So the election is finally over, and we have our first (sorta)* black President. Congratulations to Barrack Obama for becoming the Jackie Robinson of the Oval Office.
For those of you who were wondering, I did not vote. The thing is, I actually liked both these candidates before the election started. Then as the compromises started to build on both sides as November neared (I see you Palin), I started to just get sick of both of them. In the end the only reason I could think of to vote for one over the other had to do with the unabridged version of an essay written about McCain for Rolling Stone 8 years ago by a now dead alcoholic (DFW!). So in the end I didn't vote, because I believe you should actually have convictions, or at the very least some motivation, when you vote. Clearly I had neither.
I guess I'm happy for Barrack and I wish him the best of luck, although I highly doubt his Presidency is going to affect me in any real way. Mainly I'm just excited that this thing is over and all those boring people who decided they needed to have an opinion on everything over the past 6 months can go back to having nothing to talk about. What follows will be a brief rundown of my election day** and let me assure you that almost none of it has to do with actual politics.
- Let's get the political stuff out of the way. My favorite this year was 102, which here in Arizona was designed to define marriage as a union between a MAN and WOMAN. What exactly is the purpose of this prop? To make gay marriage even more illegal? I just don't understand this, although the ad campaign for Prop. 102 was pretty hilarious. Anyway, this prop. passed as did a similar one in California. Heterosexuals 1, Gays 0
- The majority of my day was spent at Starbucks, which was an absolute clusterf*ck. The company decided it would be a great idea to give out a free tall cup of coffee, and so the majority of my day looked like this:
Customer: Hey you guys are giving away free drinks to people who voted?
Me: Yeah you can get a free tall coffee, hot or iced.
Customer: What about Frappaccinos?
Me: Um, no. Like I just said a free tall cup of coffee, hot or iced?
Customer: Ah, what about an iced tea or a latte?
Me: Are you serious? I've told you twice in a row now what you get for free. Do I really need to say it a third time?
Customer: Besides the coffee, what else can I get for free?
Me: (Looking around for a blunt object to bludgeon myself with)
Repeat that exchange roughly 375 times and you have my day. I wish I was joking. Here's another exchange I frequently had with customers
Customer: Well my child voted today, can they have a free drink as well ?
Me: Yes, they can have free tall coffee, hot or iced.
Customer: But they're only a kid, they don't drink coffee...
Me: Well I'm sorry, but that's all I can do
Customer: That can't have a free Frappuccino or something?
Me: No, sorry.
Customer: But they're only a kid...
Me: Tell you what, how about I give your child a free pretend beverage of their choice for the pretend election they partook in today.
Ok well I never actually said that last part, but lord knows I wanted to. Now some of you make think I'm over exaggerating, let me assure you I am not. Or perhaps you think I'm a little too angry and cynical about this, but two days have passed since then and I'm still jarred by this whole experience. I can honestly say this was one of the worst days of work I've ever had.
- Another thing that happened to me at work was that I got yelled at by managers and customers alike for asking people who they voted for. Apparently this is taboo, because such information can occasionally cause heated arguments. I guess I can understand that, but then people kept going a step further and telling me that the information is private and very personal. Now this I can't understand. If you do something in a public place and then wear a sticker promoting that you did it, is that thing really that private? I don't know about you, but when something is private in my life, I certainly don't wear a sticker to promote this "private or personal" thing. People also generally don't put a bumper sticker on their car promoting something private. In fact, I go out of my way to keep private things private. There's a reason you don't see people wearing "I'm an alcoholic"*** or "I have marital problems" stickers. It's because these things are truly private, people want to keep them out of the public light. They also don't go around collecting free swag they get for something that's supposable highly private and personal.
- On a closing note, during a rare slow period in my day a woman came in decked out from head to toe in Obama gear. I sarcastically asked her who she was voting for, to which she replied:
"I voted for the man who's gonna change this country"
I sat there for a second debating whether or not to explain to this woman that our government is set up to run off a series of checks and balances, essentially negating the possibility that one person could actually change the country on their own. Instead I just stood there and said: "Wow". Now I'm not very intelligent by any meaning of the word, but the ignorance in this country is truly mind blowing at times.
This woman then proceed to haggle with me about whether or not she could get something other than a tall coffee for her free beverage.
God Bless America
Until We Meet Again
* Technically, dude's 1/6 black, that's all I'm saying.
** Or as some are calling it: Black Tuesday
*** Unless you're in AA
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
On Pants and the Future. And, Perhaps, the Future of Pants
One quick housekeeping note before we begin. I’m still a wreck after U of A Basketball’s 9/11, i.e. Lute’s retirement and all the bs that has followed it. And, unfortunately for the 12 people who read my blog, I’m probably not done writing about it. My peeps and I have been compiling a mix for the Silver Fox (Lute Olson for those of you unschooled in U of A) and once it’s finished I’ll post full details on that. Also I’m sure I’ll have something to say on the inevitable bad hire Jim Livengood makes when hiring Lute’s replacement. But we’re going to put all that away for another day. Now, on to lighter topics:
Since the Simpsons have been on pretty much my entire life, it’s easy to forget just how ingenious the show is. It also doesn’t help the show is so heavily syndicated that it’s literally on 45 times a day. I was watching and old episode the other day and I’d forgotten about one of my all-time favorite Simpson’s moments. It in the episode where Krusty, doing standup comedy, goes on a rant about consumerism and commercialism and how it’s wrecking our society. To culminate his point he then pulls out a hundred dollar bill and lights it on fire. The rest of the crowd is so inspired they take their money out and start burning it as well. The next night Homer and his friends go back to hear Krusty talk again, Lenny explains that he brought a sac full of money just in case Krusty tells them to burn it again. Homer then remarks “I hope he tells us to burn our pants, these things are killing me.” As Krusty then comes out and the crowd is cheering, Homer then yells my favorite line of dialogue ever: “Don’t you hate pants?”
Of all the amazing social truths this show has touched on in its 20+ years on the air, this one hit home with me the most. I hate pants, about as passionately as a person can hate an article of clothing. Pants are like White Supremacists, they’re oppressive, restrictive and we’d all be better off without them around. Before we further deconstruct that last sentence, it’s time for a list that proves my point. Below is a list of the most comfortable undergarments a person can wear, in order of least to most comfortable:
7. Kahki’s/Dress Slacks
6. Jeans
5. Shorts
4. Pajama Pants
3. Cargo Shorts
2. Athletic Shorts
1. Boxers/Underwear
No one in their right man can possibly refute this list, with the possible exception of Pajama Pants inclusion or placement. Other than that though, the list is flawless. Which brings back to the Homer Simpson phrase that started me down this thought path “Don’t you hate pants?”. Honestly, you can’t tell me that you’re life wouldn’t be better if you didn’t have to wear pants. Or at the very least you were allowed to wear athletic shorts to work as oppose to chinos or some other type of dress pants. So in the spirit of election seasons, let’s all band together and make a pantless future a reality. Let’s just say no, to pants. YES WE CAN!!!!*
Until We Meet Again
* Since this is probably the only time I’ll reference or write about the election, have you ever heard of a more simplistic or ambiguous slogan for a campaign then “Yes We Can”? It reminds of a Spin City episode I saw forever and a day ago in which one of the character (no idea who it was and I’m too lazy to look it up) was staging a protest. He and all the other protesters are sort of half heartedly walking around chanting this run on sentence that is far too long to be effective. Another on of the shows main character then shows up, notes that their chant is too long and then starts a “Let’s go Mets” cheer. The crowd then bursts into life and joins in the “Lets go Mets” cheer. Police then immediately intervene and drag away the character who started the “Let’s go Mets” cheer, even though he wasn’t even part of the protest. This is what the “Yes We Can” slogan makes me think of.
Also, in the interest of equal exposure for both tickets, let me just say that if you actually need Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber to tell you that Obama’s tax plan is Socialistic, then you shouldn’t be allowed to vote in this or any election. God I hate this country.
Since the Simpsons have been on pretty much my entire life, it’s easy to forget just how ingenious the show is. It also doesn’t help the show is so heavily syndicated that it’s literally on 45 times a day. I was watching and old episode the other day and I’d forgotten about one of my all-time favorite Simpson’s moments. It in the episode where Krusty, doing standup comedy, goes on a rant about consumerism and commercialism and how it’s wrecking our society. To culminate his point he then pulls out a hundred dollar bill and lights it on fire. The rest of the crowd is so inspired they take their money out and start burning it as well. The next night Homer and his friends go back to hear Krusty talk again, Lenny explains that he brought a sac full of money just in case Krusty tells them to burn it again. Homer then remarks “I hope he tells us to burn our pants, these things are killing me.” As Krusty then comes out and the crowd is cheering, Homer then yells my favorite line of dialogue ever: “Don’t you hate pants?”
Of all the amazing social truths this show has touched on in its 20+ years on the air, this one hit home with me the most. I hate pants, about as passionately as a person can hate an article of clothing. Pants are like White Supremacists, they’re oppressive, restrictive and we’d all be better off without them around. Before we further deconstruct that last sentence, it’s time for a list that proves my point. Below is a list of the most comfortable undergarments a person can wear, in order of least to most comfortable:
7. Kahki’s/Dress Slacks
6. Jeans
5. Shorts
4. Pajama Pants
3. Cargo Shorts
2. Athletic Shorts
1. Boxers/Underwear
No one in their right man can possibly refute this list, with the possible exception of Pajama Pants inclusion or placement. Other than that though, the list is flawless. Which brings back to the Homer Simpson phrase that started me down this thought path “Don’t you hate pants?”. Honestly, you can’t tell me that you’re life wouldn’t be better if you didn’t have to wear pants. Or at the very least you were allowed to wear athletic shorts to work as oppose to chinos or some other type of dress pants. So in the spirit of election seasons, let’s all band together and make a pantless future a reality. Let’s just say no, to pants. YES WE CAN!!!!*
Until We Meet Again
* Since this is probably the only time I’ll reference or write about the election, have you ever heard of a more simplistic or ambiguous slogan for a campaign then “Yes We Can”? It reminds of a Spin City episode I saw forever and a day ago in which one of the character (no idea who it was and I’m too lazy to look it up) was staging a protest. He and all the other protesters are sort of half heartedly walking around chanting this run on sentence that is far too long to be effective. Another on of the shows main character then shows up, notes that their chant is too long and then starts a “Let’s go Mets” cheer. The crowd then bursts into life and joins in the “Lets go Mets” cheer. Police then immediately intervene and drag away the character who started the “Let’s go Mets” cheer, even though he wasn’t even part of the protest. This is what the “Yes We Can” slogan makes me think of.
Also, in the interest of equal exposure for both tickets, let me just say that if you actually need Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber to tell you that Obama’s tax plan is Socialistic, then you shouldn’t be allowed to vote in this or any election. God I hate this country.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Silent, Like a Whisper
I was at work in the middle of the morning rush when I received multiple texts messages all telling me the same thing: Lute Olson had effectively retired as the coach of my Arizona Wildcats. Soon as I got off I made phone calls to people in the know who told me the exact same thing. I rushed home and checked ESPN which confirmed all of this. Lute was done and even though I was prepared for all of this by the ugliness that was last season, it still hurt.
First let me just say that I never thought I’d live to see the day when the Arizona Cardinals were the best thing going in the Arizona sports world. And now that I’ve jinxed them let’s move on to Lute.
I’ve always loved, defended to the death and respected Lute, even after he started to slowly lose it following the death of his wife Bobbi. As corny and unrealistic as it may sound, Lute’s always seemed like a Grandpa to me. I can honestly say that I care a great deal about him and his welfare despite never having actually met him. Lute is one of the greatest college coaches of all time, and despite the petty bickering that’s increased these past few years, he always seemed to do the right thing and have the best interest of others in mind.
My respect for Lute has actually grown through out this whole ordeal of the past few years. It’s obvious now that Lute never had any intention of returning to coaching when he took his leave of absence last year. The only reason he even came back momentarily was to save the program he gave his heart and soul to from falling apart entirely. He went out and got seemingly competent assistants to take over the program and stay around just long enough to hold on to a few recruits and veterans so that this years team will at least be respectable. The fact that he wasted 6 months out of his life just to hold this program together says all you need to know about this man’s character. Now the words from his final press conference (about how he’s tired and wishing he could take back his April press conference when he lambasted the local media) aren’t sweet and reassuring, they’ve now become sad and a little haunting. And yes I’m fully aware that this all maybe coming across as over dramatic, but this is honestly how I feel. You can insert you’re on joke about me caring too much about sports and not having a life here if you want
Lute, I know you won’t be reading this, but thank you. Thanks for everything you’ve done for this town and for me over the years. It pains me that this will be your epilogue. You truly deserved better, despite what that prick Greg Hansen probably thinks. For some reason all I can think of now is the Kent song “747” about a place crash from which I took the title of this post. I feel like that adequately sums up my feelings on this whole situation. Lute, I hope that you find happiness away from the game of basketball in whatever time you have left. I wish you all the luck in the world.
