(Full credit for this title goes to my main man Aaron Wallace who came up with the title after seeing Viggo in all his glory in ‘A History of Violence’)
I’m pretty sure all of you know by now that I found employment at my neighborhood Starbucks. As with any restaurant, we have our share of peculiar regulars. There’s one customer in particular who’s really, um, interesting. This guy resembles a much older, fatter version of the Gorton's fisherman. Every time he comes in and orders his coffee he’s leaves a couple of butter toffee hard candy cream savers to whichever barista is assisting him. The first time he did it to me I just assumed he had left them on the counter by accident so I altered him to his misplacement. He turned around and explained that those were for me. I’d like to think that I then thanked him, but odds are I was too awestruck to actually get any words out. Now whenever I’m working and this guy comes in he gives me two pieces of hard candy, so as to avoid any confusion. Because one piece of left behind candy could just be a mistake, but two pieces left behind, well that’s clearly a gift.
So why do I bring up the antics of this mystifying old man? Well in a strange way it reminds me of the movie I saw this last Sunday: “Eastern Promises” and its director David Cronenberg. You see normally people wouldn’t give you a piece of hard candy as a tip. They see such a gesture as a joke or a sort of eff you to the person they bestowed it on. But the Gorton’s fisherman look-a-like sees the world differently from others. Like wise, a normal director wouldn’t cast Viggo Mortensen and then put his penis on display for a good 5 minutes in their films. But David Cronenberg isn’t a normal director.
First off, let me just say that the movie is really good. It’s one of the most intense films I’ve ever seen. Through out the entire films there’s just a tension that’s never fully resolved. Even with the aforementioned Viggo and my future wife Naomi Watts on the screen, I never really felt like I was watching a movie. It felt like I found some sort of portal to look into a world I wasn’t supposed to see. To say the movie is eerily realistic is one hell of an understatement. I fully understand that you’re trying to make an overtly realistic film here, but you still could have left Viggo’s penis out of it. Although I’ll give Cronenberg credit for one thing: the fact that you keep seeing glimpses of Viggo’s ‘endowment’ is like the 4th most disturbing part of said scene.
Now before you all get on your high horses and call me a peni-phobe, just slow down. I realize it’s a natural part of the male body, but still. Nobody’s goes to the movies to see a penis. On the contrary, most people go to the movies not to see a penis*. What’s arguably more disturbing the sight of Viggo’s genital on screen is the fact that Cronenberg is now batting a 1.000 for times he’s shown Viggo’s penis in movies he’s directed with Viggo in it.
I mean honestly, you do something once it doesn’t prove anything. You do it twice, well that right there’s a pattern. Especially when it comes to cinema. Most talented directors only do a film every couple of years, so they have a much smaller sample size to draw from. So much the same M. Night Shyamalan is know for twists in his movies, Cronenberg is starting to be know for Viggo’s penis being shown in his. Maybe the guys got a serious problem and we should all be trying to get him some help. I mean what if he gets signed on to direct Hidalgo II. Would he have to put in a scene in which Viggo’s ‘manhood’ is exposed? Would the viewers be treated to countless scenes of Viggo riding the horse wearing nothing but a smile? Does this obsession carry over into other aspects of his life? Does he constantly mention how great Viggo looks nude in his interviews? Does he go home and say things like “You should have been on set today honey, Viggo’s balls looked great!”?
In the end, I guess it really doesn’t matter, but over reacting to pointless things is kinda what I do best. Although I’d still prefer not see another man’s ‘johnson’ on a 20 foot movie screen. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going go ice my hand, I think I’ve gotten carpel tunnel from typing penis so many times.
Until We Meet Again
* It’s true on so many levels.
** Stats: # of times penis was used = 13; # of euphemisms for a penis used = 5; # of times I cringed at what I was writing = 3
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
The Daily Wildcat Was Written in a Sort of Obsolete Vernacular….
