Top 101 Songs of 2008

So this is my top songs of the year list. In an effort to keep things brief I'm not going to have any real introduction, nor will I be commenting on every song. This list will look a lot longer than it will read. The songs are in descending order, with the artists name first, followed by the song title. The title of the LP or EP that the song is on will be next to the song in parenthesis. Let' quit the foreplay and get right into the list.

101 The Legends - Seconds Away (Seconds Away Single): I love this band and this song, but who played “Loveless” for these guys? Sure now they'll expand their musical horizons, but I selfishly just wanted them to make pop music the rest of their career.

100 Aimee Mann - Freeway (@#%&*! Smilers)

99 Pacific! - Hot Lips (Pacific!)

98 The Tallest Man on Earth - Shallow Graves (Shallow Graves): If you can get by the voice, which requires more work than I usually care for, the payoff of TTMoE is really quite exceptional.

97 Dr. Dog - From (Fate)

96 The Morning Benders - I Was Wrong (Talking Through Tin Cans)

95 Wild Sweet Orange - Tilt (We Have Cause to Be Uneasy): No matter how much my musical tastes ‘grow and mature’, it's good to know that I'm still a sucker for a straight up emo rocker

94 Youth Group - Good Time (The Night is Ours)

93 This is Ivy League - The Richest Kids in Town (This is Ivy League): Belle and Sebastian have to be getting some sort of kickback for this song right? And while the
song is a blatant B & S rip, it doesn't try to hide it, which is why it’s so good.

92 The Republic of Tigers - Buildings and Mountains (Keep Color)

91 Young Jeezy - My President [feat. Nas] (The Recession): I like to think that the Commander and Chief to be was kinda of embarrassed by this song until the 3 minute mark hit and then Nas showed up and started wrecking sh*t. Then he was probably pretty ok with it and how a good deal of gratitude towards Young Jeezy and hip hop in general.

90 Sleeping States – Rivers (Old Vs. New)

89 Neil Halstead - Baby, I Grew You A Beard (Oh! Mighty Engine): Easily the best song title of the year, although I'm slightly biased.

88 Oh No! Oh My! - Go to Work (Dmitrij Dmitrij)

87 The Rosebuds - Bow to the Middle (Life Like)

86 Coldplay - Viva La Vida (): Violently overplayed? Yes. Still great despite the overplaying and Chris Martin's mildly-retarded dancing in the video? Yes

85 Throw Me the Statue - Lolita (Moonbeams)

84 The Killers - Losing Touch (Day and Age): You know I really don't care if this song is goofy and if the verses sound vaguely like a Huey Lewis and the News song. That's not gonna stop me from liking it and singing the chorus a little too passionately when listening to it while driving by myself.

83 T.I. - Live Your Life [feat. Rhiana] (Paper Trail): Pitchfork pretty much nailed this song in the write up they had for their best songs list. I'm still not sure how the Numa Numa sample doesn't completely discredit this song.

82 Eef Barzely - Apocalyptic Friend (Lose Big)

81 Jonathan Richman - Our Drab Ways (Because Her Beauty is Raw and Wild): Probably the best cultural send up of Christianity evah!

80 Estelle - American Boy [feat Kanye West] (Shine): This song is a disease. Anytime I hear a snippet of it or even if someone mentions it, it'll be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. Thankfully it's a terrific song, but like all addictions, such as nicotine, I have a feeling that the long-lasting effects could be hazardous to my health.

79 Josh Rouse - Easy Street (Bedroom Classics Vol. 3)

78 Solange - I Decided (Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams): I think that my love for this song officially makes me the Knowles sisters, or at least their handler's, b*tch.

77 Silver Jews - What Could Not But Could Be If (Look Out Mountain, Lookout Sea)

76 Chairlift - Bruises (Does You Inspire You): Also known as the song from the melting Ipod Nano commercial. Just be warned, the rest of this album is really, really bad.

75 The Submarines - You, Me and the Bourgeoisie (Honeysuckle Weeks): Also known as the song that's now in every Iphone commercial. Not only is the song slightly better then the one right above it, but the album it's on is actually quite good as well.

