A Cluster-F*ck of Thoughts

So over the past couple of days, I’ve run into several things that I’ve wanted to write about. Since none of them require a good deal of space, I’ve decided to combine them all in my first ever “cluster-f*ck blog.” Anyhow, as you all know, the only thing I hate more than fluffing up a blog intro is people who say they have no regrets in life, so let’s get right to it.

The Most Depressing Thing I’ve Ever Heard: So the other day when I was reading the paper before bed, I came across a story about a man who was trying to visit every Starbucks in the world. Yes, that’s right, every Starbucks in the world. The man calls himself Winter, which I assume is a stage name. He’s already visited over 2,000 Starbucks location, and has spent over $30,000 on his journey thus far. Good thinking buddy, way to put your money to good use. And we wonder why the rest of the world hates us. Winter says he visits as many as 15 Starbucks a day, and only counts it as a visit if he drinks a cup of coffee at the location he goes to. I wish I was making this up, but I’m not. This guy is one pathetic f*ck. Below is a link that proves this is for real. Winter's quest, which he calls 'Starbucking', is the most depressing thing I've heard since Gnarles Barkley's being played on the radio.

And for those of you naive f*cks out there who think Winter's ambition is no different than people visiting all fifty states or every Major League ballpark, think again. If you visit every state or every MLB ballpark, there's at least something different waiting for you at each destination. I personally have been to Starbucks in five different states, and I got news for you: They are all the same! Seriously, each one has a counter, some postmodern art on the wall, incredibly boring coffee house music (for the most part), and the feel and look of an warehouse. Each location is filled with yuppie f*cks and teenage girls who are easily influenced by advertising*. All in all, this is too depressing for me to keep writing about. F*ck you Winter, and f*ck you Starbucks.

www.boston.com/ae/food/restaurants/articles/2005/11/28/better_latte_than_never_to_achieve_goal/

Baseball: Here's my bold second half predictions, one for each conference.

NL: Braves win the wildcard.
AL: Tigers fail to make the playoffs.

Music:

Overlooked Album of ‘05: Tapes ‘n Tapes – The Loon. This CD was put out in late

December of 2005, so it flew under everyone's radar. While this wasn't a top 10 or even a top 20 album of '05, it's very good and would probably have made my top 10 if it came out in this lackluster year of music. Fans of Pavement, Built to Spill, and good indie rock should probably check this one out. The best songs are “Manitoba,” “Omaha,” “Crazy Eighty,” “10 Gallon Ascots,” and “Buckle.”

Sleeper Hit of 2006: Eef Barzelay –Bitter Honey. This CD is my current sleeper hit of 2006. Eef is the lead singer of Clem Snide, so this album sounds very similar to most of their work. Except that every song is just Eef and his guitar; on some, there's a little electronics thrown in. Soothing and melodic, with a twist of alt. country and Eef's famously unique voice, this entire album feels like it's a summer nights anthem. The best songs are “Ballad of Bitter Honey” (a song from the perspective of a rap video vixen), “I Wasn't Really Drunk” (a song that feels like it was stolen from Jimmy Buffet's catalog, except for the fact that Buffet would have been drunk), “Words that Escape Me,” “Joy to the World,” and “Little Red Dot.” If you have any musical taste at all, check this album out!!!

NBA: As if the Suns’ off-season couldn't get any worse, Steve Nash has cancer.


Sam Cassel is white?

All joking aside, if Amare's at 70%, the Suns will be a top-three team in the league. And I really like the Marcus Banks signing. While he can't shoot for sh*t, he's a decent passer, he's young, and he's a very good defender. He's similar to Earl Watson, but with a much higher upside. Now, if we can just find the money to resign Diaw and LB, I’ll finally be able to sleep at night.