So lately I haven’t been writing much because of a lack of inspiration. Currently nothing in my life has sparked enough interest for me to actually take time to write out my thoughts about it. I blame myself really. Over the past few months I’ve become increasingly anti-social. My life consists of doing school work, working a job where I’m apparently the only person there who isn’t overly enthused about selling overpriced coffee and tea products, listening to music and occasionally watching televisions. All in all, it’s a pretty mundane life. So really it’s my own fault that I have no inspiration, my life is incredibly boring. I’m actually pretty ok with how bland my life currently is, it’s actually quite relaxing. But lately I’ve been wanting to write something. So today I’m going to back a week or so and discuss a local news story that I was momentarily interested in.
The Daily Wildcat is the student newspaper for the University of Arizona. They sparked some controversy recently when they published this (seemingly) anti-Semitic comic:
Naturally this comic was not well received, with the exception of the University’s Neo-Nazi club. The paper quickly went into damage control mode and the editor issued an apology the next day. Now the logical question to ask here is: Why the hell was this allowed to be printed?
According to both the editor of The Daily Wildcat and the author of the above comic strip, this comic was allowed to run because it wasn’t racist. Instead, both parties claimed the comic’s intent was to make fun of people who believe in stereotypes. Now I’ve read this comic a dozen times and I’m really not sure how the hell you could interpret this as anything but racist. However, the pro free-speech crowd (read: people who’s life’s are even more boring then I my own) claims that this comic should have been allowed to run because of our free speech laws. Now I’m not one to impede on anyone’s free speech, but I can think of at least two reasons as to why this should have been printed. First off, it’s blatantly racist. Regardless of how you interpret our right to free speech you still have to apply some common sense to it. Obviously this was an extremely derogatory comic that was going to come off as a cheap shot at the Jewish community. Secondly, and maybe more importantly, it’s not even remotely funny.
Generally speaking I’d say that I have a darker sense of humor then most. I tend to enjoy jokes other would find distasteful or over the line, etc. That said, the comic strip in question is just incredibly unfunny. And that is the first reason why it should not have been printed. Now I realize it’s a college newspaper and it’s not like all the comics that run are going to be gems, but this one in particular is not funny, clever or even that creative and on top of all that it’s very offensive. In her apology, the editor had this to say about the offending comic:
“ The Daily Wildcat apologizes for the misunderstanding over the comic and does not, in any way, wish to belittle the Jewish community or depict it negatively. The Wildcat values the Jewish community as a constituent of this newspaper, and as members of this university and the world at large. We apologize to any readers who were offended.”
Now maybe I’m not interpreting this correctly, but that reads more like a ‘oh you don’t get our sense of humor’ more then it reads like an apology. This ‘apology’ comes off like the editors thinks the reader is at fault for finding this comic offensive. Which raises two pressing question: Why would you act so damned smug in a supposed apology and why the hell would you go to bat for this unfunny of a comic?
The other day I was thinking about the whole fiasco, because my current life schedule allows for lots of time to sit and think about useless things. Anyhow, I was thinking about how this whole mess would have gone away if it turns out the writer of this strip had been Jewish. I’ve never understood how it’s allowable to say racist things if you’re a member of that race. For instance, numerous black comedians often talk about how they hate certain sects of the black community (whom they generally refer to as n*****). If I dislike this same sect of people, because of the way they act not because of their race or ethnicity, I’m considered racist. How the hell does that work? If you’re racist against people, even if you belong to that race, aren’t you still a racists? I’m not sure what the answer to that is or how it relates to the topic on hand. I’m just going to stop thinking about it because I don’t think I’d ever come up with a serviceable answer.
In other news, my little brother, who’s in high school, recently participated in his schools’ blood drive. For his contributions he received a pin that said: “It’s my first time!”. I’m not sure the operators of this blood drive fully understand the context of that sentiment. Either way, it certainly gave me a good chortle. And much like the last paragraph this has nothing to do with the topic on hand, I just wanted to end on that note.
Until We Meet Again
The Daily Wildcat is the student newspaper for the University of Arizona. They sparked some controversy recently when they published this (seemingly) anti-Semitic comic:
Naturally this comic was not well received, with the exception of the University’s Neo-Nazi club. The paper quickly went into damage control mode and the editor issued an apology the next day. Now the logical question to ask here is: Why the hell was this allowed to be printed?
