Blog Review

So this is a new segment I’m going to have on my blog called blog review. It will be semi-annual, and by that I mean it will be whenever I feel like it or having nothing else of worth to share. Here’s how this goes. I’ll find another blog that I like, post it here and then break it down. Sounds simple right? Well it is so lets get to it. Today’s post comes from: loveisunpredicable.blogspot.com Let’s see what this fellow blogger had to say.

haiz...life is sooo complicated for me!!! i juz wan a simple life!!!i got someone i like in my class!!but i dun even dare to tell anyone,coz other ppl in my class also like him!!!he haf goldfish eye,nose and even mouth!!i dunno how did i fall for him!!but i juz one day suddenly look at him and immediately,i fall in love in him!!!well though i noe tat he dun like me and he like other girls le!!but i will juz look at him from my right eye!!i will look at him go!!!

Wow. Now that was a powerful blog. First let me say that I like the blog’s name. This young lady (well let’s hope a lady is writing this) is absolutely right, love is unpredictable. I also applaud her for finding a new way to say hi, because I think I speak for all of us when I say that the correct two letter spelling was getting a little bit boring. I empathize with her longing for a simple life.* Because in the end is that what we all want. I also empathize with her in her romantic situation in life. We’ve all liked someone and been to afraid to tell anyone. And while I certainly don’t know how she feel for a boy with goldfish-esque facial features, I don’t judge her for that either. We’ve all fallen for someone whose awkwardly (or to be less pc downsy) hot. One thing I do find that concerns me is the last two sentences of her post. She’s going to watch this boy through her “right eye”. What about her left eye? Is she handicap?** Is she some sort of Cyclops? If so then her love life is probably the last thing she should be worrying about. Also what’s this about watching “him go”. Is she watching this boy as he uses the bathroom? Is she into that same voyeuristic stuff that my brother Max digs so much? I sure hope not, cause if she is then ruins what was/is a sweet, completely relatable post. I guess this time I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt.

Well that’s it for blog review. Hope you enjoyed.

Until We Meet Again

* I'm not sure, but this may have been a reference to the Paris Hilton Reality show of the same name.
** I she the twin sister and/or antithesis of former pop great and TLC member Lisa Left-Eye Loab?

Kobe and other news and notes

Well I haven’t updated by blog in about a week and Kobe Bryant and Chris Rodgers, unfortunately through unrelated incidents, have forced me to write something. So here’s a little something something for all you out there. (Be forewarned, most of these posts will probably be related to sports. So if you’re the artsy type best stay away from this post.)

- Kobe Bean Bryant. KOBE F*CKING BRYANT. Kobe “I scored 81 points in a meaningful game and just proved that I’m probably the greatest individual talent in the history of the NBA” Bryant. I f*cking hate Kobe Bryant. And yet, he scored 81 f*cking points. I can’t really find anything meaningful or semi-intelligent to say about it. So I just type the f word over and over again in an attempt to show extreme emphasis. Kobe has reduced me to a stuttering, incoherent, babbling idiot. Now I know what that girl from Colorado felt like(minus the slut part)* 81 Points. What’s most amazing about all of this is the fact that he only shot 20 free throws and only took 46 shots. GAWD DAMN. (More on this later…)
- Chris f*cking Rodgers. (For those of you scoring at home the f word here is used more out of scorn and anger then the shock and amazement usage you witnessed in the above paragraph). Chris is obviously f*cked up in the head. I don’t want to talk about this much, but I will say this. While Arizona is a far less talented team with out him, chemistry, offensive ball movement and likeability has gone through the roof with out him. Also if you haven’t read the e-mail he sent to the news stations in Tucson, track it down. It’s a hoot.
- Speaking of Arizona basketball it looks like Mustafa Shakur has finally turned a corner. With the exception of the UCLA game, in which he apparently had the flu, he’s looked like the best PG in the Pac-10 since league play started. I also apologize for jinxing him. I’m an idiot.**
- I’m currently working up the courage to go and see “Brokeback Mountain”. Anyone who would like to go see it with me contact me and don’t tell my mother about all of this.
- You heard it here first Harrison Ford’s Firewall will be the best movie of 2006. I’m basing this solely on the fact that Harrison kicks a lot of a$$. And yes I have a huge man crush on him. I mean c’mon!
- I wish I had something of note to say about the Superbowl, but Sunday’s game were boring as all hell. So I got nothin’ for ya.
- I’ve racked my brain I and I can’t come up with a single reason as to why Kobe should get sh*t on for his performance. Outside of the fact that he’s gone on the record saying that he told the woman in the Colorado hotel room to kiss his penis***. His team sucks. He took most of the shots with in the flow of the game. And the game itself was close until the final 2 ½ minutes. On yeah and his team was down by 19 or so when he started going off. I hate Bryant, but no one can fault him here with out coming off as a complete jackass.
- So in case you haven’t noticed I’ve grown rather fond of footnotes. If anyone can think of a better way to do that please let me know.
- Well that’s it for now. See ya ‘round readers.

Until We Meet Again

* Bazing! And yes that was a rape joke. What can I say? I hold a grudges.
** For those of you saying: But what about the Cal game? Well that doesn’t really count because everyone played like absolute sh*t that game. So the whole team gets a free pass on this one.
*** That’s 2 biatch!

King Kong or Why All Women are Inherently Evil or Finally a Movie Character I Can Relate To.

Before we get started today I need to warn you all that this post/essay/column/whatever the hell it is contains spoilers of King Kong*. It should also be noted that if you have yet to see this brilliant piece of cinema you’re a complete and udder (expletive deleted). So now that we’ve got that out of the way let’s get started.

Here’s a brief synopsis of King Kong. A film crew finds an uncharted island in which they hope to film a movie at. Unfortunately for the film crew this island is inhabited by these creepy looking dark skinned natives**. The natives end of capturing Ann, who is the “heroine” of this movie. The film crew and actors panic and don’t know what to do. Eventually the natives sacrifice Ann to a 24ft gorilla (King Kong) who appears to be just a big bowl of wrong. The film crew then embarks on a rescue mission to save Ann from this extremely bad (expletive deleted) and apparently evil gorilla. The film crew has to trek across a vast island/jungle to find Ann, so it takes them awhile to do so. Before they find her they run in to all sorts of trouble, all the while we see several scenes of Kong and Ann interacting. The more we see Ann and Kong spend time together it becomes readily apparent that Kong is in fact not just an evil beast, but he's kind and loving to Ann while also being innately human. Before the film crew can find her and bring her back to the ship so they can return to America, Ann and Kong fall in love. This love may or may not have stemmed from Kong laying the smack down on not one but three (expletive deleted) T-Rexes. Whether or not their love is merely platonic or romantic love is unkown. I choose to believe their love was the latter. Kong and Ann have something special between that can’t really be described (now before we start to head down the bestiality road lets just get back to the summary). So eventually Ann is saved by Jack, a film and theatre writer who is also in love with Ann. As Ann and Jack flee back to the ship Kong follows in hot pursuit. Before Kong can reach Ann he is captured and chloroformed***. Kong is captured and taken back to America where he can be put on display for money. Of course this plan back fires and Kong breaks free and rampages through New York. He searches the streets for Ann, but can’t find her. She eventually finds him and the two of them then go ice skating. And yes the movie was so incredibly good that I actually bought this scene. They seem to be headed for a fairy tale ending before the National Guard (NG) shows up and wrecks their (expletive deleted). Eventually the NG chases Kong to the top of the Empire State Building where he eventually is killed and falls off in dramatic, slow mo fashion. As the camera pans over Kong’s dead body Jack Black (who is really good in this film) tells us why Kong died. Some cops note that the airplanes finally got him. Jack Black disagrees, he knows (and says) “that it was beauty that killed the beast.”

WHHHHHHAAAAAAATTTTTTTT!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Yes folks I’m afraid it’s true, that awful last line carries with it a lot of validity. Kong died the way so many great man (and perhaps animals???) die. He died because he fell for some c*ck teasing hussy who eventually let him down. Is Ann really to blame for Kong’s death? YES, an emphatic yes. A French philosopher, whose name escapes me, once said that men search for God’s face in the brothels. This is also true for King Kong. Kong was looking for a savior. And he found one, unfortunately she was unobtainable. Ann ruins a lot of lives in this film. Kong for one, and Adrien Brody’s character: Jack. Jack is also in love with Ann, but how the heck is he suppose to measure up to kicking the living (expletive deleted) out of three T-Rexes? The answer friends is that he can’t. Jack is just as doomed as Kong. Only his fall/death will be from some metaphoric Empire States Building. Which brings us to the point of this whole deride. I have several things in common with King Kong (and to a lesser extent Jack the playwright).