Until We Meet Again
First let me just say that I never thought I’d live to see the day when the Arizona Cardinals were the best thing going in the Arizona sports world. And now that I’ve jinxed them let’s move on to Lute.
I’ve always loved, defended to the death and respected Lute, even after he started to slowly lose it following the death of his wife Bobbi. As corny and unrealistic as it may sound, Lute’s always seemed like a Grandpa to me. I can honestly say that I care a great deal about him and his welfare despite never having actually met him. Lute is one of the greatest college coaches of all time, and despite the petty bickering that’s increased these past few years, he always seemed to do the right thing and have the best interest of others in mind.
My respect for Lute has actually grown through out this whole ordeal of the past few years. It’s obvious now that Lute never had any intention of returning to coaching when he took his leave of absence last year. The only reason he even came back momentarily was to save the program he gave his heart and soul to from falling apart entirely. He went out and got seemingly competent assistants to take over the program and stay around just long enough to hold on to a few recruits and veterans so that this years team will at least be respectable. The fact that he wasted 6 months out of his life just to hold this program together says all you need to know about this man’s character. Now the words from his final press conference (about how he’s tired and wishing he could take back his April press conference when he lambasted the local media) aren’t sweet and reassuring, they’ve now become sad and a little haunting. And yes I’m fully aware that this all maybe coming across as over dramatic, but this is honestly how I feel. You can insert you’re on joke about me caring too much about sports and not having a life here if you want
Lute, I know you won’t be reading this, but thank you. Thanks for everything you’ve done for this town and for me over the years. It pains me that this will be your epilogue. You truly deserved better, despite what that prick Greg Hansen probably thinks. For some reason all I can think of now is the Kent song “747” about a place crash from which I took the title of this post. I feel like that adequately sums up my feelings on this whole situation. Lute, I hope that you find happiness away from the game of basketball in whatever time you have left. I wish you all the luck in the world.
Until We Meet Again
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Here I Am. Rock You Like a… Something Other Then a Hurricane
Ok so I haven’t written anything in a few weeks, but that’s because I’ve been to busy rocking. Literally. Over the past two weeks I’ve been able to watch an amazing string of shows thanks to my going to San Diego Street Scene and thanks to some great bands traveling through Tucson on their way to Austin City Limits. Below is a list of all the bands I got to see as well as some brief comments from me about the show. So have fun with this or just ignore it since it’s something only I would enjoy reading.
Street Scene
Chester French
Likes: When it ended
Dislikes: Because I’ve done some growing up, I no longer hate people. In fact I try not to dwell on anyone long enough to even actively dislike them. However, I’ll make in exception to all this to both openly and actively hate the a--hole who fronts Chester French. I only saw this band because they were the first band playing at Street Scene and because the next two bands I wanted to see were playing on the same stage. I should have known what was coming when this douche took the stage and announced that “Today is all about grabbing boobs and tearing pubes out”. Not only was he dead serious, but he also thought it was really cool to say it. I could literally fill up 3-4 paragraphs as to why this guy is one of the bigger tools alive, but he’s probably got a proximity boner just knowing that someone in the world is actually talking about him, so I’ll stop now.
MGMT
Likes: Time to Pretend and Kids
Dislikes: No, I’m not the type of guy who sees bands just for their singles, but these were the only two songs by MGMT that I could remotely enjoy because of the audience. MGMT’s fanbase apparently consists of a bunch of young hipsters who have never been to a show before. There was bandanas and faux-Days of Thunder sunglasses as far as the eye. I, who am by no stretch of the imagination a small individual, got trampled during this show just because these young f*cks had no idea what to do at a concert. It was pretty embarrassing for everyone involved.
New Pornographers
Likes: I’ve seen the New Pornographers 3 times before and they’re always amazingly tight and together for everyone of their shows. This show was no exception.
Dislikes: The absence of band mates Neko Case and Dan Bejar, my two favorite members of New Prono’s. A.C. Newman’s topical political commentary. Shocking as this maybe to some of you, I didn’t go see the New Pornographers took learn the political takes of some Canadian band’s lead singer. The only time any band should announce their political leanings is if they’re playing at a show to support a particular candidate. And by playing that show you’ve given everyone all the commentary they need, so just stick to music. Honestly.
GZA
Likes: Hearing my favorite rap album of all-time almost all the way through. Also, GZA was half and hour late and while me and my friend James waited for him to show up we debated why GZA was late. We decided he most likely was: A.) Bidding on a Rockaway shirt on Ebay B.) Playing Duck Hunt or C.) Deconstructing “Fear and Trembling” with the RZA, a.k.a. Bobby Digital*
Dislikes: GZA being over half an hour late and therefore having to cut his set short.
Devotchka
Likes: If you’ve never listen to Devotchka’s music or seen them live I highly recommend doing both, because they’re pretty effing awesome.
Dislikes: Thanks to GZA’s late start, Devotchka also had to cut their set short, and thus they failed to play most of the songs I wanted to hear.
Spiritualized
Likes: I started the 2nd day of Street Scene about as perfectly as it possibly could. I was literally in the front row for Spiritualized who put on one of the best shows I’ve ever seen. Just wall to wall distortion the entire set. The band even employees two gospel singers to take the backing vocals and in now way are they even remotely gimmicky, much to my pleasant surprise. In fact, they didn’t even play half the songs I wanted to hear and it was still an incredible show. I’m going to ignore the obvious pun implications and say that Spirtitualized’s live show was very near a religious experience for me.
Dislikes: When it ended
Cold War Kids
Likes: Um…
Dislikes: I don’t think I was able to accurately judge the Cold War Kids because they literally went on right after Spiritualized and I was still in a fog from that show. That and I only saw about 20 minutes of their show. Even then though, the Cold War Kids were kinda of embarrassing. Watching them it feels like they’re trying way too hard to act like a rock band. It’s like they had no idea what to do on stage so their manager gave them videos of Thom Yorke, Angus Young and Nirvana-era David Grohl and told them to study up. Watch some of their live clips on Youtube or even one of their music videos and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Tokyo Police Club
Likes: While I was still in a semi-fog from the Spiritualized show, Tokyo Police Club managed to knock me out of it by rocking, hard. Just about everything that I like about them transfers over perfectly in a live setting. Just a very, very solid show.
Dislikes: Their lead singer’s voice is mainly neutral, not adding or taking away from anything, on most of their records, but it seems to be their only weak spot in the bands live shows.
The Hives
I didn’t really see the Hives play, but they were performing across the way from the stage I was waiting at. I never really liked the Hives, and their lead singer appears to be an egotistical jackass. For the few songs that I had to watch them perform on the jumbo screen, it appears this man is totally and unequivocally in love with himself. He seems like the kinds guy who listens to his own music at home and in his car and requests that females wear a mirror over their face when he makes love to them. Just an all around douche baggy performance by, you guessed it, a giant douche.
Tegan and Sara
Likes: Just about everything. For being lesbian twin sisters, Tegan and Sara put on a pretty great show. They were humorous, gracious and musically sound. Pretty much everything I want from a band whose music I’m only vaguely familiar with. They also took 30 seconds of their show to cover “Umbrella” . Tegan, or was it Sara, then said that Rhianna was her future wife, which was funny. They find Rhianna attractive, I find Rhianna attractive, we’ve have a lot in common.
Dislikes: Not knowing which team all the attractive girls at this show were playing for. Never has checking girls out at a concert out been so confusing.
The National
Likes: I ended the second day at Street Scene the same way I began it: with a transcendent show from one of my favorite bands. I could gush for several pages about how amazing this show was and how much I love The National, but that would just make everyone whose still reading really uncomfortable so I’ll just say that they were amazing and leave it at that.
Dislikes: When it ended.
Shows in Tucson
Vampire Weekend
This was a really unusual show. It was thrown together so Vampire Weekend and Hot Chip could make some money while traveling from California to ACL. Vampire puts on a pretty good show, but for the most part they seem like a band who doesn’t want to be famous. Maybe they just didn’t give two sh*ts about this particular show, but they seemed very distant the entire time. The drummer was the only band member with any consistent energy, as well as being the only one of them who looks like he should be in a rock band. I imagine there’s no difference between the show Vampire Weekend put on for us then when they’re all stoned and playing at one of their beach house in the Hamptons. My favorite member of Vampire Weekend was their keyboardists, who seems utterly conflicted on stage. It’s like his Dad’s pissed that he became a rockstar instead of being a CPA. It appears to really be eating at him, like he doesn’t know whether he should honor his father or rock out. Just a lot going on in
this young man’s mind… Or at least that’s what I told myself.
Hot Chip
This show was best summed up by my friend Billy who said: “This is everything I want in a live show and nothing I want in a band”. I couldn’t agree more. Although I could probably do without a fat keyboardist continually humping his instrument.
Zygos
Zygos put on a very good show for an opening band. At the end of their set all the members of Okkervil River joined them on stage to sing their last song. It was a giant sausage fest as 15 or so dudes attempted to rock out on a stage that can’t be more then 10 x 20 feet. Both bands were really, uncomfortably into each other. I imagine this exact same scenario takes place each night after their shows except there’s no audience and none of them are wearing pants.
Okkervil River
Likes: 3 years ago in Chicago I saw Okkervil River open for the Decemberist and became a much bigger fan of theirs after that. They’re an amazing band that puts on an equally as amazing show. They don’t play all their hits or their up tempo songs either, which I liked. I really respect a band that goes out of their way to alienate their fans
Dislikes: Their lead singer, Will Sheff, was very drunk and tweaking on one or multiple drugs. He was still able to sing all the songs and in most cases play the guitar. Although at one point he had his capo on the 6th fret and was still playing chords on the first fret, which was funny. They started every song way off because of Sheff’s intoxication, but they’d generally pull it together about midway through the first verse, which is an even greater testament to how talented they are. Also, I feel certain that Sheff’s going write a terrific album recovering from whatever drugs he’s currently on, so the show wasn’t an entire bust.
Until We Meet Again
* If they were in fact doing this I can only imagine they were saying things like “There’s some real shit in here man” and “That’s the leap of faith right there my n*gga”. No, I’m not racist. Why do you ask?
Street Scene
Chester French
Likes: When it ended
Dislikes: Because I’ve done some growing up, I no longer hate people. In fact I try not to dwell on anyone long enough to even actively dislike them. However, I’ll make in exception to all this to both openly and actively hate the a--hole who fronts Chester French. I only saw this band because they were the first band playing at Street Scene and because the next two bands I wanted to see were playing on the same stage. I should have known what was coming when this douche took the stage and announced that “Today is all about grabbing boobs and tearing pubes out”. Not only was he dead serious, but he also thought it was really cool to say it. I could literally fill up 3-4 paragraphs as to why this guy is one of the bigger tools alive, but he’s probably got a proximity boner just knowing that someone in the world is actually talking about him, so I’ll stop now.
MGMT
Likes: Time to Pretend and Kids
Dislikes: No, I’m not the type of guy who sees bands just for their singles, but these were the only two songs by MGMT that I could remotely enjoy because of the audience. MGMT’s fanbase apparently consists of a bunch of young hipsters who have never been to a show before. There was bandanas and faux-Days of Thunder sunglasses as far as the eye. I, who am by no stretch of the imagination a small individual, got trampled during this show just because these young f*cks had no idea what to do at a concert. It was pretty embarrassing for everyone involved.
New Pornographers
Likes: I’ve seen the New Pornographers 3 times before and they’re always amazingly tight and together for everyone of their shows. This show was no exception.
Dislikes: The absence of band mates Neko Case and Dan Bejar, my two favorite members of New Prono’s. A.C. Newman’s topical political commentary. Shocking as this maybe to some of you, I didn’t go see the New Pornographers took learn the political takes of some Canadian band’s lead singer. The only time any band should announce their political leanings is if they’re playing at a show to support a particular candidate. And by playing that show you’ve given everyone all the commentary they need, so just stick to music. Honestly.
