In the News

Here’s yet another new segment for the blog that I’ll probably never do again. In this post will break down recent new and current hot topics. Enough of the foreplay, let’s jump right in.

- Like most America I excitedly tuned in for the debut of Bonds on Bonds on ESPN. Unfortunately, despite it’s deceptive title, this show was only about baseball and steroids.*
- In a recent speech Hispanic Activist Dolores Huerta said that ‘Republicans hate Latinos’. Well Dolores what do you expect when the only achievement of note your people have made is introducing us to the burrito and enchilada ?
- Charlize Theron is beginning to realizes that she’s only gonna be remember for that one time she played that ugly lesbian. www.usatoday.com/life/people/2006-04-09-glaad_x.htm
- Not really current news, but BJ Armstrong and/or Greg Anthony might be the worst writer I’ve ever seen published, and this is coming from a man who once read Pima’s college newspaper
- On April 14th U.S.A Today did a cover story on how Hollywood is more films directed at Christian audience due to the success of The Passions and Chronicles of Narnia. I think I speak for everyone when I say I can’t wait for the film version of “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.”
- Apparently Child Services has twice visited Britney Spears’s home, over concern for her child’s welfare. I have only three questions based on this: 1.) Is anyone really surprised? 2.) Does anyone even care about Britney and K-Fed anymore? And 3.) How the f*ck is this considered news?
- George Lopez’s sitcom has been tentatively canceled by ABC. I can’t prove it, but I’m willing to bet Republicans are behind this.
- Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow had another child, this one they named Moses. In other news apparently people are still interested in an overrated actress and the guy who desperately wants to be Thom Yorke.
- While this news is a couple of months old, it’s still worth restating: The Daily Show is no longer funny. John Stewart takes himself way too serious and most of the time just comes off as pretentious as oppose to funny. And the best part of the show was the three side reporters, the Steve’s (Carrol and Colbert) and Mo Rocko, whom have all moved on. Really the Colbert Report is far, far funnier and should be getting a more favorable timeslot then The Daily Show.
- In a story that seems like it has to be made up, Indian director T. Rajeevnath continues to insist that he intends to cast Paris Hilton as Mother Teresa. I personally all for this, I also think we should cast Charles Manson as Jesus Christ the next time and Easter film is made. And when they finally make a film about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr let’s give the role to OJ or Suge Knight. . What’s next, teen-heart throb Heath Ledger playing a gay cowboy? Oh wait…
- Despite her beauty, I’m about ready to curb Eva Longoria. You’ll see what I mean next time you watch a Spurs game. Every time her boo Tony Parker scores the cameras inevitably pan to Eva in the crowd overacting and overall acting like a dumb, pre-teen bimbo. Eva now reminds me of those girls in highschool who would scream as loud as they possibly could anytime their athlete boy friend did anything of note. And let’s be honest, did anyone really like those girls? Even their best friends always looked miserable next to them at sporting events.
- Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes has a baby. I’d make a joke here, but it’s really just to easy. It seems like TomKat is the new Brokeback Mountain ****

Well that’s it for now. Check back in the near future, I might have something else posted. *****

* In case you missed it the joke was that the title bonds on bonds sounds like something you’d see in a porno, or so I’ve been told.**
** The joke here is that I’ve never seen a porno, I’d just know this trough hearsay. This is a joke because I have seen a porno***
*** It was only soft core, honest to God.
**** As in the punch line that everyone can easily use to be funny. If this keeps up we may soon be over run with unfunny people thinking they’re funny because of phenomenons such as Brokeback and TomKat. I hope and pray that’s not the case.
***** I apologize for the ending of this blog. I wrote it at 8:00 in the morning, after I had worked an 8-hour shift and then biked 10+ miles home.