Roger Federer: Is He a Subconscious A—hole?

Since I’m currently unemployed and go to a college that by any scholastic measure is a complete joke, I now have more time on my hands then I know what to do with. So how exactly do I pass my time? Mainly by reading, listening to music, playing racquetball, playing Trivial Pursuit, fretting over my Arizona Wildcats, watching basketball and playing Silver Strike Bowling 2007*. While this is generally enough to keep me at least mildly entertained and get me through the day, lately I’ve needed a little something more. And that something more has come in the form of the Australian Open.

Now I’ve never really been a huge tennis fan. I’ve always enjoyed it and can appreciate the talent the players have, but I’ve never gone out of my way to watch tennis. All that changed about two weeks ago. Now I make sure I’m home by 1:30, 2:00 A.M. the latest so I can watch tennis. I’m not really sure where this newfound love for tennis came from. It could be that I’m still flabbergasted every time they say that it’s actually summer in Australia. Or it could be that I’ve secretly been in love with tennis since I saw the romantic comedy “Wimbledon.” Or it could be something else entirely, but that’s not really important. What at the moment is important, at least for me, is men’s tennis. I don’t watch any of the women matches, except those that involve my future wife Maria Sharipova. Because of that today’s post will be entirely about men’s tennis, and mostly about the man who dominates it: Roger Federer.

Now I won’t be writing about Federer’s brilliance, considering David Foster Wallace** already did that about as well as anyone could. I mean it’s fairly obvious to anyone who can see that Federer is the best tennis player of all time and easily the most dominate athlete alive. So instead of retreading that tired old ground, I’m going to be asking the hard hitting question that needs to be examined: Is Federer an a$$hole?

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Federer, let me tell you that he carries himself with as much grace and dignity as humanly possible for some so superior. But that’s just the thing that I think may make him a jack-ass. Not only is he heads and shoulders above everyone else, but he’s probably the nicest guy in tennis too. Unlike dominate athletes in other sports, it’s almost impossible to hate Federer. He’s a virtuoso in the truest sense of the world. Whether or not you know anything about tennis, it’s incredibly clear that Federer is much, much better then everyone else. It’s like a major league pitcher having a 200 mph fastball, it’s just not fair. And unlike the Kobe Bryant’s and Peyton Manning’s of the world, Federer doesn’t really have any unlikable characteristics. Despite his dominance, he’s incredibly humble, charismatic and humorous. Unless he plays his absolute worse the only matches he can possibly lose are those on clay to Raphel Nadal. So why do I think he might be an a$$hole? Because he’s so damn good and so damn likable, it’s unfair.

A few nights ago I watch Federer absolutely dismantle Andy Roddick, who is easily one of the top five players in the world. The entire match Federer was hitting shots that seem logistically impossible. Federer dominated the match so much that it actually became painful to watch. As the match wore on, Roddick got more and more frustrated. In the final set, when Federer finally miss hit a shot, an exasperated Roddick yelled “Finally.” Seriously it was heartbreaking. How would you feel if you poured your heart and soul into something and the best possible option for you was to be second best? And to make matters worse the guy who you can never beat happens to be incredibly likable. Towards the end of that match Roddick became so frustrated that I felt pretty certain he was going start crying. Seriously, I thought I was going to see a “Royal Tennanbaums”-style breakdown. They also kept cutting to Roddick’s coach, and former tennis great, Jimmy Conners in the crowd. The whole match Conners had a slightly creepy smile pasted to his face as if to say ‘Yeah my boys getting his a$$ handed to him, but the shots this Federer guy keeps hitting are pretty damn cool.’. I feel pretty confident that we are a few years from one of these great tennis players who realize they’ll never beat Federer having a nervous breakdown. But can you blame Federer for that?

I’m mean what to you do if you’re about 3-4 levels above everyone else at your chosen craft? Eventually you’ve got to get tired of dominating, right? Federer is ruining people’s lives with his brilliance and I think it’s time he started to do something about it. Like why not play an entire match with your wrong hand. Or show up to an early tournament match drunk just to level the playing field. I mean why not try something else to give your opponent a chance? Instead of just mentally torturing your opponents by being worlds better then them and a nice guy, at the very least Federer could start acting like an a—hole. He could easily be a great villain. He’s foreign and dominant, that alone qualifies him for villainy here in the states. So why not start making really arrogant quotes about how much more talented and better looking you are then everyone else. Just imagine the fun if tennis’s best player was also its biggest antagonist. After every point in a tennis match the crowd always cheers irregardless of who scores. So how much better would it be if after Federer scores, which would be most of the time, the crowd erupted in boos and a string of ethnic slurs. I currently love watching tennis, but if Federer became a villain then I would never, ever miss one of his matches.