74 Kings of Leon - Sex on Fire (Only By Night): I love this song. It's so unironic that I actually think that's how it's ironic. Not that that really makes sense...

73 Gnarles Barkley - Who's Gonna Save My Soul (The Odd Couple): While the song is pretty great, it's mainly up this high on my list because of its amazing video.

72 Love as Laughter - Don't Worry (Holy)

71 Starflyer 59 - I Love You Like a Little Bird (Dial M): Jason Martin and Co have been writing the same 3 songs for their entire career, and I love those 3 songs! This one is in the vein of "Feel In Love at 22" and roughly 85% of "Leaving Here a Stranger"
70 Plants and Animals - New Kind of Love (Parc Avenue)

69 Manchester Orchestra - I Can Feel a Hot One (Let My Pride Be What's Left Behind EP): See the line I wrote about “Tilt” by Wild Sweet Orange and change the word rocker with ballad and you'll know why I like this song. Although it's probably more British than emo, not that there's a huge difference between the two.

68 Phantom Planet - Raise the Dead (Raise the Dead): I never thought Phantom Planet could write a song this good, nor did I think I'd ever have to take them seriously as a band, but this whole album was pretty good.

67 Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin - Dead Right (Pershing): Not only is this the best, most surreal band name in sometime, but SSLYBY is also proficiently awesome.

66 Lil' Wayne - Mr. Carter [feat. Jay Z] (Carter III): When I present my semi-blasphemous case that Jay-Z is actually better as a guest rapper, this song will easily be my strongest argument.

65 Coner Oberst - NYC-Gone, Gone (Coner Oberst): I'm honestly a little disturbed by how much I liked about half of this album...

64 The National - Blank State (The Virginia EP)

63 Old 97's - No Baby I (Blame It On Gravity): Rhett Miller reasserts himself into my
Top 5 man crushes with this little diddy. And since it's Christmas time, check out the holiday single they put out last year "Here It Is, Christmas Time"

62 KaiserCartel - Dog Star (March Forth): One of my favorite things I did this year was listening to KaiserCartel's debut album and trying to count the number of times they blatantly ripped off other bands., I lost track about midway through the 3rd song. Who they’re ripping of here doesn’t mater because it’s really lovely all the way though.

61 I'm From Barcelona - Mingus (Who Killes Harry Houdini)

60 Margot and the Nuclear So and So's - Broadnipple is Burning (Not Animal)

59 Spiritualized - Baby I'm Just a Fool (Songs in A+E): Almost 8 minutes with no discernable tempo change and yet this song still grabs my attention every time.

58 Mirah - Lone Star (): Easily the best song making fun of Texas and its inhabitants written by a lesbian this year.

57 Tokyo Police Club - Graves (Elephant Shell): 2 LPs and 1 EP into their musical career and Tokyo Police Club has one song over the 3 minute mark (incidentally, it's not this one). Given their propensity for writing such short, catchy songs, I'm guessing they're gonna be the next 'break-through' indie band, since they write songs short enough that kids might actually listen to the whole thing. And by kids I mean me.

56 Okkervil River - Calling and Not Calling My Ex (Stand Ins)

55 James - Bubbles (Hey Ma): A surprisingly competent and underrated album from the first British band I ever gave my heart to. This opener is the highlight.

54 The Walkmen - Donde Esta La Playa (You and Me): Even though I lived 90 minutes from the border, I took French in high school because it was an easier class. So I don't know what this song's Spanish title is, although I'm pretty sure it's something like "Where is the beach". As far as I can tell, this song has absolutely nothing to do with the beach, nor does that really matter because this song is still great.

53 Mason Jennings - Going Back to New Orleans (In the Ever)

52 The Awkward Stage - Skeletal Blond (Slimming Mirrors, Flattering Lights): Not as good as his love song to “The Girls of Vivid Video”(that’s how he introduced the song when I saw him in concert): “Heaven is for Easy Girls”. But not a bad follow up either.