GZA
Likes: Hearing my favorite rap album of all-time almost all the way through. Also, GZA was half and hour late and while me and my friend James waited for him to show up we debated why GZA was late. We decided he most likely was: A.) Bidding on a Rockaway shirt on Ebay B.) Playing Duck Hunt or C.) Deconstructing “Fear and Trembling” with the RZA, a.k.a. Bobby Digital*
Dislikes: GZA being over half an hour late and therefore having to cut his set short.
Devotchka
Likes: If you’ve never listen to Devotchka’s music or seen them live I highly recommend doing both, because they’re pretty effing awesome.
Dislikes: Thanks to GZA’s late start, Devotchka also had to cut their set short, and thus they failed to play most of the songs I wanted to hear.
Spiritualized
Likes: I started the 2nd day of Street Scene about as perfectly as it possibly could. I was literally in the front row for Spiritualized who put on one of the best shows I’ve ever seen. Just wall to wall distortion the entire set. The band even employees two gospel singers to take the backing vocals and in now way are they even remotely gimmicky, much to my pleasant surprise. In fact, they didn’t even play half the songs I wanted to hear and it was still an incredible show. I’m going to ignore the obvious pun implications and say that Spirtitualized’s live show was very near a religious experience for me.
Dislikes: When it ended
Cold War Kids
Likes: Um…
Dislikes: I don’t think I was able to accurately judge the Cold War Kids because they literally went on right after Spiritualized and I was still in a fog from that show. That and I only saw about 20 minutes of their show. Even then though, the Cold War Kids were kinda of embarrassing. Watching them it feels like they’re trying way too hard to act like a rock band. It’s like they had no idea what to do on stage so their manager gave them videos of Thom Yorke, Angus Young and Nirvana-era David Grohl and told them to study up. Watch some of their live clips on Youtube or even one of their music videos and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Tokyo Police Club
Likes: While I was still in a semi-fog from the Spiritualized show, Tokyo Police Club managed to knock me out of it by rocking, hard. Just about everything that I like about them transfers over perfectly in a live setting. Just a very, very solid show.
Dislikes: Their lead singer’s voice is mainly neutral, not adding or taking away from anything, on most of their records, but it seems to be their only weak spot in the bands live shows.
The Hives
I didn’t really see the Hives play, but they were performing across the way from the stage I was waiting at. I never really liked the Hives, and their lead singer appears to be an egotistical jackass. For the few songs that I had to watch them perform on the jumbo screen, it appears this man is totally and unequivocally in love with himself. He seems like the kinds guy who listens to his own music at home and in his car and requests that females wear a mirror over their face when he makes love to them. Just an all around douche baggy performance by, you guessed it, a giant douche.
Tegan and Sara
Likes: Just about everything. For being lesbian twin sisters, Tegan and Sara put on a pretty great show. They were humorous, gracious and musically sound. Pretty much everything I want from a band whose music I’m only vaguely familiar with. They also took 30 seconds of their show to cover “Umbrella” . Tegan, or was it Sara, then said that Rhianna was her future wife, which was funny. They find Rhianna attractive, I find Rhianna attractive, we’ve have a lot in common.
Dislikes: Not knowing which team all the attractive girls at this show were playing for. Never has checking girls out at a concert out been so confusing.
The National
Likes: I ended the second day at Street Scene the same way I began it: with a transcendent show from one of my favorite bands. I could gush for several pages about how amazing this show was and how much I love The National, but that would just make everyone whose still reading really uncomfortable so I’ll just say that they were amazing and leave it at that.
Dislikes: When it ended.
Shows in Tucson
Vampire Weekend
This was a really unusual show. It was thrown together so Vampire Weekend and Hot Chip could make some money while traveling from California to ACL. Vampire puts on a pretty good show, but for the most part they seem like a band who doesn’t want to be famous. Maybe they just didn’t give two sh*ts about this particular show, but they seemed very distant the entire time. The drummer was the only band member with any consistent energy, as well as being the only one of them who looks like he should be in a rock band. I imagine there’s no difference between the show Vampire Weekend put on for us then when they’re all stoned and playing at one of their beach house in the Hamptons. My favorite member of Vampire Weekend was their keyboardists, who seems utterly conflicted on stage. It’s like his Dad’s pissed that he became a rockstar instead of being a CPA. It appears to really be eating at him, like he doesn’t know whether he should honor his father or rock out. Just a lot going on in
this young man’s mind… Or at least that’s what I told myself.
Hot Chip
This show was best summed up by my friend Billy who said: “This is everything I want in a live show and nothing I want in a band”. I couldn’t agree more. Although I could probably do without a fat keyboardist continually humping his instrument.
Zygos
Zygos put on a very good show for an opening band. At the end of their set all the members of Okkervil River joined them on stage to sing their last song. It was a giant sausage fest as 15 or so dudes attempted to rock out on a stage that can’t be more then 10 x 20 feet. Both bands were really, uncomfortably into each other. I imagine this exact same scenario takes place each night after their shows except there’s no audience and none of them are wearing pants.
Okkervil River
Likes: 3 years ago in Chicago I saw Okkervil River open for the Decemberist and became a much bigger fan of theirs after that. They’re an amazing band that puts on an equally as amazing show. They don’t play all their hits or their up tempo songs either, which I liked. I really respect a band that goes out of their way to alienate their fans
Dislikes: Their lead singer, Will Sheff, was very drunk and tweaking on one or multiple drugs. He was still able to sing all the songs and in most cases play the guitar. Although at one point he had his capo on the 6th fret and was still playing chords on the first fret, which was funny. They started every song way off because of Sheff’s intoxication, but they’d generally pull it together about midway through the first verse, which is an even greater testament to how talented they are. Also, I feel certain that Sheff’s going write a terrific album recovering from whatever drugs he’s currently on, so the show wasn’t an entire bust.
Until We Meet Again
* If they were in fact doing this I can only imagine they were saying things like “There’s some real shit in here man” and “That’s the leap of faith right there my n*gga”. No, I’m not racist. Why do you ask?
Monday, September 08, 2008
You Were Wrong When You Said Everything Was Gonna Be Alright: My Running Diary of the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards
For some unholy reason I had the urge to watch the VMAs last night. I also had the urge to write about them as well. I’m really not sure why any of this was. At first I thought it was because like me the VMAs were once relevant and our now just a sad, shallow version of its former self, but that’s not true. I was never relevant.
Well anyhow I watch the entire damn show, 2+ hours of my life that I desperately want back. But since I took notes the whole time I may as well share them with all of 12 of you. Even though no asked for or wanted it, here’s my running diary of the 2008 VMAs…
9:09 Oh damn, I’m late. Apparently I missed Rihanna performing and T-Pain riding in on an elephant. For some reason that seems racist, but what doesn’t these days? Russell Brand is your host tonight and he comes out way too pumped up and fires off a series of jokes about Bush’s presidency (how topical), the Jonas Brothers being virgins and Barak Obama. The jokes aren’t that funny mainly because he’s way too intense about all of them and they don’t really land with the audience either. He ends with an incredibly funny joke about the poor kid who impregnated Sarah Pailin’s daughter. You just may want to youtube that.
9:18 Jaime Fox comes out and reminds people that he’s actually funny. After congratulating TI on making bail, he then follows with “I’m just kidding, but seriously don’t shoot me”. Jaime announces best female something or other. Britney Spears wins it. Since you’re probably wondering, she looks as good as she ever has. She almost looks like a hologram of Britney Spears circa 2000. She seems heavily medicated, which is probably a good thing. Apparently all you need to do to win a VMA is give up your children and your dignity. Zing.
9:25 Demi Moore comes out to introduce Best Male Video, artist or some award of that nature. In other news Demi has still got it. Chris Brown wins it. Incidentally the only time I ever liked him was when guest starred on The OC for a view episodes in the final season. Also, I’m not really sure why he’s famous.
9:30 Jonas Brothers are here and they’re performing what I’m being told is a new song. I think everyone who ever spent anytime in a youth group knows at least two sets of brothers like this. Speaking of which, why/how are these guys famous again? I mean at least Hanson had a catchy song. And hear I thought virgins were suppose to be unpopular, zing (I’m on fire right now). One of the Brother s looks decidingly Jewish, even if decidingly isn’t actually a word. This song is really bad, not even a decent sh*tty pop song. Why did I want to watch this again?
9:34 DJ AM and Travis Barker are actually kicking a good deal of ass as the house band tonight. Katy Perry is now performing-ish in front of them right now. As it turns out, she can’t actually sing. Who saw that one coming?
9:37 I can’t decide if the Bill Gates-Jerry Seinfeld Microsoft commercials are funny or just painfully awkward. Perhaps we’ll never know.
9:39 We’re back. Katy Perry is still singing. She’s surprisingly wooden for someone who claims to be a pseudo-lesbian.
9:41 Michael Phelps comes out to say something and he’s as soul crushingly awkward as you probably imagined he’d be. He’s got the charisma of school bus fire*. He introduces Lil Wayne who’s preforming Got Money with T-Pain. At first I thought everyone liked Lil Wayne because there’s some sort of unwritten social code that says all white people have to fully embrace at least one mainstream hip hop album per year. But after listening to his album it’s actually really good, although I don’t think he can rap with a shirt on, which I guess is a downside. Does T-Pain even talk with a vocoder? Also is there any semi-intellectual African-American whose not woefully embarrassed by these two? I mean isn’t this the very definition of bojangling for the masses?
9:46 I’m pretty sure they didn’t do a run a walk through of the show because this thing seems painfully unorganized and awkward. Also there’s a good but of evidence to suggest that the editor of this program is drunk. This is just down right sloppy.
9:49 Lindsey Lohan comes out and tells us that this year America became a dance crazed nation. I missed this revolution entirely. A group or “dance crew” named fanny pack then wins something. I don’t even have a joke here. The Pussy Cat Dolls then win Best dancing in a video and “Thank God for being so awesome to us”. How radical of them.
9:54 There’s a movie coming out that stars Dane Cook and Jason Biggs, I may have to revisit my vision of Hell
9:57 Russell Brand talks about how Lil Wayne makes him feel better about masturbation. I don’t remember how he made the tie in but it was pretty hilarious. Paramore (who?) then performs. Their lead singer looks likes a combination of the girl from High Fidelity and Cheri Otteri.
10:07 It really seems like Brand doesn’t want to be here and started regretting his decision to host about midway through his opening monologue. Best Rock Video goes to Linkin Park for Shadow of the Day. I still really like that song. And did you know that there’s a chubby Asian Guy in Linkin Park? For some reason this seems entirely appropriate .
10:11 Miley Cyrus introduces Pink, making the VMAs relevant to pedophiles everywhere for a short moment. Kudos to whoever made Pink look like a women/human being for tonight’s show.
10:21 Ting Ting brings us back from the break and they really suck. I’ll never understand how some Indie bands become crossover hits, although I think being from England certainly helps. Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are now talking about something, and did you know they’re MARRIED!?!?!?!?!?!!?! The fact that either of them is famous makes me think the terrorists might be on to something.
10:25 Slipknot introduces best hip-hop video, great idea MTV. Who knew that awful band with an equally as lame gimmick would still be around? And McLovin is with them! His 15 minutes have to be almost up right? Lil Wayne wins and he has his shirt on now, so the ladies watching at home lose. He only has 3 people to thank: God, his family and all y’all. That was actually kinda cool.
10:27 TI’s performance of “You Can Have Whatever You Like” starts on the set of Newsies. He then goes to other sets that are far less enjoyable. Now he’s on stage with Rihanna and they keep showing shots of white people in the audience to further prove the point that no white person has ever know what to do when rap music is playing.
10:35 LL Cool J’s clothing line is only available at Sears. I feel like both parties severely missed the mark on this one
10:37 The cast of High School Musical is here, hooray. They introduce Christina Aguilera. It’s really a shame no one ever taught her how to under sing. She’s dressed like a hooker in a sci-fi film and singing a remixed medley of some of her hits. This is truly painful.
10:43 Lauren Conrad comes out with one of the gay guys from Gossip Girl to introduce Best New Artist. Tokio Hotel wins it. They apparently allowed the creator of Cowboy Beebop to dress them tonight. I’ve never heard of these guys before but I feel pretty certain they’re either gay or foreign, maybe both. What’s the difference these days?
10:50 Either Flo Rida or LL Cool J brought us back from the break this time. Travis Barker on the drums actually makes whoever it is sound really good.
10:54 Paris Hilton comes out to give the award for Best Pop Video and can’t find the teleprompter. I’m starting to think her stupidity is all an act, no one can actually be that dumb right? Britney wins again for those of you scoring at home. Lupe takes us to commercial with the help of DJ AM and Mr. Barker. Why the hell are they cutting away from the first performance I’ve actually wanted to watch all night?
