I realize I haven’t posted in awhile and I’m sorry for that. I’ve been really lazy as of late and everything I think about writing about is either overdone (i.e. World Cup, NBA Draft) or would take to long to fully cover in this space. So I making my pseudo return short and sweet. Hopefully this tides you over. Well enough with the fluff let’s get straight to my newest Top 5 List. Today’s list is the Top 5 worst U.S. Cities that I’ve visited. Please enjoy.
TOP 5 Worst U.S. Cities I've Ever Been To
5. Kenosha, Wisconsin – I’ve only been here once, and it was at night. Still that was enough to make me vow to never return. Aside from the generic boringness of every hick Midwestern town, Kenosha was also flooded with porn shops, one of which was at least 150 yards long. 150 yards. Does anyone actually need that much porn? Apparently in Wisconsin they do.
4. Cederville, Ohio – I spent a weekend here last summer for a friends wedding. This town is horrendous. It’s an hour and half away from any decent sized city in Ohio, it’s a dry county, the entire town shuts down around 7:30 p.m. and I pretty sure the majority of the people there are Amish. And as if that wasn’t bad enough it was at least 95 degrees for the entire weekend and I can’t prove it but the humidity was probably somewhere around 100 %.
3. Amarillo, Texas – Just about anywhere in west Texas belongs on this list, but Amarillo goes here because it was the last city in west Texas I was in. In reality El Paso should be here, but I haven’t been there since I was 11 so I don’t have a great frame of reference for that geological disaster. Anyhow Amarillo is just like any other place in west Texas: hot, humid, smells like absolute sh*t (presumably from all the cattle) and just an out and out hell hole.
2. Truth or Consequences, New Mexico – In my mind 1 and 2 on this list could easily be substitute for one another. I hate New Mexico, almost as passionately as I hate the fact that Shaq’s biological didn’t bother and the makers of The Lake House*. New Mexico in it’s entire is a huge sh*t hole, easily the worst state I’ve ever been to. I’ve yet to find a single redeemable thing about this entire state**. Whenever I think about how horrible New Mexico is Truth or Consequences always come to mind. If you’ve never visited here then celebrate your life. I would describe it for you, but just thinking of this sh*t hole makes me want to slam my head into a jagged rock repeatedly.
1. Yuma, Arizona – Yuma serves as the gateway from Arizona into California. Yuma was once reference in a Pedro the Lion song. With these two things on its resume most people would think that Yuma is a pretty ok place. And as usual most people would be wrong. Yuma is the worst place on Earth that I’ve ever been. And I’ve been to some of the poorest cities in Mexico as well as some of the poorest countries in the former Soviet Union and the smoking lounge in the Las Vegas Airport. I could probably write a 20 page essay I why Yuma is the worst place on earth, but that’s far to time consuming. So instead I’ll just give you a brief example of why Yuma is so gawd awful. The last two times I’ve been to Yuma I’ve been confront with disgruntle and racist locals. Last time I was there it was a few weeks ago, at night and it was 102 degrees. Yes you read that correctly. The time before that was in early February. That was in the morning it was 92 degrees, in f*cking February. On top of all that Yuma is unbelievable depressing. I liken it to Rogue in the X-Men movies. Rogue’s special power is that when she touches another human being she sucks all the life and power from this person. Yuma is almost identical to Rogue. No matter how excited I am about where I’m going, either home or California, Yuma always sucks the life out of me. All I want to when I’m in Yuma is get the hell out of there. Sometimes I just feel like dying. Yuma sucks the life out of you, honestly it does. I really don’t know how anybody survives there; it’s probably the worst place in the entire Universe. Hell for me would be an eternity in Yuma. Seriously, little to none of the last paragraph was hyperbole.
And there you have. My list of the Worst U.S. Cities I've ever been to. Hope you enjoyed it. God Speed.
p.s. Remember now that I have an e-mail address set up for this blog. Feel free to e-mail any questions or comments to: anotherwestcoastmorning@rock.com
Until We Meet Again
* Honestly this looks like the worst movie of all-time. When I first saw the previews for this movie I was so upset I almost walked out of the movie theatre. I’m not joking either. A mere preview of this movie, which has maybe the worst concept I’ve ever heard of, nearly drove me to leave the theatre before I saw the film that I had paid 8+ dollars to see. Melodramatic? Maybe. Justifiable? Absolute!
** I know some of you are probably saying: But Calvin what about Northern New Mexico, it’s pretty isn’t it. And yes Norther New Mexico is pretty alright, but in my mind any half way decent part of New Mexico (read: only the far Northern part) is just southern Colorado.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
USA, USA, US… A F*ck
Ugh. I feel sick, physically sick. The USA National Soccer Team just sh*t the bed in the biggest games of their lives. Not only that, but they may have completely killed off soccer in this country. Seriously, soccer could be done for at least a couple of decades after this horrific performance. While they still have two games left, make no mistake about it: The USA’s World Cup is done. The US badly needed a result in this game or at the very least needed to put up a respectable fight to keep their confidence levels high. Instead they absolutely got their asses ruined and would have been better served not showing up for the 2nd half. I’ll now give a brief synopsis of the game and then starting ranting at the players who failed to show up. Actually let’s make that some of the players who didn’t show up, because the only ones who did today were Claudio Reyna and Eddie Johnson. (Honorable mention goes out to John O’Brien who played ok, but he entered the game well after the outcome had been decided.) Anyhow let’s get to the game recap.
Game Recap:
- Despite taking a sleeping pill I could hardly sleep last night. I woke up through out the night and was extremely giddy for most of the day. I got home after playing some basketball just in time to see Australia’s epic comeback. All in all things were looking up. During the hour break before the USA’s game I could barely sit still. I was like an ADD kid at the State Fair.
- Five minutes in the Czechs score. I think I’m going to vomit. Eddie Pope horribly miss plays the ball and the Czech’s 6’8 striker easily heads the ball into the goal. Great job boys, let’s spot a top 5 team in the world a 1-nil lead. Bravo.
- 15 minutes in the US has settled down and is actually leading in the possession stat. Unfortantly they’ve yet to have any decent chances on goal.
- In the 28th minute Reyna takes a shot just outside the 18 yard box and it passes the keeper only to ricochet off the inside of the post. How that happened I don’t know, but it just ended any chance the US had in this game.
- When the wind fully taken out of the US’s sails Tomas Rosicky puts the nail in the coffin in the 36th minute with a shot from about 30 ft out that twists and turns like a knuckle ball in the wind and barely beats US Goalie Kasey Keller.
- The 2nd half the US came out flatter then a nine year old and embarrassed themselves and their country. I refuse to recant anything about it, sorry.
- Thanks for stopping by USA, see ya in 2010.
Notable Players (most of whom who sucked ass):
Landon Donovan – In Donovan’s defense he got absolutely no service from the midfield. And he’s also playing in the wrong position. To be effective Donovan needs space, when he’s playing at striker he has a very limited space to work with and his foot work isn’t good enough for him to fully utilize his speed. That said though, Donovan still failed to show up against the Czechs. Donovan talks an enormous amount of sh*t and rarely backs it up. Today also proved that he needs to go over seas to be effective. If you spend all your time playing in the MLS your going get served by top flight teams and players. Donovan looked lost out there today and had no one but himself to blame.
DeMarcus Beasly – It’s tough for me to be hard on DeMarcus because he’s one of my favorite players. And for some unknown reason Arena had him plsying out of position. Still though DeMarcus gave us nothing against eh Czechs and against top flight opponents that’s not going cut it.
Eddie Pope – Eddie flat out sucked sh*t on Monday. You’re suppose to be one of the teams veterans, yet you or soley responsible for the Czechs 1st goal. How the f*ck he lost a 6-8 guy I might never know. Pope’s performance might be the most disappointed because he’s suppose to be the veteran anchor to our back line. Instead he was the first one to sh*t the bed and pretty much everyone else followed suit.
Eddie Lewis – Lewis is playing out of position trying to be a defensive back, he’s normally a midfielder. Lewis was got out of position and numerous time, especially on the 1st goal, he left the defense out to dry. All this would be almost forgivable because he is playing out of position. Except for the fact that he’s not a good midfielder against top flight teams. So he’s pretty much worthless. I would be completely fine if he doesn’t see another minute the entire world cup.
Eddie Johnson – Besides Reyna and O’Brien (and to a lesser degree Masteroni) Johnson was the lone bright spot. He hustled, came back to receive the ball and did a decent job at creating his own shot. If Johnson isn’t starting against Italy Bruce Arena should be fired.
Bobby Convey – After an amazing club season in the Premiership Convey played very poorly in his first world cup match. However he was one of 5 players who wasn’t afraid to have the ball some I’m really ok with how bad he played.
Josh Wolff – This was an entirely worthless sub. Wolff isn’t good enough to impact any game and this sub should have been used to get Dempsey or one of the other young players feet wet. Any while were here why the hell are Wolff and Brian Ching even on the national team? I feel very confident that the US has to have two better players then these two bums.
- I realize I have very little positive to say which probably leaves most of you wondering: Was it really that bad? And the answer is yes. Let’s just put it this way: Ben Rothlesberger had a better day Monday the US soccer team did.
What to Change:
I personally believe the US is done for as they now have to win their last two games to have any chance of advancing. And my guess is that we’ll be lucky to get a goal against Italy, let alone a win. So while it seems bleak the US can still recapture some pride and use these last two games as a strong foundation for the 2010 Cup. Here’s what we need to do.
Switch to a 4-5-1: The US got owned in the midfield so to prevent that from happening again they should just plug as many bodies in their as possible. The lone striker should be Eddie Johnson, with McBride on the bench. McBride is a great player and he’s done amazing things for US soccer, but against teams that have any height on the back line he is pretty much useless. Johnson has great speed and is a better non-aerial finisher then McBride. This formation will also allow Donovan to play as an attacking midfielder he can be most effective. And even though the guys a bitch he’s still our best talent and we need to utilize him to have any chance of competing against Italy. Also John O’Brien should start as the defensive mid and Masteroni should move to the back line in place of Lewis or Pope. O’Brien was one of the few player who actually looked like he belonged on the field against the Czechs. The only way he shouldn’t start is if he’s not fit enough to go 75-90 minutes.
Play with some f*cking urgency: Maybe the worst part of this lost was how flat the US came out at the start of both halfs. This is the World f*cking Cup, play with some GD urgency. You’re no longer playing sh*tty CONCAF teams who you can beat by playing 15 minutes a game. To be competitive against Italy and Ghana you’re going to have to play a full 90 minutes of your best soccer. You’ve already flopped horrifically in the 1st game, please at least go down fighting in the next two.
Try not to sh*t yourself when you get the ball: I realize playing against actual world class talent is intimidating, but the display (or lack there of) of touch and ball control against the Czechs was absolutely atrocious. Seriously show some balls or tell Arena not to put you in.
Stop leaving Keller out to dry: The guy looks like he’s at least 55, so give the man some help and stop gifting scoring opportunities to opposing teams.
All in all this was a very disappointing start to the World Cup. And while it will take a miracle of Biblical proportions for the US to advance, the next to games will be a huge test for our younger players. All of them need to prove they can play against elite competition and win back some of the casual soccer fans that they lost with Monday’s game. Well I’m out and be smart and don’t let the US’s collective bed sh*tting ruin the rest of the Cup for you.
Until We Meet Again
Game Recap:
- Despite taking a sleeping pill I could hardly sleep last night. I woke up through out the night and was extremely giddy for most of the day. I got home after playing some basketball just in time to see Australia’s epic comeback. All in all things were looking up. During the hour break before the USA’s game I could barely sit still. I was like an ADD kid at the State Fair.
- Five minutes in the Czechs score. I think I’m going to vomit. Eddie Pope horribly miss plays the ball and the Czech’s 6’8 striker easily heads the ball into the goal. Great job boys, let’s spot a top 5 team in the world a 1-nil lead. Bravo.
- 15 minutes in the US has settled down and is actually leading in the possession stat. Unfortantly they’ve yet to have any decent chances on goal.
- In the 28th minute Reyna takes a shot just outside the 18 yard box and it passes the keeper only to ricochet off the inside of the post. How that happened I don’t know, but it just ended any chance the US had in this game.
- When the wind fully taken out of the US’s sails Tomas Rosicky puts the nail in the coffin in the 36th minute with a shot from about 30 ft out that twists and turns like a knuckle ball in the wind and barely beats US Goalie Kasey Keller.
- The 2nd half the US came out flatter then a nine year old and embarrassed themselves and their country. I refuse to recant anything about it, sorry.
- Thanks for stopping by USA, see ya in 2010.
Notable Players (most of whom who sucked ass):
Landon Donovan – In Donovan’s defense he got absolutely no service from the midfield. And he’s also playing in the wrong position. To be effective Donovan needs space, when he’s playing at striker he has a very limited space to work with and his foot work isn’t good enough for him to fully utilize his speed. That said though, Donovan still failed to show up against the Czechs. Donovan talks an enormous amount of sh*t and rarely backs it up. Today also proved that he needs to go over seas to be effective. If you spend all your time playing in the MLS your going get served by top flight teams and players. Donovan looked lost out there today and had no one but himself to blame.
DeMarcus Beasly – It’s tough for me to be hard on DeMarcus because he’s one of my favorite players. And for some unknown reason Arena had him plsying out of position. Still though DeMarcus gave us nothing against eh Czechs and against top flight opponents that’s not going cut it.
Eddie Pope – Eddie flat out sucked sh*t on Monday. You’re suppose to be one of the teams veterans, yet you or soley responsible for the Czechs 1st goal. How the f*ck he lost a 6-8 guy I might never know. Pope’s performance might be the most disappointed because he’s suppose to be the veteran anchor to our back line. Instead he was the first one to sh*t the bed and pretty much everyone else followed suit.
Eddie Lewis – Lewis is playing out of position trying to be a defensive back, he’s normally a midfielder. Lewis was got out of position and numerous time, especially on the 1st goal, he left the defense out to dry. All this would be almost forgivable because he is playing out of position. Except for the fact that he’s not a good midfielder against top flight teams. So he’s pretty much worthless. I would be completely fine if he doesn’t see another minute the entire world cup.
Eddie Johnson – Besides Reyna and O’Brien (and to a lesser degree Masteroni) Johnson was the lone bright spot. He hustled, came back to receive the ball and did a decent job at creating his own shot. If Johnson isn’t starting against Italy Bruce Arena should be fired.
Bobby Convey – After an amazing club season in the Premiership Convey played very poorly in his first world cup match. However he was one of 5 players who wasn’t afraid to have the ball some I’m really ok with how bad he played.
Josh Wolff – This was an entirely worthless sub. Wolff isn’t good enough to impact any game and this sub should have been used to get Dempsey or one of the other young players feet wet. Any while were here why the hell are Wolff and Brian Ching even on the national team? I feel very confident that the US has to have two better players then these two bums.
- I realize I have very little positive to say which probably leaves most of you wondering: Was it really that bad? And the answer is yes. Let’s just put it this way: Ben Rothlesberger had a better day Monday the US soccer team did.
What to Change:
I personally believe the US is done for as they now have to win their last two games to have any chance of advancing. And my guess is that we’ll be lucky to get a goal against Italy, let alone a win. So while it seems bleak the US can still recapture some pride and use these last two games as a strong foundation for the 2010 Cup. Here’s what we need to do.
Switch to a 4-5-1: The US got owned in the midfield so to prevent that from happening again they should just plug as many bodies in their as possible. The lone striker should be Eddie Johnson, with McBride on the bench. McBride is a great player and he’s done amazing things for US soccer, but against teams that have any height on the back line he is pretty much useless. Johnson has great speed and is a better non-aerial finisher then McBride. This formation will also allow Donovan to play as an attacking midfielder he can be most effective. And even though the guys a bitch he’s still our best talent and we need to utilize him to have any chance of competing against Italy. Also John O’Brien should start as the defensive mid and Masteroni should move to the back line in place of Lewis or Pope. O’Brien was one of the few player who actually looked like he belonged on the field against the Czechs. The only way he shouldn’t start is if he’s not fit enough to go 75-90 minutes.
Play with some f*cking urgency: Maybe the worst part of this lost was how flat the US came out at the start of both halfs. This is the World f*cking Cup, play with some GD urgency. You’re no longer playing sh*tty CONCAF teams who you can beat by playing 15 minutes a game. To be competitive against Italy and Ghana you’re going to have to play a full 90 minutes of your best soccer. You’ve already flopped horrifically in the 1st game, please at least go down fighting in the next two.
Try not to sh*t yourself when you get the ball: I realize playing against actual world class talent is intimidating, but the display (or lack there of) of touch and ball control against the Czechs was absolutely atrocious. Seriously show some balls or tell Arena not to put you in.
Stop leaving Keller out to dry: The guy looks like he’s at least 55, so give the man some help and stop gifting scoring opportunities to opposing teams.
All in all this was a very disappointing start to the World Cup. And while it will take a miracle of Biblical proportions for the US to advance, the next to games will be a huge test for our younger players. All of them need to prove they can play against elite competition and win back some of the casual soccer fans that they lost with Monday’s game. Well I’m out and be smart and don’t let the US’s collective bed sh*tting ruin the rest of the Cup for you.
Until We Meet Again
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Track by Track Music Reviews
For today’s post I was going to write some whining emo piece about how I’m tired of the Suns getting jobbed by injuries each year in the playoffs. I wasn’t even going to talk about the loss of Amare (Top 10 player in the league, best finisher in the NBA) or Kurt Thomas (Best interior and help defender, 2nd best rebounder on the team) I was going talk about Raja Bell. Now that Bell is out for the foreseeable future, it looks like the Suns magical post season run is coming to an end. Much like the loss of Joe Johnson last year, Bell’s injury has crippled the Suns. But I’m not going to write about that today. Maybe I’ll finally crack next year when the Suns bow out of the playoffs because of an injury to another key player. But enough about B-ball, let’s move on to something that I hope will be much lighter and happier. Today I’m giving you not one, but two album reviews. And unlike normal reviews, which give you a brief over-arching view of the album, my reviews will be track by track*. Today’s two albums are Mason Jennings’ Boneclouds and Snow Patrol’s Eyes Open. Let’s get started!!!!!
Mason Jennings – Boneclouds
Intro: This is Mason’s first major label release and I’m afraid of two things: 1.) That he will become popular and that every cheese dick in America will start reffering to him by his first name only. Ala Dave, Jack and John. And 2.) That the album will get over hyped and critics will turn on Mason for not delivering. Only time will tell if either of my fears become reality.
Mason Jennings – Boneclouds
Anyhow before we get to the track by track break down I need to get something off my chest: I think this is Mason’s weakest album to date. I could be wrong and this album could be a grower, but right now I think this one’s probably his worst. That said, I also thought Birds Fly Away had only 3 good songs on it at first, and now I love almost every song on the record. And while I feel this is Mason’s weakest album, it’s still very, very good, just not on par with the rest of his work. Anyhow let’s just get on to the track breakdown.
1. Be Here Now - The opening track and first single off this album is vintage Mason, with one exception: They put f*cking reverb on his voice. Now I’m arrogant, but not arrogant enough to claim I could be a better producer the Noah Georson. However I feel very strongly that Maosn’s music leads little to know producing. Espically his voice, which is perfectly unique and beautiful. Also one of Mason’s greatest appeals is his music’s intimacy; his albums feel like he’s playing them to you in your living room. When you start to produce his voice it takes away this great quality. Other then that though this is a terrific song.