51 Hawksley Workman - Piano Blink [Los Manlicious Remix] (Between the Beautifuls)

50 Black Kids - I'm Making Eyes at You (Partie Traumatic): Best new song off the mildly disappointing Black Kids debut LP

49 Kanye West - Love Lockdown (808's and Heartbreaks): What more could possibly be said about this man and this song? Nothing. But do check out the mash-up of Love Lockdown and Radiohead’s Reckenor by DJ Earthworm


48 Say Hi - Zero to Love (The Wishes and the Glitch)

47 Okkervil River - Interview with Bruce Wayne Campbell... (The Stand Ins): If you ever think you’re having a sh*t day, Wikipedia the subject of this song. But do so cautiously

46 The Grand Archives - Sleep Driving (The Grand Archives)

45 Frighten Rabbits - Keep Yourself Warm (The Midnight Organ Fight): Frighten Rabbits sound like a combination of Coldplay and the Proclaimers. On paper this sounds atrocious. In actuality, I can’t stop listening to this album. Guess that’s why they play the games eh?

44 Cut Copy - Feel the Love (In Ghost Colours)

43 Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal (Fleet Foxes)

42 Sigur Ros - Festival (Med Sud I Eyrum Vid Spilum Endalaust )

41 Murs - Better Than the Best (Better Than the Best Single): Mur’s mainstream debut album was very disappointing. And I still not sure why this song, his best since the entire “Murs 3:16: 9th Edition” album, wasn’t on that album

40 Blitzen Trapper - Furr (Furr): As you might have already noticed from this list, it was a big year for title tracks.

39 M83 - Kim & Jessie (Saturdays = Youth)

38 Jonathan Richman - Because Her Beauty is Raw and Wild (Because Her Beauty is
Raw and Wild): And now it's time for a list inside a list. Allow me to introduce to you: “The Problems with writing you 'best of' albums list on a e-mail at work” by Calvin Paradise:

1. The moral and ethical issues it raises and blah blah blah, etc.
2. Two sentences reviews for certain albums.
3. Nonsensical reviews that have little to do with the actual album.
4. You forget about Jonathan Richman's amazing album that was definitely ahead of at least 3-4 albums you actually put on your list.
5. Neck pain from constantly looking over your shoulder to make sure your boss isn't coming around the corner.
6. The terrible Christmas music they were playing while I wrote the list. Did you know there's a song about only wanting a Hippo for Christmas? As Christmas music wasn't painful and terrible enough...

37 Girl Talk - Still Here (Feed the Animals): While this album should be viewed as one, single unit, this was my favorite track, and I felt like “Feed the Animals” needed some representation on my top songs list.

36 Empire of the Sun - Walking on a Dream (Walking On a Dream): Sounds a lot like MGMT, minus the paint splattered everything and the scarves worn by them and their fans (MGMT that is).

35 The Notwists - Boneless (The Devil, You and Me)

34 Atmosphere - You (When Life Gives You Lemmons...): Still haven’t figured out how Atmosphere’s free album “Strictly Leakage” was miles better then the actually album he put out for sale this year. This song however is great.

33 French Kicks - Said So What (Swimming)

32 Albert Hammond Jr. - Feed Me Jack or How I Learned to Stop Caring and Love Peter
Sellers (Coma Te Llama?): 2nd best song title of the year

31 She & Him - Sentimental Heart (Volume 1)

30 The Killers - Human (Day and Age): Um, yeah

29 The Dodos - Undeclared (Visiter)

28 MGMT - Kids (Oracular Spectacular): I dare you to listen to this song and try not to dance. I effing dare you

27 Crooker Fingers - What Never Comes (Forfeit/Fortune)

26 Chad Van Gaalen - Willow Tree (Soft Airplane): At one point I thought this might be my favorite track of the year, then I played it daily for a few months straight and now I can’t listen to it anymore. So it’s safe to say I can’t accurately judge this song.

25 Hayden - The Van Song (In Fields and in Town)

24 The BPA - Toe Jam [feat. David Byrne and Dizzie Rascal] (Stanton Sessions, Vol. 3): Apparently BPA is the guy from Fat Boy Slim. I had no idea he could be part of song this awesome

23 Lil' Wayne - La La [feat. Brisco and David Banner] (Carter III): The best showcase for Weezy’s incredible lyrics.

22 Destroyer - Blue Flower/Blue Flame (Trouble in Dreams): He’s like the white, Canadian, Lil’ Wayne. Only with entirely different music and better lyrics…

21 David Byrne and Brian Eno - Life is Long (Everything That Happens Will Happen)

20 Stephen Malkamus - We Can't Help You Out (Real Emotional Trash): I really wish Malkamus would right more straight forward pop songs like this.