A$$hole alert: Dodgers 1st Base Coach - During Monday's D-backs-Dodgers game, Dodgers first base coach Mariano Duncan was ejected for arguing a check-swing call. After he was ejected, he went over to the ref and started arguing with him. He eventually got so frustrated that he actually threw his hat at the official and left the field in a huff. The official then took the hat and gave it to a young fan in the stands. Upon hearing this, Duncan had this to say to the media:

"That equipment that he throws to the fan, he's got to try to go out and find a way to bring that cap back or pay for it. I don't think any equipment that says `L.A. Dodgers' belongs to him."

And yes, he was completely serious. With a little more exposure, this guy may be able to rival Barry Bonds for biggest asshole in sports. Not only does he throw a tantrum like a 5-year-old, but then when the ump does a decent thing, giving a young fan a hat, he goes and says that it wasn't the umps right to do that. Listen jackass, anytime you act out like a spoiled child and throw your hat at an ump, he has every right to punch you in the face, let alone give your hat to a fan (and probably making the young fan's night). If Duncan is really that upset because the ump gave his hat away, then maybe he shouldn't have thrown it at him. Mr. Duncan, it's time you learn a very valuable lesson: Think before you act.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/recap?gameId=260717129

Well that's all for now. I'm going to be traveling for the next few weeks, so there probably won't be any new updates until the second week of August. Anyhow, hope this was enough to tide you over.

Until We Meet Again.

* And there you have the reason why I still go to Starbucks, and no, it's not the advertising.

Top 5 Moments in which Music and Sports Intertwined

So a friend of mine is writing a book on music, and he wanted me to contribute to it. He also wanted me to give him some sort of sports list for the book as well. While I did think this was a bit of an odd request, I did what I always do: I went out there and got it done. Here is the list I made for my friend’s book. This is the Top 5 Moments in which Music and Sports Intertwined:

5. Shaq’s Rapping Career – While it lacks the cultural impact of Shaq Fu, the Big Diesel’s rapping career was a thing of beauty. On his first CD, we learned that Shaq’s fans didn’t want him to shoot or pass it, but they just wanted him to slam it, slam! On one of his later CDs, we learned that Phil was, in fact, his real father, because his biological didn’t bother. Aside from several humorously obscure references, Shaq’s rapping also brought us Mark Madsen’s celebration dancing, which is still funny no matter how many times I see it. Thanks for the memories, Shaq.

Mark Madsen, Make-A-Wish Foundation recipient since 2000.

4. 2K6 Soundtracks – For some reason, 2K6 video games decided to flip the switch on sports video game soundtracks last year. Instead of filling their NBA and MLB games with crappy radio hits and/or unlistenable screamo songs, the 2K6 crew went out and decided to fill their games with great indie music. The NBA game’s soundtrack is filled with such artists as RJD2, Blackalicious, Common, Little Brother, Aesop Rock, Redman, The Roots and Aceyalone. The MLB game is power-packed with college radio favorites, including Belle and Sebastian, Yo La Tengo, Pavement, Stephen Malkamus, Interpol, Mogwai and Pretty Girls Make Graves. Just a great collection of artists for these soundtracks. And nothing on earth could have prepared me for the moment when the MLB games’ AI agrees to trade Scott Kasmir for Russ Ortiz straight up, while Le Pastie De La Bourgeoisie blares from my TV speakers. Nothing.

3. Mariah Carey @ 2003 NBA-Star Game – Any male with an active pulse remembers Mariah Carey’s tribute to Michael Jordan during halftime of the 2003 NBA All-Star game. Mariah came out wearing a gown/jersey hybrid of MJ’s. There’s really nothing more I can write about here, so I’ll just let the picture sum things up for you.

P.S. Is it gay that the most attracted I've ever been to Mariah was when she was wearing guy's clothing? On second thought, don't answer that.