Like Kong (and to a lesser extent Jack the playwright) I too am doomed when it comes to women****. I always fall in love with an unobtainable girl. This said girl is unobtainable for one of a couple of reasons. Either she’s in a relationship, hopelessly in love with someone else or thinks I’m gay. This always happens to me, and it always ends the same way. I, like Kong (and to a lesser extent Jack the playwright), will eventually fall in love with someone and end up falling of my own metaphoric Empire States Building. Women will eventually ruin me. In the end it’s beauty that ends up killing us all, isn’t it. (expletive deleted) women.

Until We Meet Again

* I’m referring to the Peter Jackson epic version that came out about a month ago.
** Make your own inference here, I’m just writing about what Jackson decided to show us.
*** It should be noted that this was the point in the movie in which I told myself I wasn’t going to cry at King Kong. Seriously it was a very emotional movie. Or maybe it’s just because it was Christmas Night. I really don’t know.
**** For space purposes I declined to go into the physical and mental attributes Kong and I share.

Top 35 Songs of 2005: Top 10 Songs

And now the moment you’ve all been waiting for. My unveiling of the top 10 songs of 2005. As always scroll down, the last to posts were songs 35-21 and 20-11. I apologize for the sleepless night most of you probably experienced waiting for the completion of this list. I’m sorry and here you go.

10. Iron & Wine( Feat. Calexico) - History of Lovers: When I first heard that Iron and Wine was making an EP with Calexico I was pretty nervous. For one Sam Bean had a great thing going on by himself and I remember listening to Calexico in High School and being completely under whelmed on just about every level. So when this EP came out my worries far exceeded my expectations. But as it turns outs, this EP was really good, and this particular song was the high light from it. I was both shocked and amazed that Bean’s voice could not only hold up but excel with a full band backing him. Maybe the most amazing part of this song is that Bean still maintains the whisperiness (to make up a word) of his voice despite the added musicians.

9. Of Montreal - Wraith Pinned to the Mist and Other Games: Simply put this is the best neo-psychedelia song to come out this year. If you’re unaware of what neo-psychedelia is don’t worry, I have no idea either, but I’m pretty sure it applies to this song. In simpler language this is probably the best dance song of the year. Now dance pop usually gets a bad rap, and it usually deserves it. But this song is just a great song which makes you want to dance, even if you hate dancing. Of Montreal perfectly channels old-school New Order and Art Garfunkle’s I Shall Sing.

8. Matt Pond PA – Halloween: A general criticism of Matt Pond is that while his music is beautifully constructed and his lyrics are good, neither leaves a lasting impression. Generally speaking this criticism is spot on (although it should be noted I don’t think that’s a justifiable reason for disliking the band, but that’s neither here nor there.). With Halloween, that is not the case at all. While it seems Arcade Fire could sue them for plagiarism over the piano riff, the rest of the song is wholly Matt Pond PA (MPPA for short.). MMPA critics will still say this song doesn’t have enough of an edge, but really it doesn’t have to. It perfectly personifies the autumn season and moves beautifully. So finally MPPA have found a way for their music to leave an impression, give it a hint of sounding like someone else’s.

7. Sage Francis – Crumble: I truly believe this is one of the best break up songs I’ve ever heard. What’s even more amazing that it’s not even the most emotionally powerful song on Sage’s album. But that’s neither here nor there. The song starts with a slow Jon Brion esque piano then the final 30 seconds it moves to a techno/pseudo trance hop beat. For the longest time this musically switch pissed me off. However I now see that the switch is done to so that the music parallels itself to the breakdown of the character in the song*. So now the song is even more amazing. I’d tell you more but you should probably just listen to it yourself.

6. The Boy Least Likely To – Be Gentle with Me: On the first listen to the Boy Least Likely, you’d think you’d stumbled upon Kid Bop Volume 9, or something like that. Their music sounds, at first, like VBS music. But it eventually becomes just great pop music. And while the kiddish feel slightly diminishes the beauty of the music and lyrics, you should be able to get by it. Hopefully all of you can get by the fact that when you hear this song you feel like some middle aged house wife should be teaching you hand motions to it with one of the fakest smiles you’ve ever seen plastered to her face. Seriously, this is a really good song.

5. Sufjan Stevens – John Wayne Gacy, Jr.: If an artist writes a hauntingly beautiful** song about a serial killer, it’s probably going on my top 10 list. Since song starts out with Sufjan trying to view Gacy in a reasonable light. He looks at things from Gacy’s point of view and seems truly sympathetic for the man. Eventually so he’s overcome by the horrors of the murders Gacy committed. While all of this seems a little corny, Sufjan shows his genius by pulling this song off and not only making the listener take it seriously, but also creeping the hell out of them. Just a phenomenal song.

4. Andrew Bird - Tables and Chairs: It seems that Andrew Bird likes to take a cliché song ideas and put his own unique twist on it. Such was the case with Fake Palindromes (which ranked 21st on this distinguished list) where he took a love song viewed through the eyes of a psycho. With Tables and Chairs Bird takes the idea of Utopian society and tongue and cheekly names its attributes. After talking about all the benefits a society with no government or economic system Bird tells us that this utopia will also include snacks. Really I’m still not sure what to do with this song other then just enjoy it.

3. Gorillaz – Feel Good Inc.: Outside of the fact that the first verse is often mistaken for a Cake song, this song is amazing. Easily the best radio hit of the year, and the the best radio hit since Hey Ya. Some of you may wonder how an elitist such as myself can place a hit single so high, if at all, on my top songs list. To answer that question I’ll have to counter with another question: Have you heard this song? It’s unbef*ckinglievable. I really don’t care if elitist shone and blacklist me for liking this song, it’s that good.

2. Decemberists – Engine Driver: 8 short months ago I rated this song as one of my all-time favorites. I think I even put it as high as 12th, I really don’t remember. Clearly I jumped the gun, as this song is good but not that good. Still though, this is an amazing love song. Colin Meloy looks tells a love story from the vantage point of a writer. While I change my interpretation of the song on every listen, it’s still amazing. I find I’m out a loss of words now when trying to describe it. So I’ll stop trying to and just implore all of you who read this to go out and immediately listen to it.

1. Common – Be: One of the best rap songs I’ve ever heard. At first it sounds like an Al Green song, then Common comes in raping over the beat and you’re not really sure what to do with yourself. This is the type of song that makes you want to respond to it with more then just a head nod or fist pump. So you try countless things, but none of them seem satisfactory. So instead just sit back and let it sink in. Allow it to wash over you. Just enjoy it. Songs as great as this one don’t come along very often, so just be grateful that you found it, or more appropriately that Common found it***. This is a truly transcendent song, just allow it to effect you. Just listen to Common’s advice: The present is a gift, and I just want to be.

* It should be noted that the lyrics are pretty much indecipherable during the trance part, but after 100+ listens I finally figured out what he was saying, pretty good sh*t actually.
** I realize I’ve used beautiful or beauty far to many times when describing songs or albums, but ever since I enrolled in a community college I’ve found myself unable to use any adjectives I learned after 1st grade.
*** Regarding the song Tupelo Honey Bob Dylan said that it was always out there, Van Morrison was just the first one to find it. I feel the same way about this song.

Top 35 Songs of 2005: 20-11

This is the continuation of my top 35 songs of 2005 list. For songs 35-21 just scroll down one post. Here’s the songs 20-11, enjoy.

20. Sufjan Stevens – Chicago: Sufjan writes a brilliant song about how being in a big city makes us more susceptible to falling in love and regret. As someone who has felt these things just about every time I step foot in down town Chicago, I happen to particularly like/relate to this song. And so it makes my list.

19. Jason Collett – I’ll Bring the Sun: I first heard this song in the spring of 2004. I was at a Mason Jennings show in Chicago and some drunken cowboy who was somehow related to Broken Social Scene was the opening act. For the most part is his act was extremely forgettable and mildly humorous because he was obviously drunk off his ass. For his final song he played this then unreleased beauty. Since that concert I search high and low to find this song, and now it’s finally come out and I loved it now every bit as much as I did then. Just a great Alt. Country song, check it out.

18. Wolf Parade – Modern World: A song that upon first listen sounds like it should be off A Lonesome Crowded West or The Moon and Antarctica. In all honesty, if I wasn’t so lazy I’m not sure this song would be on here over “Dear Sons and Daughters of Hungry Ghost” or “I’ll believe in Anything”(both of these are also Wolf Parade songs in case you didn’t know.). But Instead I’ll just say that this song is still really damn good and has the best Modest Mouse esque harmony and rhythm line I’ve heard.

17. Kanye West(Feat. Adam Levine of Maroon 5) - Heard 'Em Say: This is yet another reason on the growing list of reasons to hate Kanye: He made me love a song that involved the lead singer of Maroon 5. And as good as the lyrics and Kanye’s rapping is on this song, Levine steals the song. In fact I love Levine’s harmony parts in this song, and that really pisses me off. In fact I’m not going to talk about it anymore.

16. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - The Skin Of My Yellow Country Teeth: Despite the fact that the lyrics are completely indiscernible for the first 10+ times you hear this song, it might be the catchiest song of the year. The guitar rift will stick in your head for days and hearing the song, even after the fact that you’ve discovered that they lyrics are semi-depressing, will put a hop in your step and makes you feel like dancing. And in case you were wondering, the fact that I just referenced Leo Sayer was unintentional.

15. Silver Jews - I'm Getting Back Into Getting Back Into You: This song easily has the best title of the year. It also does the classic Silver Jew’s thing at making you smirk at the cleverness of David Berman’s lyrics and then sing along whole heartedly to the chorus. We* here at Another West Coast Morning tip our hat to you Mr. Berman.

14. Josh Rouse – Sad Eyes: Some people see it as a fault that I have a soft spot for perfectly orchestrated pop music. These people try to convince me that men like Rouse just put out unoriginal, uninspired beautiful music. They seem to think this is some sort of knock on Rouse., but anytime the adjective of beauty is attached to anything with out being sarcastic, I fail to see how that is a knock. And I see no evidence that this song would be better if the drums were louder then the singing or if Rouse screamed into his guitars pick up or if there was a bunch of random sounds added that sort of blended into one another. Truthfully I don’t think any of these things would make this song better. Maybe I just like boring music, you decide.

13. Stereophonics – Dakota: As noted several times in the past** I have an unadulterated love for Brit Rock that even I can’t explain. And while Stereophonics has put out two very disappointing albums since Just Enough Education to Perform, this song is amazing. If you don’t like Brit Rock, stay away form this song, but if you do this is easily the best song out of that genre this year.

12. Sufjan Stevens - Decatur, or, Round of Applause for Your Step Mother!: Sufjan often writes his songs based on short stories that he’s written. Here he gives us a brief history of the state of Illinois from the view of a couple of kids whose step mother made them take a trip to learn about Illinois’s history. This song is equally clever and beautiful, not unlike Sufjan.***

11. Common (Feat. Kanye West) – The Food: If this song did nothing but teach us that slow motion is better then no motion, I would have put it on this list. But seriously, this song is amazing. It, like the rest of the album, vaguely feels like a ‘70’s soul song. And this song especially captures the bluesy almost gothic feel of Chicago. This song could probably double as the vest R&B song I’ve ever heard.

We’ll be back next week with the top 10 Songs of 2005. Get excited.

* I like to think of my self as multidimensional, this also leads be to believe that I’m not the only one writing for this overly pretentious, pedantic and all in all poorly written blog.
** And maybe even in this very post, I don’t know. As shocking as it may seem I rarely proof read anything I post.
*** Yeah I’m probably gay.

Top 35 Songs of 2005: 35-21

So I’ve decided that there’s no better way to ring in the new year then giving you a list of my favorite songs of 2005. As with the top albums list the only real barometer for the songs on this list is that I like them. I’m going to try and stretch segment out for awhile since I don’t have much to post about. So today you’ll get 35-21, on Thursday you’ll get 20-11 and the Top 10 will come next week. So with out further ado, here’s the list.

35. New Pornographers – The Bleeding Heart Show: There’s a strong possibility that this song is only on my list because I saw the band live. Anyhow, the final 1:45 of this song rocks my socks off.

34. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Upon This Tidal Wave Of Young Blood: Might be higher if it wasn’t for the “there’s nothing left to fear now that big foot is capture” line.

33. Wolf Parade -You Are A Runner And I Am My Father's Son: Great opening song. Even after multiple listens you’re never really sure where the song is going, which is a good thing. The line about drawing 3 figures on a loved one’s heart is both beautiful and creepy. Shades of Neutral Milk Hotel.

32. New Pornographers – Jackie, Dressed in Cobras: This song contains my favorite line of the year: “There’s something in the way she moves that shouldn’t be allowed.” So it makes the list.

31. Spoon – I Turn My Camera On: One of the best driving and/or dancing songs out there.

30. Kanye West (Feat. Lupe Fiasco) - Touch the Sky: This song possesses what might be the best sample since Primitive Radio God’s sampled B.B King. Also Fiasco’s debut rap is really damn good.

29. Broken Social Scene – Swimmers: This song would be higher if I had gotten it sooner. Instead I’ve only had a few weeks with this phenomenal song. Maybe the best song about young love I’ve heard since “Me and Julia” by Boy Star Library.

28. Crooker Fingers – Sleep All Summer: The indie scene’s answer to Bruce Springsteen writing a great summer song.

27. Silver Jews - Punks in the Beerlight: The Silver Jews are the best at writing songs that are tongue and cheek depressing and catchy as all hell. This is a perfect example of one of those songs.

26. Ryan Adams & The Cardinals – Cherry Lane: I’ve always been a sucker for the Alt. Country and Brit Rock. In Cherry Lane Adam’s combines the two genre’s perfectly, hence it’s inclusion on this list.

25. Crooker Fingers – Twilight Creeps: The indie Bruce is back, doing what he does best: reminding all of us that just because something’s cheesy doesn’t mean it’s not good. When a song included lines like: “Why’s everybody always act so tough if all anybody wants is to find a friend.” And you’re not laughing hysterically at it, then you have to believe that it’s a great song. Or you just have bad taste in music.

24. Bright Eyes – Poison Oak: I could off on a list of reasons this song shouldn’t be on this list, such as: Overdone bravado, overly emo, pacifist lyrics that don’t fit at all, ect. But instead I’ll tell you why I like this song: Slide Guitar. While Conor Oberst is going into more of a folk style writing style, his band Bright Eyes is still overtly an emo band. But this song has the best slide guitar of any song I’ve heard this year. It’s beautiful musically and because of that I can block out the lyrics that I don’t like and/or don’t fit the song. So it makes my list.

23. Fruit Bats - The Wind that Blew My Heart Away: How could the official song of Hurricane Katrina not make this list?

22. Clem Snide – Jews for Jesus Blues: For a guy’s whose first name is Eef, Clem Snide’s lead singer is extremely brilliant. In this song he addresses a problem every realistic Christian has thought of. Eef claims that now that he’s found (and/or saved through Christ) he wishes he was lost. A feeling we can all relate to. While this concept alone is arguably brilliant enough to land you on my top songs list, the song itself is very good. I’m not sure what else to say about this song so let’s just move on.

21. Andrew Bird - Fake Palindromes: On this song Bird offers us a new twist on the generic love song. Bird shows us love through a psychopath and/or serial killer’s eyes. Make no mistake, this is a love song. And the songs final lyrics have the protagonist longing to “drill a tiny hole” into the object of their affections head. Also this song has the best violin riff I’ve heard since Bitter Sweet Symphony by the Verve, and it’s may be the best violin riff I’ve ever heard.

Well that’s it for now check back Thursday for 20-11.

As I set down these notes on paper I’m obsessed with the thought that I maybe the last living man on earth

So I went to the movies last night and saw Syriana. If you don’t know what the movies about go read up on it, I’m not going to spend precious blog space rehashing the plot for you. While this movie was brilliantly acted and very interesting, I couldn’t help but thinking to myself: Wait what the f*ck is going on here. If you are considering seeing this movie may I suggest you wait. It seems that you need at least six months of research on American Oil companies dealings with Middle Eastern Countries. Still though this was a very good movie, it just expects it’s viewer to know it’s back ground story, which I didn’t. So study up on shady oil deals and the government’s involvement in them and then go watch this movie. Anyhow, here are a few thoughts and ideas I’ve been mulling over.

- Earlier this year I had the idea that U of A basketball was similar to a great marriage. Only in this marriage you wife goes out and cheats on you with some obnoxious asshole, someone like Jason Biggs, 2-3 times a year. I think this marital metaphor perfectly describes my relationship with Wildcats basketball, just thought you’d like to know.
- Is there a better feeling then putting on an old pair of jeans or a jacket you haven’t worn in a while and finding a 20 dollar bill in one of the pockets? I really don’t think there is. This hasn’t happened to me in years, but the mere thought of it fills me with joy.
- Speaking of U of A basketball, this years team is uninspiring at best. While there defense is the best it’s been in some time, the offense is about as fun to watch as to homeless people making love. I mean seriously, even if these said homeless people were mildly attractive it would still be gross.
- Do we need to start a petition to get Mark Ruffalo to stop making chick flicks? I mean c’mon Mark. You’re far too talented to be staring in romantic comedies (which it should be note are to women what porn is to men. My father told me this a few years back and I responded by vomiting.). Get back to the indie scene Mark, we miss and need you.
- Could anything make you change the channel faster then hearing “produced by Courtney Cox and David Arquette”?
- While watching the previews at the movie theater tonight, one of the trailers had this line in it: From the brilliant minds that brought you Cabin Fever. I don’t I’ve ever laughed harder at a trailer. If I was somehow involved in the writing process that brought about the train wreck know as Cabin Fever, not only would I deny that fact ‘til my dying day, but I would make sure it was never mentioned in any of my other works that I was somehow connect to that movie. But it takes all kind… I guess.
- When you can’t fall asleep until after 4:30 a.m. strange things happen to you. You find yourself on entertainment weekley.com and then wondering how the hell you got there. And then you want to kick the shit out of yourself for going there in the first place. It’s a vicious cycle.
- Well it’s after 4 and I’m going to try to sleep. Sometime in the near future I’ll put out my top songs of the year list. Hope this tides you over for now.