19 Cloud Cult - Love You All (Feel Good Ghosts): I kinda have a thing for vecoders

18 The Notwists - Good Lies (The Devil, You and Me)

17 Vampire Weekend - Walcott (Vampire Weekend): For all the hype, overplaying and general overexposure that plagued Vampire Weekend, this song somehow ceased to be affected by any of it. No matter how many times I listen to it I still get caught slightly off guard, and a little giddy, by the cursing in the songs bridge.

16 The Dodos - Winter (Visiter)

15 Crooked Fingers -Your Control [feat. Neko Case] (Forfeit/Fortune): Neko Case’s cameo steals this song, but it’s Eric Bachmann’s lyrics that make it so enjoyable upon further listens.

14 Blind Pilot - 3 Rounds and a Sound (3 Rounds and a Sound)

13 Devotchka - The Clockwise Witness (A Mad and Faithful Telling)

12 French Kicks - Abandon (Swimming): No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to find a guitar riff better than the opening one on this song.

11 Spiritualized - Borrowed Your Gun (Songs in A+E): As far as unintentional anthems go, this one hits pretty close to home for me. The gun being a metaphorical one of course…

10 Magnetic Fields - Too Drunk to Dream (Distortion): I really didn’t care too much for the Stephen Merrit’s take on the Jesus and Mary Chain, nor do I care too much for the Jesus and Mary Chain, but that’s a story for another day (or never). This song however captures everything Merrit does so well as a song writer. It’s also perfect tongue and cheek and semi-moving.

09 Wolf Parade - Language City (At Mount Zoomer): The new Wolf Parade album was probably the biggest letdown of the year for me. It wasn’t necessarily a bad record; it just wasn’t nearly as good as I had hoped it would be. This song however, is everything I’d ever want in a Wolf Parade song.

08 MGMT - Time To Pretend (Oracular Spectacular): Two songs does not an album make, but this one and Kids sure come close to making Oracular Spectacular a terrific album.

07 Blind Pilot - Story I Heard (3 Rounds and a Sound): In my top albums list I talked about how I feel like Blind Pilot was created just for me. This song and the title track are what’s really driving home that notion in my head.

06 She & Him - Change is Hard (Volume #1): Every time I listen to this album I can’t help but think that this was all a publicity stunt by Mr. Ward and Ms. Deschanel. And in spite of that I can’t help but fall in love with this song every time. Just an amazing piece of music.

05 Bon Iver - Skinny Love (For Emma, Forever Ago): So there’s some debate about whether this album came out in ’07 or ’08. Apparently it was self-released in 2007, then Jagjaguwar signed him and distributed it this year. I wasn’t cool enough to hear this last year when it was self-released, so it makes my list this year.

04 Okkervil River - Lost Coastlines (The Stand Ins): An anti-sailing song that somehow further romanticizes the notion of sailing, the ocean, etc. I’m not sure how Will Sheff does it, but he’s real damn good at whatever it is he does.

03 Destroyer - Foam Hands (Trouble in Dreams): I first heard this song and December of last year and I played it constantly well into last May. I’m not sure which part I like better, the Kelly Clarkson reference or the whistling outro.

02 Fleet Foxes - So Long to the Headstrong (Sun Giant EP): One of the reasons the Fleet Foxes self-titled debut wasn’t high on my albums list is that eve though it’s very, very good, it never has a moment that touches this one. Pretty much just a perfect song.

01 Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago (For Emma, Forever Ago): I just recently learned that Emma was the middle name of Bon Iver, real name Justin Vernon, high school sweet heart who he never got over. I feel like that should somehow affect how I listen to this song, but it doesn’t. This song is beautiful through and through and officially makes 2008 the year of the title track.

