming on?
15. Atlanta Hawks – Not much too say here, just a really bad team. Speedy Claxton is not the answer at point, he’s a decent change of pace back up at best. Marvin Williams would have been my pick to have a break out year, but now he’s on the shelf for two months. Free Salim.
Playoffs:
1st Round Winners: Spurs, Suns, Mavericks, Rockets. Cavs, Heat, Bulls and Pistons.
2nd Round: Spurs, Suns, Cavs and Bulls
Confrence Finals: Spurs and Cavs
Finals: Spurs over Cavs
MVP: Lebron James
Coach of the Year: Jeff Van Gundy
Rookie of the Year: Brandon Roy, Adam Morrison
Until We Meet Again
* That’s my clever way of saying C-Webb’s unclutch.
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