Six Word Memoirs (of My Summer)

At some point during my 3 months absence from the world of blogging I stumbled upon a book called Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure. As you already should have figured out, this book is made up six-word memoirs from people of all different ages, walks of life, etc. Now I didn’t buy this book, for the same reason I don’t shop at places like Table Talk and Sharper Image, but I was fairly intrigued/amused by the premise of it. So in the spirit of this book I’m just going to give you all a 6 word synopsis of the major events in my life that transpired since I last wrote.

Life

Summer Camp: Not like ‘Wet Hot American Summer’

Current Unemployed: Half-heartedly searching for return to misery

My Return to the Blogesphere: Lazy, but too legit to quit

Music

Spiritualized - Songs in A & E: Already a transcendent album for me

Blind Pilot – 3 Rounds and a Sound: How did Sub Pop miss them?

Mason Jennings – In the Ever: Miles better then his last one

Fleet Foxes – Foxes: Too early for Neil Young Comparisons?

Attending the Mile High Music Festival

Josh Ritter: The man from Idaho rocks, hard

Lupe Fiasco: Only black man at the festival

Andrew Bird: On different level then everyone else

Tom Petty: 300 yards away, still Free Falling

Movies

Dark Knight: Holy F*cking Sh*t (x2)

Indiana Jones 4: Lucas and Spielberg can blow me

Wall-E: I completely and unashamedly loved it

Sports

1^st Week of the Olympics: Rooting for America out of obligation.

Missing the NBA Finals: Kobe and Boston, f*ck ‘em both

Ok so a couple of these are truly embarrassing, but I’m ok with that. This was a nice easy way for me to back in to this. There’s better things to come, I promise.

Until We Meet Again

Right Here, Right Now: The Top 20 Albums of 2007

Probably my favorite writer Walker Percy is famous for writing a certain kind of novel. To a certain degree all his books tend to run together because they’ll all have pretty much the exact same lead character. This character is always male, always southern and always rather wealthy. This character always goes through some sort of life crisis in which he realize how monotonous and repetitive his everyday life has become. In other words these men are overcome by, as he best put it in “The Moviegoer”, the malaise of everyday life.

Now I’m not bringing this up because it has anything to do with the music that came out in 2007. Nor am I just trying to show some of my literary chops (well for the most part I’m not). But I bring this up because this is the general feeling I’ve encountered while trying to write my top albums of the year list. For a little over a month now I’ve been trying to write this and nothing seems to be sticking. It’s not quite writer’s bloc, I just never even remotely like the finished product. So instead of trying to rewrite this list for the umpteenth time, I’m just going give you the list in skin and bones, with none of the frills. Only one album has any sort of description by it, and that’s because I like and it’s short and concise. And for the record this is not an attempt for me to write a top albums list the way Thom Yorke writes lyrics: vague and non-descriptive so that everyone can take their own meaning from it. Nor am I expecting anyone to call me a genius for putting out my list this way. So let’s just get on with it.

Albums I like (or have hear good things about), but need to put more time into:
Spoon – Ga Ga Ga
Wu-Tang Clan – 8 Diagrams
Animal Collective – Strawberry Jam
Sunset Rubdown – Random Spirit Lover
Aesop Rock – None Shall Pass
Great Lake Swimmers – Ongiara
Jay Z – American Gangsta*

Album Everyone Else Seems to Love That I Just Don’t Get:
Battles – Mirrored: Maybe I just haven’t listened to it enough, but after a few runs through I feel like it’s just useless noise. Remember folks, just because something is difficult doesn’t mean it’s good. This applies to all walks of life, not just music.

Albums That Just Missed the Cut:
Ryan Adams – Easy Tiger
New Pornographers – Challengers
The Polyphonic Spree – The Fragile Army
Figurines – When the Deer Wore Blue
Shawn Lee – Voices and Choices
Pella Carlberg – In a Nutshell
Josh Rouse – Country Mouse, City House

Top 20 Albums of the Year:

20. Beirut – The Flying Cup Club + Long Island EP
19. Kevin Drew – Spirit If…
18. Modest Mouse – We Were Dead Before the Ship Sank
17. Wilco – Sky Blue Sky
16. Albert Hammonds Jr. – Yours to Keep
15. Band of Horses – Cease to Begin
14. Shout Out Louds – Our Ill Wills
13. Panda Bear – Person Pitch
12. Jens Lekman - Night Falls of Kortedala
11. Feist – The Reminder
10. Do Make Say Thing – You, You’re a History of Rust
09. Black Kids – Wizard of Ahhs EP
08. Iron & Wine – The Sheppard’s Dog
07. Josh Ritter – The Historical Conquests of Josh Ritter
06. Kanye West - Graduation
05. Okkervil River – The Stage Names
04. The National – Boxer
03. Andrew Bird – Armchair Apocrpha
02. Radiohead – In Rainbows
01. The Arcade Fire – Neon Bible

Well that’s all for the list. If you want to know how I feel about these albums or why I had them ranked above others, etc., feel free to ask me. You can do so either in person, over the phone, via e-mail or really any possible form of communication. I’ll be more then happy to oblige you, since it’s the combination of two of my favorite subjects: Me and the music I listen to.

Interestingly enough, while I was unable to write my top albums of the year list, quite the opposite was true for my top songs of the year list. So by next week I should have that up, at least partially. So check back then?

Until We Meet Again
* I still haven’t seen the movie or listened to this album. I need to get my priorities in line.

30 Second Album Reviews

Now I know what you’re all thinking “Hey, Calvin hasn’t written a really long, over blown post about music I don’t care about or don’t listen to in awhile. What gives?”. Well don’t fear dear readers, because I’m about to talk about a sh*t ton of music that most people haven’t heard of or would never listen to. Get excited! So just sit back and relax, because this post is going be way to long!