Until We Meet Again

Top 15 Albums of 2008

I first started writing this blog because I wanted to be a journalist and I figured this would help me hone my writing skills. I no longer have any aspirations involving journalism, yet I keep writing for reasons mostly unknown and nonsensical. And anyone who actually read my blog back then knows that the only difference between then and now is that now I have a wider range of authors whose style I try and emulate. Likewise, I first started compiling 'best of' music lists to improve my writing and to show people how awesome my musical taste was. I now realize that I make people aware of my musical tastes whether or not they read my year end lists. Mainly because I'm a loud, obnoxious blowhard when it comes to music*. Yet I digress.

This year I made a conscious decision to be more analytical in my actual life and less analytical in the “arts” that I encounter. Why do this you ask, well I felt like there wasn't enough duality in my life. Actually that's not true, mainly I just figured that if I liked something I shouldn't have to justify it to myself. So for the first time ever this list is wholly made up of my favorite records of the year. In years past I'd allow my inner music critic to take over and I’d put albums I thought were better ahead of albums I liked more. So in turning over this new leaf I'll start with the honorable mentions and go from their.

Honorable Mention
Plants and Animals - Parc Avenue
Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin - Pershing
Paavoharju - Laulu Laakson Kukista (Not a made up band or album, their just Finnish)
Crooked Fingers - Forfeit/Fortune

15. Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend: A very solid album whose charm dissipates upon multiple listens. There are still some amazing highlights off this album though whose awesomeness haven’t weaned over time.

14. French Kicks - Swimming: I'm not sure why I like this French Kicks album better than there older stuff, perhaps it's because they sound more relax, more sure off themselves. It as if they're no longer concerned with trying to save the world by rocking and now they just wanna play good music. I actually can't explain why I like this album so much, but hopefully my ambiguity covered that up...

13. Hayden - In Field and Town: As I grow older I've found that my fantasies are becoming more and more grounded in reality. Where as a teenager I dreamed of being an me exceedingly rich multi-media celebrity which would allow me to bed any and every beautiful woman on the planet. Now my daydreams consist of a day off work where it's breezy and I have no responsibilities and can just sit and read in the shade. If such a day ever arrives, this album will be the soundtrack to it. Never did I imagine myself being this boring and neutered at the age of 23.

12. Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes: This album/band answers the age old question of what it would sound like if Fleetwood Mac and the Beach Boys had a musical love child. The Answer: F*cking Awesome

11. The Notwists - The Devil You, and Me: I feel like this album is made a lot better by the fact that it's the Notwists first album in over 6 years. Such distance between records is sure to augment it one way or the other. Luckily for the Notwists, the break plays in there favor. And since I have nothing else to say I’ll allow avid reader and musical enthusiast Marko Wilson to give a one word review of this album:

“Catchier”

10.The Walkmen - You and Me: Anyone who read my blog back when I was living in Chicago knows how truly miserable I was during the 6 month long winter there. This album, oddly enough, makes me miss those winters. The whole thing sounds like a soundtrack to those dark, bleak and freezing months. If I were still living there I can guarantee this album would have been one of my 3 favorite to come out this year.

9. The Dodos - Visiter: Every so often I feel as if an album is made with me specifically in mind. This is one of those records. It's perfectly constructed alt. folk with a curveball thrown in, which pretty much describes anything I'd ever want in a record. What makes this record better so many similar ones, like the over-hyped Department of Eagles LP, is their use of percussion and harmonies. Considering the album is almost entirely acoustic, it's very unique and awesome to hear the drums and bass lines up so high in the mix.

8. Lil Wayne - Carter III: I've gone back in forth on this album all year. Sometimes it sounds like the most brilliant, enjoyable music that's ever been put out. Other times it's so painfully obnoxious it makes me what to punch someone in the face. As of the time of writing this, it's the former. I'm currently amazed how Lil' Weezy raps the way jazz musicians play music.

7. Sigur Ros - Med Sud I Eurune Vid Spilum Endalaust (With a Buzz in Our Ears We Play Endlessly): This was easily the biggest surprise of the year in my mind. No so much that the album was as good as it is, though it is Sigur Ros most complete record, but what surprised me the most was how the album was so good. The fact that a band that's famous for making atmospheric post-rock and signing in a made up language could write such brilliant pop songs is really quite astounding. The best song on the album, Festival, does sound like a classic Sigur Ros song, but good portions of this album are borderline twee-pop. Even typing this I'm still flabbergasted that it works as well as it does.


