All Good Things Most Come to an End, the Bad Ones Just Go On Forever

My antiquated blogging days are far behind me now. I've moved on to bigger and better things, namely a Tumblr account. This will be the last update I (most likely) ever make here, so if you wish to keep tabs on me copy and paste this web address:

http://anotherwestcoastmorning.tumblr.com/

It's been real

We'll Meet Again

The Time has come for my annual summer hiatus. I’ll return in some form or another in Late August/Early September, so check back then.



Until We Meet Again*
* This sign off seems gayer than usual in light of this post

On iPhone Apps, Elitism and Counter-points

I’ve always wondered how the music elitists in my life can muster so much content when conversing about the latest music releases. “The complexity of the rhythm section provided by Phil Selway really compliments the precise layering of Johnny’s Greenwood’s stripped down guitar work and Thom Yorke’s* haunting vocal tracks on Radiohead’s imported Japanese tour EP makes me think that they are striving towards a sound that is all together even more atmospheric than their Amnesiac era.” “Umm, Radiohead? Yeah, I like them.” Rather than solving this dilemma in my life, I have chosen to contribute to it. I figure, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

I’m wanting to create a completely unofficial Pitchfork.com iPhone** application. For any of you who are unfamiliar, allow me to briefly explain Pitchfork. They have pegged themselves as “The Essential Guide to Indie Music,” and have made a name for themselves by writing up dramatic, condescending, and generally punishing reviews of independent music albums. Pitchfork thrives from the constant clicks from indie music elitist across the nation, primarily by packaging these album reviews into memorable snippets that can later be shared with friends, seemingly as original insights.

The core idea for this application starts in that it will automatically download each and every album that Pitchfork reviews, immediately building the credibility of your personal music catalog. This feature in itself will not sell more than a handful of applications. Most, if not all, of these hipsters have the brain capacity to look up the new reviews on Pitchfork and purchase illegally download accordingly. The real selling point for this application is its ability to generate key lines to use when your friends ask for your opinion of a new CD/you tell them anyway. Examples might include “I was really into ____________ until they got so big. They totally sold themselves out as soon as they starting talking to __________ about doing a record deal.” Or more specifically, “This Fleet Foxes album is fantastic, but anyone who doesn’t own their EP is missing out on the greatest track they have ever recorded” or “You better start listening to Phoenix right now, they are going to be the breakout indie sensation of the summer.” ***

The music elitists in our lives make it look easy to be pompous and condescending about their advanced musical pedigree, but I am personally willing to bet that they would be willing to shell out an extra $5-10 when no one was looking in order to further secure their position as the go to music guru of their social circles. I know I would be.

What are my thoughts on the newest Conor Oberst effort? Hold on, I need to check something on my phone…

Signing off.
Marko Wilson, Guest Blogger


*I admittedly jokingly pronounce the silent “h” in Thom’s name when I speak of him, referencing the fact that I know he has an oddly spelled name, and therefore making me, to some degree, the music elitist that I am currently mocking.
**Although an application for the SideKick would perhaps be a more direct route to my clientele, the iTunes app store is just so much more accessible.
***The last two quotes are directly from our common music elitist friend Calvin Paradise.
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I’d be remiss if I didn’t somehow respond to these attack/allegations/truthful quotations leveled against me by Mr. Wilson. I’ll start by saying his iPhone app is one hell of an idea. I would even go a step further and invent an app that’s more or less a hipster handbook*. It could create literary catchphrases for you like “Joyce was a f**king champion” Or spout out film critique/commentary such as “I think my ideal film would be co-written by Charlie Kaufman and David Gordon Green, directed by Spike Jonez, with David Fincher in charge of cinematography” I mean what hipster wouldn’t want said app? And as far as I can tell, hipsters and trophy wives make up 95% of the iPhone’s clientele, so really this app seems like a no brainer. Apple, have your people call mine and let’s get this done.

Anyhow, I most now move on and address the quotes attributed to me by the guest blogger. Both these quotes are true, mostly. While they may not be word-for-word accurate, the sentiment of both remains intact. Before I get to dissecting these quotes, allow me refute the claim, inferred or otherwise, that I’m an elitist. Here’s the dictionaries definition of an elitist:

1. The belief that certain persons or members of certain classes or groups deserve favored treatment by virtue of their perceived superiority, as in intellect, social status, or financial resources.
2.
a. The sense of entitlement enjoyed by such a group or class.
b. Control, rule, or domination by such a group or class.

Now, I don’t feel either of those definitions fit me. I definitely have elitist tendencies, but I’m not an elitist. I don’t revel in the fact that I listen to good music and actually read (See what I did there?). In fact, I kind of hate my tastes. Anytime someone asks me what kind of music I listen and what not, I don’t like telling them. Not because I feel they’re unworthy of knowing my preferences, but because said preferences tend to make me come off like an elitist blowhard. This whole situation is made worse by the fact that I tend to state my opinions as if they were fact. This is just the way I talk, honest. I don’t view my opinions as impeccable. In fact, I’m fully aware that they’re just opinions. I can’t help it if they also happen to be right. Really, I’m not an elitist.