Until We Meet Again.

Top 10 Albums of 2005

Let me preface this list by saying that I haven’t listen to enough music this year for this to be a fully comprehensive list. There are several albums I have yet to hear that would probably be on this list based on the band’s previous work and/or what people whose musical opinions I respect have told me. So before we get to the list, in which the only real criteria is that I like the albums, here’s a few honorable mention lists.

Honorable Mention(Stuff I haven’t Heard but everyone I respect raves about): Okkervil River – Black Sheep Boy, Stephen Malkamus – Face the Truth, Anthony and the Johnsons – I Am a Bird Now, Danger Doom – The Mouse and the Mask.

Honorable Mention (Stuff I love but couldn’t crack the top 10, in order): Boy Least Likely To – Best Party Ever, Bright Eyes – I’m Wide Awake It’s Morning, New Pornographers – Twin Cinema, Matt Pond PA – Several Arrows Later, Decemberists – Picaresque, Silver Jews – Tangle Wood Numbers, Doves – Some Cities, M. Ward – Transistor Radio, Jason Collett - Idols of Exile, Block Party – Silent Alarm, Spoon – Gimmie Fiction, Shout Out Louds – Howl Howl Gaff.

Also here’s a short list of the most disappointing albums of the year.

Dishonorable Mention: Beck – Guero, Bright Eyes – Digital Ash Digital Urn, White Stripes – Get Behind Me Satan, Death Cab for Cutie – Plans.

So without further ado here’s my top ten list. Top Songs are in the order they appear on the album, and asterisk denotes my favorite song on the album.

10. Crooker Fingers – Dignity and Shame. Top Songs: Weary Arms, Twilight Creeps*, Valerie, Sleep All Summer, Dignity and Shame.
Many people in the “indie” scene have made the assertion that Eric Bachman has a similar voice to Bruce Springsteen. On Dignity and Shame, the similarities between Bachman and the Boss go further then voice. Bachman has several boss-esque lines, such as: Why’s everybody always act so tough when all anybody wants is to find a friend. This line is just like a classic Springsteen line, extremely corny, but also strangely enjoyable and good. This album also marks a turning point in Bachman’s song writing. Instead of writing portrait songs about melancholy, depression and the bottom rung of society, he’s now writing upbeat pseudo-folk songs about love and things of that nature. Even the sadder songs on the album like Sleep All Summer feel far more upbeat then any of the past Crooker Finger Albums. So since I’ve been on a Springsteen kick for most of the year this song easily makes my top ten.

9. Sun Kil Moon – Tiny Cities. Top Songs: Exit Does Not Exist*, Tiny Cities Made of Ashes, Never Ending Math Equation, Four Fingered Fishermen, Ocean Breaths Salty
Most of you probably know Sun Kil Moon as the Red House Painter guy’s side project. That would be a fair assessment, as the band hasn’t really put out anything of note until now. With the exception of Have You Forgotten**, this album is a far and away Mark Kozelek’s best work.. What that says about Kozelek, that his best work is a cover album, I’m not quite sure, but it probably isn’t good. Anyhow, if you are unfamiliar with this album, it’s a cover album of all Modest Mouse songs. Now I’m of the belief that there are only a few reasons to cover a song 1.) You have a unique spin to put on the song. You make the song your own without making people forget who originally wrote it. Or 2.) The song’s obscure and you want to draw people’s attention to it. 3.) Your Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash or Samuel Beam. This album fits in with the first reason. This is maybe the most soothing/relaxing album I’ve ever heard. Simply marvelous, check this ish out.

8. Sage Francis – A Healthy Distrust. Top Songs: Sea Lion, Crumble*, Lie Detector Test, Bridle, Jah Didn’t Kill Johnny.
This is the best rap album from a white rapper this year. Even if that was the albums only credential it still might sneak into my top 10 list. But this album is truly deserving of this honor. Sage has always been a great lyrists, but on this album he ads a new delivery style to his arsenal. While he’s kept the basic foundation of his sing-songy half-talking rap style, he switches things up enough on this album to make him sound less white (although it’s still very easy to tell) and more bad ass. Sea Lion is probably the most f’d up rap song I’ve ever heard. While normally f’d up rap songs involve necrophilia and/or incest, this one involves disappointing your mother. Sounds tame, but trust me it’s not. Crumble is possibly the best break up song, not just for rap but for any genre. Sage has finally put it together and is ready to claim the title as best white indie-rapper. Also how could you not have the album that brought Will Oldham into hip-hop on your top 10 list?

7. Ryan Adams – Cold Roses and Jacksonville City Nights
Yes these are two separate albums, 3 discs in all. So why am I putting them on my top ten list as one entry. Because, he should have only made one album this year. So I’m making this one album with myself as the producer. If this was the track listing, then this definitely would have been a top ten album. The songs, off JCN first then Cold Roses, would be: A Kiss Before I Go, The End, Hard Way to Fall, Hardest Part, September, My Heart is Broken, Don’t Fail Me Now*, Mangolia Mountain, Sweet Illusions, Meadowlake Street, Beautiful Sorta, Now That You’re Gone, Cherry Lane*, Mocking Bird, Let It Ride*, Dance All Night and Blossom.
If you’re wondering why there are 3 asterisks, that’s because there was three discs in all, so those are my favorite songs on each disc. On December 20th Ryan has his third album of the year, 29, coming out. Word on the street is that it’s not as good as these two, which even by themselves are very good, but there are probably some songs on their that I’d have to add, so stay tuned.

6. Kayne West – Late Registration Top Songs: Heard ‘Em Say, Touch the Sky*, Gold Digger, On My Way Home, Roses, Gone.
What more needs to be said about this album other then the fact that it lived up to the hype. Regardless of the fact that Kayne is a huge douche bag, aside from the amazing TV moment he provided us with ^, this album is amazing. The addition of Jon Brion to do the strings adds and amazing element and texture that few rap albums to date have had. As good as this album is, I do have a few problems with it. For one it blows it wad too early. The album completely plateaus off after Gold Digger. Also, the album is an anti-grower. I wouldn’t say it gets worse with each additional listen. But it never fully lives up to the promise it has on the first couple of listens. It’s still a great album though, it just leaves you with a feeling that it should have been better.

5. Wolf Parade - Apologies To The Queen Mary Top Songs: You Are A Runner and I Am My Father’s Son, Modern World*, Dear Sons And Daughters Of Hungry Ghosts, I’ll Believe in Anything, Dinner Bells.
Three weeks ago this album wasn’t even on my list. I had written this band off as a Modest Mouse and Arcade Fire rip off band that had a few good songs but didn’t offer much after that. Then, for some odd reason, I went back and listened to this album. And I was pretty much wrong on every first impression I had about this bandand their album. While they do steal a bit from the above mentioned bands, they have their own sound pretty much grounded out, which is extremely impressive for a debut album. This album flows better then almost any album I’ve heard this year. The songs blend into one another beautifully and when it’s all said and done your left with the impression that there are great things to come from these guys.

4. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah Top Songs: Clap Your Hands!, Let The Cool Goddess Rust Away, Details of War, The Skin Of My Yellow Country Teeth*, Upon This Tidal Wave Of Young Blood.
Ok, so they probably have one of the worst band names ever, don’t let that detour you from listening to them. When people ask me what this band sounds like I generally reply that they sound like the love child of The James, David Bowie and David Bryne with just a sprinkle of Thom Yorke. The first five times you hear this album is nearly impossible to make out 90% of the lyrics. But not since How I Made My Millions^^ has mumbling been this enjoyable. After 10 + listens you start to have a general idea of what Alec Ounsworth is saying. The opening track, Clap Your Hands!, is one of the great all-time curveballs to start an album. This band has an amazingly unique sound that grows on you. And while my description may have lead you to think differently, this band has some of the best hooks in recent memory. Another big plus for all you elitists out there, this band is probably too odd to ever hit it big in mainstream pop. Hopefully I didn’t just jinx them by writing that. (I just check the bands website and it turns out they’re performing on Conan the 16th of this month. My bad guys, I’ll take the blame for this one.)