11:03 Two kids I’ve never heard of come out to introduce… Kid Rock. What?!?!?!!? He’s still alive? And making music? Holy Sh*t, I’m literally speechless. I was in no way prepared for this. And oh Jebus now he’s rapping a Warren Zevon classic for the verse of his new song. I think I’m gonna vomit.
11:08 I switch over to Sportscenter just in time to see highlights of my Diamondbacks losing to the Dodger in a game Bob Melvin over managed into the ground. Glad I got to relive that today. Why do I follow sports again?
11:12 Back on MTV Kobe Bryant is on stage to give the Video of the Year award and I show a great deal of self control by not making any rape or adultery jokes. Britney wins it, hoo-f*cking-ray
11:17 Kanye closes out the show with his new song Love Lockdown. It’s actually really, really good. That was an awesome performance, However not nearly awesome enough to justify me watching this entire gawd awful show. Goodnight and here’s to me never watching the VMAs again, much less writing about them.
Until We Meet Again
* Line stolen from the Bob Saget , although I used it in a different, less funny context
Well anyhow I watch the entire damn show, 2+ hours of my life that I desperately want back. But since I took notes the whole time I may as well share them with all of 12 of you. Even though no asked for or wanted it, here’s my running diary of the 2008 VMAs…
9:09 Oh damn, I’m late. Apparently I missed Rihanna performing and T-Pain riding in on an elephant. For some reason that seems racist, but what doesn’t these days? Russell Brand is your host tonight and he comes out way too pumped up and fires off a series of jokes about Bush’s presidency (how topical), the Jonas Brothers being virgins and Barak Obama. The jokes aren’t that funny mainly because he’s way too intense about all of them and they don’t really land with the audience either. He ends with an incredibly funny joke about the poor kid who impregnated Sarah Pailin’s daughter. You just may want to youtube that.
9:18 Jaime Fox comes out and reminds people that he’s actually funny. After congratulating TI on making bail, he then follows with “I’m just kidding, but seriously don’t shoot me”. Jaime announces best female something or other. Britney Spears wins it. Since you’re probably wondering, she looks as good as she ever has. She almost looks like a hologram of Britney Spears circa 2000. She seems heavily medicated, which is probably a good thing. Apparently all you need to do to win a VMA is give up your children and your dignity. Zing.
9:25 Demi Moore comes out to introduce Best Male Video, artist or some award of that nature. In other news Demi has still got it. Chris Brown wins it. Incidentally the only time I ever liked him was when guest starred on The OC for a view episodes in the final season. Also, I’m not really sure why he’s famous.
9:30 Jonas Brothers are here and they’re performing what I’m being told is a new song. I think everyone who ever spent anytime in a youth group knows at least two sets of brothers like this. Speaking of which, why/how are these guys famous again? I mean at least Hanson had a catchy song. And hear I thought virgins were suppose to be unpopular, zing (I’m on fire right now). One of the Brother s looks decidingly Jewish, even if decidingly isn’t actually a word. This song is really bad, not even a decent sh*tty pop song. Why did I want to watch this again?
9:34 DJ AM and Travis Barker are actually kicking a good deal of ass as the house band tonight. Katy Perry is now performing-ish in front of them right now. As it turns out, she can’t actually sing. Who saw that one coming?
9:37 I can’t decide if the Bill Gates-Jerry Seinfeld Microsoft commercials are funny or just painfully awkward. Perhaps we’ll never know.
9:39 We’re back. Katy Perry is still singing. She’s surprisingly wooden for someone who claims to be a pseudo-lesbian.
9:41 Michael Phelps comes out to say something and he’s as soul crushingly awkward as you probably imagined he’d be. He’s got the charisma of school bus fire*. He introduces Lil Wayne who’s preforming Got Money with T-Pain. At first I thought everyone liked Lil Wayne because there’s some sort of unwritten social code that says all white people have to fully embrace at least one mainstream hip hop album per year. But after listening to his album it’s actually really good, although I don’t think he can rap with a shirt on, which I guess is a downside. Does T-Pain even talk with a vocoder? Also is there any semi-intellectual African-American whose not woefully embarrassed by these two? I mean isn’t this the very definition of bojangling for the masses?
9:46 I’m pretty sure they didn’t do a run a walk through of the show because this thing seems painfully unorganized and awkward. Also there’s a good but of evidence to suggest that the editor of this program is drunk. This is just down right sloppy.
9:49 Lindsey Lohan comes out and tells us that this year America became a dance crazed nation. I missed this revolution entirely. A group or “dance crew” named fanny pack then wins something. I don’t even have a joke here. The Pussy Cat Dolls then win Best dancing in a video and “Thank God for being so awesome to us”. How radical of them.
9:54 There’s a movie coming out that stars Dane Cook and Jason Biggs, I may have to revisit my vision of Hell
9:57 Russell Brand talks about how Lil Wayne makes him feel better about masturbation. I don’t remember how he made the tie in but it was pretty hilarious. Paramore (who?) then performs. Their lead singer looks likes a combination of the girl from High Fidelity and Cheri Otteri.
10:07 It really seems like Brand doesn’t want to be here and started regretting his decision to host about midway through his opening monologue. Best Rock Video goes to Linkin Park for Shadow of the Day. I still really like that song. And did you know that there’s a chubby Asian Guy in Linkin Park? For some reason this seems entirely appropriate .
10:11 Miley Cyrus introduces Pink, making the VMAs relevant to pedophiles everywhere for a short moment. Kudos to whoever made Pink look like a women/human being for tonight’s show.
10:21 Ting Ting brings us back from the break and they really suck. I’ll never understand how some Indie bands become crossover hits, although I think being from England certainly helps. Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are now talking about something, and did you know they’re MARRIED!?!?!?!?!?!!?! The fact that either of them is famous makes me think the terrorists might be on to something.
10:25 Slipknot introduces best hip-hop video, great idea MTV. Who knew that awful band with an equally as lame gimmick would still be around? And McLovin is with them! His 15 minutes have to be almost up right? Lil Wayne wins and he has his shirt on now, so the ladies watching at home lose. He only has 3 people to thank: God, his family and all y’all. That was actually kinda cool.
10:27 TI’s performance of “You Can Have Whatever You Like” starts on the set of Newsies. He then goes to other sets that are far less enjoyable. Now he’s on stage with Rihanna and they keep showing shots of white people in the audience to further prove the point that no white person has ever know what to do when rap music is playing.
10:35 LL Cool J’s clothing line is only available at Sears. I feel like both parties severely missed the mark on this one
10:37 The cast of High School Musical is here, hooray. They introduce Christina Aguilera. It’s really a shame no one ever taught her how to under sing. She’s dressed like a hooker in a sci-fi film and singing a remixed medley of some of her hits. This is truly painful.
10:43 Lauren Conrad comes out with one of the gay guys from Gossip Girl to introduce Best New Artist. Tokio Hotel wins it. They apparently allowed the creator of Cowboy Beebop to dress them tonight. I’ve never heard of these guys before but I feel pretty certain they’re either gay or foreign, maybe both. What’s the difference these days?
10:50 Either Flo Rida or LL Cool J brought us back from the break this time. Travis Barker on the drums actually makes whoever it is sound really good.
10:54 Paris Hilton comes out to give the award for Best Pop Video and can’t find the teleprompter. I’m starting to think her stupidity is all an act, no one can actually be that dumb right? Britney wins again for those of you scoring at home. Lupe takes us to commercial with the help of DJ AM and Mr. Barker. Why the hell are they cutting away from the first performance I’ve actually wanted to watch all night?
11:03 Two kids I’ve never heard of come out to introduce… Kid Rock. What?!?!?!!? He’s still alive? And making music? Holy Sh*t, I’m literally speechless. I was in no way prepared for this. And oh Jebus now he’s rapping a Warren Zevon classic for the verse of his new song. I think I’m gonna vomit.
11:08 I switch over to Sportscenter just in time to see highlights of my Diamondbacks losing to the Dodger in a game Bob Melvin over managed into the ground. Glad I got to relive that today. Why do I follow sports again?
11:12 Back on MTV Kobe Bryant is on stage to give the Video of the Year award and I show a great deal of self control by not making any rape or adultery jokes. Britney wins it, hoo-f*cking-ray
11:17 Kanye closes out the show with his new song Love Lockdown. It’s actually really, really good. That was an awesome performance, However not nearly awesome enough to justify me watching this entire gawd awful show. Goodnight and here’s to me never watching the VMAs again, much less writing about them.
Until We Meet Again
* Line stolen from the Bob Saget , although I used it in a different, less funny context
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Open Letters to Bands, Some of Whom I like, Others…
To: Cold War Kids
Ok, so I don’t really know much about your band, especially the interworkings or group hierarchy and such. In fact I was too lazy to find out who your producer has been for your first two albums. In my mind, none of that really matters. The fact of the matter is you guys are a pretty decent band who’s a simple solution away from becoming great. Please severely lower your lead singers voice in the mix, just bury it. That way people can focus on what you do best, just about everything else. You guys make some really good music whose effectiveness is severely lessened by the overpowering volume of what I can only assume is some musical theatre major doing a Jeff Buckley impression. So please, drastically lower that man’s voice in the mix. Thank you
To: Katy Perry
I just can’t get over how shocking you are. Anytime someone mentions your name my jaw instantaneously drops because you’re just so shocking. You’re so shocking you should probably hang out with whoever writes Weeds, because they’re shocking too. Wow, you’re just so SHOCKING!!!
To: Chris Martin
You’re half way to looking like a 70’s porn star with that awesome curly ‘fro you’re sporting in the Viva La Vida video. Now please grow a mustache.
To: Bloc Party
Whoever told you people were listening to your music because of lyrics was either dead wrong or someone playing a really mean, intricate, practical joke. You’ve now become a worse, less self aware version of the Cure. And while I give you kudos for somehow being less self aware then Robert Smith and CO. your new music really isn’t any good. On behalf of everyone who liked your 1st album I’m asking that you to please once again put the drum and bass line at the top of your mix and try to recapture the raw power and energy that made you good in the first place. Thanks.
To: Maroon 5/ Counting Crows
It feels like I’ve been seeing promos for your joint live show for the past 3 years. It would appear that no one wants to see you live, just move on already.
To: Whoever Wrote Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist
Yes, I do in fact realize you’re not a band. I’ve seen the trailer to your movie and it looks overly contrived and terrible. I haven’t seen that much pandering since (insert topical political joke here*). I mean honestly, why didn’t you just call this film “A sad sack of sh*t attempting to cash in on hipsters and Juno fans**”?
To: The Pernice Brothers
I need to apologize for just now getting into you guys. I really can’t believe it took me this long. As it turns out you’re everything I’ve ever wanted from a band since I was a sophomore in High School. Thanks for being you.
To: Usher
No sir, I have never made love to a thug in the club with his sights on. Speaking of which, what exactly do you mean by “sights on”? Are people now wearing night vision googles ‘in the club’, because really that’s the only plausible explanation I could think of. Also, could I get permission to use the “I’ll be like your medicine, you’ll take every dose of me” line when spitting game at the ladies or do I need to ask Jeezy for that?
Until We Meet Again
* Your options include but are not limited to: Obama rattling off every democratic ideal of the last 5o years during his speech at the DNC; McCain choosing a female running mate in an attempt to get the Femi-Nazi/Hilary Clinton vote.
** What’s the difference between hipsters and fans of Juno you ask? Well, I don’t really know.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Fear This
Ed. Note: Yes I took the title of this blog from the Christian t-shirts that tried to capitalize of the “No Fear” craze of the early 90’s
Ed. Note #2: Let me just preface this post that by saying that I’m well aware that none of this is groundbreaking or even remotely original. As a matter a fact I’m becoming more and more aware of the fact that my entire life is just personified plagiarism, but that’s a story for another day.
My father recently purchased a Hawaiian shirt. For a multitude of reasons this is very troubling for me. For starters he, like all Hawaiian shirt wearers, looks absolutely ridiculous in it. Every time he wears it I get the suspicion that he’s actually been cast as the lead in the new “Weekend at Bernie’s” film and that he’s method acting for the role. But what’s really so disturbing about this purchase is not that he refuses to admit how effing terrible he looks in the shirt, but I’m very certain that some time ago my father used to mock Hawaiian shirt wearers and once vowed never to own one*.