In closing, I think the world of tennis can make this happen without making Federer a bad guy. Just hold the U.S. Open in Philly and make sure all of Federer’s opponents are American. If Philadelphia fans can boo Santa Clause then they can certainly boo Federer in the name of Patriotism, can’t they?


Until We Meet Again
* For those of you unfamiliar with Silver Strike, think Golden Tee, except bowling instead of golf. For those of you unfamiliar with Golden Tee, get your life together.
** Whose is as dominate in all forms of journalism as Federer is in tennis.

State of the Calvin Address

So after I butcher the sh*t out of my great idea (see the “Athletes In the Bedroom” blog) I felt I need to get back on the horse as quickly as possible and try for redemption, not unlike Peyton Manning last night. I’m not promising a Peyton esque performance, mainly because the mere definition of a Peyton-esque performance changed before my very eyes last night. I will be discussing this and much more in this, the very first, State of the Calvin Address.

What this address, in blogging format, will be is a Statement about my life. Or to be more precise, the (mostly) superficial things in my life. I will discuss what was undoubtedly the best professional football game I’ve ever seen, my slumping Arizona Wildcats, Music, Celebrities and anything else that is currently on my mind. Brace yourself reader(s), your about to go on one hell of a ride.

- It snowed yesterday, in Tucson. That’s right Tucson, Arizona. My hometown. It snowed in the f*cking desert, enough snow to semi blanket the ground. But thanks to the Colts comeback and my epic Trivial Pursuit victory, this wasn’t the most surprising part of my day.
- I feel I need to explain my last post “Athletes In the Bedroom”. I felt, and still feel, that it was a great idea. However I rushed it out, mainly because I hadn’t posted anything in two weeks and felt the need to get something out. Needless to say the finish product was a huge disappointment, especially to me. I was way too subtle and plan on rewriting it in the near future.
- In somewhat non-superficial news, I moving to Denver on the 30th of this month and will be staying there until the end of April. Barring a small miracle I will then be returning to Tucson for the remainder of my colligate career, which at this rate will never end. Don’t you worry rockers, I’ll still be posting semi-regularly during my stay in D-Town.
- The Colts-Patriots game, what can I say other then that it deserves its own section. So here you go:

The Colts-Patroits AFC Championship game:

This was probably the best professional football game I’ve ever seen in my life, here’s a quick rundown of my viewing highlights.

- My good friend and (semi)die-hard Pats fan Billy Mordka came over to watch the game at my house. My two older brothers, my father and I all hate that adulteress f*ck Bill Belichick (Patriots Coach) and were rooting heartily for his team’s demise.
- Knowing he would be the only Pats fan in a house full of overly dramatic Italians, Billy wisely brought with him a framed, signed photo of Patriots linebacker Teddy Bruschi.
- Bruschi’s photo stood upright facing the screen as the Pats raced out to a 21-3 lead. That was when I*, in my superstition, decided the only chance the Colts had for a comeback was to put the aforementioned Bruschi photo facedown.
- While the Colts were down 18 I noted, via text message, to my friend Kerry (who’s a dude) that Peyton Manning had a look on his face similar to someone who had just defecated in their pants. Kerry replied that the word “Bumblefucked” was a more accurate description of Manning’s face.
- At half time I felt torn. While I desperately wanted the Colts to win, if the Pats held on I would be up fifty bucks. You see in an effort to lessen the blow of another victory by the joyless, soul sucking Patriots I bet my eldest brother Max fifty American dollars that New England would win.
- As the Colts were mounting their comeback in the third quarter, culminated with Manning’s best pass of the game/ever on the two-point conversion, I began to feel nauseous. Not because I could potentially loose fifty bucks, a price I was more then willing to pay to for a Patriots’ loss, but because I realize that the Colts (and I) were headed for a gut wrenching loss of epic proportions.
- During several key fourth quarter plays I very nearly vomited, most notably Reggie Wayne tossing the ball in the air to himself on the Colts final drive, but luckily I didn’t.
- When the Colts took the lead with a minute left in the game I was thrilled, until I realized Tom Brady had a minute and two time outs left in which to drive his team down the field for a touchdown. My entire body tensed up as I waited for the cleft-chinned man to drive the stake into my heart.
- At this point Billy subtly put the Bruschi photo upright against the window seal. Luckily we noticed in time and my brother Luke and I were able to corral Billy and knock the photo down. We gave Mordka such a beat down that he no longer tried to let Teddy’s picture face the screen. Instead he clutched it to his chest like a small child as tears began to well up in his chubby eyes**.
- I was so tense that I had to go outside to smoke for the game’s final drive (don’t worry readers I’m quitting in February). As I watch through the window my brother Max and I decided that regardless of the outcome this was one of the best sports games we had ever seen.
- When Brady’s last pass was intercepted I began to jump up and down and scream as if Simon Cowell had just informed me I was going to Hollywood. My father and brother/editor Luke ran outside and jumped around with us. It was a celebration that was as joyful as it was flamboyant.
- In closing this was an amazing game that I will most likely tell my grandkids about. Seriously, this is the type of game that reminds you of why you love sports. On a completely unrelated note, how pissed off is Lovie Smith now that he’s just one of two African-Americans to coach their teams to the Superbowl? Well that question was meant to be rhetorical, so let’s move on.