According to both the editor of The Daily Wildcat and the author of the above comic strip, this comic was allowed to run because it wasn’t racist. Instead, both parties claimed the comic’s intent was to make fun of people who believe in stereotypes. Now I’ve read this comic a dozen times and I’m really not sure how the hell you could interpret this as anything but racist. However, the pro free-speech crowd (read: people who’s life’s are even more boring then I my own) claims that this comic should have been allowed to run because of our free speech laws. Now I’m not one to impede on anyone’s free speech, but I can think of at least two reasons as to why this should have been printed. First off, it’s blatantly racist. Regardless of how you interpret our right to free speech you still have to apply some common sense to it. Obviously this was an extremely derogatory comic that was going to come off as a cheap shot at the Jewish community. Secondly, and maybe more importantly, it’s not even remotely funny.
Generally speaking I’d say that I have a darker sense of humor then most. I tend to enjoy jokes other would find distasteful or over the line, etc. That said, the comic strip in question is just incredibly unfunny. And that is the first reason why it should not have been printed. Now I realize it’s a college newspaper and it’s not like all the comics that run are going to be gems, but this one in particular is not funny, clever or even that creative and on top of all that it’s very offensive. In her apology, the editor had this to say about the offending comic:
“ The Daily Wildcat apologizes for the misunderstanding over the comic and does not, in any way, wish to belittle the Jewish community or depict it negatively. The Wildcat values the Jewish community as a constituent of this newspaper, and as members of this university and the world at large. We apologize to any readers who were offended.”
Now maybe I’m not interpreting this correctly, but that reads more like a ‘oh you don’t get our sense of humor’ more then it reads like an apology. This ‘apology’ comes off like the editors thinks the reader is at fault for finding this comic offensive. Which raises two pressing question: Why would you act so damned smug in a supposed apology and why the hell would you go to bat for this unfunny of a comic?
The other day I was thinking about the whole fiasco, because my current life schedule allows for lots of time to sit and think about useless things. Anyhow, I was thinking about how this whole mess would have gone away if it turns out the writer of this strip had been Jewish. I’ve never understood how it’s allowable to say racist things if you’re a member of that race. For instance, numerous black comedians often talk about how they hate certain sects of the black community (whom they generally refer to as n*****). If I dislike this same sect of people, because of the way they act not because of their race or ethnicity, I’m considered racist. How the hell does that work? If you’re racist against people, even if you belong to that race, aren’t you still a racists? I’m not sure what the answer to that is or how it relates to the topic on hand. I’m just going to stop thinking about it because I don’t think I’d ever come up with a serviceable answer.
In other news, my little brother, who’s in high school, recently participated in his schools’ blood drive. For his contributions he received a pin that said: “It’s my first time!”. I’m not sure the operators of this blood drive fully understand the context of that sentiment. Either way, it certainly gave me a good chortle. And much like the last paragraph this has nothing to do with the topic on hand, I just wanted to end on that note.
Until We Meet Again
Friday, October 05, 2007
I Kissed Reality TV Goodbye
As I set down these notes on paper I’m fully aware that I will anger a good deal of my readers and that I’ll potentially lose friends over this. But a man’s got to stand up for what he believes in. So I’ll just come right out and say it: I hate “The Hills”. Now if you don’t share my opinion and have a tendency to be overly passionate about trivial matters such as your fandom for a reality TV show, I recommend you stop reading now.
Before I get into why I hate “The Hills”, and all reality TV in general, allow me to give you a bit of a background story so you can better understand where I’m coming from with all of this.