2. Gentlest Hammer – Ugh. Another track and another reverbed vocals. For those of you who don’t know what reverb is, it basically makes your voice (or musical instrument, you can put a reveb effect on both) seem echoing. Unlike the first track though, I’m not convinced this song would be any better if you stripped it down. This just isn’t a very strong song, probably one of Mason’s worst. It almost seems like he’s trying to bring himself down to Jack Johnson’s level.
3. If You Ain’t Got Love – A classic Mason love song. In another classic Mason move, this song isn’t really about a woman. Instead it’s about his child who had complications after birth. And yet it’s also about a woman. Mason’s is such a tremendous song writer that he can write a love song about multiple things and still have the song feel completely normal. Other artist would trip all over themselves trying to do this, but Mason does it all the time without it ever hindering his songs. He’ terrific.**
4. Some Say I’m Not – Most critics will point to this song and say how Mason is “branching out from his normal style on this one”. And of course, most reviewers would be wrong. This song, musically has the feel of a southern slave hymn, which means it could fit perfectly on Birds Fly Away. However the song mainly deals with Eastern religion, and the beat does have some eastern influence in it, so I could see how to the simple ear this song would sound like Mason going out of his comfort zone, but it’s not. Also I feel certain this song is a lock to appear in the drug scene of Zach Braff’s next film.
5. Moon Sailing On the Water – This is another classic Mason slow/lullaby esque song. And while I’m very fond of this song, it also is one of the key songs you can point to on how this album is probably Mason’s worst. It’s very good, but not as beautiful or as moving as some of Maosn’s earlier slow songs such as: Train Leaving Gray, Adrian, Darkness Betwwen the Fireflies, Isabel and Ballad of Paul and Shelia.
6. Jackson Square – This is another classic Mason song and this one can hold up against all of his earlier work. In this song Mason tells the story of two lovers who fell out of love and instead of playing each other the narrator of this song blames the place where the falling out happen: Jackson Square. This is my 2nd favorite song on the album.
7. If You Need a Reason – For my money this is the best song on the album. It has Mason’s best opening line since Bullet with “Got so lost that I went to church. Sorry God but you made it worst.”. And almost like a Simpson’s episode you start out thinking it’s a song about religion, but it’s not. Instead is just another love song. And in the end aren’t all of Mason’s songs love songs?
8. Which Way Your Heart Will Go – Another solid slow track, but like Moon Sailing On the Water, it doesn’t live up to Mason’s previous works. This song is to his wife and that’s about all I can think to tell you about this song.
9. Where the Sun Had Been – WTF? That’s probably what every Mason fan thought the first time they heard this song. It’s not that it isn’t good, it just sounds like nothing Mason has ever done before. For starters the song is driven by the synthesizer and bass. Also on this track Mason’s voice has reverb on it, but I don’t mind it here because it works completely with the song. You really have to hear this song to understand what I’m talking about. I’d explain it better, but I’m really lazy.
10. Jesus Are You Real – Emo teeny boppers always talk about how Conor Oberst music is ‘SOOOOO REAL’. If by real they mean overly melodramatic and pretentious as all hell, then I agree. His music is ‘real’. That description of music always pissed me off. So why do I mention it here? Because there’s no better way to describe the last song on this album. In this song Mason just lays out his problems with God. This song feels more intimate then almost any other song he’s ever written. He’s maiking himself completely vunerable, and that’s the beauty of this song. It almost seems like a desperate prayer more then a song.. Either way you look out it it’s still really good and feels real. Anyhow let’s just move on to Snow Patrol’s album before I take my own life for describing a Mason Jennings song the same way 16 year old girls croon about Fevers and Mirrors.
Rating: 8 out of 10
Snow Patrol – Eyes Open
After writing one of the best Brit rock songs of all time with Run and then following it with another great single Chocolate Snow Patrol is back in an attempt to over take the Doves and become the king to Brit Rock***. This is album is pretty much everything you’d expect from Snow Patrol: fun, catchy, poppy and beautiful but lacking in the depth department. Just about every song on this record is beautifully written, semi-predictable, tons of fun, and ultimately forgettable Anyhow enough with all that, let’s break this sucka down, track by track.
1. You’re All I Have – The album gets off to a rocking start with thise little number. This song feels like a combination of the Strokes and Pavement. What that translates into: a great Brit Rock song.
2. Hands Open – This track is the 1st single of the album and is also the albums worst track. It’s pretty much useless outside of the Sufjan Stevens reference midway through. Actually I think it’s more of a shout out then a reference, references tend to be a bit more subtle.
3. Chasing Cars – This is a great Brit Rock**** anthem. And for the life of me I can’t figure out why it’s called Chasing Cars. The song never even mentions cars. This is probably why I’m not a real journalist. A real journalist would have done some leg work and figured out the reason why the song was named what it was. Other reasons I’m not a real journalist include, but are not limited to: a refusal to let go of personal biased when writing, not interesting, a writing style that could best be described as sub par plagiarism. Anyways let’s get back to the song. It’ll probably be the best ‘anthem’ type song to come out this year*****, but it’s not nearly as good as Run or All These Things That I’ve Done by the Killers. This song also has my favorite line of the album: “I need your grace to remind me to find my own”. I like this line, a lot, but feel like it could still be a little better. That’s why I think this line also completely sums up Snow Patrol. It’s good, depending on my mood really good, but not great.
4. Shut Your Eyes – After referencing, or giving a shout out, to Sufjan a few songs earlier here the boys from Snow Patrol make a would be forgettable song interesting by ripping off some harmony lines from Illinois.
5. It’s Beginning to Get to Me – Another song that most music lovers would find to be boring, but not me. For reasons I may never be able to understand, I can’t help but love a song with a great rising and sinking synth line. And wouldn’t you know it this song has one of those. It’s similar, but not as good to the synth rift on Snowden by Doves. Unfortunately this song sounds like it could be a Coldplay song, not a very good sign.
6. You Could Be Happy – My vote for 2nd best song on the album. In the end it will probably end up being by favorite. On this track Gary Lightbody, the bands lead singer, stops trying to write anthems and switchs to twee pop. He makes the change beautifully and writes a song that feels like it should be a lullaby or in a fairytale.
7. Make This Go On Forever – Another uninteresting track, However this one can’t be saved by a Sufjan esque harmony line.
8. Set Fire to the Third Bar – I enjoyed this song because it was out of the ordinary for Snow Patrol. Musically it’s pretty much the same as the rest of the album. But this songs a duet with some women who’s name I’m too lazy to look up. What’s interesting about this song is that the woman’s voice never really meshes with Lightbody’s. Most people will think that’s a knock on the song, but I disagree. I think this makes the song stand out and I feel pretty sure I wouldn’t like this song if the voices did blend perfectly together.
9. Headlights On Dark Roads – Lyrically this song is poor. However it’s still extremely catchy and enjoyable. I’ve always maintained that I could listen to a band with great music and sub par lyrics, which also explains my love affair with the band Travis. Unfortunately for Snow Patrol I can only like them and this song. As it turns out must of my love for Travis comes from nostalgia.
10. Open Your Eyes – This is another tremendous anthem song. I only have two beefs with the song 1.) The opening rift reminds me of By the Way by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and 2.) I realize they’re trying to be simplistic, but couldn’t the chorus have been something more then just constantly repeating “Tell me that you’ll open your eyes.” I’m all for having a constant theme and motif through out an album, but it only works if you give said motif some depth. Otherwise it just seems like you’re being lazy. That said the songs still really catchy, beautiful and enjoyable.
11. The Finish Line – One of the few tracks on the album that can easily be distinguish from most of the others on the first listen. It sounds as if they’re covering one of the last songs of any and every James album. Even the song’s title is similar to one that would close out a James album. Anyhow, as my description should have led you to believe this is a good song.
Rating: 7.3 out of 10
Well that’s all for today. Check back next week when I’ll do a track by track review of the new Dixie Chicks album… Just kidding!!!! I didn’t buy and/or repeatedly listen to that album!!! Ha,ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! (You know in real life when people say true things and try to play it off as a joke and then laugh way to hard trying to convince everyone else they’re joking? Well as it turns out those situations are extremely hard to transfer over into the text format.)
Until We Meet Again
* However my reviews will be just like most reviews in that I will be demeaning and pretentious as all hell.
** As if it wasn’t obvious enough by now I’ll come out and say it anyway: I’d definitely be gay for Mason Jennings.
*** If you wise take the over on times in which I’ll use the phrase “Brit Rock” in this review.
**** I apologize, I’m really unimaginative right now and this is the easy way to describe this type of music.
***** Narrowly edging out “The Adventure” by Angels & Airwaves.
Mason Jennings – Boneclouds
Intro: This is Mason’s first major label release and I’m afraid of two things: 1.) That he will become popular and that every cheese dick in America will start reffering to him by his first name only. Ala Dave, Jack and John. And 2.) That the album will get over hyped and critics will turn on Mason for not delivering. Only time will tell if either of my fears become reality.
Mason Jennings – Boneclouds
Anyhow before we get to the track by track break down I need to get something off my chest: I think this is Mason’s weakest album to date. I could be wrong and this album could be a grower, but right now I think this one’s probably his worst. That said, I also thought Birds Fly Away had only 3 good songs on it at first, and now I love almost every song on the record. And while I feel this is Mason’s weakest album, it’s still very, very good, just not on par with the rest of his work. Anyhow let’s just get on to the track breakdown.
1. Be Here Now - The opening track and first single off this album is vintage Mason, with one exception: They put f*cking reverb on his voice. Now I’m arrogant, but not arrogant enough to claim I could be a better producer the Noah Georson. However I feel very strongly that Maosn’s music leads little to know producing. Espically his voice, which is perfectly unique and beautiful. Also one of Mason’s greatest appeals is his music’s intimacy; his albums feel like he’s playing them to you in your living room. When you start to produce his voice it takes away this great quality. Other then that though this is a terrific song.
2. Gentlest Hammer – Ugh. Another track and another reverbed vocals. For those of you who don’t know what reverb is, it basically makes your voice (or musical instrument, you can put a reveb effect on both) seem echoing. Unlike the first track though, I’m not convinced this song would be any better if you stripped it down. This just isn’t a very strong song, probably one of Mason’s worst. It almost seems like he’s trying to bring himself down to Jack Johnson’s level.
3. If You Ain’t Got Love – A classic Mason love song. In another classic Mason move, this song isn’t really about a woman. Instead it’s about his child who had complications after birth. And yet it’s also about a woman. Mason’s is such a tremendous song writer that he can write a love song about multiple things and still have the song feel completely normal. Other artist would trip all over themselves trying to do this, but Mason does it all the time without it ever hindering his songs. He’ terrific.**
4. Some Say I’m Not – Most critics will point to this song and say how Mason is “branching out from his normal style on this one”. And of course, most reviewers would be wrong. This song, musically has the feel of a southern slave hymn, which means it could fit perfectly on Birds Fly Away. However the song mainly deals with Eastern religion, and the beat does have some eastern influence in it, so I could see how to the simple ear this song would sound like Mason going out of his comfort zone, but it’s not. Also I feel certain this song is a lock to appear in the drug scene of Zach Braff’s next film.
5. Moon Sailing On the Water – This is another classic Mason slow/lullaby esque song. And while I’m very fond of this song, it also is one of the key songs you can point to on how this album is probably Mason’s worst. It’s very good, but not as beautiful or as moving as some of Maosn’s earlier slow songs such as: Train Leaving Gray, Adrian, Darkness Betwwen the Fireflies, Isabel and Ballad of Paul and Shelia.
6. Jackson Square – This is another classic Mason song and this one can hold up against all of his earlier work. In this song Mason tells the story of two lovers who fell out of love and instead of playing each other the narrator of this song blames the place where the falling out happen: Jackson Square. This is my 2nd favorite song on the album.
7. If You Need a Reason – For my money this is the best song on the album. It has Mason’s best opening line since Bullet with “Got so lost that I went to church. Sorry God but you made it worst.”. And almost like a Simpson’s episode you start out thinking it’s a song about religion, but it’s not. Instead is just another love song. And in the end aren’t all of Mason’s songs love songs?
8. Which Way Your Heart Will Go – Another solid slow track, but like Moon Sailing On the Water, it doesn’t live up to Mason’s previous works. This song is to his wife and that’s about all I can think to tell you about this song.
9. Where the Sun Had Been – WTF? That’s probably what every Mason fan thought the first time they heard this song. It’s not that it isn’t good, it just sounds like nothing Mason has ever done before. For starters the song is driven by the synthesizer and bass. Also on this track Mason’s voice has reverb on it, but I don’t mind it here because it works completely with the song. You really have to hear this song to understand what I’m talking about. I’d explain it better, but I’m really lazy.
10. Jesus Are You Real – Emo teeny boppers always talk about how Conor Oberst music is ‘SOOOOO REAL’. If by real they mean overly melodramatic and pretentious as all hell, then I agree. His music is ‘real’. That description of music always pissed me off. So why do I mention it here? Because there’s no better way to describe the last song on this album. In this song Mason just lays out his problems with God. This song feels more intimate then almost any other song he’s ever written. He’s maiking himself completely vunerable, and that’s the beauty of this song. It almost seems like a desperate prayer more then a song.. Either way you look out it it’s still really good and feels real. Anyhow let’s just move on to Snow Patrol’s album before I take my own life for describing a Mason Jennings song the same way 16 year old girls croon about Fevers and Mirrors.
Rating: 8 out of 10
Snow Patrol – Eyes Open
After writing one of the best Brit rock songs of all time with Run and then following it with another great single Chocolate Snow Patrol is back in an attempt to over take the Doves and become the king to Brit Rock***. This is album is pretty much everything you’d expect from Snow Patrol: fun, catchy, poppy and beautiful but lacking in the depth department. Just about every song on this record is beautifully written, semi-predictable, tons of fun, and ultimately forgettable Anyhow enough with all that, let’s break this sucka down, track by track.
1. You’re All I Have – The album gets off to a rocking start with thise little number. This song feels like a combination of the Strokes and Pavement. What that translates into: a great Brit Rock song.
2. Hands Open – This track is the 1st single of the album and is also the albums worst track. It’s pretty much useless outside of the Sufjan Stevens reference midway through. Actually I think it’s more of a shout out then a reference, references tend to be a bit more subtle.
3. Chasing Cars – This is a great Brit Rock**** anthem. And for the life of me I can’t figure out why it’s called Chasing Cars. The song never even mentions cars. This is probably why I’m not a real journalist. A real journalist would have done some leg work and figured out the reason why the song was named what it was. Other reasons I’m not a real journalist include, but are not limited to: a refusal to let go of personal biased when writing, not interesting, a writing style that could best be described as sub par plagiarism. Anyways let’s get back to the song. It’ll probably be the best ‘anthem’ type song to come out this year*****, but it’s not nearly as good as Run or All These Things That I’ve Done by the Killers. This song also has my favorite line of the album: “I need your grace to remind me to find my own”. I like this line, a lot, but feel like it could still be a little better. That’s why I think this line also completely sums up Snow Patrol. It’s good, depending on my mood really good, but not great.
4. Shut Your Eyes – After referencing, or giving a shout out, to Sufjan a few songs earlier here the boys from Snow Patrol make a would be forgettable song interesting by ripping off some harmony lines from Illinois.
5. It’s Beginning to Get to Me – Another song that most music lovers would find to be boring, but not me. For reasons I may never be able to understand, I can’t help but love a song with a great rising and sinking synth line. And wouldn’t you know it this song has one of those. It’s similar, but not as good to the synth rift on Snowden by Doves. Unfortunately this song sounds like it could be a Coldplay song, not a very good sign.
6. You Could Be Happy – My vote for 2nd best song on the album. In the end it will probably end up being by favorite. On this track Gary Lightbody, the bands lead singer, stops trying to write anthems and switchs to twee pop. He makes the change beautifully and writes a song that feels like it should be a lullaby or in a fairytale.
7. Make This Go On Forever – Another uninteresting track, However this one can’t be saved by a Sufjan esque harmony line.
8. Set Fire to the Third Bar – I enjoyed this song because it was out of the ordinary for Snow Patrol. Musically it’s pretty much the same as the rest of the album. But this songs a duet with some women who’s name I’m too lazy to look up. What’s interesting about this song is that the woman’s voice never really meshes with Lightbody’s. Most people will think that’s a knock on the song, but I disagree. I think this makes the song stand out and I feel pretty sure I wouldn’t like this song if the voices did blend perfectly together.
9. Headlights On Dark Roads – Lyrically this song is poor. However it’s still extremely catchy and enjoyable. I’ve always maintained that I could listen to a band with great music and sub par lyrics, which also explains my love affair with the band Travis. Unfortunately for Snow Patrol I can only like them and this song. As it turns out must of my love for Travis comes from nostalgia.
10. Open Your Eyes – This is another tremendous anthem song. I only have two beefs with the song 1.) The opening rift reminds me of By the Way by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and 2.) I realize they’re trying to be simplistic, but couldn’t the chorus have been something more then just constantly repeating “Tell me that you’ll open your eyes.” I’m all for having a constant theme and motif through out an album, but it only works if you give said motif some depth. Otherwise it just seems like you’re being lazy. That said the songs still really catchy, beautiful and enjoyable.
11. The Finish Line – One of the few tracks on the album that can easily be distinguish from most of the others on the first listen. It sounds as if they’re covering one of the last songs of any and every James album. Even the song’s title is similar to one that would close out a James album. Anyhow, as my description should have led you to believe this is a good song.
Rating: 7.3 out of 10
Well that’s all for today. Check back next week when I’ll do a track by track review of the new Dixie Chicks album… Just kidding!!!! I didn’t buy and/or repeatedly listen to that album!!! Ha,ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! (You know in real life when people say true things and try to play it off as a joke and then laugh way to hard trying to convince everyone else they’re joking? Well as it turns out those situations are extremely hard to transfer over into the text format.)
Until We Meet Again
* However my reviews will be just like most reviews in that I will be demeaning and pretentious as all hell.
** As if it wasn’t obvious enough by now I’ll come out and say it anyway: I’d definitely be gay for Mason Jennings.
*** If you wise take the over on times in which I’ll use the phrase “Brit Rock” in this review.
**** I apologize, I’m really unimaginative right now and this is the easy way to describe this type of music.
***** Narrowly edging out “The Adventure” by Angels & Airwaves.
Friday, May 26, 2006
X-3, e-mail and the Suns
Today’s post is going to be very brief and I’m mainly doing it just to give you guys a quick, but very important, update. Do to an overwhelming response to my “Letters to the Editor” post, in which I made up the questions I answered, I’ve decided to get a new e-mail address. I will now give out this e-mail address and if you have a question you’d like me to answer or a commit or suggestion to leave, feel free to drop me a line. My new e-mail address is: anotherwestcoastmorning@rock.com
And now here’s some quick hitters to tide you over.
- I went and saw “X-Men 3: The Last Stand” last night and was very disappointed. The action sequences were amazing, but the film had little to no story. I can’t prove it, but I think they wrote the script either while they were making the movie or two days prior. I imagine the production meeting went something like this:
***Semi-Spoiler Alert***
“Yeah and then we’ll kill him off. After that they’ll be a huge fight scene and all of a sudden everything will start flying up, because Jean’s all powerful and sh*T. And then we’ll go to slo-mo and Wolverine will save the day somehow, because he can’t die. Yeah let’s go with that.”