Studies show that it takes the average person 30 seconds to read a 6 sentence paragraph*. In light of that information, I’ve decided to debut my newest gimmick: 30 Second Album Reviews.

As most of you should know, I listen to an inane amount of music. In an attempt to justify that, I’m going to be giving paragraph(s) reviews to some of the albums I’ve been listening to as of late. The Albums rating will be on a scale of 1 to 10. Here goes:

Andrew Bird – Armchair Apocrypha
I feel like I’ve already sufficiently proclaimed this album’s awesomeness. Suffice to say it’s for albums like this that I listen to music.
Rating: 9.9 (I’ll give myself some wiggle room here)

Modest Mouse – We Were Dead Before the Ship Sank
A lot of reviews criticized Modest Mouse for trying to write pop songs. I find this critique rather odd, because while this album is definitely the most poppy in their discography, all the songs distinctly sound like them. It’s not like they sold out and quite frankly this album is sufficiently better then 2004’s ‘‘Good News for People Who Love Bad News’’. So what I’m saying is, don’t believe the negative reviews, this album is very good. The highlight songs are: Missed the Boat**, Spitting Venom, Little Motel, Parting of the Sensory.
Rating: 7.7

Jill Cunniff – City Beach
Jill Cunniff was one of the founding members of Luscious Jackson, a band I never listened to and that 99% of you have never heard of. Now that we have that fun fact out of the way, let’s talk about Ms. Cunniff’s brilliant debut album. Sometime this summer mainstream critics are going catch wind of this album write reviews calling Cunniff ‘A mellower Frou Frou’ or ‘An indie Kylie Minogue’. These reviews will all be (mostly) wrong, because while there maybe some similarities between Cunniff and those artists, none of those comparisons do “City Beach” justice. What this album most reminds me of is a female version of ‘Odelay’. Now I’m not saying that “City Beach” should even be mentioned in the same breathe as Beck’s masterpiece, but that’s just what it sounds the most like. I guess what I’m trying to say is that this album is really good, and you should probably check it out.
Rating: 8.3

Arcade Fire – Neon Bible
I should start by saying that I think this album is better then ‘‘Funeral’’, the Fire’s debut album. That said, I like ‘‘Funeral’’ better. Now I realize those are contradictory statements, so please allow me to explain myself. ‘‘Neon Bible” is better, by a very slim margin, then ‘‘Funeral’’ in almost every way. However, what ‘‘Funeral’’ has over ‘‘Neon Bible’’ is/was its freshness. ‘‘Funeral’’ came completely out of nowhere. When I first heard ‘‘Funeral’’ I immediately loved it. And because it was so unexpected, I felt like I was in the honeymoon phase of a relationship every time I listened to it. There’s just no possible way that ‘‘Neon Bible’’, despite being better, can capture that great feeling that ‘‘Funeral’’ had/has. Either way though, ‘‘Neon Bible’’ is still an amazing album and will probably be one of the best albums I hear this year. Also, as previously documented in this space, (Antichrist Television Blues) is on the short list for song of the year.
Rating: 9.4

Wilco – Sky Blue Sky
Um, I’m still not entirely sure of what to do with this album. It’s really good; it’s just not at all what I expected. This album sounds more like classic southern rock then the indie rock you’d expect from Wilco. I suppose this is the logical extension for Wilco to take ever since Summerteeth. I mean, the logical extension of Alt. Country is Southern Rock right? Either way, this album sounds like the best Allman Brothers record ever, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Also, like all Wilco albums, this one’s a grower. Meaning I like this album more and more each time I listen to it. If I have any complaints at all about this record it’s that a lyricists as talented as Jeff Tweedy shouldn’t have this many long guitar solos in one of his albums. It’s still really, really good, it just wasn’t what I was expecting at all.
Rating: 8.5

Do Make Say Think – You, You’re A History in Rust
This is probably the best Post-Rock album I’ve ever heard. I’d describe it for you, but it would just be awkwardly written and probably incorrect. If I tried to describe Post-Rock all I’d do is name drop obscure bands and use way too many adjectives. So for your sake, I won’t even try. And since I have nothing else to add here I’ll use this space to point out that Paolo Nutini (google him if you don’t know who he is) looks just like Penelope Cruz.
Rating: 8.5

Ted Leo and the Pharmacists – Living with the Living
In the battle to see who can put out the most similar sounding albums, Ted Leo and company inch closer to Starflyer 59 with their 5th album. Now I don’t mean that last sentence to sound like an insult to either Ted Leo or SF59 (abbreviations are fun!). Both bands put out great music on every record and they both have their own distinct sound that they subtly expanded on with each release. I’ve always liked bands that know what they do well and stick with it. This has always been the case for Ted Leo and co. and this is another solid album for them. Also, ‘The Unwanted Things’, which might be the best song he’s ever written.
Rating: 7.3

Explosions in the Sky – All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone
For their 4th album Explosions changed things up, sort of. They’ve cut about 2-3 minutes off all of their songs, which should make their music more acceptable to the masses. Remarkably though, the band still holds on to the best and most powerful part of their music: the silence. I’ve never heard a band, post-rock or other wise, that utilities silence quite like these Texans. I’m not really sure if this is there best effort to date, but at the very least it’s 1B to “those who tell the truth…”. Again I’d like to explain more about this album, but for everyone’s sanity I won’t.
Rating: 8.2

Bloc Party – A Weekend in the City
This is my front runner for most disappointing album of the year. Whoever produced this thing deserves to be shot. On Bloc Party’s debut album, “Silent Alarm”, the drumming was extremely high in the mix and it sounded like some of the best drumming I’ve ever heard on an album. It made every song. Yet for some reason the drumming on this album have been shoved down into the middle of the mix, thus ruining the main thing that made Bloc Party so great. Fans of this record will argue that the song writing is better on this album, but who gives a sh*t? If I wanted to hear a presumably gay guy write moving Brit Rock songs I’d listen to Coldplay. Shame on whoever decided to lower the drums in the mix for this album and shame on Bloc Party for allowing it.
Rating: 5.0