I spent the better part of my summer as a camp counselor in the mountains of Colorado. Up in these beautiful mountains I never had cell phone coverage (when I had a phone), internet access, TV or any real access to the outside world. I stayed on this mountain almost all the time, having at most 10 hours off it per week off it. Every time I was off the mountain I felt completely out of place, almost like I was visiting a foreign country as oppose to Colorado Springs. I literally got culture shock every time I went out into the real world. I didn’t even find out that Tony Blair resigned until a month after the fact, when one of my campers told me. So pretty much I spent 2 months in a suspended state of reality in which the real world scarcely existed. And it was a beautiful thing, cause quite frankly the real world* sucks. It was during this time when I was blissfully escaping reality that, unbeknownst to me, my hatred for “The Hills” was born.
Fast forward to the end of the summer. Before I returned to the life-draining heat of Arizona I decided to spend sometime in Denver with my peeps. I spent most of my first day there lying on the ground in front of the television in various states of consciousness. When I was awake or aware enough to look at the television I noticed that MTV was running a marathon of season 2 of “The Hills”. Now normally I would just have ignored it and gone back to trying to sleep, but on this day I had to take notice of what was happening on the screen. As it turned out, this was no regular marathon, It was actually a “Dear The Hills” marathon. In this particular marathon, viewers of the female persuasion had written in letters, as one would to Dear Abby, for the girls of “The Hills” to answer. As I saw this two thoughts rushed through my head: 1.) Wait what qualifications do these girls have to answer these questions besides being on a TV show? And 2.) Who are these poor girls that are actually taking the time to write these letters and what do they think they can possibly gain from the response? (So technically that was three thoughts, but whatever.)
And that’s when I realized that these girls weren’t just ‘reality TV stars’, but they were actually idols for numerous young girls. If that thought isn’t incredibly depressing to you I question whether or not you have a human heart.
Now some of you maybe saying that it’s better for young girls to look up to the ‘ladies’ of “The Hills” than the Paris Hiltons’ and Britney Spears’ of the world. While this is true it’s kinda like saying that Stalin cared more about human rights then Hitler. The lesser of two evils is never a good side to be on friends.
My distain for this show doesn’t just come from some adolescent girls’ foolishly misplaced hero worship. No, I have much deeper reasons for my loathing of “The Hills”.
There’s the obvious reasons for my hatred that applies to “The Hills” and every reality TV show. It’s a character attribute that describes every contestant, ‘star’, protagonist or whatever the hell you want to call the people who appear on these shows. And that attribute is: Attention Whore. Every person who’s ever appeared on a reality TV show is just that. And lord knows the girls of “The Hills” are no exception to this rule. They’re actually worse then the your average, run-of-the-mill reality star, because they’re all extremely wealthy. So unlike the other selfish, foolhardy reality TV ‘stars’, these girls don’t need the money. And none of them need the recognition they receive from this show, outside of all of them being attention whores that is. You could make the argument the Lauren is doing it to further her clothing design ‘career’, but it’s a flawed one. As the plethora of stories in the news about how people’s myspace and facebook pages cost them jobs have shown us, companies don’t want to know about your social life. And they certainly don’t want your social life to be public. Any company that would be dumb enough to hire her would be welcoming a horde of media attention that would have nothing to with her actual clothing line. The fact that her love life would get more attention the clothes is not a good thing. I mean there actually is such a thing as bad press, just ask Michael Vick**.
The only way “The Hills” will help Lauren’s fashion career is if she finances the line herself, and goodness knows her family has the money to do that. If that’s the case then this horrific show will turn out to be a good career move for her. All it’s costing her is her dignity.
Another reason to hate “The Hills” and all reality TV is that it’s nothing but pure exploitation. Regardless of people’s motives for wanting to be on these shows, well actually the only two motives someone has for wanting to be on a reality TV show are narcissism and attention whore(ism). Ok so those two are pretty much the exact same, but you get the idea. Anyway, regardless of what the people on these shows think they’re getting out of the show what’s really happening is they’re being exploited for the viewer. Behind every reality TV show is some sleazy, soulless producer who willing exploits these dimwitted individuals for their own personal gain. That is what’s at the heart of all of these shows, and that, to some varying degree, is what you’re supporting when you watch these shows.