6. Blind Pilot - 3 Rounds and a Sound: Speaking of album's that seem like they were made exclusively for me, I present Blind Pilot's debut LP. Much the same way boy bands were created out of the dreams and wishes of teenagers girls and gay men over the age of 40, so Blind Pilot was created for me. It's like Pandora and the Itunes Genius function combined powers, look through my musical collection and then gave birth to Blind Pilot based on all that data. And if that wasn't enough, they biked to every venue on their first tour, which is incredible awesome. There's nothing about this band and their stunningly beautiful music that I don't love.

5. Destroyer - Trouble in Dreams: Another great album by Destroyer which I undersell because it came out only two years after Rubies. If you like Destroyer you'll love this album. If you don't like Destroyer then there is probably something wrong with you. I also question whether or not you have the ability to truly love anything.

4. Okkervil River - The Stand Ins: This probably would have been my album of the year if were just a 4 song EP featuring: Lost Coastlines, Blue Tulips**, Calling and Not Calling My Ex and Interview with Bruce Wayne Campbell. That's not to the say the other 4 non-instrumental songs on this album are bad, quite the opposite in fact. Those songs main problem is the fact that they're paired with the aforementioned 'Big 4'. I also probably would have had this album higher if I hadn't played it for a 2 months straight followed by other members of my family playing it for two more months straight. That's a pretty good recipe right there for how to OD on an album.

3. Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago: I'm sure I've written or talked about this analogy before in regards to other albums, but I don't really care. Bon Iver's debut album reminds me of the Shaq-Kobe Lakers teams that were a mini-dynasty at the beginning of this decade. You've got two iconic superstars: Skinny Love and the title track. And there surrounded by a slew of great role players, who don't necessarily stand out on their own, but they compliment the two superstars perfectly. I feel like this is the best possible explanation for this great album. And for those of you wondering, Flume is obviously ‘Big Shot’ Bob Horry in this analogy.

2. Girl Talk - Feed the Animals: Some people might frown upon Girl Talk's inclusion on this list, since none of this album is original material, it's all mash-ups. My justification, not that I feel like I need one (see the 2^nd paragraph of this post), is that while all the songs Gregg Gillis is using were originally other people's, they now belong to him. Much the same way as when Johnny Cash covers a song, it then becomes one of his songs^. Hurt is no longer a Trent Reznor or NIN song, it's a Cash song. I feel the exact same way about the music in Feed the Animals, anytime I hear a song that’s on here out of the context of this mash-up it feels foreign and wrong. And that's why this album is on this list, because even though he's breaking multiple copyright laws and getting sued out the a$$, the songs on this album now belong to Mr. Gillis. And they're all pretty damned amazing.

1. Spiritualized - Songs in A+E: What can I say about this album that I haven't already written or forcefully told people who didn't want to hear about it? I've been playing this record at least once a week for the past 6 months and I've yet to tire of it. The sum of its whole is better than the individual parts, which is a marking of any great album. I don't want to be hyperbolic, but Songs in A+E is pretty much perfect.

Until We Meet Again
* Context probably not necessary...
** Be sure to hit up youtube and check out Bon Iver's cover of this son
^ With the exception of his covers of Bridge of Troubled Water and In My Life and maybe one or two other songs I'm currently forgetting

A Guide to Year-End Music Lists

Now that the holiday season is upon us the time has come for people to take a step back and examine the year that was. Magazines of all kinds will be coming out with their year end lists on music, films, tv shows, video games, etc. I'm a sucker for these types of lists, especially the music ones. So I've decided to create a guide to these year end music lists. I’ll start with the heavy hitters and work my way down the pedigree line, here goes:

Rolling Stone

Assumptions You Can Safely Make: Once the pinnacle of music magazines, Rolling Stones (RS) has declined significantly the past decade or so. The mag now seems more interested in politics and pop culture, music seems to have been put on the back burners. There list will be a great source of ridiculed by anyone who has an opinion on music.