Now I love my father very much and his decision to purchase such an offensive article of clothing isn’t going to change that. The thing that makes all of this so unnerving is that the purchasing of said shirt feels like he's giving up. It’s kinda like when women hit a certain age and all of a sudden decided it’s a good idea to start wearing their bangs over their forehead while pulling the rest of their hair back. I feel certain that they have to know just how terrible this looks, yet they do it anyway. And despite what some of you maybe thinking, this isn’t some sort of deep seeded fear that I’m becoming my father and that I might one day succumb to wearing Hawaiian shirts. Actually my fear stems more from the warning signs this Hawaiian shirt wearing phase seems to suggest. On the surface it would appear that my father has given up and is seemingly content to look like an extra from “Blue Crush”.
Now, as anyone who know me can attest to, I’ve never been overly concerned with personal appearance. However there’s a big difference between being apathetic about one’s looks and another entirely to wear a Hawaiian shirt for non-humorous or ironic purposes**. It’s like he’s thrown away the social/aesthetic part of his moral code and now thinks it’s ok if he looks like the Italian version of Punchy***. And that’s what really worries me in all this. It’s not the visual assault that his wearing of the shirt causes me eyes or the fact that I feel like I’m 13 again since I’m embarrassed to be seen in public with him when he wears the shirt. It’s that my father is a man of principles and common sense, and this Hawaiian shirt purchase flies in the face of everything he stands for.
You know, maybe I am over reacting, maybe all this is just some deep seeded fear that I’ll one day become my father and thus end up wearing a Hawaiian shirt. Regardless of all that though is the fact the my father looks appalling in this shirt and refuses to acknowledge the pleas of his family to stop wearing it. So I probably have a slew of reasons, both conscious and subconscious, for writing this. However, the fact of the matter is my father needs to stop wearing this shirt, and this just might be the outlet that gets him to do so.
Until We Meet Again
* Of course I make up memories all the time to support my points, so who knows if this one had any validity.
** If you are wearing a Hawaiin shirt for humourous and or ironic purpose you're probably not very funny. Just thought you should know this
*** Otherwise known as the Hawaiian Punch mascot. And yes I had to look that up on Wikipedia
Ed. Note #2: Let me just preface this post that by saying that I’m well aware that none of this is groundbreaking or even remotely original. As a matter a fact I’m becoming more and more aware of the fact that my entire life is just personified plagiarism, but that’s a story for another day.
My father recently purchased a Hawaiian shirt. For a multitude of reasons this is very troubling for me. For starters he, like all Hawaiian shirt wearers, looks absolutely ridiculous in it. Every time he wears it I get the suspicion that he’s actually been cast as the lead in the new “Weekend at Bernie’s” film and that he’s method acting for the role. But what’s really so disturbing about this purchase is not that he refuses to admit how effing terrible he looks in the shirt, but I’m very certain that some time ago my father used to mock Hawaiian shirt wearers and once vowed never to own one*.
Now I love my father very much and his decision to purchase such an offensive article of clothing isn’t going to change that. The thing that makes all of this so unnerving is that the purchasing of said shirt feels like he's giving up. It’s kinda like when women hit a certain age and all of a sudden decided it’s a good idea to start wearing their bangs over their forehead while pulling the rest of their hair back. I feel certain that they have to know just how terrible this looks, yet they do it anyway. And despite what some of you maybe thinking, this isn’t some sort of deep seeded fear that I’m becoming my father and that I might one day succumb to wearing Hawaiian shirts. Actually my fear stems more from the warning signs this Hawaiian shirt wearing phase seems to suggest. On the surface it would appear that my father has given up and is seemingly content to look like an extra from “Blue Crush”.
Now, as anyone who know me can attest to, I’ve never been overly concerned with personal appearance. However there’s a big difference between being apathetic about one’s looks and another entirely to wear a Hawaiian shirt for non-humorous or ironic purposes**. It’s like he’s thrown away the social/aesthetic part of his moral code and now thinks it’s ok if he looks like the Italian version of Punchy***. And that’s what really worries me in all this. It’s not the visual assault that his wearing of the shirt causes me eyes or the fact that I feel like I’m 13 again since I’m embarrassed to be seen in public with him when he wears the shirt. It’s that my father is a man of principles and common sense, and this Hawaiian shirt purchase flies in the face of everything he stands for.
You know, maybe I am over reacting, maybe all this is just some deep seeded fear that I’ll one day become my father and thus end up wearing a Hawaiian shirt. Regardless of all that though is the fact the my father looks appalling in this shirt and refuses to acknowledge the pleas of his family to stop wearing it. So I probably have a slew of reasons, both conscious and subconscious, for writing this. However, the fact of the matter is my father needs to stop wearing this shirt, and this just might be the outlet that gets him to do so.
Until We Meet Again
* Of course I make up memories all the time to support my points, so who knows if this one had any validity.
** If you are wearing a Hawaiin shirt for humourous and or ironic purpose you're probably not very funny. Just thought you should know this
*** Otherwise known as the Hawaiian Punch mascot. And yes I had to look that up on Wikipedia
Monday, August 18, 2008
Six Word Memoirs (of My Summer)
Life
Summer Camp: Not like ‘Wet Hot American Summer’
Current Unemployed: Half-heartedly searching for return to misery
My Return to the Blogesphere: Lazy, but too legit to quit
Music
Spiritualized - Songs in A & E: Already a transcendent album for me
Blind Pilot – 3 Rounds and a Sound: How did Sub Pop miss them?
Mason Jennings – In the Ever: Miles better then his last one
Fleet Foxes – Foxes: Too early for Neil Young Comparisons?
Attending the Mile High Music Festival
Josh Ritter: The man from
Lupe Fiasco: Only black man at the festival
Andrew Bird: On different level then everyone else
Tom Petty: 300 yards away, still Free Falling
Movies
Dark Knight: Holy F*cking Sh*t (x2)
Wall-E: I completely and unashamedly loved it
Sports
1st Week of the Olympics: Rooting for
Missing the NBA Finals:
Ok so a couple of these are truly embarrassing, but I’m ok with that. This was a nice easy way for me to back in to this. There’s better things to come, I promise.
Until We Meet Again
Friday, May 30, 2008
On Flying and Endings
(Editors Note: This blog was written on a PDA Phone on US Airways Flight 490 from Phoenix to Denver. So if it’s more incoherent then normal, well now you know why)
Little know fact about me: I hate flying. It’s not that I’m afraid of it or that since 9/11 I fear that every minority on the plane is looking to hijack it and kamikaze us into the nearest skyscraper. I’ve actually traveled so much in the past few years that there’s nothing in the flying part of the trip that’s even the least bit unnerving for me. What gets to me is all the in between stuff. Going through security, baggage claim, ticket check in, power-tripping stewardess, etc., these are the things that seem to eat away at the very core of my being. All of it just leaves me physically and mentally drained, so much so that any excitement I might have about wherever I’m going is severely lessened. As if the traveling wasn’t bad enough, all the other people involved make things worse. In many ways I feel like people, and maybe humanity as a whole, dumbest qualities are manifested on an airplane. Whether it’s the stupidity of federal regulations, airline employees or my fellow travelers, few things in life reaffirm my position as a misanthrope quite like airline travel.
Arguably my least favorite part of flying is the storing of bags in overhead compartments. Only on the rarest of occasions do I use these, so what really annoys me is other people trying to do so. Upon entering an airplane I generally have to stand in the aisle for a few minutes before taking my seat because some middle-aged women can’t comprehend how her bag, which is 3 times the size of said compartment, won’t fit inside it. Hell even if the bag is the right size most people can’t seem to fit it in there unless the compartment is completely empty. If people stumble on to a compartment that already has a bag in it they tend to sit there and stare at it as if they’ve just been given an advance calculus problem in a foreign language. As if all this wasn’t bad enough, most people are also unable to get their bag out of the compartment once the plane has landed. Few things irk me quite like people’s inabilities to master, or even adequately use, the overhead storage compartment. I feel like we could solve this problem if everyone was forced to play an hour of Tetris a day for two weeks prior to their departure. This idea is practically full-proof.
Another thing I hate about flying is how my body reacts to it. I can’t prove it, but I’m fairly certain that once I’m above 20,000 feet my body starts to excrete olive oil as oppose to sweat. After every flight I generally look as if I’ve just been sprayed down with an industrial-sized bottle of Pam. On top of that I also look like I used a pound of Crisco as hair gel. For some reason I always exit a plane looking like I just got done running a marathon in the deep south in the middle of July. I feel fairly certain that I’m not the only one whose body does this on a plane, but it doesn’t really matter. Either way it makes me miserable.
Yet another terrible thing about airline travel is the other passengers on the plane. On almost every flight I’ve been on I seem to almost always be traveling with some wanna be hot shot business man who has to spend every last second until take off on the phone or frantically typing on his computer in an effort to get some last minute work in. It’s like the business world equivalent of a drunken frat boy desperately scrambling for some ass as last call is called at the bar. No good ever comes from such things. Either you’ll end up hooking up with a girl that all you’d be embarrassed of if your friends ever found out about. Or, in the business world, you get shown up by the stewardess who has to stand over you and wait for you to turn off all your gadgets while the whole plan shakes their head in your general direction while calling you a jackass under their breath. So please, frat guys and businessmen alike, just give it up already.
Almost as bad as businessmen in the world of airline travel are old people. Now I’m not one to promote ageism, but if I’ve never met you and will most likely never see you again then I really don’t care to hear a condensed history lesson on your grandchildren. Nor do I care to hear about how difficult your day of travel has been, it’s not nearly as exhilarating as you think. The problem is, if you somehow manage to get out of these unending conversations* then the old person will just call the stewardess and share all their fascinating stories with them (this too has actually happened to me). So really there’s no escape.
Speaking of stewardess, what exactly has happened to make these women so embittered towards the world? Not only are all of them on raging power-trips, but they all look like they have a second job teaching water-aerobics or as a fitness instructor at Curves. All stewardess seem to have an air of superiority around them that’s as unearned as it is illogical. I feel very strongly that with no training at all I could do a stewardess’ job just as effectively as they do. It’s really an incredibly easy job that anyone over the age of 12 could, yet these women think they’re bad asses because they serve stale pretzels and can pour soda into a plastic glass. Oh, they also do a nice job of reminding everyone pre-flight that in the event of a crash we’re all basically f*cked. I’m really at a complete loss as to where their arrogance comes from.
Anyhow, the reason I’m writing this is that yesterday (read: the 15th of May, I was very lazy in transcribing this from my phone) I traveled from Phoenix to Denver. I’ll be in Colorado for the summer and thus won’t be updating my blog for the next 3-4 months, so this is my parting shot. Goodnight and Good luck.
Until We Meet Again
* On the very trip in which I wrote this blog, I had to go to the bathroom 3 different times to get out of a conversation with an old lady. And yes, I’m a bad person.
Little know fact about me: I hate flying. It’s not that I’m afraid of it or that since 9/11 I fear that every minority on the plane is looking to hijack it and kamikaze us into the nearest skyscraper. I’ve actually traveled so much in the past few years that there’s nothing in the flying part of the trip that’s even the least bit unnerving for me. What gets to me is all the in between stuff. Going through security, baggage claim, ticket check in, power-tripping stewardess, etc., these are the things that seem to eat away at the very core of my being. All of it just leaves me physically and mentally drained, so much so that any excitement I might have about wherever I’m going is severely lessened. As if the traveling wasn’t bad enough, all the other people involved make things worse. In many ways I feel like people, and maybe humanity as a whole, dumbest qualities are manifested on an airplane. Whether it’s the stupidity of federal regulations, airline employees or my fellow travelers, few things in life reaffirm my position as a misanthrope quite like airline travel.
Arguably my least favorite part of flying is the storing of bags in overhead compartments. Only on the rarest of occasions do I use these, so what really annoys me is other people trying to do so. Upon entering an airplane I generally have to stand in the aisle for a few minutes before taking my seat because some middle-aged women can’t comprehend how her bag, which is 3 times the size of said compartment, won’t fit inside it. Hell even if the bag is the right size most people can’t seem to fit it in there unless the compartment is completely empty. If people stumble on to a compartment that already has a bag in it they tend to sit there and stare at it as if they’ve just been given an advance calculus problem in a foreign language. As if all this wasn’t bad enough, most people are also unable to get their bag out of the compartment once the plane has landed. Few things irk me quite like people’s inabilities to master, or even adequately use, the overhead storage compartment. I feel like we could solve this problem if everyone was forced to play an hour of Tetris a day for two weeks prior to their departure. This idea is practically full-proof.
