On Pants and the Future. And, Perhaps, the Future of Pants

One quick housekeeping note before we begin. I’m still a wreck after U of A Basketball’s 9/11, i.e. Lute’s retirement and all the bs that has followed it. And, unfortunately for the 12 people who read my blog, I’m probably not done writing about it. My peeps and I have been compiling a mix for the Silver Fox (Lute Olson for those of you unschooled in U of A) and once it’s finished I’ll post full details on that. Also I’m sure I’ll have something to say on the inevitable bad hire Jim Livengood makes when hiring Lute’s replacement. But we’re going to put all that away for another day. Now, on to lighter topics:

Since the Simpsons have been on pretty much my entire life, it’s easy to forget just how ingenious the show is. It also doesn’t help the show is so heavily syndicated that it’s literally on 45 times a day. I was watching and old episode the other day and I’d forgotten about one of my all-time favorite Simpson’s moments. It in the episode where Krusty, doing standup comedy, goes on a rant about consumerism and commercialism and how it’s wrecking our society. To culminate his point he then pulls out a hundred dollar bill and lights it on fire. The rest of the crowd is so inspired they take their money out and start burning it as well. The next night Homer and his friends go back to hear Krusty talk again, Lenny explains that he brought a sac full of money just in case Krusty tells them to burn it again. Homer then remarks “I hope he tells us to burn our pants, these things are killing me.” As Krusty then comes out and the crowd is cheering, Homer then yells my favorite line of dialogue ever: “Don’t you hate pants?”

Of all the amazing social truths this show has touched on in its 20+ years on the air, this one hit home with me the most. I hate pants, about as passionately as a person can hate an article of clothing. Pants are like White Supremacists, they’re oppressive, restrictive and we’d all be better off without them around. Before we further deconstruct that last sentence, it’s time for a list that proves my point. Below is a list of the most comfortable undergarments a person can wear, in order of least to most comfortable:

7. Kahki’s/Dress Slacks
6. Jeans
5. Shorts
4. Pajama Pants
3. Cargo Shorts
2. Athletic Shorts
1. Boxers/Underwear

No one in their right man can possibly refute this list, with the possible exception of Pajama Pants inclusion or placement. Other than that though, the list is flawless. Which brings back to the Homer Simpson phrase that started me down this thought path “Don’t you hate pants?”. Honestly, you can’t tell me that you’re life wouldn’t be better if you didn’t have to wear pants. Or at the very least you were allowed to wear athletic shorts to work as oppose to chinos or some other type of dress pants. So in the spirit of election seasons, let’s all band together and make a pantless future a reality. Let’s just say no, to pants. YES WE CAN!!!!*

Until We Meet Again
* Since this is probably the only time I’ll reference or write about the election, have you ever heard of a more simplistic or ambiguous slogan for a campaign then “Yes We Can”? It reminds of a Spin City episode I saw forever and a day ago in which one of the character (no idea who it was and I’m too lazy to look it up) was staging a protest. He and all the other protesters are sort of half heartedly walking around chanting this run on sentence that is far too long to be effective. Another on of the shows main character then shows up, notes that their chant is too long and then starts a “Let’s go Mets” cheer. The crowd then bursts into life and joins in the “Lets go Mets” cheer. Police then immediately intervene and drag away the character who started the “Let’s go Mets” cheer, even though he wasn’t even part of the protest. This is what the “Yes We Can” slogan makes me think of.

Also, in the interest of equal exposure for both tickets, let me just say that if you actually need Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber to tell you that Obama’s tax plan is Socialistic, then you shouldn’t be allowed to vote in this or any election. God I hate this country.