***End of Semi-Spolier***
I really don’t think they thought through any of the plot developments in this film. What makes this even worse is this film has almost no plot, it’s just action sequence after action sequence. The film was still very enjoyable, but it should have been a lot better. It never earned any of the great fight scenes and the parts of the movie that were suppose to be emotional weren’t at all because there was absolutely no character development at all. Really this movie was just like a video game, great action, very entertaining but no real substance.
- I think the Phoenix Suns are the closest thing to Mid-Major that I’ve ever seen at the NBA level. They’re winning entirely on heart. Skill has a little bit to do with it, but this team has absolutely no right to beat anyone. Yes they’ve caught their shares of lucky breaks, such as the Tim Thomas signing or the Clippers not giving Elton Brand a touch every time down the floor, but even then they have no right to still be playing, let alone up 1 game in the Western Conference Finals. What’s even more perplexing is the fact that they’re winning the games that the teams I root for always seem to lose.
Take game 1 against the Mavs, the Suns control the game for 3 quarters, gave up the lead late, mounted a come back just to tease me, and then let Devin Harris, whose jump shot maybe worse then my own* hit an 18 footer with 4.8 seconds left. I was absolutely thrilled when I saw Harris taking the Mavs last shot. Harris had a great game but, as noted above, he’s a poor jump shooter. It was exactly the shots the Suns wanted Dallas to take, and Nash even got a hand in his face. Of course since I’m rooting for the Suns Harris’s shot barely touched the rim on its way through the net. I was completely deject and thought right then and there about calling in sick to work. But then, as it has all post-season for the Suns, someone came through with a miracle for the Suns when they seemed down and out. Boris Diaw, Boris freaking Diaw hit a fall away, turn around 10 footer with .5 seconds left to win the game for the Suns. At that point I was wondering how Hakeem “The Dream” Olajuwon, circa 1994 had come into the game for the Suns. I’m mean honestly this was Boris Diaw, He was playing the game of his life, but to hit a fall away jumper with little to no time left and the game on the line, that’s ridiculous. Before this game Diaw was probably one of the last people I’d want taking a shot with the game on the line, regardless of how well he’s playing. Now I feel like he deserves the ball every time. I realize all this is irrational and crazy, but so is this Suns team. This team has lost huge leads, been jobbed by the refs, hit 3’s falling out of bounds to tie the game with a second left and won in double over-time. And that was just game 5 of the Clippers series. The Suns could sweep the Mavs, lose the next 4 games, score 200 points in regulation or when a game on a granny shot from half court by Pat Burke and none of this would surprise me. I don’t know what’s going to happen the rest of the post-season, but I feel confident the Suns can no longer surprise me. I mean honestly, how can they top the last 15 games?
Until We Meet Again
* This is more of a knock on Harris’s piss poor jumper then it is me crediting my ‘streaky at best’ jumper.
And now here’s some quick hitters to tide you over.
- I went and saw “X-Men 3: The Last Stand” last night and was very disappointed. The action sequences were amazing, but the film had little to no story. I can’t prove it, but I think they wrote the script either while they were making the movie or two days prior. I imagine the production meeting went something like this:
***Semi-Spoiler Alert***
“Yeah and then we’ll kill him off. After that they’ll be a huge fight scene and all of a sudden everything will start flying up, because Jean’s all powerful and sh*T. And then we’ll go to slo-mo and Wolverine will save the day somehow, because he can’t die. Yeah let’s go with that.”
***End of Semi-Spolier***
I really don’t think they thought through any of the plot developments in this film. What makes this even worse is this film has almost no plot, it’s just action sequence after action sequence. The film was still very enjoyable, but it should have been a lot better. It never earned any of the great fight scenes and the parts of the movie that were suppose to be emotional weren’t at all because there was absolutely no character development at all. Really this movie was just like a video game, great action, very entertaining but no real substance.
- I think the Phoenix Suns are the closest thing to Mid-Major that I’ve ever seen at the NBA level. They’re winning entirely on heart. Skill has a little bit to do with it, but this team has absolutely no right to beat anyone. Yes they’ve caught their shares of lucky breaks, such as the Tim Thomas signing or the Clippers not giving Elton Brand a touch every time down the floor, but even then they have no right to still be playing, let alone up 1 game in the Western Conference Finals. What’s even more perplexing is the fact that they’re winning the games that the teams I root for always seem to lose.
Take game 1 against the Mavs, the Suns control the game for 3 quarters, gave up the lead late, mounted a come back just to tease me, and then let Devin Harris, whose jump shot maybe worse then my own* hit an 18 footer with 4.8 seconds left. I was absolutely thrilled when I saw Harris taking the Mavs last shot. Harris had a great game but, as noted above, he’s a poor jump shooter. It was exactly the shots the Suns wanted Dallas to take, and Nash even got a hand in his face. Of course since I’m rooting for the Suns Harris’s shot barely touched the rim on its way through the net. I was completely deject and thought right then and there about calling in sick to work. But then, as it has all post-season for the Suns, someone came through with a miracle for the Suns when they seemed down and out. Boris Diaw, Boris freaking Diaw hit a fall away, turn around 10 footer with .5 seconds left to win the game for the Suns. At that point I was wondering how Hakeem “The Dream” Olajuwon, circa 1994 had come into the game for the Suns. I’m mean honestly this was Boris Diaw, He was playing the game of his life, but to hit a fall away jumper with little to no time left and the game on the line, that’s ridiculous. Before this game Diaw was probably one of the last people I’d want taking a shot with the game on the line, regardless of how well he’s playing. Now I feel like he deserves the ball every time. I realize all this is irrational and crazy, but so is this Suns team. This team has lost huge leads, been jobbed by the refs, hit 3’s falling out of bounds to tie the game with a second left and won in double over-time. And that was just game 5 of the Clippers series. The Suns could sweep the Mavs, lose the next 4 games, score 200 points in regulation or when a game on a granny shot from half court by Pat Burke and none of this would surprise me. I don’t know what’s going to happen the rest of the post-season, but I feel confident the Suns can no longer surprise me. I mean honestly, how can they top the last 15 games?
Until We Meet Again
* This is more of a knock on Harris’s piss poor jumper then it is me crediting my ‘streaky at best’ jumper.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
We Are Epic: A Running Diary of the Day in Sports for 5/17/06
For those of you who were asleep at the wheel, yesterday was one of the best days in sports that I’ve ever witnessed. You had The Champions League Final (UEFA) and then two pivotal game 5’s in the NBA playoffs, including the defending champion Spurs playing for their post season lives. And if that wasn’t enough there was a full slate of MLB games, including my D-Backs trying to sweep their divisional rivals San Diego Padres and take a game and a half lead in the NL West. All in all we were set up for a massive day in sports, and it delivered, in a very big way. I kept a running diary of what transpired, although it should be noted I did this after I had watched everything an not during, so this maybe a bit choppy and sub par, but this great day in sports badly needs to be documented. Will start with the UEFA Championship game between FC Barcelona and Arsenal FC.
Barcelona v. Arsenal:
- I’ve been pumped about this game for some time, it’s the perfect appetizer to the world cup, which I’ve been a little to excited for. Seriously, I get chills every time I see Gatorade’s Team USA commercial and I even get goose bumps during the commercials that that sh*t eater Bono narrated. Needless to say I was ready for some soccer.
- For those of you who don’t know anything about this game allow me to give you a brief synopsis: This is the championship game (obviously) of a league that involves the top club teams in Europe. The game is a big draw because it features two of the worlds best strikers (forwards for those of you who don’t know soccer lingo) in Ronaldino of Barcelona (who plays for the Brazilian National Team) and Henry of Arsenal (who plays for France). It also involves the man who just maybe the ugliest human being of all time (also Ronaldino)*.
- 3 minutes into the game Henry makes a beautiful touch to get himself free in the box, unfortunately his next touch is less then stellar and he’s unable to get a clean shot off and the Barcelona (Bar for short) goalie makes an easy safe. This sequence leads me to remark: “Arsenal shore came out of the gates quicker.” I then look around and realize I’m watching the game by myself.
- 18 minutes in and Ronaldino finally gets his first touch. He plays the ball pass the defensive line to fellow striker Eto’o who gets by the keeper and is promptly tripped up, leading to the keeper getting a red card and forcing Arsenal to play a man down for the remainder of the match.
- Watching the back up keeper come in and realizing that Arsenal is a man down I make a mental note that Barcelona will now dominate the game and that I woke at 11 for nothing.
- No less then 20 minutes later Arsenal has brilliantly packed in and are fairing pretty well on their counter attacks. In the 37th minute Arsenal was awarded a free kick and Henry found Sol Campbell who put an amazing header in the lower left corner as Arsenal goes up 1-nil. In related news I know nothing about soccer.
- In the 2nd half Barcelona completely controls the game and is getting endless scoring opportunities. It’s only a matter of time before they break through.
- In the 76th minute Arsenal’s heroic defense finally breaks down as sub Henrik Larrson plays a touch pass to Eto’o who gets a 1-on-1 with the keeper and plays it pass him. The scores is now tied at 1-1 and it Barcelona has all the momentum.
- It should be noted that in Fifa World Cup ’98 for the Nintendo 64 Henrik Larrson and I lead the Swedish National Team to a thrilling World Cup victory. We defeated the Brazilians in the finals.
- Five minutes later Larrson breaks past the defense and plays a beautiful pass to the streaking midfielder Belletti who’s shot ricochets of the inside of the Arsenal keepers’ leg and into the goal. 83% of England has just been put on suicide watch.
- Barcelona holds on for a 2-1 victory, as Arsenal fans get one hell of a stomach punch game. The post game celebration is filled with a lot of hugging and close ups of Ronaldino forcing me to change the channel to Date My Mom.**
- All in all this was a great match that I’m certain was butchered by my shoddy recap. Let’s just move on.
Cavilers V. Pistons, Game 5:
- I was out running some errands when I get a phone call from my brother Max who informs me that Clevland is up 5 at half time and some kid name LeBron James has 18 points.
- I get home just in time to see the final half of the 3rd quarter. The Pistons have made their run to get back into the game, but The Cavs answer as Flip Murray hits a jumper at the buzzer to put Cleveland up by 2.
- It’s not so much the Cavs as it King James, he’s good. LeBron drives into the lane and is triple teamed yet he still finishes a shot to kept the Cavs in front.
- As the game winds down Chauncey Billups starts to loose his head. Not only is he forcing up bad shots, but he refuses to acknowledge the fact that Mcdyess, Rip Hamilton and Tayshun Prince are scoring a lot more effectively and easily then he is.
- Billups commits three fouls in about a 3 minute span and fouls out. He may have just cost his team the game. Can someone please tell me how this guy was an MVP candidate? Anyone?
- LeBron has often said that he doesn’t believe in ‘presure’ moments. With the game tied and under 2 minutes to play he drives by Price and then puts in a left handed floater over Ben Wallace. This play ignites a round of “Oh Sh*t” from all those viewing at the Paradise household.
- With the game tied and under a minute left LeBron proves he’s the anti-Kobe by passing out of the double team to set up Drew Gooden for the go ahead lay up.
- Flip Saunders for some reason leaves Ben Wallace in the game instead of going with ‘Sheed whose on the bench. Because of this Donyell Marshall is able to come over and help on Prince’s drive and he gets a block. Lindsey Hunter, who holds the record for worst field goal percentage in the shot clock era as well as having a girls first name grabs the rejection and quickly bricks a shot. Eric Snow then grabs the ball and does his best Jerry Stackhouse impression as he hurls the the other end of the court where the Pistons run it down and call a TO with 1.9 seconds, apparently the idea of trying to seal the win at the line was a little too much for him.
- Rip Hamilton brings a solid close to the Pistons choke job as he fails to get off a shot on the ensuing inbounds play.
- Just a really solid game, the Cavs have now won 3 in a row which raises an interesting question: If Larry Hughes brother had died at the beginning of the playoffs would the Cavs have lost a single game?***
We’ve already had two great games, not to mention a plethora of great baseball games and we still have the Spurs facing elimination. Let’s go to the days great finale.
Spurs v. Mavericks, Game 5:
- Tony Parker gets off to a quick start driving in to the lane and hitting some nice floaters. Parkers new thing is to start the games off strong and then not show up in the 2nd half. He’s fast becoming the Chris Webber of guards.
- Just a tremendous basketball game, too much going on to evner try and break it down here. Here’s a brief synopsis of this game: Tim Duncan made all 11 of his first half shots, Dirk got a fast break dunk to end the half tying the score.
- We quickly check in on the D-Backs who have given up 10 runs in 2 innings, I guess we can write off the sweep.
- How does Tim Duncan not win the MVP every year? He’s the best power forward of all-time, his teams are always top 4 in the league and he’s only got one other player on his team who can create his own shot (Ginobli) and he’s sporadic as all hell. And I know what you’re thinking” But what about Parker???? Well first off Tony gets almost all his points of the pick and roll, especially when big men switch on to him. He also scores a lot because no big man is going to help off Duncan. And despite all of this he still falls apart in the clutch, not to mention the absolute tooling Devin Harris is giving him. Say it with me now: OVERATTED!!!
- Kobe is a guest in the TNT studio tonight, and you’re telling me this day isn’t already epic enough? Unfortunately no one brings up Raja and they allow Kobe to dance around the fact that he quit on his team. Charles and Co. don’t harass Kobe nearly enough, but all in all this was great television.
- My fatness gets the better of me as I skip the start of the 3rd quarter to go Dairy Queen. Surrounded by a horde of white trash I order a dip cone, and it was delicious.
- All right I’m fading fast, let’s get this over with quickly.
- Michael Finley raises up and yacks on Eric Dampier like Dampier had just killer his first born. Just an unbelievable dunk, even more amazing when you consider how awful Finley looked the past couple post seasons in Dallas. I didn’t even know he could still dunk.
- The D-Backs score 8 runs in the 6th to pull with in one, and all of a sudden we’ve got a serious toggle option here.
- The Spurs are up 5 with under 3 to go and in complete control pf the game, but the way this series has gone you just know they’ll do something to let the Mavs back in this one.
- On que C-Webb… er… I mean Parker turns the ball over and Dirk races down and nails the fast break 3, tie game. Dirks follows the 3 by trying to do the Shaq esque below the radar run down court. So one needs to tell Dirk that he’ll never look bad ass. And while they’re at it they should also explain that the only thing he’ll ever come off as is a cheesy villain in some PG movie.
- The teams then trade baskets and then with under 2 minutes left Ginobli sinks one of two free throws to put the Spurs up one. Both teams then bunker down on and neither can find a way to score. Predictably Parker makes a great move to lose his man only to miss a wide open lay up, somewhere C-Webb tries to telepathically tell Parker to just start hiding from the ball.
- Under a 30 seconds left and both teams are steadfastly refusing to score. Dirk finally breaks free for a free throw line jumper, but he’s blocked by Bowen and one of the best defensive plays I’ve ever see.
- The Padres put 3 insurance run in the 7th and the game is effectively over, still pretty entertaining from what I saw though.
- In the final 6.5 seconds they’re were two jump balls, the Mavs won both.
- Down one with 2.4 seconds left Jason Terry misses a fade away jumper by about a foot. It falls perfectly to Dirk who tries to hot potato into the hoop but misses badly, especially for an uncontested 2 footer. The Spurs survive in what is fast becoming one of the greatest series of all-time.
I know I didn’t fully capture it, mainly because I got tired there towards the end, but this was a great day in sports, one of the best of my life time. And now I’m going to go to bed so I have some energy left to root on Raja and the Suns tonight. Peace.
Until We Meet Again.
* Although it should also be noted that Ronaldino is currently the best soccer player playing, this is evidence by the fact the he’s the two-time FIFA Player of the Year.
** Ok I probably would have done this anyway. But that doesn’t take away from the fact the Ronaldino looks like the love child of Satan and Dracula.
*** I’m probably going to hell just for thinking this, let alone typing it. But as Alan Alda once said comedy = tragedy + time.
Barcelona v. Arsenal:
- I’ve been pumped about this game for some time, it’s the perfect appetizer to the world cup, which I’ve been a little to excited for. Seriously, I get chills every time I see Gatorade’s Team USA commercial and I even get goose bumps during the commercials that that sh*t eater Bono narrated. Needless to say I was ready for some soccer.
- For those of you who don’t know anything about this game allow me to give you a brief synopsis: This is the championship game (obviously) of a league that involves the top club teams in Europe. The game is a big draw because it features two of the worlds best strikers (forwards for those of you who don’t know soccer lingo) in Ronaldino of Barcelona (who plays for the Brazilian National Team) and Henry of Arsenal (who plays for France). It also involves the man who just maybe the ugliest human being of all time (also Ronaldino)*.
- 3 minutes into the game Henry makes a beautiful touch to get himself free in the box, unfortunately his next touch is less then stellar and he’s unable to get a clean shot off and the Barcelona (Bar for short) goalie makes an easy safe. This sequence leads me to remark: “Arsenal shore came out of the gates quicker.” I then look around and realize I’m watching the game by myself.
- 18 minutes in and Ronaldino finally gets his first touch. He plays the ball pass the defensive line to fellow striker Eto’o who gets by the keeper and is promptly tripped up, leading to the keeper getting a red card and forcing Arsenal to play a man down for the remainder of the match.
- Watching the back up keeper come in and realizing that Arsenal is a man down I make a mental note that Barcelona will now dominate the game and that I woke at 11 for nothing.
- No less then 20 minutes later Arsenal has brilliantly packed in and are fairing pretty well on their counter attacks. In the 37th minute Arsenal was awarded a free kick and Henry found Sol Campbell who put an amazing header in the lower left corner as Arsenal goes up 1-nil. In related news I know nothing about soccer.
- In the 2nd half Barcelona completely controls the game and is getting endless scoring opportunities. It’s only a matter of time before they break through.
- In the 76th minute Arsenal’s heroic defense finally breaks down as sub Henrik Larrson plays a touch pass to Eto’o who gets a 1-on-1 with the keeper and plays it pass him. The scores is now tied at 1-1 and it Barcelona has all the momentum.
- It should be noted that in Fifa World Cup ’98 for the Nintendo 64 Henrik Larrson and I lead the Swedish National Team to a thrilling World Cup victory. We defeated the Brazilians in the finals.
- Five minutes later Larrson breaks past the defense and plays a beautiful pass to the streaking midfielder Belletti who’s shot ricochets of the inside of the Arsenal keepers’ leg and into the goal. 83% of England has just been put on suicide watch.
- Barcelona holds on for a 2-1 victory, as Arsenal fans get one hell of a stomach punch game. The post game celebration is filled with a lot of hugging and close ups of Ronaldino forcing me to change the channel to Date My Mom.**
- All in all this was a great match that I’m certain was butchered by my shoddy recap. Let’s just move on.
Cavilers V. Pistons, Game 5:
- I was out running some errands when I get a phone call from my brother Max who informs me that Clevland is up 5 at half time and some kid name LeBron James has 18 points.
- I get home just in time to see the final half of the 3rd quarter. The Pistons have made their run to get back into the game, but The Cavs answer as Flip Murray hits a jumper at the buzzer to put Cleveland up by 2.
- It’s not so much the Cavs as it King James, he’s good. LeBron drives into the lane and is triple teamed yet he still finishes a shot to kept the Cavs in front.
- As the game winds down Chauncey Billups starts to loose his head. Not only is he forcing up bad shots, but he refuses to acknowledge the fact that Mcdyess, Rip Hamilton and Tayshun Prince are scoring a lot more effectively and easily then he is.
- Billups commits three fouls in about a 3 minute span and fouls out. He may have just cost his team the game. Can someone please tell me how this guy was an MVP candidate? Anyone?