Things You Can Say to Impress Your Hipsters Friends:
"RS is really out of touch with the musical world. That haven't been culturally relevant in years."
"I can't believe they put (insert any major label release that hasn't received acclaim from the likes of Pitchfork, Stereogum or Flux Blog) on their list. They don't know a damn thing about music."
"They obviously put (insert any indie album that'd made the cut) on there to try and up there street cred. Talk about pandering"

What the List Will Look Like: Any artist who was even remotely popular in the 60's, 70's or 80's that put out an album this year is pretty much assured to be on there. All sure fire top 40 hits (Britney Spears, Panic at the Disco!, etc.) will also make the list to show that they're not pretentious and can relate to the youth of America. Any pseduo-indie record that had any crossover success or received acclaim will be on there to show that they're still relevant. So pretty much all the pretentious sh*t people will say about this list will be true.

Pitchfork

Assumptions You Can Safely Make: The king of indie music and hipsterdom still has its crown, only now you'll be hard pressed to find anyone who admits to still reading this site. Their list is all but assured of being the most through and analytical of any on the market. It will also be the most condescending and pretentious list you could ever hope to find.

Things You Can Say to Impress Your Hipsters Friends:
"Man Pitchfork's writers are so pretentious and bitter. Who still reads that garbage?"
“This list was so heavy handed and preachy, reading it felt like going to church”
"They're all so caught in being trendsetters that they've forgotten why they liked music in the first place. Pretty much anything those guys write should be considered a conflict of interest" (If you say all this in order to any music snob they’ll enthusiastically nod their head in agreement and not question anything you say for at least 6 weeks)

What the List Will Look Like: The albums are subject to change, but their top 10 will included:

- Hard to listen to Noise-Rock band that tries too hard to sound like Sonic Youth and My Bloody Valentine, but doesn't have the pay off of either of those bands.
- Some sort of Euro-techno-dance pop
- Mainstream Hip-Hop to show how forward thinking they are (Most likely Lil' Wayne or Young Jeezy. Maybe both)
- TV on the Radio
- Any type of music that can be described as "an acquired taste"
- Absolutely no indie band that received any sort of crossover success, regardless of the album's merit.
- Some ambient, techno or trip-hop band with an obscenity in their title

Paste

Assumptions You Can Safely Make: Paste Magazine has always been like that friend of the opposite sex whom you grew up with and is madly in love with you. They're great as a friend, but you know that if you ever got seriously involved with them you'd be settling to the nth degree. Still that's not gonna stop you from hooking up with them when you're intoxicated at some holiday party, cause after all they're cute and unthreatening. As a critical magazine, Paste is cute, enjoyable and non-threatening, but not to be taken seriously. Paste's list will be very respectable, but it will also err on the safe side.

Things You Can Say to Impress Your Hipsters Friends:
"Paste had a pretty solid list, but I think they put (pick any album in their top 5 and you'll probably be safe) too high"

What the List Will Look Like: A whole lot like mine. The list will be safe and have every decent indie album that came out this year on it. And their top choice will be some sort of faux-controversial pick that no one will, you guessed it, take seriously.

Blender

Assumptions You Can Safely Make: This list will consist almost entirely of Billboard Top 40 music. The blurbs will be written by someone who’s either: moonlighting from Maxim or who's favorite song is "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls.

Things You Can Say to Impress Your Hipsters Friends: Nothing, people with any opinion on music don't acknowledge Blender's existence

What the List Will Look Like: Itunes Top Downloads list circa October of this year.

NME or another British Magazine

Assumptions You Can Safely Make: That the words bloke, bloody, joskin, daft, cracker, lad(s), etc., will be used unironically

Things You Can Say to Impress Your Hipsters Friends:
(If they dislike Brit Mags) “The list isn’t horrible, but (insert magazines name) is so obsessed with crowning the next Oasis that they overlook sooooo [overemphasized] much good music.”
(If they like Brit Mags) “Pretty good list. I wish American critics had this good of taste.”

What the List Will Look Like: These lists are sure to include: Any new band that sounds like Oasis. Oasis’ new album. And for reasons unknown, Kings of Leon will be in the top 5.

Until We Meet Again