As for the quotes, allow me to explain them. The one about the Fleet Foxes came about in a conversation about the band. Marko and I were talking, he expressed that he enjoyed the album and asked what I thought of the band. I said they were great, and while I enjoyed the album (My 12th favorite album of last year), I thought a song on their debut ep, So Long to the Headstrong, was their best song. I merely stated my opinion, and under the circumstances of our conversation, I figured Mr. Wilson would realize that. I regret that he misinterpreted my stated opinion as if I thought it was fact, but I don’t regret what I said.

As for the quote about Phoenix, I feel this needs no explanation. Their new album, “Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix”**, is astounding. It makes me happy every time I listen to it. I know Mr. Wilson enjoys good music, so I thought I’d alert him to it. I was just trying to share some of the joy in my life with him, that is all. The album will be released on the 19th of May and it’s so good that I’m actually going to purchase it. That’s right, this album is so good I’m actually going to spend my elitist money on it.

Until We Meet Again
* Yes I know one of those already exists, but they haven’t made an app form it yet.
** Possibly the best album title ever

Some Quick Thoughts on Life and the NBA Playoffs

I haven’t written anything in a while, so hopefully this will satisfy my writing jones. The title of this post is pretty self-explanatory, so I’m just gonna dive right in

Things I Almost Wrote About

- “The Summer of George”: I’m essentially unemployed (working 5-10 hours a week) and I’m leaving for the summer in 2 weeks so there’s no way I can get another job. I now have a scary amount of time on my hands which I mainly spend being unproductive. Most of my day is spent wandering around my house, or to be more specific my parents house (my life is all kinds of awesome). I do read a lot, things ranging from pseudo-pretentious literature I don’t understand to the lowest of low internet ramblings. Since the better part of my day is spent lounging I’m normally dressed like some sort of hipster/jock/vagabond hybrid. Now as long as I don’t leave the house there’s nothing wrong with this get up. Unfortunately, I’ve had to run several errands as of late and I end up going out in public wearing things like UofA basketball shorts and a Yellow Bird Project tee. Combine this with my bad hair cut (I seem to get an endless amount of those) and I look like a complete mess every time I leave the house. I guess since I know that I won’t see anyone in this town for the whole summer I’ve just completely stopped caring about my personal appearance*. The lesson to be learned from all of this: The combination of (almost) unemployment and leaving for 3 months is lethal.

- “Why Lost is Criminally Overrated”: Whenever I have an abundance of time on my hands, I tend to think really deeply on matters that shouldn’t be thought about deeply, i.e. movies, TV shows, music, etc.; I’m like the Thomas Merton of pop culture. The latest victim of my musings has been the uber hit drama(?) Lost. I’ve watched all 5 seasons of this show, and with the exception of the very first one, have almost stopped watching in the middle of every season. I keep coming back because the show generally ends and begins their seasons on high notes. All in all it’s a decent show that tries too hard and whose writers think they’re much more clever than they actually are.

Yet every review I read talks about this show as if it were the greatest thing to ever be played on television. I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why this is, I mean if an amateur like me can see that for everything this shows does well there’s at least 2-3 things it does poorly than why can’t these critics see it as well? And then I realized what it was. Art folks are always bemoaning for some time the loss of shared cultural experiences, i.e. ‘the current musical landscape will never allow for another Beatles’ or ‘I don’t think they’ll ever be another film like It’s a Wonderful Life, that everyone sees and is effected by’. Lost is probably the last big shared cultural experience that Gen Xers, who make up the majority of the publishing world, will have. Therefore this show has to be great, since nothing like this will never come around again (teen crazes like Harry Potter and Twilight don’t count).

In the end I didn’t write this because I’m fairly certain none of my 8 readers watch Lost and because I’m not nearly smart enough or a good enough writer to fully expound on this idea to my liking.

-“He’s Just Not That Into You”: I went to see this movie at the dollar theatre for anthropological reasons. I somehow made it to the end of this train-wreck and no longer had any interest in anthropology, or humanity for that matter. This film was watching a two hour abortion, and I’m not saying that to be hyperbolic or shocking, it was honestly that bad.

