So the Catholic Church has finally elected a new Pope, and I for have a slew of questions. First off, could they have gotten someone a little older? I’m mean I know you gotta pay your dues and all, but 78. There’s a good chance he could die as he’s being ordained. And as Pope JP2 taught us, an aged, slightly insane (understatement) cynical Pope is not a good thing. JP2 obviously lost it about 5-6 years ago. So when he finally dies the Catholic Church seemingly decided to rush out to find someone who would be just as loony in the shortest amount of time. Obviously I see the advantage of having an older Pope, but seventy-freaking-eight. GAWDDAUMNNN. Are you telling me there’s no Bishops or Cardinals in the 60-65 age range that were adequate for the job?
Personally I’m not really sure how they choose a Pope, but in the future I think this method needs to change. I envision some sort of combo between American idol and the Dating Game. The Pope’s would be asked a series of questions and/or have to compete a series of trials and then the World could then text message in their votes for who the next Pope will be. Or they could have a slew of celebrity judges such as Bo Jackson, Gilbert Godfrey, Montell, Shannon Doherty, Dear Abby and the keyboardist for Bruce Springsteen’s E-Street Band and they would all collaborate and decide who the next Pope would be. Fox should definitely pick this and name it something along the lines of ‘Pope or Dope?’. I mean who wouldn’t watch this?
Until We Meet Again
* If you are Catholic and are offended by this I apologize, I’m just trying to be funny. Also, is it true you guys believe anal sex doesn’t result in a loss of virginity?
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