I Kissed Reality TV Goodbye

As I set down these notes on paper I’m fully aware that I will anger a good deal of my readers and that I’ll potentially lose friends over this. But a man’s got to stand up for what he believes in. So I’ll just come right out and say it: I hate “The Hills”. Now if you don’t share my opinion and have a tendency to be overly passionate about trivial matters such as your fandom for a reality TV show, I recommend you stop reading now.

Before I get into why I hate “The Hills”, and all reality TV in general, allow me to give you a bit of a background story so you can better understand where I’m coming from with all of this.

I spent the better part of my summer as a camp counselor in the mountains of Colorado. Up in these beautiful mountains I never had cell phone coverage (when I had a phone), internet access, TV or any real access to the outside world. I stayed on this mountain almost all the time, having at most 10 hours off it per week off it. Every time I was off the mountain I felt completely out of place, almost like I was visiting a foreign country as oppose to Colorado Springs. I literally got culture shock every time I went out into the real world. I didn’t even find out that Tony Blair resigned until a month after the fact, when one of my campers told me. So pretty much I spent 2 months in a suspended state of reality in which the real world scarcely existed. And it was a beautiful thing, cause quite frankly the real world* sucks. It was during this time when I was blissfully escaping reality that, unbeknownst to me, my hatred for “The Hills” was born.

Fast forward to the end of the summer. Before I returned to the life-draining heat of Arizona I decided to spend sometime in Denver with my peeps. I spent most of my first day there lying on the ground in front of the television in various states of consciousness. When I was awake or aware enough to look at the television I noticed that MTV was running a marathon of season 2 of “The Hills”. Now normally I would just have ignored it and gone back to trying to sleep, but on this day I had to take notice of what was happening on the screen. As it turned out, this was no regular marathon, It was actually a “Dear The Hills” marathon. In this particular marathon, viewers of the female persuasion had written in letters, as one would to Dear Abby, for the girls of “The Hills” to answer. As I saw this two thoughts rushed through my head: 1.) Wait what qualifications do these girls have to answer these questions besides being on a TV show? And 2.) Who are these poor girls that are actually taking the time to write these letters and what do they think they can possibly gain from the response? (So technically that was three thoughts, but whatever.)

And that’s when I realized that these girls weren’t just ‘reality TV stars’, but they were actually idols for numerous young girls. If that thought isn’t incredibly depressing to you I question whether or not you have a human heart.

Now some of you maybe saying that it’s better for young girls to look up to the ‘ladies’ of “The Hills” than the Paris Hiltons’ and Britney Spears’ of the world. While this is true it’s kinda like saying that Stalin cared more about human rights then Hitler. The lesser of two evils is never a good side to be on friends.

My distain for this show doesn’t just come from some adolescent girls’ foolishly misplaced hero worship. No, I have much deeper reasons for my loathing of “The Hills”.

There’s the obvious reasons for my hatred that applies to “The Hills” and every reality TV show. It’s a character attribute that describes every contestant, ‘star’, protagonist or whatever the hell you want to call the people who appear on these shows. And that attribute is: Attention Whore. Every person who’s ever appeared on a reality TV show is just that. And lord knows the girls of “The Hills” are no exception to this rule. They’re actually worse then the your average, run-of-the-mill reality star, because they’re all extremely wealthy. So unlike the other selfish, foolhardy reality TV ‘stars’, these girls don’t need the money. And none of them need the recognition they receive from this show, outside of all of them being attention whores that is. You could make the argument the Lauren is doing it to further her clothing design ‘career’, but it’s a flawed one. As the plethora of stories in the news about how people’s myspace and facebook pages cost them jobs have shown us, companies don’t want to know about your social life. And they certainly don’t want your social life to be public. Any company that would be dumb enough to hire her would be welcoming a horde of media attention that would have nothing to with her actual clothing line. The fact that her love life would get more attention the clothes is not a good thing. I mean there actually is such a thing as bad press, just ask Michael Vick**.

The only way “The Hills” will help Lauren’s fashion career is if she finances the line herself, and goodness knows her family has the money to do that. If that’s the case then this horrific show will turn out to be a good career move for her. All it’s costing her is her dignity.

Another reason to hate “The Hills” and all reality TV is that it’s nothing but pure exploitation. Regardless of people’s motives for wanting to be on these shows, well actually the only two motives someone has for wanting to be on a reality TV show are narcissism and attention whore(ism). Ok so those two are pretty much the exact same, but you get the idea. Anyway, regardless of what the people on these shows think they’re getting out of the show what’s really happening is they’re being exploited for the viewer. Behind every reality TV show is some sleazy, soulless producer who willing exploits these dimwitted individuals for their own personal gain. That is what’s at the heart of all of these shows, and that, to some varying degree, is what you’re supporting when you watch these shows.

So how is this any different from non-reality TV you ask? Well for starters a sitcom or any other non-reality TV show is fictionalized. And while there’s probably a good amount of reality shows that are scripted, they’re all pretending not to be. Which is as disturbing as it sketchy. Now most people will rebut this by saying that all TV is just escapism so it doesn’t matter. While this is true, there’s still a very distinct difference between sitcoms and reality TV. If your choice for escapism is a sitcom, then you enjoy storytelling. If your choice for escapism is reality TV, then you enjoy voyeurism.

Voyeurism truly is what’s at the heart of reality TV viewing. That or you just want to feel morally superior to some jackass who’s whoring themselves out for their 15 minutes. I feel like it goes with out saying that neither of these reasons for viewing are healthy. I’m gonna wrap this up now before I go on a ten page rant about the depravity of modern day society. Just know that when you watch “The Hills” you’re not only supporting exploitation, but your also supporting a culture in which whores (attention or otherwise) like LC, Hedi, etc., are idols to countless numbers of little girls.

So the next time you watch a reality TV show remember: Not only are you supporting pure, unadulterated exploitation but you’re also supporting all those people in your life who strived to be the center of attention. The people who would kiss the teachers a$$ just to get noticed, the people who would laugh louder then everyone else at a movie theatre so people looked at them, the people who sought out the lime light and would willing throw anyone they know under a bus just for their 15 minutes of fame. You’re not just watching a TV show, you’re honestly not.

In closing, I’d appreciate it if nobody brings this post up a few months from now when I’m doing a season review of “The Hills”. Just kidding, I think…

Until We Meet Again
* I think I’m going to start referring to it as ‘the modern world’ because A.) I’m a huge Wolf Parade fan and B.) I feel like every time I say ‘the real world’ people think of that sh!tty reality show.
** I’m not trying to be shocking or inappropriate, this was just the most recent example I could think of.