Ok, this next one needs its own bullet point list. All points are condescended as possible for everyone’s benefit

Why the Bulls-Celtics Series Wasn’t Actually Great

-Vinny Del Negro is probably the worst coach of all-time, at any level
- Game 7 was largely decided by an Eddie House hot streak. I rest my case
- Just about every great moment in this series was due in large part to extremely low basketball IQ (see: BEN GORDON, John Salmons, Paul Pierce in Game 6, Stephon Marbury, etc.) or some horrendous coaching decisions (such as Doc Rivers adjusting his line-up when the Bulls played small ball, everything the aforementioned Vinny D did)
- As far as I could tell Vinny Del Negro was drawing up the double alley-oop play from NBA Jam for all of the Bulls end of game plays. That seems to be the only logical explanation for all the double-teamed, fall away 18-footers Ben Gordon took in big situations throughout this series
- Um, Mr. Del Negro, when the Celtics are down 3, it may be in your best interest to guard their best shooter, Ray Allen
- On that note, Mr. Rivers, when Ray Allen is on his way to a 51 point night and is literally making everything he throws up, you should probably run your offense through him instead of Paul Pierce. And you should absolutely let him take the final shot instead of drawing up a play for Rajon Rondo who was 4-17 and can’t score if he’s further than 8 feet from the basket
- Oh and Mr. Del Negro, Derrick Rose got to the rim at will this series and positive things happened about 70% of the times he drove, so maybe just spread the floor and let him work instead of running Gordon, Salmons and Kirk Hinrich off screens as your primary offensive set
- Also, Vinny, Tyrus Thomas hit a slew of big jumpers in game 1, including the eventual game winner, and had 6 blocks in game 2. Barely playing him in the next 5 games may not have been the best decision
- In the end, this series produced a several great moments, the large majority of which should never have happened had competent coaches been involved. The games weren’t particularly well played, they were just all close. Just because these close games produced a ton of fun highlights doesn’t mean it was a great series, it really doesn’t
- I also had a point about how sports fans now care more about highlights than the entire package, i.e. the rest of the game, being high quality. And how this has led us to anointing this series, in which ignorance was often the main reasons the games were close, as the best first round series of all-time. But that point seems a bit farfetched and rather ostentatious, so really it’s a good thing that I didn’t write about this series

And We Conclude with a Mini-Post of Sorts

Besides my own personal heart ache and horrible officiating, the NBA Playoffs are also known for running their sponsors commercials into the ground. Since the NBA Playoffs actually last an absurdly long time and since the same companies sponsor each round (and usually don’t have the courtesy to change their commercials), viewers are liable to see the same commercial tens-of-thousands of times. Below is a video of this year’s heir apparent to this horrific trend.



What exactly is the point of this commercial? Beyond keeping up Sprite’s name brand recognition? This is supposed to make me want to drink Sprite? Why would I drink something that makes people combust on impact? And why are people so thrilled to be getting drenched by this liquid? Forget for a moment that this downpour is the remnants of their friends. I think we can safely assume that the liquid that’s raining down on them is Sprite. So why again are they happy that Sprite if cascading down on them? If I were to get drenched by Sprite, I’d be extremely anger and sticky, not laughing and pumping my fist. And if this Sprite also happened to be the result of two of my friends spontaneously combusting then I’d be irreparably scared, both mentally and emotionally. This commercial makes my head hurt.

Until We Meet Again
* Damnit I’ve become a hippie. I’d just like to say eff you to all my friends here in town who did nothing to prevent this

Make a Narrative About Falling in Love in Pittsburg the Summer After You Graduate College and Everyone Will Love It

This past Sunday night I saw Adventureland(this post may act as a pseudo-spoiler, you’ve been warned). The movie was relatively enjoyable (especially the fact that the discoteque the characters go to called Razzmatazz had a marquee that read: “A Sophisticated Meeting Place”. For some reason this absolutely killed me) and I left the theatre thinking the film was ok but nothing special. I also felt like the movie should have been better, but I often feel that with these types of films. And by these types of films I mean the slow moving, indie, coming-of-age-and-falling-in-love flicks that allow their soundtracks to do the heavy lifting for the plot and characters (See: Juno, Garden State, Igby Goes Down, etc.*)

When I got home I couldn’t sleep so I started reading some reviews of the film. I always read reviews in hindsight, whether it’s a music, book, film or any other sort of review. Before I see, read or listen to something all I need is a nice, concise rating to let me judge whether or not it might be worth my time. Reviews should always be read after the fact, I feel pretty strongly about this. Anyways, as I read multiple reviews, everyone seemed to really like this movie. This didn’t surprise, but the reasons everyone really liked it did. Countless reviews I read from several credible writers talked about how the film was extraordinarily ‘deep’ for a teen comedy, and how great it was that even the side characters all had their own heartache and trauma outside the main storyline. Now I’m not a film critic, but it seems that the nation’s critics unanimously decided that this film was layered with subtext that quite frankly didn’t exist.