Another thing I hate about flying is how my body reacts to it. I can’t prove it, but I’m fairly certain that once I’m above 20,000 feet my body starts to excrete olive oil as oppose to sweat. After every flight I generally look as if I’ve just been sprayed down with an industrial-sized bottle of Pam. On top of that I also look like I used a pound of Crisco as hair gel. For some reason I always exit a plane looking like I just got done running a marathon in the deep south in the middle of July. I feel fairly certain that I’m not the only one whose body does this on a plane, but it doesn’t really matter. Either way it makes me miserable.
Yet another terrible thing about airline travel is the other passengers on the plane. On almost every flight I’ve been on I seem to almost always be traveling with some wanna be hot shot business man who has to spend every last second until take off on the phone or frantically typing on his computer in an effort to get some last minute work in. It’s like the business world equivalent of a drunken frat boy desperately scrambling for some ass as last call is called at the bar. No good ever comes from such things. Either you’ll end up hooking up with a girl that all you’d be embarrassed of if your friends ever found out about. Or, in the business world, you get shown up by the stewardess who has to stand over you and wait for you to turn off all your gadgets while the whole plan shakes their head in your general direction while calling you a jackass under their breath. So please, frat guys and businessmen alike, just give it up already.
Almost as bad as businessmen in the world of airline travel are old people. Now I’m not one to promote ageism, but if I’ve never met you and will most likely never see you again then I really don’t care to hear a condensed history lesson on your grandchildren. Nor do I care to hear about how difficult your day of travel has been, it’s not nearly as exhilarating as you think. The problem is, if you somehow manage to get out of these unending conversations* then the old person will just call the stewardess and share all their fascinating stories with them (this too has actually happened to me). So really there’s no escape.
Speaking of stewardess, what exactly has happened to make these women so embittered towards the world? Not only are all of them on raging power-trips, but they all look like they have a second job teaching water-aerobics or as a fitness instructor at Curves. All stewardess seem to have an air of superiority around them that’s as unearned as it is illogical. I feel very strongly that with no training at all I could do a stewardess’ job just as effectively as they do. It’s really an incredibly easy job that anyone over the age of 12 could, yet these women think they’re bad asses because they serve stale pretzels and can pour soda into a plastic glass. Oh, they also do a nice job of reminding everyone pre-flight that in the event of a crash we’re all basically f*cked. I’m really at a complete loss as to where their arrogance comes from.
Anyhow, the reason I’m writing this is that yesterday (read: the 15th of May, I was very lazy in transcribing this from my phone) I traveled from Phoenix to Denver. I’ll be in Colorado for the summer and thus won’t be updating my blog for the next 3-4 months, so this is my parting shot. Goodnight and Good luck.
Until We Meet Again
* On the very trip in which I wrote this blog, I had to go to the bathroom 3 different times to get out of a conversation with an old lady. And yes, I’m a bad person.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Jinx! You Owe Me a Coke!
Funny story. On October 16th, 2006 I was sitting at home watching the Arizona Cardinals man-handle the heavily favored Chicago Bears during the first half of Monday Night Football. At halftime of that game I get a call from my friend Billy. He was so pumped by the prospect of the Cardinals finally being good he suggested that we go to the mall and buy hats to show our support for the team. I decided to go with him, but not to buy a hat since all hats tend to further augment the roundness of my face.
During our foray to the mall, I got a call from my father who wanted to know where I was. When I told him what Billy and I were doing, he reacted as if I had just taken a sh*t on his bed. Upon hearing the disgust in my father’s voice I had no choice but to buy a Cardinals hat.
Billy and I then returned to my house sporting our brand new hats. As my father looked at us with repulsion, we watched the Cardinals pull one of the biggest collapses in NFL history, as they ended up blowing a 20 point lead in 28 minutes. Naturally we blamed ourselves for the loss and were amazed at our jinxing powers. Much to my surprise though, my jinxing powers aren’t even close to being the best in my own family. My older brother Max’s are far superior.
Max is currently on a streak in which everything he says about sports is wrong. This could happen to anyone, especially someone who talks about sports nonstop. However, upon closer examination it appears that this isn’t just a phase he’s going though. As it turns out, Max has been jinxing people for an extremely long time. Max is actually the sports version of a “cock block”. Anytime he says something positive about a team, or aligns his affiliation with them, said team is screwed. I did some pain stacking reseach to back this up. Below is a brief list of people, places and events Max has jinxed:
March 2008: Before the start of the Final Four, Max says that UCLA is “the clear favorite” and will win their 12th National Title. Moments after the Bruins blowout loss at the hands of Memphis, Max states “Wow, North Carolina’s got an easy path to the title now.” The Tar Heels then proceed to get outscored 40-12 in the first 10 minutes of their game and end up losing to the eventual champion Kansas
January 2008: Max calls the New England Patriots the best team since “West Germany of Nintendo World Cup Fame.” He follows that obscure references up by telling everyone “Pats are going to crush the Giants. Game won’t even be close.” And that “Rip It Off” by Times New Vikings is the best lo-fi/post-punk album since “Day Dream Nation”
2006: During the NBA Finals Max falls ass-over-tea kettle for Dirk Nowitzki and the Dallas Mavericks, causing the Mavericks to blow a 2-0 series lead and causing Dirk to become the biggest choke artist/head case since Chris Webber
2004: During that year’s ALCS, Max calls the Yankees 3-0 series lead “insurmountable” and claims that Alex Rodriquez will go on to be the best post-season hitter of all-time
1997: Max claims that Brevin Knight will have a better pro career than Tim Duncan, causing Knight to have a mediocre, journeyman career while Tim Duncan goes on to win 4 titles in 9 years, becomes a sure fire Hall of Famer and arguably the greatest power forward of all-time
1991: During the closing moments of Super Bowl XXV Max tells everyone “No way Scott Norwood misses this kick, he’s got ice water running through his veins.”
1983: Max says that the Houston Cougars, lead by Clyde Drexler and Hakeem Olajuwon, will run North Carolina State Wolfpack out of the building in that year’s NCAA Championship Game. After the Wolfpacks’ stunning upset, Max tells everyone that their coach, Jimmy Valvano, will “live forever.”
1977: While watching the first Star Wars film, Max tells the rest of the audience in the theater, “Little Luke Skywalker can’t take down the Death Star. He’s toast,” forever altering the ending of A New Hope and the Star Wars Trilogy
1972: After Doug Collins makes two free throws to the give the United States a one point lead with three seconds remaining against Russia in the men’s basketball Olympic Gold Medal Game, Max says, “The Soviets’ couldn’t beat us even if they had 3 chances.” When the USSR actually gets 3 chances and eventually beats the USA in one of the most controversial finishes in sports history, Max’s calmly states “Well that’s a bummer, but I guarantee that the USA is still gonna except their medals.”*
1948: On November 2nd Max says, in reference to the ongoing Presidential Election, “So much for Truman getting a 2nd Term in office, Dewey’s got this thing locked up. You can print that.”
1939: Max declares that the Polish Border is impenetrable and that “Those effing Nazis will get crushed if they go anywhere near Poland.”
1812: Max loudly remarks “I don’t care if it is winter. Napoleon and Co. will have no trouble invading Russia. None at all.”
Approx. 33 AD: Max boldly states that “There’s no way Judas will betray Jesus of Nazareth. They’ve been tight for years.”**
Until We Meet Again
* Since this one is a little more obscure I’ll clue you in on the joke. Members of the ’72 Olympic team refused to receive their silver medal from that year’s game. Most have even put it in their Wills that their family members can’t receive those medals once they’ve died.
** I can’t take credit for this magnificent joke, the credit for this one goes to Travis Parsley.
During our foray to the mall, I got a call from my father who wanted to know where I was. When I told him what Billy and I were doing, he reacted as if I had just taken a sh*t on his bed. Upon hearing the disgust in my father’s voice I had no choice but to buy a Cardinals hat.
Billy and I then returned to my house sporting our brand new hats. As my father looked at us with repulsion, we watched the Cardinals pull one of the biggest collapses in NFL history, as they ended up blowing a 20 point lead in 28 minutes. Naturally we blamed ourselves for the loss and were amazed at our jinxing powers. Much to my surprise though, my jinxing powers aren’t even close to being the best in my own family. My older brother Max’s are far superior.
Max is currently on a streak in which everything he says about sports is wrong. This could happen to anyone, especially someone who talks about sports nonstop. However, upon closer examination it appears that this isn’t just a phase he’s going though. As it turns out, Max has been jinxing people for an extremely long time. Max is actually the sports version of a “cock block”. Anytime he says something positive about a team, or aligns his affiliation with them, said team is screwed. I did some pain stacking reseach to back this up. Below is a brief list of people, places and events Max has jinxed:
March 2008: Before the start of the Final Four, Max says that UCLA is “the clear favorite” and will win their 12th National Title. Moments after the Bruins blowout loss at the hands of Memphis, Max states “Wow, North Carolina’s got an easy path to the title now.” The Tar Heels then proceed to get outscored 40-12 in the first 10 minutes of their game and end up losing to the eventual champion Kansas
January 2008: Max calls the New England Patriots the best team since “West Germany of Nintendo World Cup Fame.” He follows that obscure references up by telling everyone “Pats are going to crush the Giants. Game won’t even be close.” And that “Rip It Off” by Times New Vikings is the best lo-fi/post-punk album since “Day Dream Nation”
2006: During the NBA Finals Max falls ass-over-tea kettle for Dirk Nowitzki and the Dallas Mavericks, causing the Mavericks to blow a 2-0 series lead and causing Dirk to become the biggest choke artist/head case since Chris Webber
2004: During that year’s ALCS, Max calls the Yankees 3-0 series lead “insurmountable” and claims that Alex Rodriquez will go on to be the best post-season hitter of all-time
1997: Max claims that Brevin Knight will have a better pro career than Tim Duncan, causing Knight to have a mediocre, journeyman career while Tim Duncan goes on to win 4 titles in 9 years, becomes a sure fire Hall of Famer and arguably the greatest power forward of all-time
1991: During the closing moments of Super Bowl XXV Max tells everyone “No way Scott Norwood misses this kick, he’s got ice water running through his veins.”
1983: Max says that the Houston Cougars, lead by Clyde Drexler and Hakeem Olajuwon, will run North Carolina State Wolfpack out of the building in that year’s NCAA Championship Game. After the Wolfpacks’ stunning upset, Max tells everyone that their coach, Jimmy Valvano, will “live forever.”
1977: While watching the first Star Wars film, Max tells the rest of the audience in the theater, “Little Luke Skywalker can’t take down the Death Star. He’s toast,” forever altering the ending of A New Hope and the Star Wars Trilogy
1972: After Doug Collins makes two free throws to the give the United States a one point lead with three seconds remaining against Russia in the men’s basketball Olympic Gold Medal Game, Max says, “The Soviets’ couldn’t beat us even if they had 3 chances.” When the USSR actually gets 3 chances and eventually beats the USA in one of the most controversial finishes in sports history, Max’s calmly states “Well that’s a bummer, but I guarantee that the USA is still gonna except their medals.”*
1948: On November 2nd Max says, in reference to the ongoing Presidential Election, “So much for Truman getting a 2nd Term in office, Dewey’s got this thing locked up. You can print that.”
1939: Max declares that the Polish Border is impenetrable and that “Those effing Nazis will get crushed if they go anywhere near Poland.”
1812: Max loudly remarks “I don’t care if it is winter. Napoleon and Co. will have no trouble invading Russia. None at all.”
Approx. 33 AD: Max boldly states that “There’s no way Judas will betray Jesus of Nazareth. They’ve been tight for years.”**
Until We Meet Again
* Since this one is a little more obscure I’ll clue you in on the joke. Members of the ’72 Olympic team refused to receive their silver medal from that year’s game. Most have even put it in their Wills that their family members can’t receive those medals once they’ve died.
** I can’t take credit for this magnificent joke, the credit for this one goes to Travis Parsley.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Bringing Unsexy Back
Ok so this is about a week too late, but I went on vacation last Thursday so just pretend that you’re reading this last week.
This post is my response to an article in the Huffington Post about Sarah Jessica Parker’s being named Maxim Magazines “Unsexiest Women Alive”. You can find that article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/russ-wellen/unsexiest-woman-holds-m_b_93160.html
Since most of you won’t click on that link here’s a brief run down of the story. Based on the results of a recent reader poll, Maxim Magazine named Sarah Jessica Parker the “Unsexiest Women Alive”. Needless to say Mrs. Parker didn’t take to kindly to this. In fact she immediately put out a statement saying how offended she and her husband, Ferris Bueller, were about this. I’m going to respond to some of her statements as well as the statements made by the writer of the above article, Russ Wellen. Here goes:
SJP: Am I the unsexiest women in the world?