3. Andrew Bird - Andrew Bird and the Mysterious Production of Eggs. Top Songs: Sovay, Fake Palindromes, Measuring Cups, Tables and Chairs*, The Happy Birthday Song.
I firmly believe that if this album came out last year it would have been the best album of the year. Unfortunately for Andrew Bird this years competition is a little stiffer. So may claim that I’m being locally biased because Bird is from Chicago, but that is untrue. Bird seems like the 21st Century’s answer to the Talking Heads. This is easily his most consistent album to date. He’s seems more sure of himself this time around, and musically this album triumphs because of that. At certain points during the album you have to pause and wonder how a violinist is making such amazing pop music. But everything he tries works. Lyrically Bird borders on insane and ingenious, shades of Malkamus and the aforementioned Bryne. While Weather Systems and Swimming Hour, Bird’s last two albums, showed the amazing promise and potential he has, it’s on Eggs that Bird seems to put it all together and reaffirm everyone who saw the potential in his last two albums. All in All this album is an amazing achievement for a great artist. It also has real life whistling in it, on Bird’s website bio he credits himself as a ‘professional whistler’, and you really can’t go wrong with that.

2. Common – Be. Top Song : Be*, Corners, Testify, Chi City, The Food, They Say.
While with Andrew Bird I wasn’t displaying local biased, here I am. This album is definitely a top ten album, no doubt about that. But if I wasn’t living in Chicago I’m dead certain it wouldn’t be this high. But what this album does, better then any album I’ve ever heard, including Yankee Hotel Foxtrot, is personify Chicago. Chicago itself is often personified by it’s dark, almost gothic overtones. The whole city seems to have a blues and jazz song feel to it. For the entire album Common perfectly captures that. Whether your on the North or South side, riding on the el or walking on Michigan Avenue this album makes the city come alive like nothing I’ve ever experienced. When the first, and far an away the best, track Be kicks in you’d almost swear that your listening to Al Green, only some amazing rap in comes in over the beat. The majority of this album has the feel of a ‘70’s Soul record, which is partly what makes it so great. So while this is album is probably a little to high, bare with me. If you ever in Chicago for an extended period of time, listen to this record, trust me you won’t regret it.

1. Sufjan Stevens – Illinois. Top Songs: John Wayne Gacy Jr., Jacksonville, Decatur, or, Round of Applause for Your Step Mother!*, Chicago, Casimir Pulaski Day, The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts.
Stop it, stop it. I can hear all of you screaming local biased now. First let me point out the name of this blog. Aside from referencing a Destroyer song, I truly am a west coast boy at heart. And secondly, with the exception of Chicago, I hate the entire state of Illinois. As a matter of fact because of “the game that never happened” last march I have vendetta on the entire state. It wouldn’t matter where I was, this is the best album I’ve heard since Neutral Milk Hotel’s epic Areoplanes Over the Sea. Sufjan, who, as my older brother Luke pointed out, seems like those kids in your youth group who never really said much, but when he did talk all the girls giggled. That kid always thought he was better then you, and he probably was, but you hated him anyways. He played acoustic guitar in the worship band and all the girls fell for him because of that. Well even if Sufjan is that kid, he’s still an amazing musician and this CD is still incredible. This is Sufjan’s 2nd album from his 50 states project, and I think it’s safe to say he’s probably set the bar too high. Anyhow I’m tired of typing, so I think I’m done with talking about this album. But just in case you haven’t heard this album, first slap yourself because you’re missing out an incredible musical experience. And secondly go out and listen to by any means necessary.

Well that rounds out my Top 10 Albums of the year. Next Week I’ll bring you my Top 35 Songs of 2005. So stay tuned.

Until We Meet Again

** Red House Painter’s song.
^ http://media.putfile.com/Kayne-West-Bush-Black-People , watch Mike Myers during this entire video. Also Christ Tucker trying to ad lib at the end is amazing.
^^ Radiohead B-Side. Yeah I’m an elitist.

A Story and the Best Idea I've had in years

- First a short story for fun: So I woke up Wednesday morning around noon. I put on a sweater and went outside to find that it was 25 degrees out accompanied by 20 mph winds which mad it feel like it was 10 degrees. Have I mentioned lately that I love the Midwest? Seriously though why do people stay here? You have a sh*tty winter 6-7 months out of the year. Summers are too humid. Really the only good time of year is Autumn, which lasts about a month or month in and a half if you’re lucky. I mean Chicago’s great and all, but it’s now great enough to justify the near year round sh*tty weather. Anyhow…

So I had this idea a couple weeks ago that I feel obligated to share with all of you. You know the way on ESPN and every other sports sties they have player profiles. They give you a statistical break down of any given player, as well as their measurements and career highlights and other quirky facts. They also included a scouting report, career to date info. All in all they’re very useful way of learning about a certain player. So what I propose is that we have player profiles for real life, player profiles, but for average people. This would especially be helpful with girls.

Say you saw some young biddy whom you were attracted to, but didn’t know. Instead of spending countless hours getting to know her, while in the process endangering you’re academic and social life, you could just read her profile. This profile would have to be compiled by an unbiased source, so some outside of that person or one of their friends would have to fill it out. This would be an amazing way of seeing whether or not you wanted to actually get to know someone or not. Because nothing is worse then spending a bunch of time around a girl only to find out she’s as superficial and shallow as you first thought. People profiles would fix all of that. They could give you some very useful information or just random facts to help you along the way, such as:

- Warning Beer Slut.
- Really likes football player
- Emotional basket-case
- Plays softball.
- Listens to Pinback, Camper Van Beethoven, Neutral Milk Hotel and things of that ilk. Definite head case, stay the f*ck away from this girl.
- Has seen ‘The Notebook’ and ‘Titanic’ over 50 times each.
- Empathizes with Nicole Richie.
- Lundberg f*cked her.
- Cried during Field of Dreams
- Way to into the show Friends. Tries to make herself and everyone in her life similar to a character in the show.
- A little too into Jane Austin, i.e. probably a lesbian.
- Claims to be a big Ashton Kutcher fan.
- Listens to hardcore music, clearly her father didn’t hug her enough.
- Envisions Susan Sarandon as the perfect mother.
- Open about her tampon usage.
- Cock Tease
- Has a tattoo on the small of her back.
- Cries after intercourse

These are hust a few of the helpful tidbits these profiles would have. I mean whose life wouldn’t be made tens of thousands of times easier by this? I think I’m going to write John McCain a letter about all of this. Hopefully he’ll be able make this brilliant idea a reality.

Top 5 Man Crushes

Just when you thought the content of this blog couldn’t get anymore homoerotic, I present to you the top 5 Man crushes in my life, as well as a few honorable mention.

5. Hugh Grant – As if the list wasn’t embarrassing enough, Hugh Grant’s in my top 5. It mostly has to do with his performance in About a Boy. But come to think of it, everything I’ve seen him in he’s always befuddilly charming.

4. Christian Bale – Best looking man alive and he’s Batman, what more could you ask for?

3. Mason Jennings – Number one on my list of people I’d be gay for, serouisly.

2. Dennis Quaid – This Man Crush has gotten so bad that I’m actually considering going to see Yours, Mine and Ours. Man my Dad hates me.

1. Gregory Peck – Who else would be here? I mean he’s Atticus freakin’ Finch. He also has a voice that could forever end the conflict in the Middle East.

Honorable Mention: Salim Stoudamire, Walker Percy, Willie Tuitama, John Cusak, Colin Meloy, Andrew Bird, Patrick Dempsey and Ethan Embry

Until We Meet Again
* Toni Collet would be on the list, but it turns out she’s not a dude.

Pieces of Me

Here’s some random thought and questions I’ve been pondering while eating the last of my Halloween candy.

- Whose idea was it to put Walnuts in Trail Mix? Is there anyone out there who actually likes walnuts, let alone walnuts in trail mix?
- Big 10 Football is almost as fun as chronic diarrhea.
- Are Carmelo Anthony and Glenn Robinson the same player?
- Why do Christians think it’s a good idea to blend two worship songs together? Everyone is already painfully aware of how bad Christian music is, why go a step further to prove this by showing that multiples songs have the same chords and progression?
- Family Feud just isn’t the same without Louie Anderson.
- Applying to a Community College feels a lot like applying for a value member’s card at a supermarket.
- I finally lost the last of my dignity when I admitted to actually liking Enrique Iglesias’s Hero.
- C’mon, it’s a catchy song.
- In related news, does anyone know if I can still categorize Kelly Clarkson as a guilty pleasure?
- Has there been a more underrated single in the last decade then Faded by Soul Decision.
- Is it just me or does Jarhead just look like an updated version of Three Kings?
- Diabetes, God’s punch line.
- Willie Tuitama = The Muther F*ckin’ Sh*t.
- If you haven’t heard it yet, the new Broken Social Scene is pretty good. Highlight songs are Swimmer and Supperconnected. And the rest of the album feels like it’s a grower.
- Also Sun Kil Moon’s Modest Mouse cover album is unbelievably good.
- Whenever Harry Potter 4 trailers come on I find myself so overcome with excitement that all I can do is clap my hands together and squeal/scream like a pre-teen girl. Cleavage often invokes this same reaction.
- Fantasy Basketball is slowly but surely taking over my entire life.
- Is there a less attractive female athlete then the softball player. (With the exception of Jennie Finch, who has that porn star hot thing going for her.)
- Sorry this isn’t much, but I’ve been busy as h-e-double hockey sticks lately.