- LeBron has often said that he doesn’t believe in ‘presure’ moments. With the game tied and under 2 minutes to play he drives by Price and then puts in a left handed floater over Ben Wallace. This play ignites a round of “Oh Sh*t” from all those viewing at the Paradise household.
- With the game tied and under a minute left LeBron proves he’s the anti-Kobe by passing out of the double team to set up Drew Gooden for the go ahead lay up.
- Flip Saunders for some reason leaves Ben Wallace in the game instead of going with ‘Sheed whose on the bench. Because of this Donyell Marshall is able to come over and help on Prince’s drive and he gets a block. Lindsey Hunter, who holds the record for worst field goal percentage in the shot clock era as well as having a girls first name grabs the rejection and quickly bricks a shot. Eric Snow then grabs the ball and does his best Jerry Stackhouse impression as he hurls the the other end of the court where the Pistons run it down and call a TO with 1.9 seconds, apparently the idea of trying to seal the win at the line was a little too much for him.
- Rip Hamilton brings a solid close to the Pistons choke job as he fails to get off a shot on the ensuing inbounds play.
- Just a really solid game, the Cavs have now won 3 in a row which raises an interesting question: If Larry Hughes brother had died at the beginning of the playoffs would the Cavs have lost a single game?***
We’ve already had two great games, not to mention a plethora of great baseball games and we still have the Spurs facing elimination. Let’s go to the days great finale.
Spurs v. Mavericks, Game 5:
- Tony Parker gets off to a quick start driving in to the lane and hitting some nice floaters. Parkers new thing is to start the games off strong and then not show up in the 2nd half. He’s fast becoming the Chris Webber of guards.
- Just a tremendous basketball game, too much going on to evner try and break it down here. Here’s a brief synopsis of this game: Tim Duncan made all 11 of his first half shots, Dirk got a fast break dunk to end the half tying the score.
- We quickly check in on the D-Backs who have given up 10 runs in 2 innings, I guess we can write off the sweep.
- How does Tim Duncan not win the MVP every year? He’s the best power forward of all-time, his teams are always top 4 in the league and he’s only got one other player on his team who can create his own shot (Ginobli) and he’s sporadic as all hell. And I know what you’re thinking” But what about Parker???? Well first off Tony gets almost all his points of the pick and roll, especially when big men switch on to him. He also scores a lot because no big man is going to help off Duncan. And despite all of this he still falls apart in the clutch, not to mention the absolute tooling Devin Harris is giving him. Say it with me now: OVERATTED!!!
- Kobe is a guest in the TNT studio tonight, and you’re telling me this day isn’t already epic enough? Unfortunately no one brings up Raja and they allow Kobe to dance around the fact that he quit on his team. Charles and Co. don’t harass Kobe nearly enough, but all in all this was great television.
- My fatness gets the better of me as I skip the start of the 3rd quarter to go Dairy Queen. Surrounded by a horde of white trash I order a dip cone, and it was delicious.
- All right I’m fading fast, let’s get this over with quickly.
- Michael Finley raises up and yacks on Eric Dampier like Dampier had just killer his first born. Just an unbelievable dunk, even more amazing when you consider how awful Finley looked the past couple post seasons in Dallas. I didn’t even know he could still dunk.
- The D-Backs score 8 runs in the 6th to pull with in one, and all of a sudden we’ve got a serious toggle option here.
- The Spurs are up 5 with under 3 to go and in complete control pf the game, but the way this series has gone you just know they’ll do something to let the Mavs back in this one.
- On que C-Webb… er… I mean Parker turns the ball over and Dirk races down and nails the fast break 3, tie game. Dirks follows the 3 by trying to do the Shaq esque below the radar run down court. So one needs to tell Dirk that he’ll never look bad ass. And while they’re at it they should also explain that the only thing he’ll ever come off as is a cheesy villain in some PG movie.
- The teams then trade baskets and then with under 2 minutes left Ginobli sinks one of two free throws to put the Spurs up one. Both teams then bunker down on and neither can find a way to score. Predictably Parker makes a great move to lose his man only to miss a wide open lay up, somewhere C-Webb tries to telepathically tell Parker to just start hiding from the ball.
- Under a 30 seconds left and both teams are steadfastly refusing to score. Dirk finally breaks free for a free throw line jumper, but he’s blocked by Bowen and one of the best defensive plays I’ve ever see.
- The Padres put 3 insurance run in the 7th and the game is effectively over, still pretty entertaining from what I saw though.
- In the final 6.5 seconds they’re were two jump balls, the Mavs won both.
- Down one with 2.4 seconds left Jason Terry misses a fade away jumper by about a foot. It falls perfectly to Dirk who tries to hot potato into the hoop but misses badly, especially for an uncontested 2 footer. The Spurs survive in what is fast becoming one of the greatest series of all-time.
I know I didn’t fully capture it, mainly because I got tired there towards the end, but this was a great day in sports, one of the best of my life time. And now I’m going to go to bed so I have some energy left to root on Raja and the Suns tonight. Peace.
Until We Meet Again.
* Although it should also be noted that Ronaldino is currently the best soccer player playing, this is evidence by the fact the he’s the two-time FIFA Player of the Year.
** Ok I probably would have done this anyway. But that doesn’t take away from the fact the Ronaldino looks like the love child of Satan and Dracula.
*** I’m probably going to hell just for thinking this, let alone typing it. But as Alan Alda once said comedy = tragedy + time.
Monday, May 15, 2006
Fix You/It
Time again for yet another new gimmick that I’ll probably never use again, this one’s called fix you/it. And yes it’s a Coldplay reference, and yes I’m embarrassed, but I think it works. And besides Coldplay’s not all bad, I mean they did point out to us that the stars are in fact yellow*. Anyhow, below you’ll find a list of broken things and my advice on how to fix them. Well enough with the foreplay, let’s jump right in.
Sports Center:
- Lets be honest, this show is just slipping, it’s plummeting off it’s pedigree. The show has become more gimmicky then my blog. Each months there’s less and less high lights and more and more analysis and topical pieces. Sports Center should be about highlights, save analysis for Outside the Lines and NBA, NFL, NHL, MLB, ect, ect, Tonight and what not. Honestly the only time and issue should have analysis is if it’s truly a ground breaking, larger then life story. And worst the show should be 85% highlights and 15% analysis. Right now it seems as if there’s more analysis then highlights, which is just plain wrong.
- No more Stuart Scott. His lazy eye creeps everyone out, he’s not funny and the only people who like him are rich white kids who have never come in contact with an actual black person. Do us all a favor and put “Stu” out to pasture.
- And finally if you insist on having analysis please teach your side reporters how to speak. I personally cringe every time they throw it some writer for ESPN the Mag or ESPN.com. I cringe because A.) This person generally looks like they’re about to sh*t themselves because they’ve never been on TV before and B.) Every single one of these people talks to the camera as if he’s addressing a kinder garden class. It’s just so damn awkward. Please, teach these people how to talk before you let them on TV, I don’t think that’s asking to much.
Radio Music: (This category is awkwardly phrased.)
- This maybe asking to much, but can the Soul not Meet Body every half hour?**
- Stop trying to portray James Blunt and Nickleback as actual artists. List James Blunt is a huge joke. His lyrics are beyond atrocious and it sounds like he’s trying to sound like Aaron Nevil covering Maroon 5 songs. And as for Nickleback, well there first to single were exactly the same, literally. If you haven’t heard the mash up of ‘How You Remind Me’ and ‘Someday’, in which the songs line up perfectly, the whole way though, then you might not no what I’m talking about. But just trust me.
- Diversity. Just like a good portfolio, mainstream music needs this in the worst way. I mean do we really need 50 pop punk bands posing as limp-wrist core bands? Can anyone actually tell the difference between Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, All-American Rejects, Good Charlotte, Hawthorne Heights and the 40 other bands that all have the exact same sound? The answer is of course no. And we won’t even go into the multiple U2/Radiohead rip offs***.
- Originality. I could on forever on this, let’s just move on.
The Daily Show:
- Jon Stewart, for the love of gawd start taking yourself less seriously. You use to be funny, and now you appear as if you’re running for office in ’08. No matter how hard you try your show isn’t going to get Bush impeached, so just concentrate on being funny. Trust me it’s for the best.
- New Side Reporters. It’s pretty obvious that the shows writers are still funny, but the show has yet to recover from losing Mo Rocca and the Steves. And the group that has replaced them is about as humorous as Larry the Cable Guy and Paul Rodriguez. And if you think either of those men are famous please stop reading my blog.
- Stop being so damn preachy. Maybe it’s because I tune it to the show for humor and not to get my opinion from it, but lately the show has been extremely pretentious, listen I’m pretty sure your sh*t smells to. Or maybe it doesn’t, but it sure seems like it does.
Nick and Jessica:
- Listen I loved ‘Newlyweds’ just as much as everyone else, but I feel strongly that this situation doesn’t need fixing. My reasoning for this: I’ve fallen head over heals for Nick’s new single “What’s Left of Me”. And no, I’m not joking. I really like that song.
NBA Refs:
- Start listening to Mark Cuban. While his views are a little extreme, with a little tweaking they would be just what the league ordered. If you haven’t read his take on reffing in the playoffs yet go here: www.blogmaverick.com
- Consistency. This is all you can ask a ref for, is to be consistent. Instead one play the refs will call a player for a foul if he’s with in three feet of his man, then on the next they want call a foul unless someone gets tackled. Have some sort of guide line and stop flying by the seat of your pants out there, you’re embarrassing yourself.
- Let the big men play. I’m sick and tired of seeing tick tack fouls called on big men. I the offense player initiates any contact he’s going to the line, which is BS. I know the NBA wants scoring up, but at least give the defensive player a chance, especially in the playoffs.
- Remember, it’s not about you. Let the players decide the game. I’ve seen to many great games ruined by the refs this postseason. The prime example was the Spurs-Mavs game 3 on Saturday. Dirk, as good as he was, got a call every time he drove, irregardless of what the Spurs defense did. They fouled Tim Duncan out, who was proving once again why he’s the best player in the game, on an awful call and made sure that Dallas would have a chance to win the game at the line. Is it to much to ask for a good post season game in which I don’t have to talk about the refs afterward? Seriously, I just want to see the players determine the outcome of the game,
unassisted.
My Blog:
- Editing. Seriously this thing is so damn sloppy, the least I could do is spell check.
- Drop the ego. Most of the time I come off like a pragmatic, egocentrical a-hole. My posts would probably be a lot more readable if I had a little bit of humility.
- Branching out. Let’s face it, I’m really not that diverse. I only have opinions about sports, music, TV/Movies and every now and then video games. My blog would probably be better if I was interesting.
Well that’s it for now. Hopefully that will sustain you for sometime, because I’m pretty winded after all that typing. Stay pure readers.
Until We Meet Again.
* With apologies to Chuck Klosterman. I meant that more as a reference then blatant plagerism, honest.
** This joke here is referring to the Death Cab for Cutie single that plays every 30 minutes.
*** For the musically uneducated these are the bands you hear on the radio and think are Coldplay.
Sports Center:
- Lets be honest, this show is just slipping, it’s plummeting off it’s pedigree. The show has become more gimmicky then my blog. Each months there’s less and less high lights and more and more analysis and topical pieces. Sports Center should be about highlights, save analysis for Outside the Lines and NBA, NFL, NHL, MLB, ect, ect, Tonight and what not. Honestly the only time and issue should have analysis is if it’s truly a ground breaking, larger then life story. And worst the show should be 85% highlights and 15% analysis. Right now it seems as if there’s more analysis then highlights, which is just plain wrong.
- No more Stuart Scott. His lazy eye creeps everyone out, he’s not funny and the only people who like him are rich white kids who have never come in contact with an actual black person. Do us all a favor and put “Stu” out to pasture.
- And finally if you insist on having analysis please teach your side reporters how to speak. I personally cringe every time they throw it some writer for ESPN the Mag or ESPN.com. I cringe because A.) This person generally looks like they’re about to sh*t themselves because they’ve never been on TV before and B.) Every single one of these people talks to the camera as if he’s addressing a kinder garden class. It’s just so damn awkward. Please, teach these people how to talk before you let them on TV, I don’t think that’s asking to much.
Radio Music: (This category is awkwardly phrased.)
- This maybe asking to much, but can the Soul not Meet Body every half hour?**
- Stop trying to portray James Blunt and Nickleback as actual artists. List James Blunt is a huge joke. His lyrics are beyond atrocious and it sounds like he’s trying to sound like Aaron Nevil covering Maroon 5 songs. And as for Nickleback, well there first to single were exactly the same, literally. If you haven’t heard the mash up of ‘How You Remind Me’ and ‘Someday’, in which the songs line up perfectly, the whole way though, then you might not no what I’m talking about. But just trust me.
- Diversity. Just like a good portfolio, mainstream music needs this in the worst way. I mean do we really need 50 pop punk bands posing as limp-wrist core bands? Can anyone actually tell the difference between Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, All-American Rejects, Good Charlotte, Hawthorne Heights and the 40 other bands that all have the exact same sound? The answer is of course no. And we won’t even go into the multiple U2/Radiohead rip offs***.
- Originality. I could on forever on this, let’s just move on.
The Daily Show:
- Jon Stewart, for the love of gawd start taking yourself less seriously. You use to be funny, and now you appear as if you’re running for office in ’08. No matter how hard you try your show isn’t going to get Bush impeached, so just concentrate on being funny. Trust me it’s for the best.
- New Side Reporters. It’s pretty obvious that the shows writers are still funny, but the show has yet to recover from losing Mo Rocca and the Steves. And the group that has replaced them is about as humorous as Larry the Cable Guy and Paul Rodriguez. And if you think either of those men are famous please stop reading my blog.
- Stop being so damn preachy. Maybe it’s because I tune it to the show for humor and not to get my opinion from it, but lately the show has been extremely pretentious, listen I’m pretty sure your sh*t smells to. Or maybe it doesn’t, but it sure seems like it does.
Nick and Jessica:
- Listen I loved ‘Newlyweds’ just as much as everyone else, but I feel strongly that this situation doesn’t need fixing. My reasoning for this: I’ve fallen head over heals for Nick’s new single “What’s Left of Me”. And no, I’m not joking. I really like that song.
NBA Refs:
- Start listening to Mark Cuban. While his views are a little extreme, with a little tweaking they would be just what the league ordered. If you haven’t read his take on reffing in the playoffs yet go here: www.blogmaverick.com
- Consistency. This is all you can ask a ref for, is to be consistent. Instead one play the refs will call a player for a foul if he’s with in three feet of his man, then on the next they want call a foul unless someone gets tackled. Have some sort of guide line and stop flying by the seat of your pants out there, you’re embarrassing yourself.
- Let the big men play. I’m sick and tired of seeing tick tack fouls called on big men. I the offense player initiates any contact he’s going to the line, which is BS. I know the NBA wants scoring up, but at least give the defensive player a chance, especially in the playoffs.
- Remember, it’s not about you. Let the players decide the game. I’ve seen to many great games ruined by the refs this postseason. The prime example was the Spurs-Mavs game 3 on Saturday. Dirk, as good as he was, got a call every time he drove, irregardless of what the Spurs defense did. They fouled Tim Duncan out, who was proving once again why he’s the best player in the game, on an awful call and made sure that Dallas would have a chance to win the game at the line. Is it to much to ask for a good post season game in which I don’t have to talk about the refs afterward? Seriously, I just want to see the players determine the outcome of the game,
unassisted.
My Blog:
- Editing. Seriously this thing is so damn sloppy, the least I could do is spell check.
- Drop the ego. Most of the time I come off like a pragmatic, egocentrical a-hole. My posts would probably be a lot more readable if I had a little bit of humility.
- Branching out. Let’s face it, I’m really not that diverse. I only have opinions about sports, music, TV/Movies and every now and then video games. My blog would probably be better if I was interesting.
Well that’s it for now. Hopefully that will sustain you for sometime, because I’m pretty winded after all that typing. Stay pure readers.
Until We Meet Again.
* With apologies to Chuck Klosterman. I meant that more as a reference then blatant plagerism, honest.
** This joke here is referring to the Death Cab for Cutie single that plays every 30 minutes.
*** For the musically uneducated these are the bands you hear on the radio and think are Coldplay.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
The Rasheed Wallace of Loews Ventana Canyon Resort
CTC. Cut the check. How could any of us forget the once infamous words of ‘Sheed telling the world that the only thing that mattered to him was getting paid. I know I can’t. Rasheed said this back when he was playing for the Portland Trailblazers, mere months away from being shipped to Detroit via hotlanta. And just look at him now, he’s the X-Factor, toughest match up and arguably the best player on the best team in the league. So what does all this have to do with you and me? Well I really don’t know or care how it relates to you to you, but as for me, I can no longer relate to ‘Sheed. Even though I’ve never smoked pot*, I found it much easier to relate to the Portland version of ‘Sheed. He was a man that was complete insane and completely honest.. He only cared about one thing and one thing only: gettin’ paid. Which brings us back to myself and Loews Ventana Canyon Resort (LVCR for short). While I still do my job, my effort is getting more and more half assed. Like the old ‘Sheed all I care about is my pay check, which are getting smaller and smaller do to less people staying at the resort. And when I’m honest with myself, there’s really no reason for me to try any harder then I currently am. I’m suppose to bridge the gap from the evening crew to the a.m. crew. My main duty is making sure the morning crew isn’t over whelmed when they get in and covering the p.m. crews arses. But here’s the problem with all that, there’s not single redeemable person in the entire staff of people I work with. There’s butt f*ck Chuck, the am crew’s manager who’s so gay he’s almost over doing it. He spends his entire day eating and flirting with boys and over weight women. Needless to say I’m extremely jealous. In fact the entire morning crew us pretty much a train wreck. The only semi-redemable person is this one over weight chica, but I’m pretty sure she talks sh*t about me in Spanish to the other over weight chicas**. Then there’s the pm shift, who might be an even more motley crew. They’re lead my a manager whose going through mid-life crisis so badly that I’m half convinced it’s an act. Despite the fact that’s he’s balding pretty badly he still tries to spike his hair up and pretend like nothings wrong. I’m also pretty sure that he dies his hair, but I can’t prove it. Then there’s the Chinese guy I work with, who despite being married and having a four month old child insists of giving be a recap of all the ‘tits’ in the room he just delivered food to. And we haven’t even touched on the goofy foreigner, the whinny/emo/constantly bitching about something guy., or the biker guy whose hearing is so shot he shouts everything he says and repeats every sentence to you at least 4 times. Wait, I forgot there is one redeemable soul in this gawd awful work place. That would be the heavy set cashier who has impeccable music taste and is extremely funny. But other then that I doubt I’d shed a tear if I never saw the rest of my co-workers. And now on to NBA playoffs thoughts and other news.
- Two years in a row I’ve thought Steve Nash probably didn’t deserve the MVP, and two years in a row he’s used the playoffs to prove me wrong. In related news I apologize to all Suns fans out their as I no doubt just jinxed the man.
- What’s the difference between Tony Parker and Steve Nash defensively? Tim Duncan, Robert Horry and Bruce Bowen. Both Nash and Parker are horrible defenders, but one player just has a plethora of great defenders around him so he doesn’t look half as bad. PG defenense is the easiest to cover up, you just need good defenders in other spots to be able to cover for him. Remember this next year when Nash is flanked by Raja Bell and Shawn Marion on the wings and Kurt Thomas and Amare Stoudamire in the post and everyone’s talking about how much he’s improved as a defender.