The Shins – Wincing the Night Away
As you’ve probably heard by now, The Shins went electronic on their newest album. Sometimes it works out splendidly, like the first four songs, especially “Sleeping Lessons”. Sometimes it doesn’t work out as well, like on songs 5-10. However, the last song on the album rights the ship and the album ends on a high note. This album has some incredible highlights, but it’s the weakest record The Shins have ever put out. I guess a drop off should have been expected, seeing as how their first two albums were magnificent. Hopefully this will get rid of all the bandwagon, Garden State fans who find their lives the exact same after hearing this album.
Rating: 7.5

Until We Meet Again
* Stat possibly made up by the author because he thought ’30 Second Album Reviews’ sounded cool.
** The bands best song since 3rd Planet.

Nocturnal State

As those of you who keep reasonable hours or have some semblance of a social life may not know, Nocturnal State is the name of VH1’s after-hours video show. There’s no host and no talking, they just show music video’s with limited commercial interruption until 6 or 7 a.m. I bring this up because not only is it what I’m currently watching because I can’t fall asleep, but I also thought it would be a good title for a blog about the current mixture of thoughts churning about my head. Or perhaps more accurately, the thoughts going through my mind at two in the morning. So please enjoy my random, mostly nonsensical thoughts.

- Speaking of VH1, for those of you who haven’t seen ‘The White Rapper Show’ believe me when I say you’re missing out. The show is about 10 white rappers competing for a shot at 100 Grand. As if the idea wasn’t good enough to begin with, no one on the show can rap for sh*t. Imagine all the crappy contestants on American Idol, then imagine all of them rapping and you’ve got this show. Just some incredibly high comedy going on here.

- Five for Fighting might be the most subtly terrible band of all-time. They won’t shock in awe you with their atrociousness like the Nicklebacks, Fergies and James Blunts of the world, but they’re absolutely dreadful. Between their d-bag lead singer singing about two octaves too high, their unbearably bad lyrics and incredibly bland music this band is easily one of the five worst bands/people making music.

- Foolishly I waited until last week to see The Departed and all I can say is wow. This movie is exactly what everyone said it was: Amazing. It’s nice to know Scorses can still make an incredible film now and again. Also who would have ever guess that the front man of Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch would play one of the best characters in cinema history 16 years after releasing “Good Vibrations”?

- Life experiences taught me this week that one of the most humiliating places to run into a coworker outside of work is at Walgreens at 1 a.m. buying a plunger.

- After re-listening to “The Information” by Beck I’m convinced the problem with his last few albums have been that all his songs go on for about a minute too long. This isn’t to say that his music is now bad, it’s still quite exceptional. However I think he shortchanges a lot of his newer songs by making them longer then they need to be.

- Few things are as disheartening to me as the Christopher Lloyd’s Direct TV commercial. Here’s man who played one of the best movie characters ever in one of the best trilogies ever, whoring himself out for a crappy TV commercial. It’s not so much that the commercial is epically unfunny and that Lloyd looks like death in it, but it also cheapens one of my favorite movies ever. Every time it comes on part of my childhood dies. It’s gotten to the point where I’m not sure if I even believe in time travel anymore.

- The problem with these random thought blogs, beside the obvious incoherencies, is that no one gives a sh*t about ¾ of these thoughts other then me. And in all honesty my thoughts aren’t that interesting to begin with…

- The Killers video for “Read My Mind”, which was my favorite track off “Sam’s Town”, is very close to surpassing Lily Allen’s Smile as my favorite current music video. If you haven’t seen it yet, youtube it. It’s tremendous.

- Since the earliest I ever work is noon I generally don’t get up until 11:30ish. But lately I’ve been trying to wake up by 10 to watch of my favorite game shows of all-time, The Price is Right. This is the show I’d always watch in the mornings in my days as a home schooler as well as sick days in high school. Before last week I hadn’t watched the show in 5+ years and there’s quite a bit I’ve never noticed. For starters everyone like’s to make jokes about Dick Clark being a robot, but shouldn’t Bob Barker be the punch-line to these jokes? I’m mean honestly the man looks the exact same, maybe even younger, then he did we he made a cameo in Happy Gilmore. Did Bob discover the fountain of youth or something, because I know I’m not watching reruns and he looks far to fit for someone pushing 90. Hell he looks better the 92% of the contestants. And speaking of the contestants and audience members, those people are just way too excited. By comparison women in labor are much more subdued then these people. It’s like the show’s producers found a way to oxygenize crack and pump it through the air vents. Honestly, how excited can you possibly be about winning a Victorian floor clock? As for the audience members, does the military guy who looks like he just sh*t himself and won the lottery at the same time really need you to yell “ONE DOLLAR” at him at the top of your lungs? The show has been on since 1972, is there really anyone left in America who isn’t aware of the one dollar bid? Despite all of this it’s still a great show and I will most likely wake up for tomorrow morning.

- In other syndicated game show news: John O’Hurley, whom I once delivered a bottle of wine to, is now the host of Family Feud. In related news the guy who played Al Borland is now a cutter.

- Another omission I’m regretting from my Best Albums of 2006 list is “Casino Twilight Dogs” by Youth Group. Not only does the band have a phenomenal name, but they put out one of the best melodic indie pop albums I’ve heard in some time.