Until We Meet Again

05-06 NBA Season Preview

With the NBA Season starting tonight I’ve decided to unveil my predictions for the season. Here they are by conference.

East:

1. Detroit Pistons: They lost Larry Brown and gained a better offensive coash and more depth, I doubt they’ll fall off. They also will have a huge chip on their shoulder, trying to prove to everyone that it was them and not Larry who was responsible for their winning ways.
2. Miami Heat: They added talent, but they added guys who need the ball to be effective. They lost their outside shooters and got worst defensively, all in all a bad off-season for the Heat. However D-Wade and Shaq are enough for them to win their division, but they won’t get out of the 2nd round.
3. New Jersey Nets: Best perimeter team in the league. However they’re very weak and limited up front. Still they’ll cruise to a division title and I expect them to outlast Miami and get back to the Eastern Conference finals. Of course if Jason Kidd starts to play like a geriatric old man again, then all bets are off.
4. Indiana Pacers: Second best team in the conference, but they play in the same division as Detroit. They’re the deepest team in the league and they’ll play Detroit in the 2nd Round in what will be the real Eastern Conference Finals.
5. Cleveland Cavilers: LeBron might be the best player in the league. If he’s really only 21 (and admit it, we all have our doubts about that) he’ll challenge MJ for best ever before he’s done. They added shooters in Damon Jones and Marshall. And they added another scorer/creator in Hughes to take pressure and hopefully minutes off Lebron. They should aim for the 6th Seed so they have a chance to get out of the first round.
6. Washington Wizards: Gilbert will be even better this year as he’ll get more touches with Hughes gone. Caron Butler for Kwame Brown is an incredible steal for the Wiz. Antonio Daniels will take ball handling pressure of Gil and we’ll help to replace Hughes D. If they ever get the ball to their underrated big men they could have a lethal inside out combo.
7. Chicago Bulls: IMO the first six are locks, but after that everything gets sketchy. Despite loosing Curry’s offense, their D will get them back to the playoffs. Look for the Argentinan guy with a hard to spell/pronounce name to take over for Deng by mid-season.
8. Philadelphia 76ERS: On paper this team is average at best, but I believe AI will will them into the playoffs. C-Webb will suck, yet people will still convince themselves that he could turn the corner at any time.
9. Milwaukee Bucks: Bogut will stumble out of the gates and everyone will say he’s a bust. But in a few years he’ll look like a young Brad Miller. This team will start hot until teams remember the TJ Ford can’t shoot. If they were in an easier division they might challenge for a playoff spot. After the Maglorie trade I think they’ll make the playoffs over Philly, but I still refuse to bet against Iverson.
10. New York Knicks: Larry Brown is a huge a$$ hole, but he’s an incredibly talented coach. If he goes against his instinct and gives his rookies big minutes then this team could sneak into the playoffs.
11. Orlando Magic: This team will resemble a pick up team. They’ll have great talent, but they need to get Steve Francis the H out of dodge. If they can bring in a decent 2 guard and let Grant Hill (assuming he’s healthy) play point forward, they could cause a lot of trouble for teams. But they’re not making the playoffs so they need to start developing Dwight Howard.
12. Boston Celtics: Has some very good and very young talent. They need a decent Pg though, also look for Paul Pierce to continue his downward slide.
13. Toronto Raptors: Chris Bosh is a tremendous young player, Jalen Rose has the best quotes in the league. Outside of that, they suck. How bad are they? Loren Woods is set to win the Center position by default.
14. Atlanta Hawks: The only reason they’re ahead of the Bobcats is out of respect for Salim, who will make several teams regret not picking him in the late 1st round. Joe Johnson will prove he was worth the money, but the Hawks will still be really bad. They need to trade one of their 20 6-8 SF for some size and a PG. Overall the Hawks future looks far better then it has in some time. They’ll be decent in a few years.
15 Charlotte Bobcats: Okafor’s a stud and Gerald Wallace will have a break out year. But I’m not sold on Felton, and May is a questionable draft, considering you can’t play him and Okafor at the same time. The season will be a success if they win over 20 games.

West:

1. San Antonio Spurs: The only question remains who hits all the big shots? Ginobli, Duncan, Horry or new comer Van Exel. It won’t matter too much because they’re that much better then everyone else. The NBA has found the dynasty to replace the Lakers. Unfortunately they’re not nearly as marketable or hateable.
2. Sacramento Kings: Peja will return to form, Bibby will be better then ever, and if Miller can stay healthy they’ll capitalize more then anyone else on Amare’s injury. However another post-season collapse should pave the way for Rick Adelman’s exit, and for the Kings to be a serious title contender again with a new coach. Assuming they resign Peja.
3. Denver Nuggets: They benefit from playing in the leagues worst division, which should assure them the number 3 spot. How far they go in the playoffs depends on whether or not Carmelo develops into an all-around player, because right now he’s just a scorer. Speaking of which, is anyone else excited about Melo and Karl’s first fight. My guess is they’ll have a mini fight this year and within two years one of them will be gone. This just might be the best sub plot in the league for the next 3 years.
4. Houston Rockets: This will be the year T-Mac finally gets out of the first round. If Yao’s conditioning gets better they’re the only team in the west that can challenge San Antonio. PG play might hurt them early on, but when Bobby Sura comes back he’ll stabilize the team.
5. Dallas Mavericks: Solid all around team, who will look better in the regular season then in the playoffs. Once the playoffs start, look for Dirk to fall off again.
6. Phoenix Suns: Everyone says they had a terrible off season, but forgets they beat Dallas 3-1 with out Joe Johnson. They also had no bench and Q was no existent. So how exactly did they get worse? The trio of Raja Bell (an old flame of mine), James Jones and Jim Jackson will make up for the loss of Q and JJ. If they can hold down the fort until Amare gets back they’ll have everyone in the West not named the Spurs sh*tting kittens by April. Their main problem maybe the lack of a back up PG for Nash. Jackson, Jones and Barbosa will do a decent job filling in, but none of them has the ability to push it the way Nash, or last years back up Johnson, did. Either way, if Nash stays healthy they’ll get another shot at the Spurs in the Western Conference Finals.
7. Memphis Grizzles: This team always finds ways to improve. The addition of Eddie Jones, Damon Stoudamire and Bobby Jackson will help w/ chemistry and leadership. Hakim Warrick will be far better then expected. And Pau Gasol will have his best season yet, then flame out in the playoffs reminding everyone that you can’t win with a Euro as your best player. That said, Gasol is far and away the tougher Euro player, which isn’t saying much.
8. Utah Jazz: This is my riskiest and probably my worse pick. But I’m a believer in Jerry Sloan. I’m a huge believer in AK-47. Boozer will be better then last year. If Okur is in shape he’ll have a great year. Deron Williams maybe a rookie, but he’s a gamer and will be a very good PG. Devin Brown and Gordon Gerick platooning the SG position and be decently effective. All in all, I think that’s enough to get them back to the playoffs.
9. Los Angeles Clippers: If they stay healthy and share the ball they’ll make the playoffs. I doubt either of those things happen. They’ll be smart to move Casell and let Livingston take over the reigns at PG.
10. Minnesota Timberwolves: The only reason they’re this high is because of KG. The rest of the team sucks, and that’s being generous. They drafted Rashad Mcants in the Lottery, despite the fact that he doesn’t played D and scored a whopping 0 points in the 2nd half of the biggest game of his life (NCCA Title National Game). Yeah that was a smart choice.
11. Golden State Warriors: Everyone’s picking them to get to the playoffs this year. Personally I don’t like the fact that the majority of their hopes are depends upon Barron Davis’s health. Regardless this team will be very fun to watch. I see them falling just short of the post season. Ike Digou is a sleeper for Rookie of the Year if he stays healthy.
12. Seattle Super Sonics: Loosing their coach is going to hurt them, a lot. They have no back up plan if Luke Ridnour falters. Ray Ray will be great as always, but I doubt the rest of the team can duplicate last years dream season.
13. Los Angeles Lakers: Just because Phil’s back doesn’t make Kobe MJ. And while I love the Lamar Odom, I think it’s clear that he doesn’t want to play 2nd fiddle to Kobe, and really who can blame him? (With apologies to Luke Walton) The rest of this team is gawd awful. Phil is know for making good teams great, not sh*tty teams good. If he gets this team in the top 10 in the West he deserves coach of the year.
14. Portland Trailblazers: Their down to single digit headcases, which is a good thing. With Zach Randolph, Sebastian Telifair and Martell Webster they have a nice young core. They need either Travis Outlaw or Darius Miles to pan out at the 3. Hopefully they’ll trade Juan Dixon to a contender so he can be effective. And if nothing else lets at least hope we get a minimum of 5 shots of Juan’s brother during the games, that guy is pure gold.
15. New Orleans… er Oklahoma/Baton Rouge Hornets: This team blows more then Hurricane Katrina. Now that joke was not only tasteless, but it wasn’t really funny. Still the Hornets are real bad, and they’ll be even worse now that they’ve traded Jamal Maglorie. Chris Paul is everyone’s pick for the next great PG. I’m not sold on him, but he and J.R. Smith should provide a nice glimmer of hope for the team with out a home.