- I think I’m stealing this idea from my brother Luke, but it’s funny enough that it warrants mentioning: How much better would “We Are Marshall” be if Matthew McConaughey was actually playing David Wooderson, his character from “Dazed and Confused”. After victories he’d say things like ‘Alright, alright’. Or on team bus rides he’d sit next to his QB and ask “Hey you got a joint?” and after the QB said no he’d reply with “It’d be a lot cooler if you did.”
- When I first saw the trailer for “Smoking Aces” I got pretty pumped up and thought the movie looked really good and was excited to go see it. Then I saw that it was called “Smoking Aces”. I then decide to wait at least until it hit the cheap seats to go see it. I mean seriously that’s one of the worst movie titles I’ve ever heard, it could single handedly sink the movie.
- In other movie news I just saw the Spanish film “Pan’s Labyrinth” and it’s beyond amazing. I‘d try to explain it here, but you really can’t. Just trust me when I say it’s like nothing you’ve ever seen before, and I mean that in a good way.
- I’m not sure a band could be more indie then “Asobi Seksu”. Half their lyrics are in English and the other half are in Japanese. That and they actually sound pretty damn good. I’ve only really listened to their single “Thursday” which sounded like a mix between Joy Division, Starflyer 59 and Rilo Kiley (or The Cardigans, it was tough to tell, but I liked it a lot).
- In other musical news, I’m starting to feel guilty about leaving Moros Eros and their rocking debut album “I Saw the Devil Last Night and Now the Sun Shines Bright” off my top albums and songs list. I’ve been listening to their album quite a bit lately and I’m really enjoying it. Fans of Modest Mouse, Arcade Fire, Fugazi and Cursive should probably give it a try.
- Speaking of Modest Mouse, their newest single “Dashboard” is, um… interesting. Needless to say as a long time Mouse fan it makes me a wee bit nervous. You’ll understand once you hear it, it’s actually available for listening on their myspace page.
- In non-music news I’m beyond pumped for the return of Hereos and Veronica Mars.
- In closing will go back to sports. My Arizona Wildcats are in one hell of a slump right now. And when the Cats are down on their luck, I usually am too. Most would think this is because I have an incredibly unhealthy obsession with a team in which I have no impact on the outcome of their games. I like to think that the team and I are somehow connected, and that our fortunes to some extent are interconnected. And I feel like I’m ready to step up and take this team, via my fandom, to the next level. I’m pretty pumped about my 3 month hiatus from Tucson and because of that I think the team will break out of their shooting slump and get back on track. I’m still worried that this team will be done during their first off shooting night come tournament time, but I’m keeping the faith anyway. I just wish 23 had Kirk Walters to come in and beef up the interior defense for 15-20 minutes a game, but oh well. All is not lost Wildcat nation, keep the faith. Right now is a great time to be alive.


Until We Meet Again

* At least I think it was me who did it. If I’m taking credit away from another family member I apologize
** Sorry Billy, it’s only for effect. You’re actually looking quite slim these days. Keep up the good work.

The Top 55 Songs of 2006 : An Exercise in Moderation, Sort of

First let me start with a disclaimer. This list is entirely my own, no outside sources joined in the voting process*. This list is as complete as I could make it. Obviously with having a full time job and going to school full time I was unable to listen to every single song that came out this year, thus this list is a little bit incomplete. Within a few months I’ll definitely hear a song I’ll wish I’d put on this list or feel that I overrated and/or underrated certain songs, ect. But as of the time of writing/posting, this list is as complete as I can make it.

More then any year I can remember this was much more a year of great songs then of great albums. Not to say this year’s albums were bad, because there were quite a few spectacular ones. It’s just that after last year’s handful of amazing/epic albums, this year’s albums sort of paled in comparison. Yet overall this year’s crop of songs might be better then it’s ‘05 counterparts.