I think the main reason for the critical praise this film is receiving is because the vast majority of American film critics graduated from or were in college around the time this film was made. Or at the very least they remember this time period enough to properly empathize with the characters. The characters in this film are the types of people that film critics want to be, i.e. hip kids who live their lives with a sort of confined wreckless abandon, smoke lots of pot and listen to Lou Reed and the Replacements. And in fairness, this type of carefree lifestyle, at least ideologically, does sound pretty great. So there’s that, but this film is also cleverly shallow.

Just about every review I read went out of its way to mention the complexity of the supporting characters and how they all had their own little story. On the surface, this is true. In most teen comedies the characters are just archetypes with no real depth. In Adeventureland these characters are still archetypes, but they also have effed up home lives! Literally every character in this film, including the main protagonists, have some sort of travesty going on in their family lives. However, none of this personal drama is ever really expounded upon, it’s just casually mentioned or hinted at, even in the main characters case. So really all these supposed subplots are little more than a cheap way to give your characters some perceived depth. When looked at analytically, this film is little more than some shallow, self-serving nostalgia for its writer/director Greg Mottola (also known as the guy who directed Superbad). And yet, just about every critic failed to see that, which in my mind, seems kind of obvious. I think this actually the first film I’ve ever seen that I actually liked less after I saw it because of the positive reviews I l read about it post-viewing.

In some ways, this film reminded me of Michael Chabon’s first novel The Mysteries of Pittsburgh. Now this novel is different from Adventureland, but they have several similarities. Both are set in Pittsburgh and follow the misadventures of a male hero in his first summer after graduating college in which he does nothing but party, fall in love and learn a little bit about himself along the way. Like Adventureland, I thought this book was marginally ok, yet it also received tons of critical acclaim. Perhaps American critics just have a soft spot for narratives that take place in Pennsylvania steel towns. Or maybe they’re just suckers for decently written coming of age stories. And maybe I’m just bitter because I’ve clearly never experienced this type of summer. Who really knows?

Until We Meet Again
* I’ve seen and enjoyed all the movies I just mentioned. F*ck

On the Radio

My oldest brother recently moved to Washington D.C. and I inherited what was left of his car. Not that I really care, mainly since I got the car for free, but this thing is an absolute sh*t pile. If it actually does start it shakes so violently it's basically doing the automobile equivalence of a full body sneeze. Pretty much all the tread on the tires has worn off and neither of the driver side windows roll up (or down for that matter). This doesn't really bother me, since I've been driving old p.o.s. cars for the better part of my driving existence. The thing about this particular car that absolutely kills me is that my only audio option is to listen to the radio.

Now I don't mean to sound snobbish, but just about everything that's played on regular radio is absolutely terrible. Most of the time I just listen to talk radio on the AM stations, not that that's much better. What's really killer though is the commercials that are played on the radio. Obviously people's budget is gonna be the lowest for radio advertisement, yet the quality of these ads is still breathtakingly bad. There's one ad in particular that gets a reaction from me no matter how many times I hear it. The commercial is for a windshield replacement business called Safelight. Here's a brief paraphrasing of their ad:

(Man talking): "When something seems to good to be true, it probably is. Take my customer the other day who was at a carwash when this pushy guy came out of nowhere and told her she had to get her windshield replaced. He was really aggressive and even stooped to offering her free stuff to get her business.

Well that just didn't feel right to her. Chances are this guy wanted to make a quick buck and get out of town."

The ad then goes on to talk about how Safelight is the best and you should always get your windshield replaced by them or THE CONSEQUENCES COULD BE DIRE!!! Now the reason this commercial bugs me is not because it’s poorly done and highly unethical. It bugs me because of how improbable it is. The “Chances are this guy wanted to make a quick buck and get out of town” line wrecks me every time. Even though I’m driving alone every time I hear that line I look around puzzled and sometimes say “What?” aloud. I mean really? Make a quick buck and get out of town? What is this guy The Music Man of windshield repairs? Honestly, aren’t the days of rolling into town, sexing up librarians and bolting with a bag of cash long gone? And were those days ever even around for the windshield replacement industry?

I’m really not sure what the answers to any of these questions are. But what I really want to know is who is this commercial swaying? Are there really people out there listening to the radio in the middle of the afternoon with a broken windshield who’ve gotten burned by windshield replacement con men in the past who are just jumping for joy when they hear this ad, thinking “finally someone has realized my plight. I’m going to Safelight for all my windshield replacement needs from now on. I won’t be fooled again.” I mean this ad can’t possibly be effective right?

These, and several other questions like them*, are the ones I want answered.

Until We Meet Again
* Such as “What’s the success rate of ‘Missed Connections’ postings on Craigslist?”

I'm Just Another Sell Out

I'm more or less broke and in an act of pure desperation I'm trying to make some money via my writing. so please click here to read my newest post. Thanks, but only if you clicked on the link.

Good night and good luck

Edit: Apparently I can't do simple html so just copy and paste this:
http://www.ehow.com/how_4871172_like-whats-going-mens-sweet.html