- This is normally where I’d discuss the state of Arizona basketball, but I can’t. I’m half-heartedly giving up on this team. I’ll still watch every game and scream at the television like a raving lunatic while hoping and praying for victory, but I no longer expect a victory, regardless of the opponent. On the other hand I don’t necessarily expect them to lose every game either. Basically there’s no way to predict what on earth this team is going to do. I’m just going watch the rest of the season devoid of expectations, because this team seems to get off on defining every possible one. Hopefully this approach will keep me from getting mentally, spiritually and emotionally crushed after every loss. Man I really wish I was joking about all of this.

- This week I officially added “Boston” by Augustana to my list of songs “That Are Good in the Worst Way” list. Songs make this list because I like them, but really shouldn’t. These songs aren’t bad enough to be labeled as guilty pleasures, but aren’t good enough for me to justifiably like. Songs on this list include, but are not limit to: “Look What You’ve Done” by Jet, “Drive” by Incubus, “One Thing by Finger Eleven”, every Keane Single and “Collide” by Howie Day.

- Speaking of music, I currently have a plethora of new music that I want to listen to but can’t. It’s not because of lack of time or anything like that, it’s just that I can’t stop listening to Andrew Bird’s newest CD Armchair Apocrypha. The CD comes out on March 20th, but by God’s grace it leaked on the internet about three weeks ago. Since I downloaded it I listen to it twice a day and have yet to find a single song I’d ever consider skipping on it*. I was going to write a long, drawn out review of it but I realize I could never do it justice. This is honestly one of the best albums I’ve ever heard. This isn’t me be hyperbolic, this CD is just staggeringly brilliant. I’d love to explain its greatness to all of you, but I can’t possibly put into words how great I think it is. The best description I can think of for it came from my older brother Luke, who came up with this perfect analogy “I feel like I’m a King who commissioned the best musician in the land to compose a symphony for me. After he had played it for me, I realized it was the best thing I’d ever heard it my life. It brought me back to music.” This legitimately describes how I feel about this record. It’s like Andrew Bird wrote it exactly for me to remind me why I love music so much. I’m being completely serious about all of this. You need to get this CD immediately, at any and all costs. Or just have patience and buy it as soon as it comes out. I’m ready to declare it not only the album of the year, but it’s probably the album of the Millennium**. I’d now like to take this moment and apologize to everyone for probably ruining this album by over-hyping it, but I’m completely in love with this record.

- As I’m about to go to sleep some All-American Rejects video comes on. Never before have I noticed the similarities between emo kids and refugees.

Until We Meet Again

* Which, for my money is the true measure of an album’s greatness. That is if you’re able to listen to it the whole way through without wanting to skip a single track. I can honestly say that I can do this with very few records.
** Oh I’m sorry, Willennium.

I was So Much Older Then; I’m Younger Then Than Now: Random Highlights of 2006

So I’m officially at the point where I’ve shut down for the year. Barring the most ballin’ sh*t ever going down, my posts for the rest of the year will all be dealing with the year that was/still is. Today we’ll start with random highlights (and a few lowlights) from 2006. So enough with the foreplay, let’s get down to business.

Best Sports Moment of ’06:

This one is a three-way tie. (Note: I’ve excluded all World Cup moments because that’s just on a whole other level).

1A. Suns-Lakers, Game 7: As someone who loves sports far too much – and basketball being my favorite sport – for years, the Lakers have been the bane of my existence. I’ve viewed Kobe Bryant, even pre-Colorado incident, as Hitler’s equal. I still hold grudges over their sh*tty role players who’d randomly come through in big games, etc., etc. So watching them blow a 3-1 series lead and the get their a$$es handed to them in Game 7 (by my favorite NBA team no less) was a beautiful, beautiful thing.

1B. Detroit Tigers defeat the New York Yankees in 4 games: I’m not a Tigers fan: In fact, I have a general disdain for all things that come out of Detroit. And while I dislike the Yankees, I don’t go out of my way to root against them anymore. But watching Detroit celebrate this victory was incredible. Watching their fans stay and get sprayed with champagne in 30 degree weather was one of the coolest things I’ve ever witnessed in sports. It’s hard not to be moved when you see a large group of people overjoyed like that, it really is.

1C. University of Arizona defeats Illinois, December 2nd, 2006: If you don’t know why the victory meant so much to me, then you’re probably not a very close friend. The feeling I had after the game was over was incredible (oh, and by the way I was at the game*). It felt like my ex-girlfriend, who had spent the last two years sleeping with my closest friends and family members, had just gained 130 lbs., flunked out of school, been fired from her job, started serving at Hooter’s, and was dating Dave Coulier. Suffice it to say, I’ve rarely felt more vindicated.

Best Game of 2006: Guitar Hero II:

If I had a couple more weeks to play the Wii, then it would probably be here. But at press time, I’ve only played it once, so the amazingly awesome Guitar Hero Duex is here instead. For those of you who haven’t played the game, it’s is pretty much Dance-Dance Revolution, but instead of a pad you have an almost life-size guitar. The guitar has five different colored buttons that you press according to the screen’s commands, while you play a famous rock or metal song. The games immensely fun and also showed me how easily I’m manipulated. When I really get in the zone while playing a song, I half convince myself that I’m actually playing the song on a real guitar. And you know what, I’m completely OK with that.

Worst Musical Trend of ’06:

Surprisingly the musical holocaust that is Fall Out Boy, Panic! At the Disco, My Chemical Romance and the 20+ other bands who sound exactly like them weren’t this years worst musical trend. Instead, at least in my eyes, that honor goes to the multitude of indie bands who came out with CD’s this years trying to sound just like the Arcade Fire. Now I like the Arcade Fire, I’m as pumped for their new record as anyone else, but didn’t the music world learn that everyone trying to sound like one band is never a good thing. Didn’t the tens of thousands of bands who tried to be lite versions of Radiohead and U2 teach us all a valuable lesson? I mean if everyone is constantly ripping off the same band it lessens the original bands music. Personally I see the trend continuing, the only thing that’s up in the air is which band everyone will next try to mimic. I just hope that new bands will take a cue from Annuals, Broken Social Scene and (to a lesser extent) Animal Collective and just put out lighter, more listenable version of “Loveless” by My Bloody Valentine. And yes I realize that maybe the ultimate ‘be careful what you wish for’ statement.