Anyways, I was going to do a long drawn out list in which I‘d do a short review every song, but I’m lazy and I kinda need to get this list out while it’s still semi-relevant. So instead I’m just going to give you my list as is, sans anecdotes. The albums in which these songs can be found is in parenthesis after the song title**. I realize how much of a cop-out it is to just list the songs and not saying anything about them, so if you want to know more about these songs or want to discuss this list then you can stop me in the streets and talk to me about it. Seriously that wouldn’t be weird at all… Ok it would annoy and creep the living sh*t out of me, but that’s the sacrifice I’m willing to make for the 3-5 people who read my blog. Anyhow here’s the list:

55.) Polyphonic Spree – Sonic Bloom (Wait EP)
54.) Rhett Miller – Meteor Shower (The Believer)
53.) Justin Timberlake – Lovestoned/I Think That She Knows (Future Sex/Love Sounds)
52.) Gym Class Hereos – Clothes Off! (As Cruel as School Children)
51.) Guster – One Man Wrecking Machine (Ganging Up on the Sun)
50.) Decemberists – Sons and Daughters (The Crane Wife)
49.) Badly Drawn Boy – Time of Times (Born in the UK)
48.) Hawksley Workman – When These Mountains Were the Seashore (Treeful of Starling)
47.) The Flaming Lips – The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song (At War with the Mystics)
46.) Figurines – Race You (Skeleton)
45.) Eric Bachmann – Man O’ War (To The Races)
44.) Ghostface Killah (Featuring Trife) – Be Easy (Fishscale)
43.) Grant Lee Phillips – Age of Consent (Ninteeneightes)
42.) Eef Barzlay – I Wasn’t Really Drunk (The Ballad of Bitter Honey)
41.) Band of Horses – St. Augustine (Everything All The Time)
40.) Willie Nelson – Songbird (Songbird)
39.) Calexico – Cruel (Garden Ruin)
38.) Angels and the Airwaves – The Adventure (We Don’t Need to Whisper)
37.) Beyonce – Irrpalceable (B-Day)
36.) Mewithoutyou – A Glass Can Only Spill What It Contains (Brother, Sister)
35.) The Killers – Read My Mind (Sam’s Town)
34.) Lily Allen – Smile (Alright, Still)
33.) Ben Kweller – Sundress (Ben Kweller)
32.) Lupe Fiasco – Sunshine (Food and Liquor)
31.) Casiotone for the Painfully Alone – New Years Kiss (Etiquette)
30.) Snow Patrol – You Could Be Happy (Eyes Open)
29.) Paris Hilton – Nothing in this World (Paris)
28.) Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Cheated Hearts (Gold Lion)
27.) Divine Comedy – A Lady of a Certain Age (Victory for the Comic Muse)
26.) Hellogoodbye – Here (In Your Arms). (Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs!)
25.) M. Ward – Chinese Translation (Post-War)
24.) The Sleepy Jackson – You Need More (Personality)
23.) Mason Jennings – To You (If You Need a Reason EP)
22.) Built to Spill – Going Against Your Mind (You In Reverse)
21.) The Walkmen – Louisiana (A Hundred Miles Off)
20.) Bruce Springsteen – Pay Me My Money Down(We Shall Overcome)
19.) Starflyer 59 – Ideas for the Talented (My Island)
18.) Josh Ritter – Thin Blue Flame (The Animal Years)
17.) The Strokes – You Only Live Once (First Impressions of Earth)
16.) Camera Obscura – Lloyd, I’m Ready to Be Heartbroken (Let’s Get Out of This Country)
15.) I’m From Barcelona – Barcelona Loves You (Let Me Introduce My Friends)
14.) Destroyer – European Oils (Destroyer’s Rubies)
13.) Sparklehorse – Shade and Honey (Dreamt for Light Years in the Belly of a Mountain)
12.) Annuals – Sway (Be He Me)
11.) Scissor Sisters – I Don’t Feel Like Dancing (Ta-Dah)
10.) Regina Spektor – Fidelity (Begin to Hope)
9.) Cat Power – Lived in Bars (The Greatest)
8.) TV on the Radio – I Was a Lover (Return to Cookie Mountain)
7.) M. Ward – Poison Cup (Post-War)
6.) Destroyer – Rubies (Destroyer’s Rubies)
5.) The Hold Steady – Citrus (Boys and Girls in America)
4.) Sunset Rubdown – Stadiums and Shrines II (Shut Up I Am Dreaming)
3.) Rogue Wave – Eyes (Publish My Love EP)
2.) Belle and Sebastian - Dress Up in You (The Life Pursuit)
1.) Josh Ritter – Girl in the War (The Animal Years)

Once again I listen to way too much music and I apologize for my laziness and not writing at least a little blurb about all these songs. Anyhow, hope you enjoyed it and check back next week, when there’s potential for multiple updates!!?!?!?!!?!?

Until We Meet Again


* Ok I lied, I don’t actually have a voting process. But if I did it would probably be similar to the BCS, only not entirely f*cked up.
** The lone exception to this is the Hellogoodbye song, which has parenthesis in the song’s title. I’ve placed the album name afterwards in parenthesis, hope that’s not too confusing.