CBP: In all likelihood, yes. I’m assuming the basis of this poll was to decide who was unsexiest among women that some people would for some reason consider sexy. I’m not sure what kind of person would find you sexy, but they are most certainly wrong. There are certainly uglier women in Hollywood: Rosie O’Donald, Coutrney Love, Andy Dick, to name a few. But no one in there right mind would say they’re sexy. In fact the only people I can think of who would consider you sexy would be gay men and other long-faced women. Let’s just move on before I offend some more people.
SJP: Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men's magazine? Maybe not.
CBP: Actually you don’t at all. Unless a man has some sort of horse-face fetish, you fit no ones standards of beauty.
RW: Maxim's readers likely weren't singling her out for a lack of sexiness, which no red-blooded man can dispute at this point. Arguably, it's her long face to which they object.
CBP: Actually they WERE singling her out for her lack of sexiness, hence their bestowing the title upon her. In fact almost everything you said here is wrong. They’re disputing her sexiness by plainly stating that she in fact is not. You are right though in your assumption that they object to her oblong face. This is one of the main reason men think she’s unattractive.
RW: The case can be made that Maxim's readers object to having a sex symbol chosen for them on the basis of her success in a "women's" TV series.
CBP: This claim is also wrong. Men don’t think she is unsexy because she stars in a “women’s” tv show. They think she’s unsexy because her face resembles the bottom of a human foot. She could star be the star of anything and it wouldn’t change this fact. So actually this case can’t be made.
RW: But, as is too often the case with a poll, it reveals more about the voters than the subject. First, Maxim readers seem oblivious to the extent to which their tastes in women have been shaped by today's surgically enhanced models and actresses. Talk about an image being forced down their throats.
CBP: Wait. Are you saying that people’s ideas of beauty are shaped by the culture they live in!?!?!!?!? Holy sh*t, stop the presses!?!?!?!!? Of course everyone’s ideals of beauty are shaped by society, no one is disputing that. In fact even your standards of beauty are shaped by society your pretentious asshat. Like it or not, these are the same standards everyone is judged by. Mrs. Parker is probably well aware of them since she is in Hollywood. Clearly she doesn’t meet the standards of a classic beauty. In fact, I think it’s safe to say she meets almost no standards of beauty. Except for the affirmation foot and horse-faced fetishes.
RW: Secondly, conferring a title as vicious as unsexiest woman alive on anyone reflects a poverty of spirit that, in itself, cancels out a Maxim reader's qualifications to choose the winner of any poll…
CBP: So what exactly are you saying, that only the kind in spirit and pure of heart are qualify to answer the question of who is unsexy? Or to answer any poll at all? Aren’t these people better of using there gifts to better the world then answer. Whether it’s stated by a maniacal dictator or a saint, the truth is still the truth.
RW: …Except for maybe which male mixed-martial-art star they'd most like to be in the ring with alone and naked.
CBP: Whoa, look out!?!?!? A gay joke, one which also hints at sports being homoerotic!?!?!!?? BAAZZING!!! Talk about turning the tables!?!?!?!?!? This guy is firing on all cylinders and clearly can’t be stopped. I give up.
Until We Meet Again
This post is my response to an article in the Huffington Post about Sarah Jessica Parker’s being named Maxim Magazines “Unsexiest Women Alive”. You can find that article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/russ-wellen/unsexiest-woman-holds-m_b_93160.html
Since most of you won’t click on that link here’s a brief run down of the story. Based on the results of a recent reader poll, Maxim Magazine named Sarah Jessica Parker the “Unsexiest Women Alive”. Needless to say Mrs. Parker didn’t take to kindly to this. In fact she immediately put out a statement saying how offended she and her husband, Ferris Bueller, were about this. I’m going to respond to some of her statements as well as the statements made by the writer of the above article, Russ Wellen. Here goes:
SJP: Am I the unsexiest women in the world?
CBP: In all likelihood, yes. I’m assuming the basis of this poll was to decide who was unsexiest among women that some people would for some reason consider sexy. I’m not sure what kind of person would find you sexy, but they are most certainly wrong. There are certainly uglier women in Hollywood: Rosie O’Donald, Coutrney Love, Andy Dick, to name a few. But no one in there right mind would say they’re sexy. In fact the only people I can think of who would consider you sexy would be gay men and other long-faced women. Let’s just move on before I offend some more people.
SJP: Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men's magazine? Maybe not.
CBP: Actually you don’t at all. Unless a man has some sort of horse-face fetish, you fit no ones standards of beauty.
RW: Maxim's readers likely weren't singling her out for a lack of sexiness, which no red-blooded man can dispute at this point. Arguably, it's her long face to which they object.
CBP: Actually they WERE singling her out for her lack of sexiness, hence their bestowing the title upon her. In fact almost everything you said here is wrong. They’re disputing her sexiness by plainly stating that she in fact is not. You are right though in your assumption that they object to her oblong face. This is one of the main reason men think she’s unattractive.
RW: The case can be made that Maxim's readers object to having a sex symbol chosen for them on the basis of her success in a "women's" TV series.
CBP: This claim is also wrong. Men don’t think she is unsexy because she stars in a “women’s” tv show. They think she’s unsexy because her face resembles the bottom of a human foot. She could star be the star of anything and it wouldn’t change this fact. So actually this case can’t be made.
RW: But, as is too often the case with a poll, it reveals more about the voters than the subject. First, Maxim readers seem oblivious to the extent to which their tastes in women have been shaped by today's surgically enhanced models and actresses. Talk about an image being forced down their throats.
CBP: Wait. Are you saying that people’s ideas of beauty are shaped by the culture they live in!?!?!!?!? Holy sh*t, stop the presses!?!?!?!!? Of course everyone’s ideals of beauty are shaped by society, no one is disputing that. In fact even your standards of beauty are shaped by society your pretentious asshat. Like it or not, these are the same standards everyone is judged by. Mrs. Parker is probably well aware of them since she is in Hollywood. Clearly she doesn’t meet the standards of a classic beauty. In fact, I think it’s safe to say she meets almost no standards of beauty. Except for the affirmation foot and horse-faced fetishes.
RW: Secondly, conferring a title as vicious as unsexiest woman alive on anyone reflects a poverty of spirit that, in itself, cancels out a Maxim reader's qualifications to choose the winner of any poll…
CBP: So what exactly are you saying, that only the kind in spirit and pure of heart are qualify to answer the question of who is unsexy? Or to answer any poll at all? Aren’t these people better of using there gifts to better the world then answer. Whether it’s stated by a maniacal dictator or a saint, the truth is still the truth.
RW: …Except for maybe which male mixed-martial-art star they'd most like to be in the ring with alone and naked.
CBP: Whoa, look out!?!?!? A gay joke, one which also hints at sports being homoerotic!?!?!!?? BAAZZING!!! Talk about turning the tables!?!?!?!?!? This guy is firing on all cylinders and clearly can’t be stopped. I give up.
Until We Meet Again
Monday, March 17, 2008
One Shining Moment
So that glorious time of year is upon us again, it’s Spring time which means it’s also time for March Madness. The Best three weeks of the year our upon us and while everyone and their mother will be putting out bracket previews, predictions, pointers, etc. I’ve decided to go a different route. I’m going to give you a little preview of what the announcers will say during the games, as well as some things they’ll be thinking but won’t say. You see, for every game the announcers will have a couple of factoids and anecdotes to share about the teams and their players. Almost none of these factoids will be interesting or necessary, but that will not stop them. So here’s a brief run down about what the announcers will and won’t say.
Stanford
What They’ll Say: Stanford has twins!?!?!?!? Brooke and Robin Lopez!?!?!?!!? Here’s a fun little montage on how you can tell twins apart!?!?!?!?!!?
What They’ll Forget to Mention: Mr. and Mrs. Lopez obviously wanted girls since they gave their sons uber feminine names. The Lopez twins also obviously want to be girls since they love Disney cartoons and their favorite pop star is Michael Jackson. Also the easy way to tell the Lopez twins apart is as follows: The clean cut twin (Brooke) is ‘Business Class’ Lopez, while the one with the afro (Robin) is ‘Ready to Party in Europe’ Lopez. They’ll also fail to mention that the Lopez twins would be a far more enjoyable tandem if their names were Cliff and Biff.
Duke
What They’ll Say: Duke is winning on heart, scrappy defense and 3-point shooting.
What They’ll Forget to Mention: Duke is winning with white guys and non-threatening black guys. Just the way Coach K likes it.
UCLA
What They’ll Say: Kevin Love can hit the back board with a chest pass from the opposite free throw line!?!?!?!!? That’s almost and 80 feet pass!?!?!!?!? How f*cking awesome is that!?!?!?!?!!? Also Kevin Love is related to the vast majority of the Beach Boys, namely Brian Wilson and Mike Love.
What They’ll Forget to Mention: If the sports media had their way you’d be awarded five points for throwing a chest pass and hitting the back board from behind your own free throw line. Why, because it’s that effing cool. They’ll also fail to mention that his father Stan is bat sh*t crazy. He tried to manipulate a then mentally ill Wilson into gaining control of the Beach Boys (possible hyperbole) and he also tried to get his son’s high school coach fired. Mark Shoff, Kevin’s HS coach, didn’t start Kevin for a game because Kevin got mono and missed practiced. The next day Stan went to the high school to hand out “Fire Shoff” t-shirts and buttons*. And no, he wasn’t joking.
Memphis
What They’ll Say: Memphis point guard is Derrick Rose, he’s only a Freshman!?!?!!?!? That means he’s only been out of high school for one year. Crazy huh?!?!?!?
What They’ll Forget to Mention: (At least until late in the game) Chris-Douglas Roberts also plays for Memphis and he’s a junior. CDR is actually much better then Rose and is actually one of the 5 best players in the country.
North Carolina
What They’ll Say: Tyler Hansbrough plays with so much intensity, he never gives up out there. This kids gotta a lot of heart AND a lot of SKILL!
What They’ll Forget to Mention: We like Hansbrough because he’s white like us. Also he looks exactly like Beaker the Muppet.
Tennessee
What They’ll Say: Senior Guard Chris Lofton is a great shooter, he stayed in school all four years. He’s the reason you love college basketball.
What They’ll Forget to Mention: Chris Lofton is so overrated it actually makes me physically ill. He stayed in school all 4 years because he has no chance whatsoever to make it in the NBA. He’s too small to play shooting guard and doesn’t have the handles, passing, leadership or play making abilities to play point guard at the next level. Enjoy having a stellar career in Poland when you’re done here Chris.
Butler
What They’ll Say: Butler, a mid major playing with the big boys, what a story!
What They’ll Forget to Mention: While Butler has some impressive wins, they play in such a weak conference that their win total and seed are both greatly inflated. Throw Butler in the Pac 10, Big 12 or Big East and they’d be a 10 loss bubble team at best.
Kansas
What They’ll Say: Kansas is the deepest team in the nation, they can go 10 deep if they want to.
What They’ll Forget to Mention: Kansas has stock piled so much talent that it’s literally unbelievable. However Bill Self is such an inept coach that despite having the most talented team in the country, he will not lead them to a national title. However his team is good enough that they may make it to the Final Four on talent alone in spite of their coach.
Notre Dame
What They’ll Say: Luke Harangody plays with such tenacity, just a joy to watch. He’s one of those blue collar guys. He puts on his hard hat and goes to work.
What They’ll Forget to Mention: Harangody looks like he has down syndrome and no, we can’t figure out how he’s any good either.
Wisconsin
What They’ll Say: Bo Ryan’s team runs the swing motion offense to perfection. And they don’t give up an inch on defense, they make you earn every point.
What They’ll Forget to Mention: This team is so breathtakingly boring I’m likely to fall asleep watching them play and/or talking about them.
Kansas State
What They’ll Say: Michael Beasley is arguably the best player in the country. He’s putting together one of the best Freshman seasons of all-time. He’ll likely be the number 1 pick in the draft.
What They’ll Forget to Mention: Aside from Billy Walker, the rest of Beasley’s team is so horrible it’s staggering. In fact if Beasley stayed another year in Manhattan it’s a pretty safe bet that he’s a masochist.
Washington State
What They’ll Say: Washington State has players from all around the globe, neato!
