Prelude to Vegas

So last Thursday through Sunday I was in Vegas, toying with death. I’ve been trying all week to write about said trip, but it’s taken longer than I thought. The main reason for this is that there’s a sh*t ton of context that goes along with every semi-funny anecdote from the trip. That and I just started two new classes (thank God for community college and their 8 week classes), so free time is a little hard to come by these days. Anyhow, to tide everyone over for the week I’m going to relay a few stories that didn’t really fit into my main Vegas blog (or stories that I just forgot what day they happened). Anyhow here you are:

The Shampoo Theory:

I’m not sure who originally came up with this theory, but I heard it from my friend Dave.
It’s a pretty simple theory that can help to explain a lot of life’s queries. Here it is: Sometimes when you’re showering, you don’t get all the shampoo out of your hair. You go through the day without noticing, and it has no impact on anything you do. However, the next day when you’re in the shower, you get a good lather just by rubbing your hair. Without putting in any more shampoo, you get a good lather just from the leftover stuff in your hair. Well, the same applies to drinking. You can wake up from a night of drinking and feel fine, but once you’ve thrown a beer or two down at the Black Jack tables you realize: “Oh sh*t, there’s still a lot of booze left in my system. I’m kinda buzzed right now.” As any of you who’ve ever been to Vegas know, the shampoo theory comes to life far too often.

Clown Car Elevator:

I’m really not sure which night this happened, but it was one of my favorite random highlights of the weekend. One night after dinner, my older brother Max and I headed up to our room to get some cigarettes*. As we waited to board an elevator that had just reached the lobby, about ten guys in dress shirts came out. I made the never funny, but always necessary, “What is this, a clown car?” comment. Well, I jumped the gun with this comment in a big way. After I said it at least 15 more guys poured out of the elevator. This elevator couldn’t have been bigger then 10x5 ft. Yet somehow these 25-30 guys managed to squeeze inside of it. For some reason this happened to be the funniest thing I’d ever seen. I was completely sober and I couldn’t stop laughing. I literally giggled for about 3 straight minutes. I’m not sure why this was so funny, or why I’m even writing about it. I guess I just needed to fill space…

Joe Hickle Losing His Soul:

Joe is a very good friend of mine who wasn’t quite the MVP of the weekend, but was certainly the MIP (Most Important Player) of this trip. Joe was everywhere this weekend, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing for him. Things went downhill quickly for young Joseph when he blew $50 on roulette despite being up $125 at one point. That was Thursday afternoon. Joe followed that up just a few hours later with a tremendous showing at the Black Jack tables. Joe’s highlight moment had to be hitting on a 14 with the dealer showing a 6. Predictably, he busted and caused the whole table to lose. He also probably ruined the entire shoe**. Thanks again Joe, you owe me at least the hundred I lost at that table.

It should also be noted that before Joe hit, the entire table, as well as the dealer, was yelling at him to stay. Always fun when the dealer steps in to ridicule someone. Other things Joe did last weekend include:

a) Continually pointing out how buff Carrot Top was every time we saw one of his ads. We actually saw Carrot Top walking around the casino late one night. We were all frightened that Joe was going to try to make a move on him. Luckily for all parties involved, Joe froze up. All he could do was excitedly tell us how “ripped” Carrot Top was in person.

b) Stealing money from his friend Mike D (more on him next week). Mike D gave Joe $20 to place a bet for him. Joe, in all his glory, miscalculated his own bets and the took $5 out of the $20 Mike had given him to place his own bet. What a great friend.

While all of the above may lead you to believe otherwise, Joe saved his best for last. On Sunday morning, about two hours before we had to check out, Joe stumbled into our room. He was extremely drunk and hadn’t slept all night. Luckily for him, he passed out in about 30 seconds and was able to sleep for an hour and a half before we had to check out. Needless to say, Joe had a great Sunday and a dynamite weekend. I could probably write a whole lot more about Joe’s weekend, but I’m lazy and I think the man has had his dignity beat up enough in the last 8 days.

Well, that’s it for now. Before I go, please allow me to apologize to Joe for tossing him under the boss for the sake of my blog. I’m sorry Joe, but what happens in Vegas doesn’t always stay there… gawd I hate that slogan.

Until We Meet Again

* Don’t worry dear readers, I’ve quit for good. I’m currently on my 5th day and it’s been incredibly easy. Woot.
** The shoe is the device that a black jack dealer deals all the cards from.