Best Frat Guy Induced laughter of ’06:

This may have been the toughest field to narrow down, but I’m going to go with my gut on this one. In late July, I was up in Denver visiting some friends of mine. After a night of drinking and carousing (I was drinking club soda of course…), we started to walk back to our car from the establishment we’d been frequenting. As we passed hordes of people on our way back, we began yelling “Spring Break!” at the top of our lungs and giving them the ‘hang loose’ sign. As we were doing this, one dude-brah who was wearing a bandana, or as I’ve been told they call them: “ban-dizzle”, replied, “2K6!!!” and then went in for the high five. Needless to say, hilarity ensued.

Most Bad Ass Moment of ’06:

Yet another tie!?!?!

1A: Raja Bell hitting the game-tying 3 pointer with 1.8 seconds left in the first overtime of game 5 in the Suns-Clippers series. After hitting the three, Raja then ran down court yelling either “I told you I’d make that motherf**ker” or “I told you I’m big time motherf**ker.” Either way, it doesn’t get more bad ass then that.

1B: The time I broke out of “The Colony”, a mind-washing assassin training facility, and then teamed up with Dennis Rodman to take down my archenemy and world-renowned terrorist Stavros. Oh wait, that wasn’t me, that was Jean-Claude Van Damme in Double Team. Let’s just move on.

Best Band Name in ’06:

This one easily goes to I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness, whose debut album, “Fear is on Our Side”, came out this year.

Funniest Movie Scene: (Note: At the time of writing this, I’ve yet to see Borat, so this could drastically change).

The Bungee Jump Scene in Jackass 2: I won’t ruin it for those of you who haven’t seen it. But I was laughing and crying so hard at this scene that it took me a few minutes to catch my breath. Seriously, I couldn’t breathe because I was laughing so hard. I was pretty certain I was going die.

Best Concert I went to in 2006:

No contest here.

Andrew Bird at the Rialto: Let me start out by saying that if you want to have a career as a musician, do not go see Mr. Bird live. He will shame you, and just about everyone else making music these days. Bird spends the majority of his time playing and looping multiple instruments, whistling in perfect pitch, singing in a voice so pure you’d swear he was God’s second son, and all the while his lyrics are better and far more clever than everyone else’s. After the show, for which I spent 95% of picking my jaw off the floor because I was in awe of the man’s amazing talent, my brother Luke summed things up perfectly: “If I was a musician, I think I’d go home and blow my brains out, because I’d never even come close to that.” And he was exactly right. Andrew Bird is just playing a different game than everyone else. To put it in simpler terms, I’ll say this: Andrew Bird’s the NBA premier superstar, while everyone else is in the WNBA D-league.***

Best Party of 2006:

The 4th Annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Party (The original, except no imitations): The party hasn’t even happened yet, but I know that something epic will happen at it. For those of you lucky enough to be attending this year’s party, you’re welcome to join me in saying the following prayer/mantra****: Please, oh please, don’t let me be the individual who makes such an a$$ of himself this year that the story of me is relayed all the way up to next year’s party, in which time some one else will f@#$ up and replace me.

Stay tuned in the next few weeks for my Top Songs and Albums list that will be incredibly long and overly pretentious. That’s all for now.

Until We Meet Again

* Thanks Billy
** Circa 2006
*** OK. so that’s an over-exaggeration. But Bird is more musically talented than anyone I’ve ever seen or heard, no joke.
***Whatever your religious preference may be. I don’t discriminate here, unless of course you’re Asian. (It’s a joke, people. I have Asian friends, honest. Ask Aaron if you don’t believe me).

Top 35 Songs of 2005: Top 10 Songs

And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for. My unveiling of the top 10 songs of 2005. As always scroll down, the last to posts were songs 35-21 and 20-11. I apologize for the sleepless night most of you probably experienced waiting for the completion of this list. I’m sorry and here you go.

10. Iron & Wine( Feat. Calexico) - History of Lovers: When I first heard that Iron and Wine was making an EP with Calexico I was pretty nervous. For one Sam Bean had a great thing going on by himself and I remember listening to Calexico in High School and being completely under whelmed on just about every level. So when this EP came out my worries far exceeded my expectations. But as it turns outs, this EP was really good, and this particular song was the high light from it. I was both shocked and amazed that Bean’s voice could not only hold up but excel with a full band backing him. Maybe the most amazing part of this song is that Bean still maintains the whisperiness (to make up a word) of his voice despite the added musicians.

9. Of Montreal - Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games: Simply put this is the best neo-psychedelia song to come out this year. If you’re unaware of what neo-psychedelia is don’t worry, I have no idea either, but I’m pretty sure it applies to this song. In simpler language this is probably the best dance song of the year. Now dance pop usually gets a bad rap, and it usually deserves it. But this song is just a great song which makes you want to dance, even if you hate dancing. Of Montreal perfectly channels old-school New Order and Art Garfunkle’s I Shall Sing.

8. Matt Pond PA – Halloween: A general criticism of Matt Pond is that while his music is beautifully constructed and his lyrics are good, neither leaves a lasting impression. Generally speaking this criticism is spot on (although it should be noted I don’t think that’s a justifiable reason for disliking the band, but that’s neither here nor there.). With Halloween, that is not the case at all. While it seems Arcade Fire could sue them for plagiarism over the piano riff, the rest of the song is wholly Matt Pond PA (MPPA for short.). MMPA critics will still say this song doesn’t have enough of an edge, but really it doesn’t have to. It perfectly personifies the autumn season and moves beautifully. So finally MPPA have found a way for their music to leave an impression, give it a hint of sounding like someone else’s.