- Pat Riley should be fired for not putting a single decent defender or shooter around D-Wade and Shaq. It was painful to watch both of them get quadruple teamed by the Nets and have no one to kick it out to. That said if RJ’s not 100% healthy the Heat will take this series in 6.
- Fearless prediction: If Dallas somehow upsets San Antonio, the Suns are going to the NBA finals. Steve Nash won’t let his team lose to the Mavericks and all in all the Suns are the worst possible match up for them. But Dallas isn’t going to get by San Antonio, so it doesn’t really matter.
- If you enjoy basketball pray that RJ is healthy so the Nets have a chance at up ending the Pistons and we can be spared from yet another Piston-Spurs finals.
Well that’s it for now. Enjoy watching the Suns attempt to reach 200 points tonight.
Until We Meet Again
* Mainly because I’m certain I’d enjoy it far too much.
** For those of you scoring at home, that’s 3 heavy set Latino women that I work with in the morning.
- Two years in a row I’ve thought Steve Nash probably didn’t deserve the MVP, and two years in a row he’s used the playoffs to prove me wrong. In related news I apologize to all Suns fans out their as I no doubt just jinxed the man.
- What’s the difference between Tony Parker and Steve Nash defensively? Tim Duncan, Robert Horry and Bruce Bowen. Both Nash and Parker are horrible defenders, but one player just has a plethora of great defenders around him so he doesn’t look half as bad. PG defenense is the easiest to cover up, you just need good defenders in other spots to be able to cover for him. Remember this next year when Nash is flanked by Raja Bell and Shawn Marion on the wings and Kurt Thomas and Amare Stoudamire in the post and everyone’s talking about how much he’s improved as a defender.
- Pat Riley should be fired for not putting a single decent defender or shooter around D-Wade and Shaq. It was painful to watch both of them get quadruple teamed by the Nets and have no one to kick it out to. That said if RJ’s not 100% healthy the Heat will take this series in 6.
- Fearless prediction: If Dallas somehow upsets San Antonio, the Suns are going to the NBA finals. Steve Nash won’t let his team lose to the Mavericks and all in all the Suns are the worst possible match up for them. But Dallas isn’t going to get by San Antonio, so it doesn’t really matter.
- If you enjoy basketball pray that RJ is healthy so the Nets have a chance at up ending the Pistons and we can be spared from yet another Piston-Spurs finals.
Well that’s it for now. Enjoy watching the Suns attempt to reach 200 points tonight.
Until We Meet Again
* Mainly because I’m certain I’d enjoy it far too much.
** For those of you scoring at home, that’s 3 heavy set Latino women that I work with in the morning.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Top 5 List: Reasons to Love the Suns-Lakers Series
Happy Cinco De Mayo. Since today is the fifth of May I’ve decided to give you five reason why you should love the Suns-Lakers series. This will be a short, sports related post, so as usual you artsy types may want to stay away. With out further ado: The Top 5 Reasons to Love the Suns-Lakers Series.
1. Game 7: In all of sports there’s nothing better (I’m ducking as I type this for fear that the March Madness gods will smite me). Game 7 is always dramatic, tension filled, and usually lives up to its billing because both teams are playing so hard to keep their seasons alive. This game should be no exception, because not only is both teams, but Phil Jackson has never lost a first round series. And that’s just one of the many subplots of this great series that will get into… now.
2. Raja vs. Kobe: The media will over hype this and beat it to the ground by tip off tomorrow, but holy balls is has this turned into one bad ass feud. You could tell something was brewing for the first 4 games and then with out warning Raja gave Kobe his version of the “Clothesline from Hell”. As if that wasn’t great enough Kobe got right up trying and tried to play it cool, but it looked to me like he was holding back tears. That right there is all you need for a good feud, but God bless these two they decided to make it great. If you haven’t heard or read the war of words that transpired after the clothesline, then track it down on. To summarize Raja pretty much called Kobe a stuck up, arrogant c*nt. In response Kobe suggested that maybe Raja wasn’t hugged enough as a child. Just classic. The tension between these two will be electric Saturday night, and it could lead to a baseball style bench clearing brawl. Thanks to these to the ceiling of this series has been removed. Anything’s possible.
3. The Redemption Angle: Three months ago it looked like Tim Thomas might not play at all this season. And last night he just hit the biggest shot of the Suns season. When most people think of Kwame Brown they think of Ryan Leaf, not a good sign. But at times in this series Kwame has looked like and all-star, other times he’s looked like a skinny Oliver Miller. I’m actually shocked that journalist aren’t making a bigger deal out of this. I think both of these guys are the X-Factors for their teams, whichever one of them steps up more tomorrow will help their team when the series. And speaking of redemption, that guy on the Lakers who scores a lot was once accused of rape.*
4. Bad Blood and Posterizing: Due to the fact that both are MVP candidates, the tension between Nash, Kobe and their respective teams has been at an all-time high for a first round series. Several times a game the teams have gotten into shoving matches and Kobe and Steve are always in the middle of everything. And if that’s not enough Kobe dunked on Nash, although is it really dunking on someone when you’re 6-8 and their 6-2 and white? Yeah I didn’t think so either. Well last night Shawn Marion, who’s apparently no longer afraid to play basketball, nutted all over Kobe’s forehead in overtime. Thanks to all this tensions will be even higher tomorrow night. And they’ll rise even higher when one of the Lakers scrubs, by money’s on Kwame or Devon George, delivers a payback foul to Raja Bell. To quote Paul Westernberg, I can’t hardly wait.
5. The Battle for Kobe: For the first few games of this series Phil Jackson had mad Mike D’Antoni his bitch. He had absolutely manhandled him in the coaching department and at times seemed to be toying with him. Then finally D’Antoni struck back. He started double teaming Odom, keeping Bryant out of the lane and got his shooters confidence back. He’s done all this with little to no fan fare, but Mike D’Antoni’s adjustments are a huge reason why there’s a game tomorrow night. Which brings us to Kobe. The last two games Kobe’s been scoring more, and as great as he is this creates a problem for the Lakers. When they’re pounding the ball inside they’re controlling the tempo and substantially slowing down Phoenix’s running game. But when Kobe’s scoring, he’s doing it on jumpers and/or with the other four Lakers standing and watching. This makes it much easier for the Suns to run and get in an offensive rhythm. And Phil can get Kobe to be a distributor and pound the ball in the paint, then the Lakers will control the tempo and the game. But if D’Antoni’s game plan works and Kobe tries to do it on his own then the Suns will control the tempo and the game. Which ever coach gets Kobe to run his game plan, that man will be victorious tomorrow night.
And there you have it. Enjoy this game, and remember it a month from now when the Spurs and Pistons are playing for the NBA Finals again and setting basketball’s watchablitiy** back several decades and you’re trying to remember why you like basketball.
Until We Meet Again
* Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
** I realizes this is not a word, but it should.
1. Game 7: In all of sports there’s nothing better (I’m ducking as I type this for fear that the March Madness gods will smite me). Game 7 is always dramatic, tension filled, and usually lives up to its billing because both teams are playing so hard to keep their seasons alive. This game should be no exception, because not only is both teams, but Phil Jackson has never lost a first round series. And that’s just one of the many subplots of this great series that will get into… now.
2. Raja vs. Kobe: The media will over hype this and beat it to the ground by tip off tomorrow, but holy balls is has this turned into one bad ass feud. You could tell something was brewing for the first 4 games and then with out warning Raja gave Kobe his version of the “Clothesline from Hell”. As if that wasn’t great enough Kobe got right up trying and tried to play it cool, but it looked to me like he was holding back tears. That right there is all you need for a good feud, but God bless these two they decided to make it great. If you haven’t heard or read the war of words that transpired after the clothesline, then track it down on. To summarize Raja pretty much called Kobe a stuck up, arrogant c*nt. In response Kobe suggested that maybe Raja wasn’t hugged enough as a child. Just classic. The tension between these two will be electric Saturday night, and it could lead to a baseball style bench clearing brawl. Thanks to these to the ceiling of this series has been removed. Anything’s possible.
3. The Redemption Angle: Three months ago it looked like Tim Thomas might not play at all this season. And last night he just hit the biggest shot of the Suns season. When most people think of Kwame Brown they think of Ryan Leaf, not a good sign. But at times in this series Kwame has looked like and all-star, other times he’s looked like a skinny Oliver Miller. I’m actually shocked that journalist aren’t making a bigger deal out of this. I think both of these guys are the X-Factors for their teams, whichever one of them steps up more tomorrow will help their team when the series. And speaking of redemption, that guy on the Lakers who scores a lot was once accused of rape.*
4. Bad Blood and Posterizing: Due to the fact that both are MVP candidates, the tension between Nash, Kobe and their respective teams has been at an all-time high for a first round series. Several times a game the teams have gotten into shoving matches and Kobe and Steve are always in the middle of everything. And if that’s not enough Kobe dunked on Nash, although is it really dunking on someone when you’re 6-8 and their 6-2 and white? Yeah I didn’t think so either. Well last night Shawn Marion, who’s apparently no longer afraid to play basketball, nutted all over Kobe’s forehead in overtime. Thanks to all this tensions will be even higher tomorrow night. And they’ll rise even higher when one of the Lakers scrubs, by money’s on Kwame or Devon George, delivers a payback foul to Raja Bell. To quote Paul Westernberg, I can’t hardly wait.
5. The Battle for Kobe: For the first few games of this series Phil Jackson had mad Mike D’Antoni his bitch. He had absolutely manhandled him in the coaching department and at times seemed to be toying with him. Then finally D’Antoni struck back. He started double teaming Odom, keeping Bryant out of the lane and got his shooters confidence back. He’s done all this with little to no fan fare, but Mike D’Antoni’s adjustments are a huge reason why there’s a game tomorrow night. Which brings us to Kobe. The last two games Kobe’s been scoring more, and as great as he is this creates a problem for the Lakers. When they’re pounding the ball inside they’re controlling the tempo and substantially slowing down Phoenix’s running game. But when Kobe’s scoring, he’s doing it on jumpers and/or with the other four Lakers standing and watching. This makes it much easier for the Suns to run and get in an offensive rhythm. And Phil can get Kobe to be a distributor and pound the ball in the paint, then the Lakers will control the tempo and the game. But if D’Antoni’s game plan works and Kobe tries to do it on his own then the Suns will control the tempo and the game. Which ever coach gets Kobe to run his game plan, that man will be victorious tomorrow night.
And there you have it. Enjoy this game, and remember it a month from now when the Spurs and Pistons are playing for the NBA Finals again and setting basketball’s watchablitiy** back several decades and you’re trying to remember why you like basketball.
Until We Meet Again
* Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
** I realizes this is not a word, but it should.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Letters from Readers
Here’s yet another new section for you when I answer questions that my numerous readers have. This here is my first letter to the editor section. Yes it’s a rip off of the sports guy’s mailbag, which is a rip off of Lettermen’s CBS Mailbag, which is probably a rip off of something else. So with out further ado, here’s a little Q + A time for ya.
Q: Hey Calvin long time reader, first time writer, Who’s been a better player for the Lakers so far in the playoffs: Kobe or Odom? Also what’s up with the reefing in this series?
Adam. Spokane, WA.
A: Great question Adam, but I wouldn’t limit it just to those two Lakers. While they’ve both been great I think Shawn Marion has far and away been the Lakers best player. As for the reefing, it’s been horrendous for both teams the entire series. It’s as if the refs are petrified that a basketball game might break out. It’s even more upsetting when you see final 3 minutes of game 4 and overtime showing us just how good this series would be if the refs just stepped back and stopped calling a foul every possession.
Q: You have great musical taste! Any suggestions? Guilty pleasures? Or Song of the Summer we should know about? Music Lover in Mundeline, IL.
A: I sure do music lover. Josh Ritter’s newest album “The Animal Years” is absolutely amazing. It’s the only record I’ve heard so far this year that rivals Destroyer’s Rubies. Check this ish out, the highlight songs are Girl in the War, Thin Blue Flame and Lily, Egypt to name a few. As for guilty pleasures, I’m pretty fond of Angles and the Airwaves, Tom Delong’s new band. Please just don’t tell anyone. As for Song of the Summer, I’m not quite sure yet. I don’t think there’s a sure firer pick like there was last summer with Feel Good INC. Gun to my head I’m going with Gnarles Barkley – Crazy. Hopefully other contenders will step up to the plate, but who knows. It’s been a lack luster year for music so far.
Q: Any thoughts on the NFL Draft? Why didn’t Reggie Bush go #1?
Trevor in Tucson.
A: I don’t know Trevor. All I can say is thinks don’t look to good for Houston, especially after an ecstatic Sam Bowie called thanking Mario Williams and the Texans GM over and over again. But what might be even more upsetting then this horrendous pick is that now the extremely over hyped NFL Draft might not go away. Mel Kiper and ESPN could potentially keep running stories on this from now until next April. So not only did the Texans hurt themselves, but they also hurt all of us as well.
Q: You personally said that Dirk would flop in the playoffs. How do you feel about that prediction now? Don Denver. Dallas, TX
A: Not to good. Dirk and the Mavs got the perfect draw in round one, the Grizzlies might be the worst playoff team in the west, just behind Denver. There’s not a single player on their team who has a prayer of guarding Dirk. So now he can get his confidence up in round 1 and hope it carries over to round 2. That said it won’t matter because they’re not getting by the Spurs.
Q: How is Steve Nash goin’ win the MVP? Kobe’s team is beating him in the playoffs, # 8’s the real MVP!!!!!?!?!!?!?
Back on the Bandwagon in LA, CA.
A: Great point bandwagoner, ‘cause the MVP is decided in the playoffs. Listen, everyone who’s making the argument that Nash doesn’t deserve the MVP award and then trying to use the Lakers-Suns series their main reason, please stop before you make us all dumber. The MVP is a regular season award, not a first round of the playoffs award. During the regular season seven Suns players had career years, thanks mainly to Steve Nash. During the regular season several Lakers players contemplated suicide thanks in large part to Kobe’s efforts to put up the first ever single-digit passing season. I’m not about to make the argument that Nash is better then Kobe, and he’s far from the best player in the league. But during the regular season no player played better, or had a more important role for their team then Steve Nash. Combine that with that fact that most people assumed the Suns would miss the playoffs this year and it’s pretty easy to see why Nash won his second MVP.
Q: What are your thoughts on Lost, is it really the best show on TV?
Duncan K. Neptune, CA.
A: While Lost is great, several HBO shows are better then it. I personally think it’s the 2nd best non-HBO show on TV. Veronica Mars is first. In fact Veronica Mars just might be the best show ever, and honestly I’m not joking. But anyway, back to Lost. I really like the show, but it’s over hyped, especially for all the wrong reasons. The best part of the show is the over arching story line of why they’re on the island and what the hell is up with the island. Yet everyone I know raves about the characters and how moving the show is. I really wonder what show these people are watching because the only good character on the show is John Locke. Other then that the only characters I care about are the attractive ones. Just about every other character is boring and one-dimensional. And I’ll be the first to admit that there was about 3-4 episodes in the first season that I found very moving. But the second season, with every episode ending with the slow-mo camera shots and swelling strings and piano, has been like a girl who doesn’t wear underwear, it’s trying way to hard.*
Q: Are there any other blogs that we should know about?
Craig. Omaha, NE.
A: Yes there is. While most people don’t update their blogs anymore, there’s still one exception to the rule: greatvision.blogspot.com Check him out.
Q: hey cal i read u’re blog once and it was sweet. anyway I have a question for u: i played sports in hs and now i can’t seem to move on. i can’t decide what I want to do as a career, it just doesn’t seem like i’m right for anything. u got some advice bro?
p.s. i scored 13 touchdowns my senior year at halfback.
brad taylor. yuma, az.
A: Have you considered becoming a personal trainer?
Well that it’s for today. Enjoy the NBA playoffs, if the refs will allow you to.
Until We Meet Again.
* Oh f*ck. Did I just reference Blink 182
Q: Hey Calvin long time reader, first time writer, Who’s been a better player for the Lakers so far in the playoffs: Kobe or Odom? Also what’s up with the reefing in this series?
Adam. Spokane, WA.
A: Great question Adam, but I wouldn’t limit it just to those two Lakers. While they’ve both been great I think Shawn Marion has far and away been the Lakers best player. As for the reefing, it’s been horrendous for both teams the entire series. It’s as if the refs are petrified that a basketball game might break out. It’s even more upsetting when you see final 3 minutes of game 4 and overtime showing us just how good this series would be if the refs just stepped back and stopped calling a foul every possession.
Q: You have great musical taste! Any suggestions? Guilty pleasures? Or Song of the Summer we should know about? Music Lover in Mundeline, IL.
A: I sure do music lover. Josh Ritter’s newest album “The Animal Years” is absolutely amazing. It’s the only record I’ve heard so far this year that rivals Destroyer’s Rubies. Check this ish out, the highlight songs are Girl in the War, Thin Blue Flame and Lily, Egypt to name a few. As for guilty pleasures, I’m pretty fond of Angles and the Airwaves, Tom Delong’s new band. Please just don’t tell anyone. As for Song of the Summer, I’m not quite sure yet. I don’t think there’s a sure firer pick like there was last summer with Feel Good INC. Gun to my head I’m going with Gnarles Barkley – Crazy. Hopefully other contenders will step up to the plate, but who knows. It’s been a lack luster year for music so far.
Q: Any thoughts on the NFL Draft? Why didn’t Reggie Bush go #1?
Trevor in Tucson.
A: I don’t know Trevor. All I can say is thinks don’t look to good for Houston, especially after an ecstatic Sam Bowie called thanking Mario Williams and the Texans GM over and over again. But what might be even more upsetting then this horrendous pick is that now the extremely over hyped NFL Draft might not go away. Mel Kiper and ESPN could potentially keep running stories on this from now until next April. So not only did the Texans hurt themselves, but they also hurt all of us as well.
Q: You personally said that Dirk would flop in the playoffs. How do you feel about that prediction now? Don Denver. Dallas, TX
A: Not to good. Dirk and the Mavs got the perfect draw in round one, the Grizzlies might be the worst playoff team in the west, just behind Denver. There’s not a single player on their team who has a prayer of guarding Dirk. So now he can get his confidence up in round 1 and hope it carries over to round 2. That said it won’t matter because they’re not getting by the Spurs.
Q: How is Steve Nash goin’ win the MVP? Kobe’s team is beating him in the playoffs, # 8’s the real MVP!!!!!?!?!!?!?
Back on the Bandwagon in LA, CA.
A: Great point bandwagoner, ‘cause the MVP is decided in the playoffs. Listen, everyone who’s making the argument that Nash doesn’t deserve the MVP award and then trying to use the Lakers-Suns series their main reason, please stop before you make us all dumber. The MVP is a regular season award, not a first round of the playoffs award. During the regular season seven Suns players had career years, thanks mainly to Steve Nash. During the regular season several Lakers players contemplated suicide thanks in large part to Kobe’s efforts to put up the first ever single-digit passing season. I’m not about to make the argument that Nash is better then Kobe, and he’s far from the best player in the league. But during the regular season no player played better, or had a more important role for their team then Steve Nash. Combine that with that fact that most people assumed the Suns would miss the playoffs this year and it’s pretty easy to see why Nash won his second MVP.
Q: What are your thoughts on Lost, is it really the best show on TV?
Duncan K. Neptune, CA.