Awards:

MVP:
1. Tim Duncan – He’s the new Shaq, meaning he should win it every year.
2. LeBron James – Might already be the best player in the league.
3. Ron Artest – If he keeps his head on straight the Pacers will win the east he’ll deserve MVP consideration. But that’s a big IF.
4. Kevin Garnett- He puts up amazing numbers every year, but his sh*tty team will keep him from placing higher.
5. Allen Iverson – Just because he should have on it last year.

Coach of the Year
1. Jerry Sloan – If Utah makes the playoffs
2. Greg Popovich – See Tim Duncan
3. Rick Carlise – If he can keep Artest in check he deserves it.

Rookie of the Year
1. Deron Williams
2. Ike Digou
3. Salim Stoudamire

Finals pick:

Spurs over Pacers (4-2)

Phone calls and things of that nature

Disclaimer: To anyone I’ve talk on the phone with in the last couple of months be assured this is not about you. These are just some thoughts and observations I've made. No one who reads this blog is the cause of this post, and that’s the honest to God truth.

So as most of you know I recently purchased a cell phone. Since then I’ve had several people calling me, some of whom I had no intention of ever speaking with again (yeah that ones about you half brother! B*tch.), and all these conversations have ended poorly. Now there are several different reasons for this. The following is reasons why I suck at phone calls, as well as ways to make calls better, for everyone (namely me).

1.) I don’t translate well on the phone: I haven’t had my A game for months now, maybe years. Needless to say I'm far from my best, and I’m even worse on the phone. I think it’s because a large part of my communication is verbal. And when I’m actually talking to some one face to face I have some idea of when they’ll stop talking. On the phone I have almost no sense of the flow of conversation. So the majority of my phone calls are filled up with me awkwardly cutting people off or awkward silences.

2.) People are f*cking retarded when it comes to phone calls: Everyone should know by now that phone calls can never come close to replacing talking with someone face to face. Which should make people realize that the only purpose of a phone call is: to find out where someone is or what they’re doing or to catch up with that person. If the said call is regarding the first two, then that call should last no longer then a minute and a half. If you’re truly calling to catch up with someone, you should follow this proceeded. Person A gives a brief synopsis of what has gone on in his life since the two parties have last talked. Person B listens intently and only speaks if it is to ask for a further explanation or clarity. When Person A is done, then Person B goes and the same rules apply. Wouldn’t calls be easier if we all followed this simple format?

3.) The Comfort Zone: This one mainly applies to men talking with other men on the phone. As a general rule, guys seem to dance around all the ‘how have you been’ for at least 10 minutes. The first ten minutes of the conversation are usually spent awkwardly exchanging jokes and verbal jabs. Eventually the two come to some sort of middle ground where they’re then comfortable enough to talk about why they really called, to catch up. For me, I find things get awkward after the ice has been broken. What that says about me, I don’t know.

4.) When the conversation comes to a screeching halt, end it: Every phone conversation dies eventually. When this happens, end it. Sounds simple, but for some reason it’s not. Must people seem content to let the conversation a slow and painful death. People would rather sit in a silence so immensely awkward that both sides of the conversation want to tear their own flesh off then end a phone call. I suppose people don’t want to come off as rude for ending the conversation, but that’s dumb. I suggest that when a certain amount of time has past, people should end the conversation at the first sign of it dying. We’ve all had calls which left of with a bad taste in our mouths because of how horribly they ended. Let’s avoid this and just end them early.

And that’s why I suck on the phone. But if you follow my plan, you should be having less awkward and more productive phone calls in no time.

Until We Meet Again.

p.s. I’ll be back next week with an NBA Season preview. If sports aren’t you’re thing, probably best to not check back next week.

A random tidbit and the Best Top Ten List Evah!!!!

As if my life wasn’t sh*tty enough I just found out that one of my all-time favorite musicians, Mason Jennings, has been signed by Isaac Brock’s (the lead singer of Modest Mouse) new label. Mason will release his new album, which should come out out in early 2006 on this label. This means that coming to a frat house near you: Mason Jennings!!! (And yes I realize Mason is already, a very oddly I might ad, big in the frat scene, but you get the picture.) It also means that in the near future people will say to me: ‘Have you heard of that new guy Mason Jennings?’. I will then proceed to flip out and tell this person that Mason Jennings has actually been around for some time now, first album came out in 1997, and that their parents are ashamed of them and God couldn’t possibly love them. Mason’s new album will probably be a replay of Modest Mouse’s last album for me. A great album ruined by mindless douches. F***ing A man. F***ing A.

Anyway, I’ve decided to leave you all on a much happier note. The following is a top ten list that a football player at my school put in the ‘about me’ section of his facebook page. For practical purposes I’m assuming ‘mess with’ means mess around with or be active sexually (i.e. putting out, "Roman" hands, ect.) in some way. Enjoy.

TOP 10 reasons to mess with a football player

10. We love to HIT HARD
9. We'll play anywhere and anytime
8. We always wear protection
7. We love to play dirty
6. We are not afraid of turf burns
5. We smack asses for great effort
4. We always like to be on the top
3. We are good with using our hands
2. We can go for 90 minutes with 11 different positions
1. Our main goal is to drive it in for the score, and hear the loud screaming

Until We Meet Again

You said you’d never have my baby so I went out and adopted a highway

I’m on fall break now, so here’s a hot list for all of you readers, if you do in fact exist.

Things I’m hot on:

Thumbsucker: This was a really good movie. Something, and I’m not even sure what it is, kept it from being great. Oddly it wasn’t the presence of Keanu Reeves, whose character is so good that not even he could ruin it. It wasn’t Benjamin Bratt, who surprisingly steals this movie, mainly because he has another one of the films great characters. I really can’t say what it was, but something kept this movie from being great. Either way this film is definitely worth while and I’d highly recommend it to anyone. Even if you’re not into intelligent/indie films go for the fact that Kelli Garner is ridiculously hot in this film.

Matt Pond PA – Several Arrows Later: This band continues to get better with each album. They’ve set the bar extremely high for all Chamber Pop bands. This album is MPPA’s popiest to date, as the band beautifully steals from the Arcade Fire,Travis and even the Strokes at times. There’s also a song called ‘The Moviegoer’ giving the band big points for referencing Walker Percy. The only problem with this album is the same problem with all MPPA albums. While all the songs are nice and lovely, not all of them stand out, the middle tracks on this album tend to blend together. While it’s not like they’re bad songs, they just don’t stand out. Another downside is the single: Halloween, which is easily the best song on the album, is destined to make this band semi-popular. And as an elitist a-hole I’m very opposed to this. Other then that this is a really solid album, easily the bands most experimental. Highlight Songs: Halloween, So Much Trouble, Emblems, The Trees and the Wild, Several Arrows Later.
My Rating: 8.3 out of 10.

Rockford Charitable Games Association: This is supposedly a charity here in Illinois. But as far as I can tell it’s just a front for an underground casino. They play Texas Hold ‘Em out several different locations each week. They claim to give the rake to charity. But I just don’t believe them. Plus it’s a lot cooler if you feel like you could be arrested at any given time during a hand. Plus I won over 60 dollars there so I’m real hot on it.

Things I’m not hot on ( a.k.a. The Not Hot List):

Domino: No, I haven’t seen the movie. But have you seen Keira Knightley’s butch hair cut in this film. I don’t care what the character is suppose to look like, this was a terrible idea. Since 90% of the people who go to see this movie will be men going to watch Knightley is a really a good idea to give her a 10 year-old boy’s hair cut? The answer my friends is no.