7. Sage Francis – Crumble: I truly believe this is one of the best break up songs I’ve ever heard. What’s even more amazing that it’s not even the most emotionally powerful song on Sage’s album. But that’s neither here nor there. The song starts with a slow Jon Brion esque piano then the final 30 seconds it moves to a techno/pseudo trance hop beat. For the longest time this musically switch pissed me off. However I now see that the switch is done to so that the music parallels itself to the breakdown of the character in the song*. So now the song is even more amazing. I’d tell you more but you should probably just listen to it yourself.

6. The Boy Least Likely To – Be Gentle with Me: On the first listen to the Boy Least Likely, you’d think you’d stumbled upon Kid Bop Volume 9, or something like that. Their music sounds, at first, like VBS music. But it eventually becomes just great pop music. And while the kiddish feel slightly diminishes the beauty of the music and lyrics, you should be able to get by it. Hopefully all of you can get by the fact that when you hear this song you feel like some middle aged house wife should be teaching you hand motions to it with one of the fakest smiles you’ve ever seen plastered to her face. Seriously, this is a really good song.

5. Sufjan Stevens – John Wayne Gacy, Jr.: If an artist writes a hauntingly beautiful** song about a serial killer, it’s probably going on my top 10 list. Since song starts out with Sufjan trying to view Gacy in a reasonable light. He looks at things from Gacy’s point of view and seems truly sympathetic for the man. Eventually so he’s overcome by the horrors of the murders Gacy committed. While all of this seems a little corny, Sufjan shows his genius by pulling this song off and not only making the listener take it seriously, but also creeping the hell out of them. Just a phenomenal song.

4. Andrew Bird - Tables and Chairs: It seems that Andrew Bird likes to take a cliché song ideas and put his own unique twist on it. Such was the case with Fake Palindromes (which ranked 21st on this distinguished list) where he took a love song viewed through the eyes of a psycho. With Tables and Chairs Bird takes the idea of Utopian society and tongue and cheekly names its attributes. After talking about all the benefits a society with no government or economic system Bird tells us that this utopia will also include snacks. Really I’m still not sure what to do with this song other then just enjoy it.

3. Gorillaz – Feel Good Inc.: Outside of the fact that the first verse is often mistaken for a Cake song, this song is amazing. Easily the best radio hit of the year, and the the best radio hit since Hey Ya. Some of you may wonder how an elitist such as myself can place a hit single so high, if at all, on my top songs list. To answer that question I’ll have to counter with another question: Have you heard this song? It’s unbef*ckinglievable. I really don’t care if elitist shone and blacklist me for liking this song, it’s that good.

2. Decemberists – Engine Driver: 8 short months ago I rated this song as one of my all-time favorites. I think I even put it as high as 12th, I really don’t remember. Clearly I jumped the gun, as this song is good but not that good. Still though, this is an amazing love song. Colin Meloy looks tells a love story from the vantage point of a writer. While I change my interpretation of the song on every listen, it’s still amazing. I find I’m out a loss of words now when trying to describe it. So I’ll stop trying to and just implore all of you who read this to go out and immediately listen to it.

1. Common – Be: One of the best rap songs I’ve ever heard. At first it sounds like an Al Green song, then Common comes in raping over the beat and you’re not really sure what to do with yourself. This is the type of song that makes you want to respond to it with more then just a head nod or fist pump. So you try countless things, but none of them seem satisfactory. So instead just sit back and let it sink in. Allow it to wash over you. Just enjoy it. Songs as great as this one don’t come along very often, so just be grateful that you found it, or more appropriately that Common found it***. This is a truly transcendent song, just allow it to effect you. Just listen to Common’s advice: The present is a gift, and I just want to be.

* It should be noted that the lyrics are pretty much indecipherable during the trance part, but after 100+ listens I finally figured out what he was saying, pretty good sh*t actually.
** I realize I’ve used beautiful or beauty far to many times when describing songs or albums, but ever since I enrolled in a community college I’ve found myself unable to use any adjectives I learned after 1st grade.
*** Regarding the song Tupelo Honey Bob Dylan said that it was always out there, Van Morrison was just the first one to find it. I feel the same way about this song.

Top 10 Albums of 2005

Let me preface this list by saying that I haven’t listen to enough music this year for this to be a fully comprehensive list. There are several albums I have yet to hear that would probably be on this list based on the band’s previous work and/or what people whose musical opinions I respect have told me. So before we get to the list, in which the only real criteria is that I like the albums, here’s a few honorable mention lists.

Honorable Mention(Stuff I haven’t Heard but everyone I respect raves about): Okkervil River – Black Sheep Boy, Stephen Malkamus – Face the Truth, Anthony and the Johnsons – I Am a Bird Now, Danger Doom – The Mouse and the Mask.

Honorable Mention (Stuff I love but couldn’t crack the top 10, in order): Boy Least Likely To – Best Party Ever, Bright Eyes – I’m Wide Awake It’s Morning, New Pornographers – Twin Cinema, Matt Pond PA – Several Arrows Later, Decemberists – Picaresque, Silver Jews – Tangle Wood Numbers, Doves – Some Cities, M. Ward – Transistor Radio, Jason Collett - Idols of Exile, Block Party – Silent Alarm, Spoon – Gimmie Fiction, Shout Out Louds – Howl Howl Gaff.

Also here’s a short list of the most disappointing albums of the year.

Dishonorable Mention: Beck – Guero, Bright Eyes – Digital Ash Digital Urn, White Stripes – Get Behind Me Satan, Death Cab for Cutie – Plans.

So without further ado here’s my top ten list. Top Songs are in the order they appear on the album, and asterisk denotes my favorite song on the album.