What They’ll Forget to Mention: We really don’t what else to say about Wazzu because there style of play is so methodical/boring and they never beat themselves, how lame is that. Also the only ‘foriegn’ player who gets any time for them is Hawaii’s Derrick Low. Also, the Cougars Coach Tony Bennett is really good looking, we’re talking Hollywood good looking. I’m a completely straight man, but when they show him on the screen for long stretches of time I get really flustered and my palms get sweaty.**
Until We Meet Again
* http://wweek.com/story.php?story=5285#continue
** Ok the announcers might no say all that, but it rings true for me.
Stanford
What They’ll Say: Stanford has twins!?!?!?!? Brooke and Robin Lopez!?!?!?!!? Here’s a fun little montage on how you can tell twins apart!?!?!?!?!!?
What They’ll Forget to Mention: Mr. and Mrs. Lopez obviously wanted girls since they gave their sons uber feminine names. The Lopez twins also obviously want to be girls since they love Disney cartoons and their favorite pop star is Michael Jackson. Also the easy way to tell the Lopez twins apart is as follows: The clean cut twin (Brooke) is ‘Business Class’ Lopez, while the one with the afro (Robin) is ‘Ready to Party in Europe’ Lopez. They’ll also fail to mention that the Lopez twins would be a far more enjoyable tandem if their names were Cliff and Biff.
Duke
What They’ll Say: Duke is winning on heart, scrappy defense and 3-point shooting.
What They’ll Forget to Mention: Duke is winning with white guys and non-threatening black guys. Just the way Coach K likes it.
UCLA
What They’ll Say: Kevin Love can hit the back board with a chest pass from the opposite free throw line!?!?!?!!? That’s almost and 80 feet pass!?!?!!?!? How f*cking awesome is that!?!?!?!?!!? Also Kevin Love is related to the vast majority of the Beach Boys, namely Brian Wilson and Mike Love.
What They’ll Forget to Mention: If the sports media had their way you’d be awarded five points for throwing a chest pass and hitting the back board from behind your own free throw line. Why, because it’s that effing cool. They’ll also fail to mention that his father Stan is bat sh*t crazy. He tried to manipulate a then mentally ill Wilson into gaining control of the Beach Boys (possible hyperbole) and he also tried to get his son’s high school coach fired. Mark Shoff, Kevin’s HS coach, didn’t start Kevin for a game because Kevin got mono and missed practiced. The next day Stan went to the high school to hand out “Fire Shoff” t-shirts and buttons*. And no, he wasn’t joking.
Memphis
What They’ll Say: Memphis point guard is Derrick Rose, he’s only a Freshman!?!?!!?!? That means he’s only been out of high school for one year. Crazy huh?!?!?!?
What They’ll Forget to Mention: (At least until late in the game) Chris-Douglas Roberts also plays for Memphis and he’s a junior. CDR is actually much better then Rose and is actually one of the 5 best players in the country.
North Carolina
What They’ll Say: Tyler Hansbrough plays with so much intensity, he never gives up out there. This kids gotta a lot of heart AND a lot of SKILL!
What They’ll Forget to Mention: We like Hansbrough because he’s white like us. Also he looks exactly like Beaker the Muppet.
Tennessee
What They’ll Say: Senior Guard Chris Lofton is a great shooter, he stayed in school all four years. He’s the reason you love college basketball.
What They’ll Forget to Mention: Chris Lofton is so overrated it actually makes me physically ill. He stayed in school all 4 years because he has no chance whatsoever to make it in the NBA. He’s too small to play shooting guard and doesn’t have the handles, passing, leadership or play making abilities to play point guard at the next level. Enjoy having a stellar career in Poland when you’re done here Chris.
Butler
What They’ll Say: Butler, a mid major playing with the big boys, what a story!
What They’ll Forget to Mention: While Butler has some impressive wins, they play in such a weak conference that their win total and seed are both greatly inflated. Throw Butler in the Pac 10, Big 12 or Big East and they’d be a 10 loss bubble team at best.
Kansas
What They’ll Say: Kansas is the deepest team in the nation, they can go 10 deep if they want to.
What They’ll Forget to Mention: Kansas has stock piled so much talent that it’s literally unbelievable. However Bill Self is such an inept coach that despite having the most talented team in the country, he will not lead them to a national title. However his team is good enough that they may make it to the Final Four on talent alone in spite of their coach.
Notre Dame
What They’ll Say: Luke Harangody plays with such tenacity, just a joy to watch. He’s one of those blue collar guys. He puts on his hard hat and goes to work.
What They’ll Forget to Mention: Harangody looks like he has down syndrome and no, we can’t figure out how he’s any good either.
Wisconsin
What They’ll Say: Bo Ryan’s team runs the swing motion offense to perfection. And they don’t give up an inch on defense, they make you earn every point.
What They’ll Forget to Mention: This team is so breathtakingly boring I’m likely to fall asleep watching them play and/or talking about them.
Kansas State
What They’ll Say: Michael Beasley is arguably the best player in the country. He’s putting together one of the best Freshman seasons of all-time. He’ll likely be the number 1 pick in the draft.
What They’ll Forget to Mention: Aside from Billy Walker, the rest of Beasley’s team is so horrible it’s staggering. In fact if Beasley stayed another year in Manhattan it’s a pretty safe bet that he’s a masochist.
Washington State
What They’ll Say: Washington State has players from all around the globe, neato!
What They’ll Forget to Mention: We really don’t what else to say about Wazzu because there style of play is so methodical/boring and they never beat themselves, how lame is that. Also the only ‘foriegn’ player who gets any time for them is Hawaii’s Derrick Low. Also, the Cougars Coach Tony Bennett is really good looking, we’re talking Hollywood good looking. I’m a completely straight man, but when they show him on the screen for long stretches of time I get really flustered and my palms get sweaty.**
Until We Meet Again
* http://wweek.com/story.php?story=5285#continue
** Ok the announcers might no say all that, but it rings true for me.
Monday, March 10, 2008
My Name is KIIIDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!
As many of you know, I’m a highly acclaimed (in my own mind) musical aficionado. Well finally people in the ‘industry’ are taking noticed. I recently landed an interview with Detroit’s own Kid Rock. Here’s the transcript of our interview.
Calvin: Hey Kid how’s it going. Do you mind if I call you Kid?
Kid Rock: My name is KIIIIIDDDD ROOOCCCCCK!!!!!!!!!
Calvin: (Doing my best impersonation go f Brent Musburger’s fake laugh) Ha ha ha, it certainly is. Now obviously Kid Rock is not your Christian name, how did you decide on Kid Rock for your stage name?
Kid Rock: My name is KIIIIIDDDD ROOOCCCCCK!!!!!!!!!
Calvin: Well ok then… Now lets just get this out of the way here. You recently broke up with Pamela Anderson. As they always do, the gay rumors soon followed. What’s your response to that?
Kid Rock: Never gay, no way, I don't play with ass. But watch me rock with Liberace flash. Punk rock, The Clash. Boy bands are trash.
Calvin: Strong words, from an even stronger man. Kid, what have you been up to lately?
Kid Rock: I've been on the cover of the Rolling Stone. I met the president when I was half stoned. I been so high I've gotten confused. I been beat down, broke and used motherf*cker .I drank with Hank, talked blues with Billy. Rocked with Run sang with shotgun Willy. Went from small time Philly to big time Bobby. From 3 day old chili to Saki with wasobi.
Calvin: Wow, that sounds like quite a lot. But, uh, what exactly does it mean to be half stoned?
Kid Rock: Only God Knows Why
Calvin: (Confused) Ah, you didn’t even remotely answer my question, in fact you in no way addressed it. Is this some sort of Post-Modern Socratic Method you’re using on me?
Kid Rock: Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogy said up jump the boogy
Calvin: (Silent)
Kid Rock: Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogy said up jump the boogy
Calvin: (Clearly frustrated) Moving on, many critics have tried in vain to define your musical styling. You’re part rap, part country, part rock. No one seems to know for sure, how would you define yourself.
Kid Rock: I'm a porno flick, I'm like amazing grace. I'm gonna f*ck some hoe's after I rock this place!
Calvin: Porn and amazing grace, two very dichotomous entities, not unlike yourself Kid. Now speaking of your critics, some see you as the voice of a generation, others as a no good malcontent who’s poisoning America’s youth. What’s your thoughts on that?
Kid Rock: My motto, Be Cool. Keep Pimpin’.
Calvin: I’m sure it is. You’ve recently been very outspoken about the tragedy that seems to engulf the world around us, care to share some of your thoughts on that subject?
Kid Rock: It's another night in hell. Another child won't live to tell .Can you imagine what it's like to starve to death?
Calvin: No, actually I can’t.
Kid Rock: And as we sit free and well. Another soldier has to yell: Tell my wife and children I love them in his last breath
Calvin: Is that from “We Were Soldiers”?
Kid Rock: Habitual offenders, scumbag lawyers with agendas. I'll tell you sometimes people I don't know what's worse. Natural disasters or these wolves in sheep clothes pastors. Now God damn it I'm scared to send my children to church
Calvin: (Speechless)
Kid Rock: C'mon now amen, amen
Calvin: (Completely flabbergasted, trying to regain my composer)
Kid Rock: I said amen, amen
Calvin: Amen indeed. Thanks for you’re time Kid, any parting words?
Kid Rock: Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogy said up jump the boogy Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy…
Until We Meet Again
Calvin: Hey Kid how’s it going. Do you mind if I call you Kid?
Kid Rock: My name is KIIIIIDDDD ROOOCCCCCK!!!!!!!!!
Calvin: (Doing my best impersonation go f Brent Musburger’s fake laugh) Ha ha ha, it certainly is. Now obviously Kid Rock is not your Christian name, how did you decide on Kid Rock for your stage name?
Kid Rock: My name is KIIIIIDDDD ROOOCCCCCK!!!!!!!!!
Calvin: Well ok then… Now lets just get this out of the way here. You recently broke up with Pamela Anderson. As they always do, the gay rumors soon followed. What’s your response to that?
Kid Rock: Never gay, no way, I don't play with ass. But watch me rock with Liberace flash. Punk rock, The Clash. Boy bands are trash.
Calvin: Strong words, from an even stronger man. Kid, what have you been up to lately?
Kid Rock: I've been on the cover of the Rolling Stone. I met the president when I was half stoned. I been so high I've gotten confused. I been beat down, broke and used motherf*cker .I drank with Hank, talked blues with Billy. Rocked with Run sang with shotgun Willy. Went from small time Philly to big time Bobby. From 3 day old chili to Saki with wasobi.
Calvin: Wow, that sounds like quite a lot. But, uh, what exactly does it mean to be half stoned?
Kid Rock: Only God Knows Why
Calvin: (Confused) Ah, you didn’t even remotely answer my question, in fact you in no way addressed it. Is this some sort of Post-Modern Socratic Method you’re using on me?
Kid Rock: Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogy said up jump the boogy
Calvin: (Silent)
Kid Rock: Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogy said up jump the boogy
Calvin: (Clearly frustrated) Moving on, many critics have tried in vain to define your musical styling. You’re part rap, part country, part rock. No one seems to know for sure, how would you define yourself.
Kid Rock: I'm a porno flick, I'm like amazing grace. I'm gonna f*ck some hoe's after I rock this place!
Calvin: Porn and amazing grace, two very dichotomous entities, not unlike yourself Kid. Now speaking of your critics, some see you as the voice of a generation, others as a no good malcontent who’s poisoning America’s youth. What’s your thoughts on that?
Kid Rock: My motto, Be Cool. Keep Pimpin’.
Calvin: I’m sure it is. You’ve recently been very outspoken about the tragedy that seems to engulf the world around us, care to share some of your thoughts on that subject?
Kid Rock: It's another night in hell. Another child won't live to tell .Can you imagine what it's like to starve to death?
Calvin: No, actually I can’t.
Kid Rock: And as we sit free and well. Another soldier has to yell: Tell my wife and children I love them in his last breath
Calvin: Is that from “We Were Soldiers”?
Kid Rock: Habitual offenders, scumbag lawyers with agendas. I'll tell you sometimes people I don't know what's worse. Natural disasters or these wolves in sheep clothes pastors. Now God damn it I'm scared to send my children to church
Calvin: (Speechless)
Kid Rock: C'mon now amen, amen
Calvin: (Completely flabbergasted, trying to regain my composer)
Kid Rock: I said amen, amen
Calvin: Amen indeed. Thanks for you’re time Kid, any parting words?
Kid Rock: Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogy said up jump the boogy Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy…
Until We Meet Again
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