And boom goes the dynamite…

2. Whitney Houston’s National Anthem @ Super Bowl XXV – I was 6 when this happened, and I only vaguely remember it. The U.S. was in the midst of Operation Desert Storm, and the entire country was feeling a little bit uneasy. In walks Whitney Houston to bravado the hell out of the National Anthem. Most everyone agrees that this is the best possible version of our Anthem, and that Houston’s rendition sent our Patriotism soaring through the roof. I’ve seen video replays of this and I get chills every time. But as great as this was, for my money it wasn’t even the best National Anthem moment at a sporting event…

1. Maurice Cheeks’s National Anthem Assist – …That would be this one. Let me set the scene for you. By all accounts, Mo Cheeks was/is a stand-up guy and a pretty darn good coach. Unfortunately for him, he’s stuck in basketball coach purgatory. He was coaching the team that was then known as “The Jailblazers”. The team had acquired this nickname because over half of the players on the team had been arrested at some point in their careers, and stories were constantly getting leaked that there were multiple fights in practice daily. So here’s Cheeks, stuck coaching a bunch of thugs in the 2003 NBA playoffs. His team is trailing 2-0, going into the 3rd game at Portland. Enter local singing phenom Natalie Gilbert, age 13. Gilbert begins to sing the National Anthem, but midway through she forgets the words. While everyone braces themselves for a train wreck moment, Portland head coach Maurice Cheeks steps in to save the day. He puts his arm around Gilbert and the two of them finish singing the Anthem together. The whole crowd joins in, and even most of the players start to sing the Anthem as well. What could have been an out-and-out disaster became one of the best moments in professional sports history, in my opinion. I feel strongly that Mo Cheeks will coach a team to an NBA Championship one day, just based on the karma he has built up from this moment.

I was too touched by this moment to even come up with a joke.

Well, that’s it for now. Check back later this week for some of the most depressing things you’ve ever heard.

HOT/NOT for 7//6/06

It’s time for me to roll out the old hot list, but I’m trying something new this time. In the hopes that I will right less I’m going try this one with a hot and not format. I’ll mention something that I find or is currently hot. And then I’ll mention something in the same wave length that is not hot. Hopefully I explained that clearly, and if I didn’t you should be able to figure it out. Let’s hope this works out for everyone.

HOT: Ipod shuffle songs – For sometime now I’ve felt my ipod is outdated (I have a 3rd gen.) and couldn’t hold enough music for me to fully enjoy it. Then I discovered the shuffle songs option. Thanks to this brilliant option my ipod, as well as my love for it, has been rejuvenated. What the shuffle songs option does is pretty much self explanatory. It randomly selects songs from your ipod and plays them on a play list. I’d forgotten how many great songs were hidden on my ipod, but thanks to shuffle song I’m beginning to remember.

NOT: “My Ipod has changed my life.” – I’ve heard several people say this, I’ve read countless articles in which people have said this. And each time I hear or see this I feel sick. Listen I’m about as big of a music fan as anyone, but an ipod is not a life altering device. It’s a very nice convenience to have and a great music player, but it’s not something that should change your life. Cancer, diabetes, STD’s, chronic diarrhea. These are things that change your life. An portable defibulator or an insulin pump are life changing device, an ipod is not. All an ipod is is a very nice, sexy music player. Ipod’s are great to have and they make the music listening process easier and more enjoyable, but it doesn’t change your life. It changes the way you listen to music. Nothing more, nothing less. Despite what Apple wants you to believe ipod is just about music and entertainment, not lifes.

HOT: Zidane – The wizard has turned back the clock this world cup and looked like the best player in the world. He almost single handedly dominated the Brazilian midfield and did whatever was necessary against Portugal to get his team to the finals. While he’s had a whole lot of help, namely from Henry and Ribery (who’s quietly had a brilliant tournament), Zidane has led by example and been absolutely brilliant during this world cup run.

NOT: Totti and Toni – If someone had told me that Italy was going to be in the finals and that Totti and Toni wouldn’t have been among their top 5 players I would have simultaneously thrown up in my mouth and called them a crazy. Yet somehow Italy is in the final and Totti and Toni have both played like sh*t. Totti has been decent but nowhere near as dominate as he can be. The Italians expected a Zidane like presence in the midfield from Totti* and yet he’s failed to show up in numerous games so far for the Italians. Toni also came into the World Cup with high expectations. He’s a gifted scorer who set an Italian league records for goals scored in a club season. Toni was suppose to be the driving point behind a new look Italian squad that was more offensive minded. Well Toni’s been a bust for most of the cup. He scored his only two goals against a Ukraine team that had no right being in the final 8, let alone the entire tournament. And despite the tremendous no show by these two the Italians are in the final. In related news I know next to nothing about soccer.