10. Crooker Fingers – Dignity and Shame. Top Songs: Weary Arms, Twilight Creeps*, Valerie, Sleep All Summer, Dignity and Shame.
Many people in the “indie” scene have made the assertion that Eric Bachman has a similar voice to Bruce Springsteen. On Dignity and Shame, the similarities between Bachman and the Boss go further then voice. Bachman has several boss-esque lines, such as: Why’s everybody always act so tough when all anybody wants is to find a friend. This line is just like a classic Springsteen line, extremely corny, but also strangely enjoyable and good. This album also marks a turning point in Bachman’s song writing. Instead of writing portrait songs about melancholy, depression and the bottom rung of society, he’s now writing upbeat pseudo-folk songs about love and things of that nature. Even the sadder songs on the album like Sleep All Summer feel far more upbeat then any of the past Crooker Finger Albums. So since I’ve been on a Springsteen kick for most of the year this song easily makes my top ten.

9. Sun Kil Moon – Tiny Cities. Top Songs: Exit Does Not Exist*, Tiny Cities Made of Ashes, Never Ending Math Equation, Four Fingered Fishermen, Ocean Breaths Salty
Most of you probably know Sun Kil Moon as the Red House Painter guy’s side project. That would be a fair assessment, as the band hasn’t really put out anything of note until now. With the exception of Have You Forgotten**, this album is a far and away Mark Kozelek’s best work.. What that says about Kozelek, that his best work is a cover album, I’m not quite sure, but it probably isn’t good. Anyhow, if you are unfamiliar with this album, it’s a cover album of all Modest Mouse songs. Now I’m of the belief that there are only a few reasons to cover a song 1.) You have a unique spin to put on the song. You make the song your own without making people forget who originally wrote it. Or 2.) The song’s obscure and you want to draw people’s attention to it. 3.) Your Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash or Samuel Beam. This album fits in with the first reason. This is maybe the most soothing/relaxing album I’ve ever heard. Simply marvelous, check this ish out.

8. Sage Francis – A Healthy Distrust. Top Songs: Sea Lion, Crumble*, Lie Detector Test, Bridle, Jah Didn’t Kill Johnny.
This is the best rap album from a white rapper this year. Even if that was the albums only credential it still might sneak into my top 10 list. But this album is truly deserving of this honor. Sage has always been a great lyrists, but on this album he ads a new delivery style to his arsenal. While he’s kept the basic foundation of his sing-songy half-talking rap style, he switches things up enough on this album to make him sound less white (although it’s still very easy to tell) and more bad ass. Sea Lion is probably the most f’d up rap song I’ve ever heard. While normally f’d up rap songs involve necrophilia and/or incest, this one involves disappointing your mother. Sounds tame, but trust me it’s not. Crumble is possibly the best break up song, not just for rap but for any genre. Sage has finally put it together and is ready to claim the title as best white indie-rapper. Also how could you not have the album that brought Will Oldham into hip-hop on your top 10 list?

7. Ryan Adams – Cold Roses and Jacksonville City Nights
Yes these are two separate albums, 3 discs in all. So why am I putting them on my top ten list as one entry. Because, he should have only made one album this year. So I’m making this one album with myself as the producer. If this was the track listing, then this definitely would have been a top ten album. The songs, off JCN first then Cold Roses, would be: A Kiss Before I Go, The End, Hard Way to Fall, Hardest Part, September, My Heart is Broken, Don’t Fail Me Now*, Mangolia Mountain, Sweet Illusions, Meadowlake Street, Beautiful Sorta, Now That You’re Gone, Cherry Lane*, Mocking Bird, Let It Ride*, Dance All Night and Blossom.
If you’re wondering why there are 3 asterisks, that’s because there was three discs in all, so those are my favorite songs on each disc. On December 20th Ryan has his third album of the year, 29, coming out. Word on the street is that it’s not as good as these two, which even by themselves are very good, but there are probably some songs on their that I’d have to add, so stay tuned.

6. Kayne West – Late Registration Top Songs: Heard ‘Em Say, Touch the Sky*, Gold Digger, On My Way Home, Roses, Gone.
What more needs to be said about this album other then the fact that it lived up to the hype. Regardless of the fact that Kayne is a huge douche bag, aside from the amazing TV moment he provided us with ^, this album is amazing. The addition of Jon Brion to do the strings adds and amazing element and texture that few rap albums to date have had. As good as this album is, I do have a few problems with it. For one it blows it wad too early. The album completely plateaus off after Gold Digger. Also, the album is an anti-grower. I wouldn’t say it gets worse with each additional listen. But it never fully lives up to the promise it has on the first couple of listens. It’s still a great album though, it just leaves you with a feeling that it should have been better.

5. Wolf Parade - Apologies To The Queen Mary Top Songs: You Are A Runner and I Am My Father’s Son, Modern World*, Dear Sons And Daughters Of Hungry Ghosts, I’ll Believe in Anything, Dinner Bells.
Three weeks ago this album wasn’t even on my list. I had written this band off as a Modest Mouse and Arcade Fire rip off band that had a few good songs but didn’t offer much after that. Then, for some odd reason, I went back and listened to this album. And I was pretty much wrong on every first impression I had about this bandand their album. While they do steal a bit from the above mentioned bands, they have their own sound pretty much grounded out, which is extremely impressive for a debut album. This album flows better then almost any album I’ve heard this year. The songs blend into one another beautifully and when it’s all said and done your left with the impression that there are great things to come from these guys.

4. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah Top Songs: Clap Your Hands!, Let The Cool Goddess Rust Away, Details of War, The Skin Of My Yellow Country Teeth*, Upon This Tidal Wave Of Young Blood.
Ok, so they probably have one of the worst band names ever, don’t let that detour you from listening to them. When people ask me what this band sounds like I generally reply that they sound like the love child of The James, David Bowie and David Bryne with just a sprinkle of Thom Yorke. The first five times you hear this album is nearly impossible to make out 90% of the lyrics. But not since How I Made My Millions^^ has mumbling been this enjoyable. After 10 + listens you start to have a general idea of what Alec Ounsworth is saying. The opening track, Clap Your Hands!, is one of the great all-time curveballs to start an album. This band has an amazingly unique sound that grows on you. And while my description may have lead you to think differently, this band has some of the best hooks in recent memory. Another big plus for all you elitists out there, this band is probably too odd to ever hit it big in mainstream pop. Hopefully I didn’t just jinx them by writing that. (I just check the bands website and it turns out they’re performing on Conan the 16th of this month. My bad guys, I’ll take the blame for this one.)

3. Andrew Bird - Andrew Bird and the Mysterious Production of Eggs. Top Songs: Sovay, Fake Palindromes, Measuring Cups, Tables and Chairs*, The Happy Birthday Song.
I firmly believe that if this album came out last year it would have been the best album of the year. Unfortunately for Andrew Bird this years competition is a little stiffer. So may claim that I’m being locally biased because Bird is from Chicago, but that is untrue. Bird seems like the 21st Century’s answer to the Talking Heads. This is easily his most consistent album to date. He’s seems more sure of himself this time around, and musically this album triumphs because of that. At certain points during the album you have to pause and wonder how a violinist is making such amazing pop music. But everything he tries works. Lyrically Bird borders on insane and ingenious, shades of Malkamus and the aforementioned Bryne. While Weather Systems and Swimming Hour, Bird’s last two albums, showed the amazing promise and potential he has, it’s on Eggs that Bird seems to put it all together and reaffirm everyone who saw the potential in his last two albums. All in All this album is an amazing achievement for a great artist. It also has real life whistling in it, on Bird’s website bio he credits himself as a ‘professional whistler’, and you really can’t go wrong with that.

2. Common – Be. Top Song : Be*, Corners, Testify, Chi City, The Food, They Say.
While with Andrew Bird I wasn’t displaying local biased, here I am. This album is definitely a top ten album, no doubt about that. But if I wasn’t living in Chicago I’m dead certain it wouldn’t be this high. But what this album does, better then any album I’ve ever heard, including Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, is personify Chicago. Chicago itself is often personified by it’s dark, almost gothic overtones. The whole city seems to have a blues and jazz song feel to it. For the entire album Common perfectly captures that. Whether your on the North or South side, riding on the el or walking on Michigan Avenue this album makes the city come alive like nothing I’ve ever experienced. When the first, and far an away the best, track Be kicks in you’d almost swear that your listening to Al Green, only some amazing rap in comes in over the beat. The majority of this album has the feel of a ‘70’s Soul record, which is partly what makes it so great. So while this is album is probably a little to high, bare with me. If you ever in Chicago for an extended period of time, listen to this record, trust me you won’t regret it.

1. Sufjan Stevens – Illinois. Top Songs: John Wayne Gacy Jr., Jacksonville, Decatur, or, Round of Applause for Your Step Mother!*, Chicago, Casimir Pulaski Day, The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts.
Stop it, stop it. I can hear all of you screaming local biased now. First let me point out the name of this blog. Aside from referencing a Destroyer song, I truly am a west coast boy at heart. And secondly, with the exception of Chicago, I hate the entire state of Illinois. As a matter of fact because of “the game that never happened” last march I have vendetta on the entire state. It wouldn’t matter where I was, this is the best album I’ve heard since Neutral Milk Hotel’s epic Areoplanes Over the Sea. Sufjan, who, as my older brother Luke pointed out, seems like those kids in your youth group who never really said much, but when he did talk all the girls giggled. That kid always thought he was better then you, and he probably was, but you hated him anyways. He played acoustic guitar in the worship band and all the girls fell for him because of that. Well even if Sufjan is that kid, he’s still an amazing musician and this CD is still incredible. This is Sufjan’s 2nd album from his 50 states project, and I think it’s safe to say he’s probably set the bar too high. Anyhow I’m tired of typing, so I think I’m done with talking about this album. But just in case you haven’t heard this album, first slap yourself because you’re missing out an incredible musical experience. And secondly go out and listen to by any means necessary.

Well that rounds out my Top 10 Albums of the year. Next Week I’ll bring you my Top 35 Songs of 2005. So stay tuned.

Until We Meet Again

** Red House Painter’s song.
^ http://media.putfile.com/Kayne-West-Bush-Black-People , watch Mike Myers during this entire video. Also Christ Tucker trying to ad lib at the end is amazing.
^^ Radiohead B-Side. Yeah I’m an elitist.

Top 5 Man Crushes

Just when you thought the content of this blog couldn’t get anymore homoerotic, I present to you the top 5 Man crushes in my life, as well as a few honorable mention.

5. Hugh Grant – As if the list wasn’t embarrassing enough, Hugh Grant’s in my top 5. It mostly has to do with his performance in About a Boy. But come to think of it, everything I’ve seen him in he’s always befuddilly charming.

4. Christian Bale – Best looking man alive and he’s Batman, what more could you ask for?

3. Mason Jennings – Number one on my list of people I’d be gay for, serouisly.

2. Dennis Quaid – This Man Crush has gotten so bad that I’m actually considering going to see Yours, Mine and Ours. Man my Dad hates me.

1. Gregory Peck – Who else would be here? I mean he’s Atticus freakin’ Finch. He also has a voice that could forever end the conflict in the Middle East.

Honorable Mention: Salim Stoudamire, Walker Percy, Willie Tuitama, John Cusak, Colin Meloy, Andrew Bird, Patrick Dempsey and Ethan Embry

Until We Meet Again
* Toni Collet would be on the list, but it turns out she’s not a dude.