A: While Lost is great, several HBO shows are better then it. I personally think it’s the 2nd best non-HBO show on TV. Veronica Mars is first. In fact Veronica Mars just might be the best show ever, and honestly I’m not joking. But anyway, back to Lost. I really like the show, but it’s over hyped, especially for all the wrong reasons. The best part of the show is the over arching story line of why they’re on the island and what the hell is up with the island. Yet everyone I know raves about the characters and how moving the show is. I really wonder what show these people are watching because the only good character on the show is John Locke. Other then that the only characters I care about are the attractive ones. Just about every other character is boring and one-dimensional. And I’ll be the first to admit that there was about 3-4 episodes in the first season that I found very moving. But the second season, with every episode ending with the slow-mo camera shots and swelling strings and piano, has been like a girl who doesn’t wear underwear, it’s trying way to hard.*
Q: Are there any other blogs that we should know about?
Craig. Omaha, NE.
A: Yes there is. While most people don’t update their blogs anymore, there’s still one exception to the rule: greatvision.blogspot.com Check him out.
Q: hey cal i read u’re blog once and it was sweet. anyway I have a question for u: i played sports in hs and now i can’t seem to move on. i can’t decide what I want to do as a career, it just doesn’t seem like i’m right for anything. u got some advice bro?
p.s. i scored 13 touchdowns my senior year at halfback.
brad taylor. yuma, az.
A: Have you considered becoming a personal trainer?
Well that it’s for today. Enjoy the NBA playoffs, if the refs will allow you to.
Until We Meet Again.
* Oh f*ck. Did I just reference Blink 182
Thursday, April 20, 2006
In the News
Here’s yet another new segment for the blog that I’ll probably never do again. In this post will break down recent new and current hot topics. Enough of the foreplay, let’s jump right in.
- Like most America I excitedly tuned in for the debut of Bonds on Bonds on ESPN. Unfortunately, despite it’s deceptive title, this show was only about baseball and steroids.*
- In a recent speech Hispanic Activist Dolores Huerta said that ‘Republicans hate Latinos’. Well Dolores what do you expect when the only achievement of note your people have made is introducing us to the burrito and enchilada ?
- Charlize Theron is beginning to realizes that she’s only gonna be remember for that one time she played that ugly lesbian. www.usatoday.com/life/people/2006-04-09-glaad_x.htm
- Not really current news, but BJ Armstrong and/or Greg Anthony might be the worst writer I’ve ever seen published, and this is coming from a man who once read Pima’s college newspaper
- On April 14th U.S.A Today did a cover story on how Hollywood is more films directed at Christian audience due to the success of The Passions and Chronicles of Narnia. I think I speak for everyone when I say I can’t wait for the film version of “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.”
- Apparently Child Services has twice visited Britney Spears’s home, over concern for her child’s welfare. I have only three questions based on this: 1.) Is anyone really surprised? 2.) Does anyone even care about Britney and K-Fed anymore? And 3.) How the f*ck is this considered news?
- George Lopez’s sitcom has been tentatively canceled by ABC. I can’t prove it, but I’m willing to bet Republicans are behind this.
- Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow had another child, this one they named Moses. In other news apparently people are still interested in an overrated actress and the guy who desperately wants to be Thom Yorke.
- While this news is a couple of months old, it’s still worth restating: The Daily Show is no longer funny. John Stewart takes himself way too serious and most of the time just comes off as pretentious as oppose to funny. And the best part of the show was the three side reporters, the Steve’s (Carrol and Colbert) and Mo Rocko, whom have all moved on. Really the Colbert Report is far, far funnier and should be getting a more favorable timeslot then The Daily Show.
- In a story that seems like it has to be made up, Indian director T. Rajeevnath continues to insist that he intends to cast Paris Hilton as Mother Teresa. I personally all for this, I also think we should cast Charles Manson as Jesus Christ the next time and Easter film is made. And when they finally make a film about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr let’s give the role to OJ or Suge Knight. . What’s next, teen-heart throb Heath Ledger playing a gay cowboy? Oh wait…
- Despite her beauty, I’m about ready to curb Eva Longoria. You’ll see what I mean next time you watch a Spurs game. Every time her boo Tony Parker scores the cameras inevitably pan to Eva in the crowd overacting and overall acting like a dumb, pre-teen bimbo. Eva now reminds me of those girls in highschool who would scream as loud as they possibly could anytime their athlete boy friend did anything of note. And let’s be honest, did anyone really like those girls? Even their best friends always looked miserable next to them at sporting events.
- Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes has a baby. I’d make a joke here, but it’s really just to easy. It seems like TomKat is the new Brokeback Mountain ****
Well that’s it for now. Check back in the near future, I might have something else posted. *****
* In case you missed it the joke was that the title bonds on bonds sounds like something you’d see in a porno, or so I’ve been told.**
** The joke here is that I’ve never seen a porno, I’d just know this trough hearsay. This is a joke because I have seen a porno***
*** It was only soft core, honest to God.
**** As in the punch line that everyone can easily use to be funny. If this keeps up we may soon be over run with unfunny people thinking they’re funny because of phenomenons such as Brokeback and TomKat. I hope and pray that’s not the case.
***** I apologize for the ending of this blog. I wrote it at 8:00 in the morning, after I had worked an 8-hour shift and then biked 10+ miles home.
- Like most America I excitedly tuned in for the debut of Bonds on Bonds on ESPN. Unfortunately, despite it’s deceptive title, this show was only about baseball and steroids.*
- In a recent speech Hispanic Activist Dolores Huerta said that ‘Republicans hate Latinos’. Well Dolores what do you expect when the only achievement of note your people have made is introducing us to the burrito and enchilada ?
- Charlize Theron is beginning to realizes that she’s only gonna be remember for that one time she played that ugly lesbian. www.usatoday.com/life/people/2006-04-09-glaad_x.htm
- Not really current news, but BJ Armstrong and/or Greg Anthony might be the worst writer I’ve ever seen published, and this is coming from a man who once read Pima’s college newspaper
- On April 14th U.S.A Today did a cover story on how Hollywood is more films directed at Christian audience due to the success of The Passions and Chronicles of Narnia. I think I speak for everyone when I say I can’t wait for the film version of “I Kissed Dating Goodbye.”
- Apparently Child Services has twice visited Britney Spears’s home, over concern for her child’s welfare. I have only three questions based on this: 1.) Is anyone really surprised? 2.) Does anyone even care about Britney and K-Fed anymore? And 3.) How the f*ck is this considered news?
- George Lopez’s sitcom has been tentatively canceled by ABC. I can’t prove it, but I’m willing to bet Republicans are behind this.
- Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow had another child, this one they named Moses. In other news apparently people are still interested in an overrated actress and the guy who desperately wants to be Thom Yorke.
- While this news is a couple of months old, it’s still worth restating: The Daily Show is no longer funny. John Stewart takes himself way too serious and most of the time just comes off as pretentious as oppose to funny. And the best part of the show was the three side reporters, the Steve’s (Carrol and Colbert) and Mo Rocko, whom have all moved on. Really the Colbert Report is far, far funnier and should be getting a more favorable timeslot then The Daily Show.
- In a story that seems like it has to be made up, Indian director T. Rajeevnath continues to insist that he intends to cast Paris Hilton as Mother Teresa. I personally all for this, I also think we should cast Charles Manson as Jesus Christ the next time and Easter film is made. And when they finally make a film about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr let’s give the role to OJ or Suge Knight. . What’s next, teen-heart throb Heath Ledger playing a gay cowboy? Oh wait…
- Despite her beauty, I’m about ready to curb Eva Longoria. You’ll see what I mean next time you watch a Spurs game. Every time her boo Tony Parker scores the cameras inevitably pan to Eva in the crowd overacting and overall acting like a dumb, pre-teen bimbo. Eva now reminds me of those girls in highschool who would scream as loud as they possibly could anytime their athlete boy friend did anything of note. And let’s be honest, did anyone really like those girls? Even their best friends always looked miserable next to them at sporting events.
- Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes has a baby. I’d make a joke here, but it’s really just to easy. It seems like TomKat is the new Brokeback Mountain ****
Well that’s it for now. Check back in the near future, I might have something else posted. *****
* In case you missed it the joke was that the title bonds on bonds sounds like something you’d see in a porno, or so I’ve been told.**
** The joke here is that I’ve never seen a porno, I’d just know this trough hearsay. This is a joke because I have seen a porno***
*** It was only soft core, honest to God.
**** As in the punch line that everyone can easily use to be funny. If this keeps up we may soon be over run with unfunny people thinking they’re funny because of phenomenons such as Brokeback and TomKat. I hope and pray that’s not the case.
***** I apologize for the ending of this blog. I wrote it at 8:00 in the morning, after I had worked an 8-hour shift and then biked 10+ miles home.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Trend-Spotting
This here is the beginning of a new segment on my blog that I like to call trend-spotting. It will tell you what’s currently in, and what said in thing is replacing. I’m hesitant to call this a segment because I’ll probably never do it again, but that’s neither here nor there. Anyhow, on to trend-spotting.
- Jim Gaffigan is the new Mitch Hedberg
- Duke’s Lacrosse Team is the new Minnesota Vikings
- Quitting smoking is the new smoking
- Walk outs are the new war protests
- Da Vinci Code is the new Left Behind
- ATL is the new* Brokeback Mountain.
- Rachel McAdams is the new Jessica Alba
- Joakim Noah is the new Saul Smith
- Pragmatic is the new optimism
- Express is the new Buffalo (Exchange)
- Half chubs are the new boners.
- Death Cab for Cutie is the new Dashboard
- Deal or no Deal is the new Who Wants to be a Millionare
- Text Messaging is the new internet porn
- "I wish I knew how to quit you!” is the new “I’m Rick James Bitch.”
- Jason Mraz is the New John Mayer, wait scratch that. John Mayer is the new John Mayer.
- Self control is the new masturbation
- James Blunt’s Beautiful is the new Nickleback’s photograph**
- “And boom goes the dynamite!” is the new “And he could… go… all… the… way.”***
- Coldplay is the new U2, and I mean that in the worst possible way.
- Cleavage is the new thong slip
- DJ Gallo is the new Sports Guy
- “See ya ‘round” is the new “wasssup?”
- Burger King Commercials are the new Bud Light Commercials
- Mother Nature is the new Bin Laden
Well that’s all the trends we have time for today. See ya ‘round readers.
Until We Meet Again
* And by new I mean black.
** As in the radio hit that’s so bad it’s funny, therefore becoming good.
*** This maybe one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen:
www.ebaumsworld.com/sportsnews.html
- Jim Gaffigan is the new Mitch Hedberg
- Duke’s Lacrosse Team is the new Minnesota Vikings
- Quitting smoking is the new smoking
- Walk outs are the new war protests
- Da Vinci Code is the new Left Behind
- ATL is the new* Brokeback Mountain.
- Rachel McAdams is the new Jessica Alba
- Joakim Noah is the new Saul Smith
- Pragmatic is the new optimism
- Express is the new Buffalo (Exchange)
- Half chubs are the new boners.
- Death Cab for Cutie is the new Dashboard
- Deal or no Deal is the new Who Wants to be a Millionare
- Text Messaging is the new internet porn
- "I wish I knew how to quit you!” is the new “I’m Rick James Bitch.”
- Jason Mraz is the New John Mayer, wait scratch that. John Mayer is the new John Mayer.
- Self control is the new masturbation
- James Blunt’s Beautiful is the new Nickleback’s photograph**
- “And boom goes the dynamite!” is the new “And he could… go… all… the… way.”***
- Coldplay is the new U2, and I mean that in the worst possible way.
- Cleavage is the new thong slip
- DJ Gallo is the new Sports Guy
- “See ya ‘round” is the new “wasssup?”
- Burger King Commercials are the new Bud Light Commercials
- Mother Nature is the new Bin Laden
Well that’s all the trends we have time for today. See ya ‘round readers.
Until We Meet Again
* And by new I mean black.
** As in the radio hit that’s so bad it’s funny, therefore becoming good.
*** This maybe one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen:
www.ebaumsworld.com/sportsnews.html
Sunday, April 09, 2006
News and Notes...
So I haven’t posted anything in a while, mostly due to being extremely busy and lazy. Anyhow here’s a sampling things that I’ve currently been pondering.
- So for those of you that don’t know there’s suppose to be a massive one day strike Monday in Tucson (or as we like to call it T-Town) to protest new immigration laws. There’s even suppose to be a march somewhere in the city. People from all walks of life will either call in sick or walk out of work to join the protest. I personally think this is a brilliant idea. To show our government how much we want illegal immigrants to stay, we’re going to great length to show the powers that be that we can be just as lazy as these immigrants are. Also it should be noted that a walk-out loses most of it’s strength when everyone already knows about it. Just a great job all around.
- Start getting excited about the new Built to Spill album coming out this year. I have a leaked version, which is also laced so that every 30 seconds Mike Jones asks us: Who is Mike Jones? And while some songs may not be as good with out the Mike Jones lacing, this album is going to be great. So seriously, get excited.
- For those of you who have a hard on for both shoes and the Arizona Wildcats, go here: http://www.nike.com/nikebasketball/usa/?loclist=marchmadness&promoID=USBB_EM_031606_marchmadness
- You heard it hear first, this Lebron James kid could be something special.
- Speaking of Lebron and the NBA, there’s a huge debate over who should be the MVP this year. The candidates are Lebron, Steve Nash, Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade, Dirk Nowitzki and Chauncey Billups. All of these candidates have there flaws, Lebron’s team isn’t good enough. As of late Nash’s team is making game deciding runs with him on the bench. Dirk would be my choice for MVP, except for the fact that Jason Terry and Jerry Stackhouse are the ones taking all the big shots for the Mavericks this year. Dwayne Wade is great, but when Shaq’s on your team, even old run-down Shaq, you’re not the league’s MVP. Kobe has passed the ball exactly 26 times this season, so he’s out. Which brings us to Chauncey Billups, whose MVP canidancy makes this award the biggest f*cking joke ever. First off anyone who watches the Pistons knows two things, one: it’s all about the team game with them, and two: Chauncey is the worst defender on the team. Also take into account that Rasheed Wallace is the Pistons MVP and you’ll begin to figure out why I almost vomit every time Chauncey’s name is mention for MVP. So who is this years MVP, my vote would be for a split, between Lebron and Paul Pierce. Yes I know the Celtics suck, but no one in the league has played better this year then Pierce. I don’t even like the guy, but he deserves some recognition for how amazing he’s been this year. And well Lebron is just better then everyone else, so he also deserves it.
- Some say Hell has no flames, just a front row seat to watch your true love pack her things and go. I would argue the hell indeed has no flames, but instead of watching your true love leave, you instead watch the entire Wayans Brother’s filmography for all of eternity.
- On my last trip to the Casino I made over 250 dollars. I use to think I had a gambling problem, but as it turns out I have a gambling solution.
- I’m not sure I can wait until it’s out on DVD, I need to see FD3 now!!!!
- The Southland – Influence of Geography is my musical recommendation of the week.
- Speaking of music, it’s great to have Shawn Mullins back on the airwaves.
- Was I the only one that found it odd that a month after I asked where Josh Hartnet had gone, Luck Number Sleven comes out? Coincedecne, I think not. This here blog has some serious clout.
- On a similar note f*ck this film, as it will eventually make sleven a catchphrase.
Well that’s all for today. I’ll catch you on the up ‘n up.
Until We Meet Again.
- So for those of you that don’t know there’s suppose to be a massive one day strike Monday in Tucson (or as we like to call it T-Town) to protest new immigration laws. There’s even suppose to be a march somewhere in the city. People from all walks of life will either call in sick or walk out of work to join the protest. I personally think this is a brilliant idea. To show our government how much we want illegal immigrants to stay, we’re going to great length to show the powers that be that we can be just as lazy as these immigrants are. Also it should be noted that a walk-out loses most of it’s strength when everyone already knows about it. Just a great job all around.
- Start getting excited about the new Built to Spill album coming out this year. I have a leaked version, which is also laced so that every 30 seconds Mike Jones asks us: Who is Mike Jones? And while some songs may not be as good with out the Mike Jones lacing, this album is going to be great. So seriously, get excited.
- For those of you who have a hard on for both shoes and the Arizona Wildcats, go here: http://www.nike.com/nikebasketball/usa/?loclist=marchmadness&promoID=USBB_EM_031606_marchmadness
- You heard it hear first, this Lebron James kid could be something special.
- Speaking of Lebron and the NBA, there’s a huge debate over who should be the MVP this year. The candidates are Lebron, Steve Nash, Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade, Dirk Nowitzki and Chauncey Billups. All of these candidates have there flaws, Lebron’s team isn’t good enough. As of late Nash’s team is making game deciding runs with him on the bench. Dirk would be my choice for MVP, except for the fact that Jason Terry and Jerry Stackhouse are the ones taking all the big shots for the Mavericks this year. Dwayne Wade is great, but when Shaq’s on your team, even old run-down Shaq, you’re not the league’s MVP. Kobe has passed the ball exactly 26 times this season, so he’s out. Which brings us to Chauncey Billups, whose MVP canidancy makes this award the biggest f*cking joke ever. First off anyone who watches the Pistons knows two things, one: it’s all about the team game with them, and two: Chauncey is the worst defender on the team. Also take into account that Rasheed Wallace is the Pistons MVP and you’ll begin to figure out why I almost vomit every time Chauncey’s name is mention for MVP. So who is this years MVP, my vote would be for a split, between Lebron and Paul Pierce. Yes I know the Celtics suck, but no one in the league has played better this year then Pierce. I don’t even like the guy, but he deserves some recognition for how amazing he’s been this year. And well Lebron is just better then everyone else, so he also deserves it.
- Some say Hell has no flames, just a front row seat to watch your true love pack her things and go. I would argue the hell indeed has no flames, but instead of watching your true love leave, you instead watch the entire Wayans Brother’s filmography for all of eternity.
- On my last trip to the Casino I made over 250 dollars. I use to think I had a gambling problem, but as it turns out I have a gambling solution.
- I’m not sure I can wait until it’s out on DVD, I need to see FD3 now!!!!
- The Southland – Influence of Geography is my musical recommendation of the week.
- Speaking of music, it’s great to have Shawn Mullins back on the airwaves.
- Was I the only one that found it odd that a month after I asked where Josh Hartnet had gone, Luck Number Sleven comes out? Coincedecne, I think not. This here blog has some serious clout.
- On a similar note f*ck this film, as it will eventually make sleven a catchphrase.
Well that’s all for today. I’ll catch you on the up ‘n up.
Until We Meet Again.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Tournament Hangover: Tournament Review (1ST Week)
I’m finally recovering from my 4 day bender. Unfortunately for my cool rating, none of the 4 days involved drinking, just march madness. I didn’t have a single drink during any of the games, yet I’ve felt viciously hung over the last two days.* This is mainly because I work the graveyard shift and averaged about 3 ½ hours of sleep from Thursday to Sunday. Anyhow, this may have been the best opening weekend ever, a whole lot of sh*t went down, so no more fluff, let’s go straight into a full (sort of) review of the weekend that was.
What We Learned:
- The Big 10 Sucks: Yes I too was suckered in by this horrifically overrated conference. I had Iowa going to the finals, Ohio and Michigan State going to the Elite 8, ect. ect. But as it turned out, the league just sucked, badly. I’m not sure how I feel about the B10’s flame out. As a former visiter to the Midwest I love it because 9 out of10 Midwesterners are overly cocky, so I enjoy the thought of them just stewing in the collective shellacking their conference took. And every year I pick Iowa to go far in the tournament and they also lose in the 1st weekend. Honestly it’s becoming one of my favorite march traditions. But mark my words, next time I don’t pick Iowa to go far there going to go to the Final Four. The B10’s collapse did kill my bracket, but that’s the beauty of march.
