Would You Rather...

So I was planning on writing a long ass post about the NBA Playoffs and how it parallels to the third (and current season) of Lost. Both desperately want you to believe that in the importance of their ensemble. For the league, they want you to believe that all the teams (or at the very least all of the playoff teams) are of equal importance. Lost wants the viewers to believe that all the characters are of equal importance. The problem with this is, Lost has gone out of its way this season to show us that really only 4-6 characters matter in the grand scheme of things. Likewise, the NBA season has shown that really only 3 teams matter (Dallas, San Antonio and Phoenix). That’s the real reason this season has been so terrible. Everyone with half a brain knows that one of those 3 teams is going to win it all, yet we’ve been force to watch a bunch of other teams that have no shot at winning the title this year. This is also why this season of Lost has blown (although they’ve started to pick it up the last few episodes). The show has already made it clear that only a few of the characters factor in to the big picture, yet they routinely make episodes about the characters who they’ve all but told us don’t matter.

Anyways, I decided not to write that because it would have taken to long. Also, any time I write about sports I get way too long winded and don’t know how to curtail myself. So I decided to do something completely different. Explanation below.

My boy Aaron and I haven’t kept in the best of touch since I moved out to Denver, which is unfortunate. Instead of keeping in touch via phone calls and letters like normal human beings, we decided to simulate the conversations we would be having if we still lived in the same town. We’ve also decided to share those conversations with you. In bold print you’ll find the “Would You Rather Questions” that Aaron asked me. If you check out his blog, you’ll find his answers to the questions that I asked him. I’m really not sure when he’ll finish answering my questions, but here’s the address: blog.myspace.com/thebrightside2

If you were sentenced to death, would you rather have your last meal be the greatest meal you ever ate and a conjugal visit from whomever you want … or no meal and no conjugality but you get a 10% chance you’ll be pardoned by the governor?

This is a loaded question. I feel like I’d have to go with the first option. Even if the low percentage chance that the Govern would pardon me happpened, how can I guarantee that the rest of my life would be better then the best meal of my life and a conjugal visit with anyone I wanted? As a man with a gambling problem, I’d bet the great meal and conjugal visit would treat me better then the rest of my life even if I did get the pardon. And if the odds hold true and I don’t get pardoned, then I’d wasted a great meal and great sex. Ok, maybe this question isn’t as loaded as I thought it was.

Would you rather have the ability to pass any test, this means you get the equivalent of an A on anything from a final to a PhD to a field sobriety test, however you don’t retain any knowledge of the subject… or you develop a photographic memory and the ability to read an entire book in a few hours and retain all that you’ve read but you inevitably fail any test you take?

Jebus, another loaded question. I think that how you answer this question says a lot about you. Would you rather have intelligence or achievement, that’s what it boils down to. I think I’d have to go with the photographic memory. At least that way I’d still be intelligent and the life of any cocktail party. Yeah, I’;m taking intelligence over achievement. I feel like that’s where I’m headed anyway, an intelligent person who will most likely achieve very little. Except replace intelligence with ‘was kinda smart that one time…’,

Would you rather be a starting pitcher for the Oakland A’s with an ERA of 1.46 and a 1.46 inch penis or a mid-relieving pitcher for the Kansas City Royals with an ERA of 9.53 and a 9.53 inch penis?

Well, I’d be living in Kansas City or Oakland. So as far as I can tell, I’m f*cked either way. I think gun to my head I’d rather be the pitcher in Oakland. At least then I’d be rich, or at least I would be once my contract with the A’s ran out. Then I’d have enough money for some sort of penial enlargement surgery or device (insert your own dated and unfunny Austin Powers ‘Swedish Maid Penis Pump’ joke here). That, and if I were playing in Oakland there’s the slight chance that I might get put into Billie Bean’s follow up to "Money Ball".

If you were up for adoption would you rather be adopted by Shaq or Johnny Depp?

Shaq. I have enough problems with the fairer sex as is, but if Johnny Depp was my adopted father I’d be an out and out train wreck. Even the most well meaning of girls would only want to hang out with me for a chance to meet my father, and I just couldn’t handle that. That and having a huge man crush on my father would just be awkward for everyone involved.

If you could travel to the future and take something thing back with you would you rather have a Playstation 5 (with two games) or the entire series of Veronica Mars in a box set (9 seasons)?

I’m going have to go with surprise option C here. I’d pull a Biff Tannen and bring back a Sports Almanac. Also, this is probably the only way I’d ever make money at a Vegas Sports book.

On a semi-unrelated note, I’d willingly forgo a time traveling trip if I knew that Veronica Mars would be on for 9 Seasons. I hate that I actually mean that.Would you rather have a horse tail or only one foot?

Horse tail, much easier to cover up. And unlike having one foot, I feel like I could still do most of the things I love with a horse tail. Although visiting water parks would become incredibly difficult.

Would you rather die in a fist fight with a bionic grizzly bear or in a naked tickle fight with Randy?

Is this a serious question? I’d much rather die fighting a Grizzly Bear. Even though it’d be far more painful, at least then I’d die with some of my dignity intact.
Until We Meet Again