Prediction: Despite my lack of knowledge I’m still going to make a prediction on Sunday’s World Cup Final. While it may seem contradictory to what I wrote above, I’m going with the Italians in a 1-0 victory. Both teams have relied on timely goals and stifling defense. The game will probably be bogged down with both teams looking to counterattack the entire game. Italy has been unreal on defense, allowing only an on goal the entire cup. France’s D has also been good, but not to Italy’s level. And France, despite their great play in the knock out round, has struggled offensively all tournament, scoring only 8 goals in 6 games (And they got 5 of those in two games). They’ve been content to get their goal and then sit on their lead. The only problem with that is that Italy doesn’t give up goals. I still feel that the French aren’t strong enough offensively to get a goal against the Italians. I also feel that France’s defensive is more likely to give up a goal then Italy’s. Which is why I’m picking the Italians to raise the Cup** on Sunday.

HOT: Lupe Fiasco – After his song stealing cameo on Kanye West’s Touch the Sky Lupe is back with his first full length album (unless you count mix tapes) called Food and Liquor. While I’ve only heard bits and pieces the CD is pretty great, thanks in part to the fact that it was produced by Kanye. Also the CD’s first single “Kick Push” is about skate boarding. A black rapper rapping about skate boarding, what more could you ask for? Oh yeah and the song’s really, really good. This looks to be a very promising debut album form a very talented young artist.
NOT: Busta – Back in the days of my youth, i.e. 3-4 years ago, I would always claimed to be a Busta Rhymes fan. Despite the fact that the only song of his I could pick out of a line up was the “Busta what it is right now” one I maintain this illusion of fandom. Then late one night I heard Busta’s newest single on the radio and I was out and out appalled. Not only was the song terrible, but it also sounded like every other generic rap artist out there. For shame Busta, for shame.

HOT: Chicago Bulls – Bringing in Big Ben Wallace to anchor a team that was already the best defensive team in the league is just unfair. The Bulls lead the league in Defensive Field Goal % the last two years with the likes of Mike Sweeny, Tyson Chandler and Eddy Curry in the middle. Now they’ve added one of the best defensive big men of all-time in Ben Wallace and another savvy veteran in PJ Brown. Oh yeah they also drafted Tyrus Thomas who just might be the best shot blocker I’ve ever seen at the colligate level. They also unloaded Chandler’s contract and got J.R. Smith, a 20 yr. old Shooting Guard who’s got unreal potential. And they still have enough cap room to sign some of their young core players like Hinrich, Nocconi and Gordon. The future looks very bright for the Bulls.

NOT: NO/OK Hornets – I was going to put fans of the NBA here, because not only is this Bulls team ready to contend for a title for the next few years, but they’re also going to set offensive basketball back light years. But that’s neither here nor there. So far this off-season the Hornets have used up all their cap space, traded away their second best player (J.R. Smith, based on potential) and their club house leader (PJ Brown). Hired a shooter who’s on the decline and can’t play over 65 games a year (Peja). Drafted or traded for 3 centers that have little to know offensive game. And if that wasn’t bad enough they’ll be playing all their home games in a city that’s either underwater or in Oklahoma. Needless to say the future doesn’t look too bright for these Hornets, even with uber-talented douche Chris Paul.

HOT: Letters from Readers Columns – Seriously my best columns are the ones where you write in questions or comments to me. So get on it. Send your questions or comments to anotherwestcoastmorning@rock.com

NOT: Writing the columns myself – Seriously this sh*t is tiring. And my wrist starts to hurt if I type too much.

Well that’s it for now. Holla attcha boy.

Until We Meet Again

* And as my friend Okkyu pointed out he looks like a racist ** I know the trophy is not actually a cup, but I’m too lazy to look up the things name.