So how is this any different from non-reality TV you ask? Well for starters a sitcom or any other non-reality TV show is fictionalized. And while there’s probably a good amount of reality shows that are scripted, they’re all pretending not to be. Which is as disturbing as it sketchy. Now most people will rebut this by saying that all TV is just escapism so it doesn’t matter. While this is true, there’s still a very distinct difference between sitcoms and reality TV. If your choice for escapism is a sitcom, then you enjoy storytelling. If your choice for escapism is reality TV, then you enjoy voyeurism.
Voyeurism truly is what’s at the heart of reality TV viewing. That or you just want to feel morally superior to some jackass who’s whoring themselves out for their 15 minutes. I feel like it goes with out saying that neither of these reasons for viewing are healthy. I’m gonna wrap this up now before I go on a ten page rant about the depravity of modern day society. Just know that when you watch “The Hills” you’re not only supporting exploitation, but your also supporting a culture in which whores (attention or otherwise) like LC, Hedi, etc., are idols to countless numbers of little girls.
So the next time you watch a reality TV show remember: Not only are you supporting pure, unadulterated exploitation but you’re also supporting all those people in your life who strived to be the center of attention. The people who would kiss the teachers a$$ just to get noticed, the people who would laugh louder then everyone else at a movie theatre so people looked at them, the people who sought out the lime light and would willing throw anyone they know under a bus just for their 15 minutes of fame. You’re not just watching a TV show, you’re honestly not.
In closing, I’d appreciate it if nobody brings this post up a few months from now when I’m doing a season review of “The Hills”. Just kidding, I think…
Until We Meet Again
* I think I’m going to start referring to it as ‘the modern world’ because A.) I’m a huge Wolf Parade fan and B.) I feel like every time I say ‘the real world’ people think of that sh!tty reality show.
** I’m not trying to be shocking or inappropriate, this was just the most recent example I could think of.
Before I get into why I hate “The Hills”, and all reality TV in general, allow me to give you a bit of a background story so you can better understand where I’m coming from with all of this.
I spent the better part of my summer as a camp counselor in the mountains of Colorado. Up in these beautiful mountains I never had cell phone coverage (when I had a phone), internet access, TV or any real access to the outside world. I stayed on this mountain almost all the time, having at most 10 hours off it per week off it. Every time I was off the mountain I felt completely out of place, almost like I was visiting a foreign country as oppose to Colorado Springs. I literally got culture shock every time I went out into the real world. I didn’t even find out that Tony Blair resigned until a month after the fact, when one of my campers told me. So pretty much I spent 2 months in a suspended state of reality in which the real world scarcely existed. And it was a beautiful thing, cause quite frankly the real world* sucks. It was during this time when I was blissfully escaping reality that, unbeknownst to me, my hatred for “The Hills” was born.
Fast forward to the end of the summer. Before I returned to the life-draining heat of Arizona I decided to spend sometime in Denver with my peeps. I spent most of my first day there lying on the ground in front of the television in various states of consciousness. When I was awake or aware enough to look at the television I noticed that MTV was running a marathon of season 2 of “The Hills”. Now normally I would just have ignored it and gone back to trying to sleep, but on this day I had to take notice of what was happening on the screen. As it turned out, this was no regular marathon, It was actually a “Dear The Hills” marathon. In this particular marathon, viewers of the female persuasion had written in letters, as one would to Dear Abby, for the girls of “The Hills” to answer. As I saw this two thoughts rushed through my head: 1.) Wait what qualifications do these girls have to answer these questions besides being on a TV show? And 2.) Who are these poor girls that are actually taking the time to write these letters and what do they think they can possibly gain from the response? (So technically that was three thoughts, but whatever.)
And that’s when I realized that these girls weren’t just ‘reality TV stars’, but they were actually idols for numerous young girls. If that thought isn’t incredibly depressing to you I question whether or not you have a human heart.
Now some of you maybe saying that it’s better for young girls to look up to the ‘ladies’ of “The Hills” than the Paris Hiltons’ and Britney Spears’ of the world. While this is true it’s kinda like saying that Stalin cared more about human rights then Hitler. The lesser of two evils is never a good side to be on friends.