- I’m part genius, part idiot, more so of the latter: Despite Al Skinner’s best efforts, his uber talented BC team escape a first round scare and big Al finally made it to his first Sweet 16. Other then putting to much stock in the Big Ten I feel pretty good about my bracket. I may have put too many cinderellas in, or just chose the wrong ones. I just wish I had gone with gut. In the first bracket I filled out I got 12 of 16 of Sweet 16 right and have all my final four picks still alive. To quote Frank Black “Stupid Me.”
- Parity: Parity maybe the best thing to happen to college basketball since March Madness. On the other hand it makes for a sh*tty NFL.
- Brandon Roy might be the best player in college. As that Washington team has no right to be still playing. In all honesty it wouldn’t shock me to see Roy actually making it a game against the other Huskies.
- If Gus Johnson does any of the regional semifinal games CBS may need to use a horse tranquilizer to calm him down before the games. (For more of what I’m talking about see quote of the week.)
- If George Washington could make any shot they might still be playing: I got only 3 hours of sleep so I could watch George Washington attempt to upset Duke. What I was so was what I assume had to be the only single digit field goal percentage in NCAA history. All joking aside GW missed at least 24 shots that I’ve seen 5 year-olds with autism hit. Just an awful showing by the Colonials.**
- Give it up for Coach K and Duke: Who keep find new ways to make people hate them. Seriously I’m impressed. And, incidently, I also want to buy a Chevy.
- Illinois Fans are insane: What can I say, Karma/Revenge is a bitch, and a dish best served cold. Illini fans are whining to anyone who will listen that they got jobbed by the refs, as evidenced by Washington’s 38-19 free throw shooting edge. Instead of chuckling at the irony of all this I’ll instead point out why Washington shot more free throws. Illinois entire offense, outside of Augustine, is completely based on jump shooting, where as 85% of Washington’s is based on slashing. Based on pure logic the Huskies are going to go to line far more often then the Illini. It just goes to show that only bad things happen when your teams mascot is degrading an Indian tribe.
- I was going to have a best games section, but I could think of ten amazing ones of the top of my head, and knew that it would be way too much work.
- Gonzaga can win with out Adam Morrison playing his best: If I’m Ben Howland watching a tape of this game I’m probably shitting myself as I realize just how good Gonzaga is as a team this year. Also the fact that after a bad game Morrison is bound to go off against the Bruins.
And now on to next weekend:
- First let me say that next weekend will be worse then this last one, and not just because my teams out (more on this later). At least half of the 20 games that are played this weekend are going to have to go down to the final minute in order to compare with last weekend. So don’t get your hopes up.
- My “new” final four: With only three of my FF picks left, I’m going with my original gut shot bracket choices: Duke, UCLA, ‘NOVA and UCONN.
Fearless Predictions: UCLA-Gonzaga will be the best game of the tourney, whoever wins is going to the final four. Despite the huge advantage in talent and atletism, Texas will fall to West Virginia. West Virginia will get a big lead on Duke before blowing the game by going cold from outside.
-Who to Root For: Of course the underdogs, West Virginia: The only team left that can use the always fun white-out***, Pac-10/West Coast Teams: Like the Underdogs, this ones obvious and Villinova: After they got bumped out last year on the worst traveling call ever, they could use a run to the final four this year, in fact I think the NCAA owes it to them, as evidenced by the hardest teams in their bracket were an under achieving U of A team and two teams coached by Al Skinner and Billy Donovan.
Quote of the Week:
“How did he find the courage to take that shot?” – Gus Johnson after Chris Lofton’s desperation shot went in with .4 seconds left ot give his team a two point lead.
First off all Gus, you have a silly first name and your last name is a euphemism for a penis. Secondly, there’s nothing courageous about playing sports, absolutely nothing. Gutsy maybe, but nothing courageous. And he took the shot because there was only 3 seconds left so he had to shoot, so I’m not even sure if his shot was gutsy, it was just necessary.
The Obligatory Arizona Section:
What can I say, it sure feels good to have our dignity back. For a program of Arizona’s stature you almost never get moral victory, but the U of A did on Sunday. They played one of the top 3 teams in the country and it took them to the final seconds. All in all just a great game by the Cats, who went out guns blazing, which was about all you could ask for with this team. My only problems were that it took the Cats 31 games to decide to finally start listening to Lute and that if you replace Daniel Dillion’s (and most of C-Rod’s) minutes with Jawann McClean this is a final four team, at least with the way they were playing at the end of the season. Anyhow, I was actually proud of the effort the U of A showed this weekend and next year is looking real bright for us. Speaking of next year, in this same space next week I’ll give you a small preview of Arizona’s 06-07 season. Woot.
And now before we finish here’s a few random tidbits and thoughts I gathered over the weekend:
- Best Commercials: Big Buckin’ Chicken (deserves, and may get, it’s own post.), Burger King’s Whopper Jr.: Great idea, pretty funny execution. Props to BK for putting out some of the funniest commercials out there. In fact I may actually dedicate a whole post to Bk’s new commercials. Army: The with the father in son sitting on the porch, which has this dialogue in it:
Father: You’re a changed man.
Son: How do you figure that?
Father: When you got off that train you did two things you’ve never done before, least not at the same time. You shook my hand and you looked me right in the eye. Where’d you learn that?
Cut to army logo.
Kills me every time. Ignore the fact that the father and son don’t hug after he returns from at least a month long absence from boot camp, or the fact that he was clearly beating his son before he left, and this is still a great, moving commercial. Well done Army, well done.
- Worst Commercials: Applebees Giligan’s Island song: I’d rather have colon cancer**** then have to see this commercial again. Just gawd awful. Honestly who’s the f*ck-wit he green lighted this thing? Cingular: The commercial where the Asian guy is continually sh*tting on the white guy. Put race aside for a second and ask yourself this, why is the white guy still friends with the Asian guy? First off he’s Asian, a huge minus in my book. And secondly the only dialogue they have is based on the Asian guy ripping the white guy for not having a cell phone. If I was the white guy in this commercial I’d punch the other guy in the face, say something to the effect of “Who’s the bitch now?” or “B*tch you don’t know who the f*ck I am!”, stump him a few times and then walk away and never speak to him again. Man I hate that commercial.
- Despite the fact the album was boring an uninspired, when you’re listening to the radio for an entire 8 hour shift and Fix You by Coldplay comes on, it sounds like salvation.
- One last thing, Big Love, the new HBO show, is awesome. Just wanted to get on the bandwagon before everyone else did. Woot.
What We Learned:
- The Big 10 Sucks: Yes I too was suckered in by this horrifically overrated conference. I had Iowa going to the finals, Ohio and Michigan State going to the Elite 8, ect. ect. But as it turned out, the league just sucked, badly. I’m not sure how I feel about the B10’s flame out. As a former visiter to the Midwest I love it because 9 out of10 Midwesterners are overly cocky, so I enjoy the thought of them just stewing in the collective shellacking their conference took. And every year I pick Iowa to go far in the tournament and they also lose in the 1st weekend. Honestly it’s becoming one of my favorite march traditions. But mark my words, next time I don’t pick Iowa to go far there going to go to the Final Four. The B10’s collapse did kill my bracket, but that’s the beauty of march.
- I’m part genius, part idiot, more so of the latter: Despite Al Skinner’s best efforts, his uber talented BC team escape a first round scare and big Al finally made it to his first Sweet 16. Other then putting to much stock in the Big Ten I feel pretty good about my bracket. I may have put too many cinderellas in, or just chose the wrong ones. I just wish I had gone with gut. In the first bracket I filled out I got 12 of 16 of Sweet 16 right and have all my final four picks still alive. To quote Frank Black “Stupid Me.”
- Parity: Parity maybe the best thing to happen to college basketball since March Madness. On the other hand it makes for a sh*tty NFL.
- Brandon Roy might be the best player in college. As that Washington team has no right to be still playing. In all honesty it wouldn’t shock me to see Roy actually making it a game against the other Huskies.
- If Gus Johnson does any of the regional semifinal games CBS may need to use a horse tranquilizer to calm him down before the games. (For more of what I’m talking about see quote of the week.)
- If George Washington could make any shot they might still be playing: I got only 3 hours of sleep so I could watch George Washington attempt to upset Duke. What I was so was what I assume had to be the only single digit field goal percentage in NCAA history. All joking aside GW missed at least 24 shots that I’ve seen 5 year-olds with autism hit. Just an awful showing by the Colonials.**
- Give it up for Coach K and Duke: Who keep find new ways to make people hate them. Seriously I’m impressed. And, incidently, I also want to buy a Chevy.
- Illinois Fans are insane: What can I say, Karma/Revenge is a bitch, and a dish best served cold. Illini fans are whining to anyone who will listen that they got jobbed by the refs, as evidenced by Washington’s 38-19 free throw shooting edge. Instead of chuckling at the irony of all this I’ll instead point out why Washington shot more free throws. Illinois entire offense, outside of Augustine, is completely based on jump shooting, where as 85% of Washington’s is based on slashing. Based on pure logic the Huskies are going to go to line far more often then the Illini. It just goes to show that only bad things happen when your teams mascot is degrading an Indian tribe.
- I was going to have a best games section, but I could think of ten amazing ones of the top of my head, and knew that it would be way too much work.
- Gonzaga can win with out Adam Morrison playing his best: If I’m Ben Howland watching a tape of this game I’m probably shitting myself as I realize just how good Gonzaga is as a team this year. Also the fact that after a bad game Morrison is bound to go off against the Bruins.
And now on to next weekend:
- First let me say that next weekend will be worse then this last one, and not just because my teams out (more on this later). At least half of the 20 games that are played this weekend are going to have to go down to the final minute in order to compare with last weekend. So don’t get your hopes up.
- My “new” final four: With only three of my FF picks left, I’m going with my original gut shot bracket choices: Duke, UCLA, ‘NOVA and UCONN.
Fearless Predictions: UCLA-Gonzaga will be the best game of the tourney, whoever wins is going to the final four. Despite the huge advantage in talent and atletism, Texas will fall to West Virginia. West Virginia will get a big lead on Duke before blowing the game by going cold from outside.
-Who to Root For: Of course the underdogs, West Virginia: The only team left that can use the always fun white-out***, Pac-10/West Coast Teams: Like the Underdogs, this ones obvious and Villinova: After they got bumped out last year on the worst traveling call ever, they could use a run to the final four this year, in fact I think the NCAA owes it to them, as evidenced by the hardest teams in their bracket were an under achieving U of A team and two teams coached by Al Skinner and Billy Donovan.
Quote of the Week:
“How did he find the courage to take that shot?” – Gus Johnson after Chris Lofton’s desperation shot went in with .4 seconds left ot give his team a two point lead.
First off all Gus, you have a silly first name and your last name is a euphemism for a penis. Secondly, there’s nothing courageous about playing sports, absolutely nothing. Gutsy maybe, but nothing courageous. And he took the shot because there was only 3 seconds left so he had to shoot, so I’m not even sure if his shot was gutsy, it was just necessary.
The Obligatory Arizona Section:
What can I say, it sure feels good to have our dignity back. For a program of Arizona’s stature you almost never get moral victory, but the U of A did on Sunday. They played one of the top 3 teams in the country and it took them to the final seconds. All in all just a great game by the Cats, who went out guns blazing, which was about all you could ask for with this team. My only problems were that it took the Cats 31 games to decide to finally start listening to Lute and that if you replace Daniel Dillion’s (and most of C-Rod’s) minutes with Jawann McClean this is a final four team, at least with the way they were playing at the end of the season. Anyhow, I was actually proud of the effort the U of A showed this weekend and next year is looking real bright for us. Speaking of next year, in this same space next week I’ll give you a small preview of Arizona’s 06-07 season. Woot.
And now before we finish here’s a few random tidbits and thoughts I gathered over the weekend:
- Best Commercials: Big Buckin’ Chicken (deserves, and may get, it’s own post.), Burger King’s Whopper Jr.: Great idea, pretty funny execution. Props to BK for putting out some of the funniest commercials out there. In fact I may actually dedicate a whole post to Bk’s new commercials. Army: The with the father in son sitting on the porch, which has this dialogue in it:
Father: You’re a changed man.
Son: How do you figure that?
Father: When you got off that train you did two things you’ve never done before, least not at the same time. You shook my hand and you looked me right in the eye. Where’d you learn that?
Cut to army logo.
Kills me every time. Ignore the fact that the father and son don’t hug after he returns from at least a month long absence from boot camp, or the fact that he was clearly beating his son before he left, and this is still a great, moving commercial. Well done Army, well done.
- Worst Commercials: Applebees Giligan’s Island song: I’d rather have colon cancer**** then have to see this commercial again. Just gawd awful. Honestly who’s the f*ck-wit he green lighted this thing? Cingular: The commercial where the Asian guy is continually sh*tting on the white guy. Put race aside for a second and ask yourself this, why is the white guy still friends with the Asian guy? First off he’s Asian, a huge minus in my book. And secondly the only dialogue they have is based on the Asian guy ripping the white guy for not having a cell phone. If I was the white guy in this commercial I’d punch the other guy in the face, say something to the effect of “Who’s the bitch now?” or “B*tch you don’t know who the f*ck I am!”, stump him a few times and then walk away and never speak to him again. Man I hate that commercial.
- Despite the fact the album was boring an uninspired, when you’re listening to the radio for an entire 8 hour shift and Fix You by Coldplay comes on, it sounds like salvation.
- One last thing, Big Love, the new HBO show, is awesome. Just wanted to get on the bandwagon before everyone else did. Woot.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
NCAA Tournament Manifesto V.2: The Final Countdown
Yes, it’s finally here. My March Madness Manifesto that will truly show my full genius. Sit back relax, and let me do all the work. What follows are a a couple of rules and guidelines and helpful tips/games so that you get the full March Madness experience. Also today I’ll breakdown the Brackets. Enjoy.
Guidelines and Other Miscellaneous Things:
A 12 seed will beat a 5 seed: happens every year, just trust me on this. My pick this year is Texas A&M over Syracuse. Other options include Washington getting upended by Utah State, which plays a similar style to Wazzu. Also on any given night Pitt can struggle to get 20 points, so they might also be a good pick.
A Team(s) that made a deep run in last years tourney,and returns most of it’s players, will flop this year: West Virginia fits the bill, but I personally want nothing to do with them. Nothing they do would surprise me. They could either win it all or loose in the first round and I wouldn’t be shocked either way. Outside of them no other team really fits this one.
At least on of your Final Four picks will not make it past the first weekend: Maybe I’m just bad at picking teams, but this almost always happens to me.
One potential match up will get over hyped by the media so much that you can be certain it won’t happen: Put your money this year on Duke-Texas rematch in the regional final. I don’t think either of these teams will make it that far, and I’d bet my life one of them doesn’t.*
One white guard will shoot lights out and garner comparisons to Larry Bird, Jimmy Chitwood and Bryce Drew: You have to play for a mid-major for this rule to apply, so thankfully, J.J Redick is out. My picks this year are: John Goldsberry (UNC- Wilmington), Jaycee Carroll (Utah State)**, Ben Jacobson (Northern Iowa) and David Bagga (Arizona) [Yes it’s a joke, but a boy’s gotta dream.]
You’ll talk yourself into a team that you shouldn’t: For me it seems like every year this team is Iowa, who I have going to the final four this year. Most people have this problem with Gonzaga as well. I've also talked myself into UW-Milwaukee, South Alabama and Wichita State.
You’ll make a list of things you’d give up to be the 12th Man on a Cinderella team: All joking aside this is all I want in my life. You get to lock arms on the bench during close games, you to hold everyone back from rushing the court after your team hits a huge shot and you get to over react to every made basket and get some TV time in the process. Just way to much fun is being had by these guys, oh and they also get to rush the court after the game is over. Man that’s the life. My list includes my Television, Ipod, My autographed Lisa Loeb album and one or both of my kidneys.
Beware of the team that made a deep run in their conference tourney, they may have used up all their luck: West Virginia blew this rule to shit last year, but I see it staying true this year. That means so long to Syracuse, Xavier and Kansas (all though there going home for another reason, which I’ll reveal later.)
The SEC, minus Kentucky, is always way overrated: One tweak to this rule this year is that Kentucky is also horrible. I would personally be shocked if more then one SEC team makes it to the 2nd week.
If you’re in Duke’s bracket rejoice: You rejoice because that means that Duke is the only other good team in your bracket. Seriously though, the Dukies get spoon fed an easy bracket every year, and this year is no exception. The only other scary teams are West Virginia and Iowa, both of whom I’m probably overrating.
A couple of top seeds will be pick to fail by must everyone, expect these teams to make it at least to the Sweet 16: This might actually hold up this year. Everyone will be picking Tennessee and Ohio State to get knocked off early. I agree with the Tennessee, and Ohio State has two tough draws in the second round, so we’ll see.
Cinderella teams usually loose steam after the first weekend: I’m not sure why this is, but it always happens. It could be because teams have more time to scout them and they won’t take them for granted. But if you have a double digit team or a high single digit team making it to the 2nd weekend, don’t expect them to make it to the elite eight.
Possible Drinking Games: Take a shot or drink for every Ben Howland time out (although this could very easily kill you), same for everytime the cameras pan to Ashley Judd at during a Kentucky game***, same for every time Billy Packer and/or Dick Vitale verbally felates Duke, every time and announcer incorrectly calls J.J. Redick one of the best shooters of all-time (c’mon the guy only shoots 43% from the 3pt line, at the college level that’s not very good. I mean Steve Kerr shot 57% from beyond the arc.).
If Billy Donovan, Al Skinner or Bill Self is your teams coach, you’re screwed: If one of these men is coaching your team soak in as much of the first weekend as you can, because you ain’t seeing the second weekend. On paper all of these teams are too talented to not get to at least the sweet 16, especially Kansas and BC. But never underestimate the power of these men’s horrific tourney coaching. One add on to this rule is that despite his teams talent, Rick Barnes will never coach his teams to their full potential. Also it should be noted that if Mike Miller is on your team then they can carry you even with these coaches and make you look like a genius.
Commercials/Promos: One of the most enjoyable subplots of March Madness is all the bad promos for CBS shows that won’t last a month. There will also be some great new
commercials as well. Like last years Diet Coke/Paul Oakenfold master piece, but I doubt will see anything that good this year.
Well that’s enough of that. Now let’s break down the brackets.
Oakland: The West Region
Tough Outs a.ka. the team(s) no one wants to play: These are the teams that won’t necessarially win, but they’re going to scare the bejesus out of people. In this region my picks are Bucknell, Indiana and the winner of the Marquette-Alabama game.
Upset Specials: I may not have any of these on my bracket, but these are the most likely upsets in my opinion. Anyone beating Kansas in the first two rounds. Bucknell over Memphis, Indiana over Gonzaga.
Sleeper Teams: These are teams that I could see making a deep run, maybe even making the final four. In this region my sleeper picks are Indiana and Pitt.
Best Player(s): Adam Morrison, SF Gonzaga. Morrison is one of the best scorers I’ve ever seen at the college level. In my mind he’s been the best player in America this year. While his defense is a liability and he doesn’t rebound enough, his scoring and clutchness more then make up for his short comings. Unfortunately for Morrison and Co. they’re going to lose to UCLA in the Sweet 16. In fact I would have Gonzaga losing in earlier, except I believe Morrison can carry them into the 2nd round.