Smoking: Against my better judgment, I recently quit quitting smoking. My main reason for this is I have too much time on my hands, it gives me some extra motivation w/ homework as well as something to plan my day around. Now as depressing as that last sentence was, I made it sound as if smoking was a good thing. Well it’s not. I’m starting to remember why I hate smoking. First you always smell, and there’s only so much Axe a man can spray on himself. And even after you brush your teeth the stench and taste never really leaves you mouth.

Rookie of the Year: All I remembered of this movie was the premise and that I loved it as a kid. A few days ago my suite mates and I re-watched it. And this movie is so f*cking unrealistic it hurts. And I know it’s a kid’s movie and expecting realism is ignorant. I think what really disappointed me was the low standards I had for movies as a child.

Things I’m hot on, but really wish I wasn’t (a.k.a Guilty Pleasures):

Facebook.com: While I tell myself I’m just on there to kill time, I’m starting to enjoy it, a lot. And if you know anything about this site you should know why it’s a guilty pleasure.

Cameron Crowe: I love his films, there I said it. I’m constantly re-watching Vanilla Sky, Jerry McGuire, Say Anything, the works. So why is it a guilty pleasure. B/C the guys an ass clown. He’s stuck in the eighties, for further proof see the line in the VS where he tells someone he’s attracted to a girl by saying: I dug her completely. And now Elizabethtown is coming out today, which stars Orlando Bloom and Kristen Dunst. On paper this movie looks real sh*tty. But I’m sure I’m going love it. And then I’ll have to hide the fact that I liked an Orlando Bloom film from people. And that’s why Cameron is a guilty pleasure.

Until We Meet Again

Attention American Screen Writers: You’re Not J.D. Salinger.

Ok we’ve all read Catcher and the Rye. It was a great book. It perfectly captured the male adolescent and even foreshadowed the emo phenomenon. The book has a nostalgic feel, even the first time reading it, because the male reader can relate to it so well. And Franny and Zoey is equally as amazing. But I’ve got news for all of you, you’re not J.D. Salinger. Trying to re-write Catcher is played. Trying to make every dysfunctional family the Glass family is over done. You’re not witty, clever or elitist for mentioning or alluding to Holden Caulfield. I have a wonderful idea for all of you, try be original once in your worthless life. You’re not doing anyone a favor by butchering either of Salinger’s novels. No one cares how your life parallels Holden’s. That girl you fell in love with wasn’t Zooey, you were just trying to force her to be Zooey. Making a film about her is interesting to know one. For f*ck sake move on and start copying another writer.

Until We Meet Again

It's been a long time. But you know what they say, slow motion better then no motion.

So I've been incrediblly busy this last week, and so instead of updating with something new I'll give you all a blast from the past: an old top 5 list. Here it is:

Top 5 Euphemisms for Heterosexual Intercourse.

5. Doing the DEW!!?!?!?!?!?!?

4. Bumping Nasties.

3. Genital Bowling.

2. That thing my parents do when they think I’m asleep.

1. Balls to taint slapping.

Until We Meet Again

Stop everything and...

Go to theonion.com and then go to the sports page. There's a photo and headline on the right side that is probably the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Say It Ain't So

As a follow up to a recent post about things I’ve never gotten over, I give you, perhaps the on thing I’ll never ever get over. So with out further ado…

Weezer Fall: Listen, no matter who you are at some point in your life you loved Weezer. The blue album is probably the best power pop album of the 90’s. And Pinkerton, the defining album of my high school years, is the best melancholy/emo* album not put out by the Cure or the Smiths. Whether you got off on the catchy radio hits or the edgy pseudo-Pixies songs they did, you loved Weezer at some point and time. Then they fell off the face of the earth. And years later, like the Phoenix they rose again.
They returned by releasing the Green album. It was kinda of fun and catchy, but horribly flawed. But we (I say we b/c I refuse to belief that I was the only one who felt or did these things.) ignored the generic, uninspired lyrics and the never ending verse solos because we were all happy to have Weezer back in our lives. We rationalized the fact that they never played Pinkerton songs live by saying that they were just fronting their new album. We looked the other way as Rivers Cumo started showing up on magazine covers like Tiger Beat and Teen Vouge. We all told ourselves that redemption would come in their new album.
Then Maladroit came out. It wasn’t bad, and it wasn’t great, it just was. There were a few stand out songs, but for the most part the album just didn’t do anything. It was obvious to anyone who for some odd reason wasn’t in love with the Weezer of yesteryears, that the band was done trying to experiment musically. And that their main influence had shifted from the Pixies to the Foo Fighters. Yet still we held out hope, hope that one day the real Weezer return and they’d start making good music again. And then the band came out with Make Believe, and by doing so caused anyone who actually liked Weezer for their good music to loose all faith in them. This album, which sucks more sh*t then I care to think about, was like a cock-slap to the face of all their fans who wanted to believe that their two post-Pinkerton albums were just flukes or growing pains. The first time I heard that Beverly Hills was a Weezer song, I thought it was a joke. I thought for sure that Simple Plan or SR-71 had ambushed the band in the recording studio and then put out their new album under the moniker of Weezer. This song is probably the worst radio hit since O.M.C.’s How Bizzare or Deep Blue Something’s Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Or any song by Lit and the Offspring, who I think were actually the same band, but that’s a topic for another day. Make Believe caps off Weezer’s fall from greatness. It’s like Nero reign in Rome or Dwight Gooden’s career after he got busted for coke, things will never be the same. And now they’ve put out their new single “Everyone’s on Drugs”, which is about as enjoyable as constantly re-watching the Passions of the Christ. How far Weezer has fallen is definitely on the list of things I’ll never get over. To make matters worse I’m pretty sure I’ll be saying/thinking something very similar to this on Modest Mouse in 3-5 years.

Until We Meet Again

*I don’t mean emo in the sh*t-eating whinny Dashboard sense, but in the actually good musically and lyrically sense. Hopefully you’re not a dumb sh*t and you understand what I’m talking about.

You can take all the tea in China. Put it in a big brown bag for me.

More blurbs and things of that nature.

· If you haven’t seen it yet drop everything and check out Jake Plumber’s mustache: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/players/profile?playerId=1177
· Whoever Green lighted Commander and Chief deserves to be shot, and then left for dead in New Mexico. Well you could probably take out the shot part and it would still be pretty bad.
· My roommate (who happens to be a huge cock monger) recently went to a Hot Hot Heat concert, and now that’s the only band he plays in our room. This band is like the soundtrack to a seizure. I almost vomit everytime I walk in and see that shit eater rocking out to this gawd awful music. (Editor’s Note: They actually have a few decent songs, but never, under any circumstance play more then 3 songs of theirs in a row. Just trust me on this.)
· Is there anything worse then the girl whose b/f plays on a sports team and then she feels compelled to out scream everyone whenever her significant other does anything half way decent. Man I hate that sh*t.
· Wouldn’t life be better if everyone referred to his or her reproductive organ as their ‘wrong wrong’.
· I’ve decided to curb my roommate. I came to this decision after I was woken up by his girlfriend text messaging him. He then preceded to call her and talk in the boyfriend voice for no less then 30 minutes. Keep in mind this was all happening at 8:45. I didn’t have to get up till 1:00. What an a$$.
· If you’re desperately missing Ryan Adams’s Wiskeytown days, then go out and buy his new CD “Jacksonville City Lights”. The CD is pure unadulterated country. It gets a bit too twangy at times, but the bright spots easily outway the ruff ones. And the highlights, as they are on all Ryan Adams CDs, are incredible. This album’s big winner is “The End” or “Hard Way to Fall”. Overall I give it a 7.5 out of 10.
· Whenever someone yells “We love you (insert band or person’s name)” at a concert I always feel compelled to yell “Speak for yourself b*tch” right after that.
· Of all the pointless traditions I semi-keep for myself I find know to be more enjoyable or as constant as my tradition of playing Pavement’s “Cut Your Hair” after each hair cut. (Ed: The one tradition that is way more constant then this one is the touching of my wrong wrong when I’m sad.)
· Has any trend ever been worse then the popped collar fad?
· Take my word for it, the freshman 15 is put on warp speed by the presence of a soft serve ice cream.
· After reviewing all my options and thinking things over during numerous sleepless nights I’ve decided my dream job would have to be being a Mob boss with a heart of gold.
· After seeing him live, I’ve recently been playing Sufjan Steven’s album Illinois almost non-stop and I’ve come to two conclusions 1. This is not only far and away the best album of this year, but… 2. This maybe the best album since OK Computer. Is currently 2:00 a.m., so that may explain for the hyperbole, but the album is really freakin’ good.
· I realize most of this post wouldn’t even pass as my B-Game, yet I feel obligated to post for all of my readers. You should all feel guilty about the poor quality of this post. This is what happens when you rush art. Have a good weekend.

Until We Meet Again