My distain for this show doesn’t just come from some adolescent girls’ foolishly misplaced hero worship. No, I have much deeper reasons for my loathing of “The Hills”.
There’s the obvious reasons for my hatred that applies to “The Hills” and every reality TV show. It’s a character attribute that describes every contestant, ‘star’, protagonist or whatever the hell you want to call the people who appear on these shows. And that attribute is: Attention Whore. Every person who’s ever appeared on a reality TV show is just that. And lord knows the girls of “The Hills” are no exception to this rule. They’re actually worse then the your average, run-of-the-mill reality star, because they’re all extremely wealthy. So unlike the other selfish, foolhardy reality TV ‘stars’, these girls don’t need the money. And none of them need the recognition they receive from this show, outside of all of them being attention whores that is. You could make the argument the Lauren is doing it to further her clothing design ‘career’, but it’s a flawed one. As the plethora of stories in the news about how people’s myspace and facebook pages cost them jobs have shown us, companies don’t want to know about your social life. And they certainly don’t want your social life to be public. Any company that would be dumb enough to hire her would be welcoming a horde of media attention that would have nothing to with her actual clothing line. The fact that her love life would get more attention the clothes is not a good thing. I mean there actually is such a thing as bad press, just ask Michael Vick**.
The only way “The Hills” will help Lauren’s fashion career is if she finances the line herself, and goodness knows her family has the money to do that. If that’s the case then this horrific show will turn out to be a good career move for her. All it’s costing her is her dignity.
Another reason to hate “The Hills” and all reality TV is that it’s nothing but pure exploitation. Regardless of people’s motives for wanting to be on these shows, well actually the only two motives someone has for wanting to be on a reality TV show are narcissism and attention whore(ism). Ok so those two are pretty much the exact same, but you get the idea. Anyway, regardless of what the people on these shows think they’re getting out of the show what’s really happening is they’re being exploited for the viewer. Behind every reality TV show is some sleazy, soulless producer who willing exploits these dimwitted individuals for their own personal gain. That is what’s at the heart of all of these shows, and that, to some varying degree, is what you’re supporting when you watch these shows.
So how is this any different from non-reality TV you ask? Well for starters a sitcom or any other non-reality TV show is fictionalized. And while there’s probably a good amount of reality shows that are scripted, they’re all pretending not to be. Which is as disturbing as it sketchy. Now most people will rebut this by saying that all TV is just escapism so it doesn’t matter. While this is true, there’s still a very distinct difference between sitcoms and reality TV. If your choice for escapism is a sitcom, then you enjoy storytelling. If your choice for escapism is reality TV, then you enjoy voyeurism.
Voyeurism truly is what’s at the heart of reality TV viewing. That or you just want to feel morally superior to some jackass who’s whoring themselves out for their 15 minutes. I feel like it goes with out saying that neither of these reasons for viewing are healthy. I’m gonna wrap this up now before I go on a ten page rant about the depravity of modern day society. Just know that when you watch “The Hills” you’re not only supporting exploitation, but your also supporting a culture in which whores (attention or otherwise) like LC, Hedi, etc., are idols to countless numbers of little girls.
So the next time you watch a reality TV show remember: Not only are you supporting pure, unadulterated exploitation but you’re also supporting all those people in your life who strived to be the center of attention. The people who would kiss the teachers a$$ just to get noticed, the people who would laugh louder then everyone else at a movie theatre so people looked at them, the people who sought out the lime light and would willing throw anyone they know under a bus just for their 15 minutes of fame. You’re not just watching a TV show, you’re honestly not.
In closing, I’d appreciate it if nobody brings this post up a few months from now when I’m doing a season review of “The Hills”. Just kidding, I think…
Until We Meet Again
* I think I’m going to start referring to it as ‘the modern world’ because A.) I’m a huge Wolf Parade fan and B.) I feel like every time I say ‘the real world’ people think of that sh!tty reality show.
** I’m not trying to be shocking or inappropriate, this was just the most recent example I could think of.
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