Best Games (Potentially): UCLA-Gonzaga: This would be a great game. The best way to beat Gonzaga is to let Adam Morrison get his and just stop everyone else. But Ben Howland maybe to arrogant to let this happen because of how great of a defensive coach he is. This game is also for the best team on the west coast title. UCLA-Pitt: Ben Howland’s new team versus his old team and former assistant. Always a fun and over played story line. Indiana-Gonzaga: Because Mike Davis is resigning at the end of the tournament, every Indiana game is most see. Also the Hoosiers have the talent and style of play that could drive Gonzaga nuts.
Fearless Prediction(s): Every announcer will over-hype/over-praise Jordan Farmar, while being unaware that Aaron Affalo is actually the key to any success UCLA might have. Also that Memphis’s tournament exit will be mainly self ionflicted.
Sweet 16 Teams: Memphis, Pitt, Gonzaga and UCLA.
Bracket Winner: UCLA. The Bruins are one of the best defense teams in the nation. They play Big East Style defense and west coast style offense. They match up well with just about every team in this bracket. Sure Memphis beat them earlier in the year, but Memphis peaked in December, no one knows that yet because they haven’t played anybody good since then. The Bruins are peaking now and I believe that they should win this division.
Atlanta: Southeast Region
Tough Outs a.ka. the team(s) no one wants to play: George Washington (especially if Pops Mensah-Bonsu plays.), UNC-Wilmington, Iona, Southern Illinois and UCBerkley (otherwise known as Cal.)
Upset Specials: Again, I may not have them in my bracket, but here’s the most likely of the upsets in this region. Texas A&M over Syracuse (trust me, ‘Cuse is dunzo.), Iona over LSU, West Virginia over everyone, Cal over Texas.
Sleeper Teams: George Washington (especially if Pops Mensah-Bonsu plays.), West Virginia(if they can actually be considered that), California, Iona.
Best Player(s): J.J. Redick, Duke. With Pops Mensah-Bonsu likely out for the tournament, this honor has to go to the overrated Redick. While I’m tempted to give in to Leon Powe, Redick has almost earned the non-stop praise he’s received this year. He’s become a great scorer and leader, although he’s still overrated as a shooter.
Best Games (Potentially): West Virginia –Iowa: Could be the game of the tournament. These teams match up really well and it will be one of the few times I’m not rooting for an upset in the 1st round because I want to see this game that badly. Duke-GW: Only if Pops Nebsah-Bonsu plays.
Fearless Prediction(s): The winner of the West Virginia –Iowa 2nd round match up is going to the Final Four. Duke will get at least one controversial late game call that won’t decide the game, but it will definitely push it in their favor.
Sweet 16 Teams: Duke, LSU, Iowa, Texas. (Say it with me now: BORING!)
Bracket Winner: Iowa. Maybe it’s because I dislike Duke, or I’m just smart enough to see that they’re falling apart, but I don’t see them getting out of this region. Iowa is the second best team in this region, followed closely by their second round opponent West Virginia. All things considered Duke should make it out of this region, but I think Iowa has the right combination of shooting, defense and senior leadership to get to the finals.
Minneapolis: The Midwest Region
Tough Outs a.ka. the team(s) no one wants to play: Arizona(hey stfu, seriously stop laughing.), Nevada, UW-Milwaukee, Northern Iowa and Georgetown.
Upset Specials: South Alabama over Florida (The Gators always choke, and South Alabama is actually a pretty good team, I feel confident about this one.), UW-Milwaukee, Arizona over Villanova (honestly now it could happen. Right? Right?), Georgetown over Ohio State.
Sleeper Teams: Georgetown, Neveda, Arizona (Ok I’ll admit it, I’m mildly insane and a huge homer.) and South Alabama.
Best Player(s): Nick Fazekas, Nevada. The 6-11 forward plays mostly like a 2-guard. He’s drawn compasions to Dirk Nowitski, but he has a better back to the basket game and he’s a better defender. Fazekas has a great all-around game.
Best Games (Potentially): Boston College-Nevada: The match-up of two of the best forwards in the nation between BC’s Jared Dudley and Fazekas. Villanova-Ohio State: Both teams play 4 guard oriented offenses. The both match up well with each other, could be a great game.
Fearless Prediction(s): Mustafa Shakur’s homecoming will last two games. Too much attention will be paid to Allen Ray’s injured eye.
Sweet 16 Teams: Villanova, Nevada, Ohio State and South Alabama
Bracket Winner: Villanova: Even with out Allen Ray at full strength the Wildcats should take this region. It all comes down to guard play in the tournament and Villanova’s quartet of guards, led by Randy Foye will be a tough match up for everyone. Even if they go cold one night I think Ohio State and BC (although we all know the Eagles are going to choke) are the only teams that can beat them in this bracket.
Washington D.C.: The East Region
Tough Outs a.ka. the team(s) no one wants to play: Brandon Roy, er, I mean Washington, Murray State and Utah State.
Upset Specials: Michigan State over UNC, Wichita State over Tennessee, Utah State over Washington (Read: Brandon Roy)
Sleeper Teams: Brandon Roy, Michigan State (even though everyone expects them to make a deep run), Wichita State and Utah State.
Best Player(s): Dee Brown, Illinois. Brandon Roy, Washington. Tyler Hansbrough, UNC. Marcus Williams, UCONN. Brown is arguable the best floor leader in the country, and despite his poor shooting percentage is the main reason Illinois is still competitive this year. Roy just might be the best scorer in the country. Hansbrough is the countries best Freshman and is easily a top 5 post player in college. Rudy Gay gets all the pup for UCONN, but Marcus Williams, the countries best play maker, is the difference maker for the Huskies.
Best Games (Potentially): UNC-Michigan State: Another potential game of the tournament that will be played in the second round. UNC-MSU winner-UCONN: While UCONN should win this bracket, whomever wins the 2nd round game between the Tarheels and the Spartans will give them a great game.
Fearless Prediction(s): Soon as Dee Brown goes cold the Illini are done. Tennessee will flame out before the sweet 16.
Sweet 16 Teams: UCONN, Washington, Michigan State and Wichita State.
Bracket Winner: UCONN. They have the most talent in the country and a great coach. They can go 9 deep and felon turned PG Marcus Williams just might be the best floor generals in the country
My Final Four & Champion:
UCONN-Villinova: This is the real championship game.
Iowa-UCLA: Two great defense teams slugging it out what will be a very boring game by comparison to it’s counterpart.
Championship: UCONN over Iowa: This game will be close for about 25-30 minutes before UCONN’s athleticism and talent take over.
Well writing all of this has taken a lot out of me. I barely have the strength left to wrap this all up. Just enjoy the next three weeks, they’re the best in sports.
Until We Meet Again
*Please don’t hold me to that.
** Speaking of Utah State, nothing can prepare for how scaring looking there 27 year-old, formerly accused of rape point guard David Pak is. Trust me, you don’t want small children anywhere near the television when Utah State is playing.*** Sorry about that, but it’s industry standard to have at least one Ashley Judd per. March Madness write up. It should also be noted that I don’t condone underage drinking of any kind.
Guidelines and Other Miscellaneous Things:
A 12 seed will beat a 5 seed: happens every year, just trust me on this. My pick this year is Texas A&M over Syracuse. Other options include Washington getting upended by Utah State, which plays a similar style to Wazzu. Also on any given night Pitt can struggle to get 20 points, so they might also be a good pick.
A Team(s) that made a deep run in last years tourney,and returns most of it’s players, will flop this year: West Virginia fits the bill, but I personally want nothing to do with them. Nothing they do would surprise me. They could either win it all or loose in the first round and I wouldn’t be shocked either way. Outside of them no other team really fits this one.
At least on of your Final Four picks will not make it past the first weekend: Maybe I’m just bad at picking teams, but this almost always happens to me.
One potential match up will get over hyped by the media so much that you can be certain it won’t happen: Put your money this year on Duke-Texas rematch in the regional final. I don’t think either of these teams will make it that far, and I’d bet my life one of them doesn’t.*
One white guard will shoot lights out and garner comparisons to Larry Bird, Jimmy Chitwood and Bryce Drew: You have to play for a mid-major for this rule to apply, so thankfully, J.J Redick is out. My picks this year are: John Goldsberry (UNC- Wilmington), Jaycee Carroll (Utah State)**, Ben Jacobson (Northern Iowa) and David Bagga (Arizona) [Yes it’s a joke, but a boy’s gotta dream.]
You’ll talk yourself into a team that you shouldn’t: For me it seems like every year this team is Iowa, who I have going to the final four this year. Most people have this problem with Gonzaga as well. I've also talked myself into UW-Milwaukee, South Alabama and Wichita State.
You’ll make a list of things you’d give up to be the 12th Man on a Cinderella team: All joking aside this is all I want in my life. You get to lock arms on the bench during close games, you to hold everyone back from rushing the court after your team hits a huge shot and you get to over react to every made basket and get some TV time in the process. Just way to much fun is being had by these guys, oh and they also get to rush the court after the game is over. Man that’s the life. My list includes my Television, Ipod, My autographed Lisa Loeb album and one or both of my kidneys.
Beware of the team that made a deep run in their conference tourney, they may have used up all their luck: West Virginia blew this rule to shit last year, but I see it staying true this year. That means so long to Syracuse, Xavier and Kansas (all though there going home for another reason, which I’ll reveal later.)
The SEC, minus Kentucky, is always way overrated: One tweak to this rule this year is that Kentucky is also horrible. I would personally be shocked if more then one SEC team makes it to the 2nd week.
If you’re in Duke’s bracket rejoice: You rejoice because that means that Duke is the only other good team in your bracket. Seriously though, the Dukies get spoon fed an easy bracket every year, and this year is no exception. The only other scary teams are West Virginia and Iowa, both of whom I’m probably overrating.
A couple of top seeds will be pick to fail by must everyone, expect these teams to make it at least to the Sweet 16: This might actually hold up this year. Everyone will be picking Tennessee and Ohio State to get knocked off early. I agree with the Tennessee, and Ohio State has two tough draws in the second round, so we’ll see.
Cinderella teams usually loose steam after the first weekend: I’m not sure why this is, but it always happens. It could be because teams have more time to scout them and they won’t take them for granted. But if you have a double digit team or a high single digit team making it to the 2nd weekend, don’t expect them to make it to the elite eight.
Possible Drinking Games: Take a shot or drink for every Ben Howland time out (although this could very easily kill you), same for everytime the cameras pan to Ashley Judd at during a Kentucky game***, same for every time Billy Packer and/or Dick Vitale verbally felates Duke, every time and announcer incorrectly calls J.J. Redick one of the best shooters of all-time (c’mon the guy only shoots 43% from the 3pt line, at the college level that’s not very good. I mean Steve Kerr shot 57% from beyond the arc.).
If Billy Donovan, Al Skinner or Bill Self is your teams coach, you’re screwed: If one of these men is coaching your team soak in as much of the first weekend as you can, because you ain’t seeing the second weekend. On paper all of these teams are too talented to not get to at least the sweet 16, especially Kansas and BC. But never underestimate the power of these men’s horrific tourney coaching. One add on to this rule is that despite his teams talent, Rick Barnes will never coach his teams to their full potential. Also it should be noted that if Mike Miller is on your team then they can carry you even with these coaches and make you look like a genius.
Commercials/Promos: One of the most enjoyable subplots of March Madness is all the bad promos for CBS shows that won’t last a month. There will also be some great new
commercials as well. Like last years Diet Coke/Paul Oakenfold master piece, but I doubt will see anything that good this year.
Well that’s enough of that. Now let’s break down the brackets.
Oakland: The West Region
Tough Outs a.ka. the team(s) no one wants to play: These are the teams that won’t necessarially win, but they’re going to scare the bejesus out of people. In this region my picks are Bucknell, Indiana and the winner of the Marquette-Alabama game.
Upset Specials: I may not have any of these on my bracket, but these are the most likely upsets in my opinion. Anyone beating Kansas in the first two rounds. Bucknell over Memphis, Indiana over Gonzaga.
Sleeper Teams: These are teams that I could see making a deep run, maybe even making the final four. In this region my sleeper picks are Indiana and Pitt.
Best Player(s): Adam Morrison, SF Gonzaga. Morrison is one of the best scorers I’ve ever seen at the college level. In my mind he’s been the best player in America this year. While his defense is a liability and he doesn’t rebound enough, his scoring and clutchness more then make up for his short comings. Unfortunately for Morrison and Co. they’re going to lose to UCLA in the Sweet 16. In fact I would have Gonzaga losing in earlier, except I believe Morrison can carry them into the 2nd round.
Best Games (Potentially): UCLA-Gonzaga: This would be a great game. The best way to beat Gonzaga is to let Adam Morrison get his and just stop everyone else. But Ben Howland maybe to arrogant to let this happen because of how great of a defensive coach he is. This game is also for the best team on the west coast title. UCLA-Pitt: Ben Howland’s new team versus his old team and former assistant. Always a fun and over played story line. Indiana-Gonzaga: Because Mike Davis is resigning at the end of the tournament, every Indiana game is most see. Also the Hoosiers have the talent and style of play that could drive Gonzaga nuts.
Fearless Prediction(s): Every announcer will over-hype/over-praise Jordan Farmar, while being unaware that Aaron Affalo is actually the key to any success UCLA might have. Also that Memphis’s tournament exit will be mainly self ionflicted.
Sweet 16 Teams: Memphis, Pitt, Gonzaga and UCLA.
Bracket Winner: UCLA. The Bruins are one of the best defense teams in the nation. They play Big East Style defense and west coast style offense. They match up well with just about every team in this bracket. Sure Memphis beat them earlier in the year, but Memphis peaked in December, no one knows that yet because they haven’t played anybody good since then. The Bruins are peaking now and I believe that they should win this division.
Atlanta: Southeast Region
Tough Outs a.ka. the team(s) no one wants to play: George Washington (especially if Pops Mensah-Bonsu plays.), UNC-Wilmington, Iona, Southern Illinois and UCBerkley (otherwise known as Cal.)
Upset Specials: Again, I may not have them in my bracket, but here’s the most likely of the upsets in this region. Texas A&M over Syracuse (trust me, ‘Cuse is dunzo.), Iona over LSU, West Virginia over everyone, Cal over Texas.
Sleeper Teams: George Washington (especially if Pops Mensah-Bonsu plays.), West Virginia(if they can actually be considered that), California, Iona.
Best Player(s): J.J. Redick, Duke. With Pops Mensah-Bonsu likely out for the tournament, this honor has to go to the overrated Redick. While I’m tempted to give in to Leon Powe, Redick has almost earned the non-stop praise he’s received this year. He’s become a great scorer and leader, although he’s still overrated as a shooter.
Best Games (Potentially): West Virginia –Iowa: Could be the game of the tournament. These teams match up really well and it will be one of the few times I’m not rooting for an upset in the 1st round because I want to see this game that badly. Duke-GW: Only if Pops Nebsah-Bonsu plays.
Fearless Prediction(s): The winner of the West Virginia –Iowa 2nd round match up is going to the Final Four. Duke will get at least one controversial late game call that won’t decide the game, but it will definitely push it in their favor.
Sweet 16 Teams: Duke, LSU, Iowa, Texas. (Say it with me now: BORING!)
Bracket Winner: Iowa. Maybe it’s because I dislike Duke, or I’m just smart enough to see that they’re falling apart, but I don’t see them getting out of this region. Iowa is the second best team in this region, followed closely by their second round opponent West Virginia. All things considered Duke should make it out of this region, but I think Iowa has the right combination of shooting, defense and senior leadership to get to the finals.
Minneapolis: The Midwest Region
Tough Outs a.ka. the team(s) no one wants to play: Arizona(hey stfu, seriously stop laughing.), Nevada, UW-Milwaukee, Northern Iowa and Georgetown.
Upset Specials: South Alabama over Florida (The Gators always choke, and South Alabama is actually a pretty good team, I feel confident about this one.), UW-Milwaukee, Arizona over Villanova (honestly now it could happen. Right? Right?), Georgetown over Ohio State.
Sleeper Teams: Georgetown, Neveda, Arizona (Ok I’ll admit it, I’m mildly insane and a huge homer.) and South Alabama.
Best Player(s): Nick Fazekas, Nevada. The 6-11 forward plays mostly like a 2-guard. He’s drawn compasions to Dirk Nowitski, but he has a better back to the basket game and he’s a better defender. Fazekas has a great all-around game.
Best Games (Potentially): Boston College-Nevada: The match-up of two of the best forwards in the nation between BC’s Jared Dudley and Fazekas. Villanova-Ohio State: Both teams play 4 guard oriented offenses. The both match up well with each other, could be a great game.
Fearless Prediction(s): Mustafa Shakur’s homecoming will last two games. Too much attention will be paid to Allen Ray’s injured eye.
Sweet 16 Teams: Villanova, Nevada, Ohio State and South Alabama
Bracket Winner: Villanova: Even with out Allen Ray at full strength the Wildcats should take this region. It all comes down to guard play in the tournament and Villanova’s quartet of guards, led by Randy Foye will be a tough match up for everyone. Even if they go cold one night I think Ohio State and BC (although we all know the Eagles are going to choke) are the only teams that can beat them in this bracket.
Washington D.C.: The East Region
Tough Outs a.ka. the team(s) no one wants to play: Brandon Roy, er, I mean Washington, Murray State and Utah State.
Upset Specials: Michigan State over UNC, Wichita State over Tennessee, Utah State over Washington (Read: Brandon Roy)
Sleeper Teams: Brandon Roy, Michigan State (even though everyone expects them to make a deep run), Wichita State and Utah State.
Best Player(s): Dee Brown, Illinois. Brandon Roy, Washington. Tyler Hansbrough, UNC. Marcus Williams, UCONN. Brown is arguable the best floor leader in the country, and despite his poor shooting percentage is the main reason Illinois is still competitive this year. Roy just might be the best scorer in the country. Hansbrough is the countries best Freshman and is easily a top 5 post player in college. Rudy Gay gets all the pup for UCONN, but Marcus Williams, the countries best play maker, is the difference maker for the Huskies.
Best Games (Potentially): UNC-Michigan State: Another potential game of the tournament that will be played in the second round. UNC-MSU winner-UCONN: While UCONN should win this bracket, whomever wins the 2nd round game between the Tarheels and the Spartans will give them a great game.
Fearless Prediction(s): Soon as Dee Brown goes cold the Illini are done. Tennessee will flame out before the sweet 16.
Sweet 16 Teams: UCONN, Washington, Michigan State and Wichita State.
Bracket Winner: UCONN. They have the most talent in the country and a great coach. They can go 9 deep and felon turned PG Marcus Williams just might be the best floor generals in the country
My Final Four & Champion:
UCONN-Villinova: This is the real championship game.
Iowa-UCLA: Two great defense teams slugging it out what will be a very boring game by comparison to it’s counterpart.
Championship: UCONN over Iowa: This game will be close for about 25-30 minutes before UCONN’s athleticism and talent take over.
Well writing all of this has taken a lot out of me. I barely have the strength left to wrap this all up. Just enjoy the next three weeks, they’re the best in sports.
Until We Meet Again
*Please don’t hold me to that.
** Speaking of Utah State, nothing can prepare for how scaring looking there 27 year-old, formerly accused of rape point guard David Pak is. Trust me, you don’t want small children anywhere near the television when Utah State is playing.*** Sorry about that, but it’s industry standard to have at least one Ashley Judd per. March Madness write up. It should also be noted that I don’t condone underage drinking of any kind.
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